Achieving Harmony in a Mixed Marriage by Melanie Wilson

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http://www.vegfamily.com/articles/harmony-mixed-marriage.htm

Achieving Harmony in a Mixed Marriage

by Melanie WilsonMarriage is a study in compromise. Two people learn to navigate

life together as the years pass, often working to find the middle ground in many

situations when they cannot agree entirely. You may expect to find someone whose

values are similar to yours before deciding to marry, but as vegetarianism

increases, the number of " mixed marriages " is also on the rise. So though you

and your husband may agree on how many children you'd like to have, whether

you'd like to live in on the East coast or the West, and who takes out the

trash, you may disagree entirely on what's fit to eat.

 

When I went vegetarian, then vegan, years ago, my husband didn't join me on my

journey right away. He was wholeheartedly supportive, but he was not ready to

change his eating habits entirely. Although he would eat vegan foods at home and

agreed not to bring meat or dairy into the house, he almost always ordered meat

when we went out to eat. Today he eats 99% vegan, but he isn't strict about it,

and he doesn't do it for ethical reasons. However, more and more often he will

choose vegan options. We've come a long way these last few years!

 

What is the key ingredient to our harmony as husband and wife? Acceptance, pure

and simple. We never judge one another, and we never make negative remarks about

the other's choice of food (there is a little teasing, but it's good natured).

He knows that I would like him to be vegan, mainly for his health. He knows that

I want this because I love him and want him to be with us and feeling good

physically for many, many years to come. But we don't talk about it regularly.

He's on his own path - just as I am on mine. In most all other areas of our

relationship, our views are in alignment.

 

One thing we do talk about regularly is our children. This aspect of mixed-diet

family life is definitely more challenging. My husband and I agree on raising

the children vegan, but we have different ideas about when and if exceptions are

to be made, which vegan foods are really healthy, and how often our children

should be allowed to have treats. And we have never resolved the honey issue; he

loves it and may never consider eating it to be an ethical issue.

 

We handle issues as they arise, but we also have regular formal discussions

about the family's diet and the direction we are headed. Sometimes we agree on a

plan of action and work toward a goal together. Other times we agree to

disagree. But we always communicate and share our views respectfully. We study

the latest nutrition information together so that we are both on the same page.

And we experiment together with new recipes and new ways of cooking.

 

Even if your relationship surrounding this issue is more strained than I have

described, or you or your partner more sensitive about food issues, it is

possible to reside peacefully with one another. Living with someone who believes

differently than you do about something for which you care deeply can be

stressful. Keep in mind that food goes to the root of who we are; it's in our

histories and in our hearts - and it's stressful for your partner as well.

Resolve to keep love and acceptance at the center of all discussions, and start

from there. The solution that your family works out may be as unique as you are

individuals.

 

Melanie Wilson is the former editor and publisher of Vegetarian Baby & Child

magazine. She edits the family section of VegNews and manages Vegetarianteen.com

online magazine.