Guest guest Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 This found its way to my box; perhaps someone can help her? ------------------------- I need your help!  I do not know where to turn. Maybe I will contact Farm Sanctuary or Peta!!! This is my situation. Please refer me to anyone who can help! My ex-husband married a Russian mail order bride. She is here living in his home. She has a terrible attitude and does not to many of the values that he and I worked to build for our kids. She is not a vegetarian, nor is she an environmentalist and she is not compassionate at all. She is also a drinker. The kids go to their dad’s house often and he has a legal visitation schedule. He is upset about her ways, but feels trapped because he is married to her now. This woman has taken my daughter, who is now 9 years old to the grocery store and encouraged her to view flesh in the meat department and had her choose a dead fish as food for their friends. Until then, my kids had never been in the meat department. We always addressed it as the graveyard, and that the poor animals needed a proper burial.  This woman is also telling my daughter about the proper choice of wine or alcohol to serve with this flesh. In doing this she his glamorizing the eating of flesh and serving of alcohol.  The very values that I have worked so hard to instill are being challenged. This woman tells my kids that they way they eat is not normal and that her way, eating meat, is normal.  My kids are home schooled because of our vegetarian lifestyle. I gave up my high paying career to be with my children. I feel that this woman is undermining all my years of sacrifice and hard work for the health, well being and compassionate development of my children. My ex husband cannot control her. She is volatile, angry and controlling towards him. I need to know if there are any court cases whereby vegetarian children of divorced parents have rights or if the custodial parent, which is me, has any rights to intervene so that the new wife does not sabotage our life long efforts? I would probably ask to hold their dad responsible for controlling his foreign wife, and I would also limit the kids exposure which means his visitation would change drastically. I do not know if there is a court in the land who would vote in the favor of me and the kids because of our spiritual, healthy, and environmental reasons for being vegetarian. Mind you, my ex would prefer she had our same values as well, but she is not willing to change for anyone. Know any hard core vegetarian, animal rights attorneys. I await your advice!!! Thank you. Gena Godfrey Genagod1 772-978-4402 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 I do know that in some courts, parents have been granted religious custody of the children. This could be interpreted perhaps as religion. If you contact the state bar in your area, they would be able to give you a list of attorneys who would be able to change the custody agreement. Then you may be able to bill you ex for the fees. If he was ever in agreement about how to raise the kids( vegetarian) and is now not following that tradition maybe it would work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 15, 2004 Report Share Posted July 15, 2004 On Wed, 14 Jul 2004 AtlantaGaia wrote: > This found its way to my box; perhaps someone can help her? > > ------------------------- > I need your help!  I do not know where to turn. Maybe I will contact Farm > Sanctuary or Peta!!! This is my situation. Please refer me to anyone who can > help! I think Gena needs to look at this situation primarily as a custody dispute rather than an animal rights issue. An experienced family law attorney should be able to help her determine what her rights are under the law, given the custody agreement she has now, and would be able to represent her in court if she decides to attempt to alter the agreement. I am not a lawyer, but it seems to me there are several areas that might be of concern to the courts. The stepmother attempting to undermine the parents' values is one, but her volatile and hostile behavior and her drinking are also significant issues, and ones that even the most anti-veg judges are likely to take seriously. The fact that both parents agree that the children should be raised as vegetarians would, I think, bolster Gena's case. And I would think the father's very questionable decision to marry a total stranger who doesn't share any of his core values would call his own judgement into question. Family courts deal every day with disagreements about what values to instill in the children of divorced couples and how best to do so. There is established case law on the suject. I don't know what it is, because as I said, I am not a lawyer, but I know it exists. So if this does end up in court, it should not come down simply to whether or not the judge approves of the family's dietary choices. It should be based on the law. And if it's not, if the judge ignores the law, then there is an obvious avenue for appeal. But first you need a family law attorney to tell you what the law is. ---- Patricia Bullington-McGuire <patricia The brilliant Cerebron, attacking the problem analytically, discovered three distinct kinds of dragon: the mythical, the chimerical, and the purely hypothetical. They were all, one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely different way ... -- Stanislaw Lem, " Cyberiad " > > My ex-husband married a Russian mail order bride. She is here living in his > home. She has a terrible attitude and does not to many of the values > that he and I worked to build for our kids. She is not a vegetarian, nor is > she an environmentalist and she is not compassionate at all. She is also a > drinker. > > The kids go to their dad’s house often and he has a legal visitation > schedule. He is upset about her ways, but feels trapped because he is married to her > now. > > This woman has taken my daughter, who is now 9 years old to the grocery store > and encouraged her to view flesh in the meat department and had her choose a > dead fish as food for their friends. Until then, my kids had never been in the > meat department. We always addressed it as the graveyard, and that the poor > animals needed a proper burial.  This woman is also telling my daughter about > the proper choice of wine or alcohol to serve with this flesh. In doing this > she his glamorizing the eating of flesh and serving of alcohol.  The very values > that I have worked so hard to instill are being challenged. > > This woman tells my kids that they way they eat is not normal and that her > way, eating meat, is normal.  > > My kids are home schooled because of our vegetarian lifestyle. I gave up my > high paying career to be with my children. I feel that this woman is > undermining all my years of sacrifice and hard work for the health, well being and > compassionate development of my children. My ex husband cannot control her. She is > volatile, angry and controlling towards him. > > I need to know if there are any court cases whereby vegetarian children of > divorced parents have rights or if the custodial parent, which is me, has any > rights to intervene so that the new wife does not sabotage our life long > efforts? I would probably ask to hold their dad responsible for controlling his > foreign wife, and I would also limit the kids exposure which means his visitation > would change drastically. > > I do not know if there is a court in the land who would vote in the favor of > me and the kids because of our spiritual, healthy, and environmental reasons > for being vegetarian. Mind you, my ex would prefer she had our same values as > well, but she is not willing to change for anyone. Know any hard core > vegetarian, animal rights attorneys. > > I await your advice!!! Thank you. > > Gena Godfrey > Genagod1 > 772-978-4402 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 15, 2004 Report Share Posted July 15, 2004 I sympathize with you, but try to do what is the best for your daughter - This sounds like a great opportunity for your children to observe differences which in turn will help develop their own values. I'm sure it is important to you that your child learn about the world. There are many people with different values. Please teach your child to respect, honor, and have compassion for all individuals- people with the same values as our own as well as for others- including meat eating drinkers... Don't get me wrong, I am a vegetarian and a die-hard advocate for animal rights - and a mom. You mentioned compassionate development for your children...are you teaching them not to have compassion toward this woman because she has different values from your own? I find this extremely disturbing. And what's this about CONTROLLING???.....!!! Should a husband and wife be controlling oneanother???!!! --- AtlantaGaia wrote: > This found its way to my box; perhaps someone can > help her? > > ------------------------- > I need your help!  I do not know where to turn. > Maybe I will contact Farm > Sanctuary or Peta!!! This is my situation. Please > refer me to anyone who can > help! > > My ex-husband married a Russian mail order bride. > She is here living in his > home. She has a terrible attitude and does not > to many of the values > that he and I worked to build for our kids. She is > not a vegetarian, nor is > she an environmentalist and she is not compassionate > at all. She is also a > drinker. > > The kids go to their dad’s house often and he has > a legal visitation > schedule. He is upset about her ways, but feels > trapped because he is married to her > now. > > This woman has taken my daughter, who is now 9 years > old to the grocery store > and encouraged her to view flesh in the meat > department and had her choose a > dead fish as food for their friends. Until then, my > kids had never been in the > meat department. We always addressed it as the > graveyard, and that the poor > animals needed a proper burial.  This woman is also > telling my daughter about > the proper choice of wine or alcohol to serve with > this flesh. In doing this > she his glamorizing the eating of flesh and serving > of alcohol.  The very values > that I have worked so hard to instill are being > challenged. > > This woman tells my kids that they way they eat is > not normal and that her > way, eating meat, is normal.  > > My kids are home schooled because of our vegetarian > lifestyle. I gave up my > high paying career to be with my children. I feel > that this woman is > undermining all my years of sacrifice and hard work > for the health, well being and > compassionate development of my children. My ex > husband cannot control her. She is > volatile, angry and controlling towards him. > > I need to know if there are any court cases whereby > vegetarian children of > divorced parents have rights or if the custodial > parent, which is me, has any > rights to intervene so that the new wife does not > sabotage our life long > efforts? I would probably ask to hold their dad > responsible for controlling his > foreign wife, and I would also limit the kids > exposure which means his visitation > would change drastically. > > I do not know if there is a court in the land who > would vote in the favor of > me and the kids because of our spiritual, healthy, > and environmental reasons > for being vegetarian. Mind you, my ex would prefer > she had our same values as > well, but she is not willing to change for anyone. > Know any hard core > vegetarian, animal rights attorneys. > > I await your advice!!! Thank you. > > Gena Godfrey > Genagod1 > 772-978-4402 > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > Take Mail with you! Get it on your mobile phone. http://mobile./maildemo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 15, 2004 Report Share Posted July 15, 2004 I am a lawyer practicing in New York. I am also a vegan, raising two vegan children and homeschooling. I do a lot of family law here in New York and perhaps the defining issue here is not vegetarianism per se, but his wife's insistence on undermining your authority, belittlling you and otherwise speaking of you in a derogatory manner in front of the children. In any State, this is not acceptable behavior. If her behavior is such that she is purposely (and perhaps maliciously out of jealosy) trying to turn your children against you (and your beliefs) then this is something that could be the basis for a custody/visitation petition. The court will always, however, look to the " best interests of the children " . In other words, does her behavior upset them, affect their behavior, cause them to disrespect you or your ex, etc. Family court is never about you and your ex, whether you get along, or whether you disagree on how to raise the children --- It's always about the children and how they feel. If you decide to pursue this through the legal system, you should contact a lawyer in your state. I don't know where you live, but most lawyers where I live offer free initial consultations. On the other hand, if his wife is simply saying what's on her mind, going about her usual daily activities with the children, maybe it's not purposeful or she doesn't realize the effect she has on you or the children. Have you discussed this with her? It could also be an excellent time to start discussing these issues with the children. I get the impression that you have been sheltering them, perhaps unsure how to broach the subject. Calling the meat department the graveyard is appropriate, but why is it a graveyard? What happened to the animals? How are they raised, treated, etc? Why is it unhealthy? Now is the perfect time to discuss with them what you believe, other people's beliefs and why a vegetarian way of life is better. Children are capable of understanding a lot and if you give them answers to her comments, that could be the best way to defuse the situation. It probably won't change her mind, but your children may feel more confident and sure of their choices. Finding other vegetarian families in your area could also help to make the children know that there are others who have the same beliefs and lifestyle. Good Luck. Susan - AtlantaGaia Wednesday, July 14, 2004 4:08 AM parent needs advice This found its way to my box; perhaps someone can help her? ------------------------- I need your help! I do not know where to turn. Maybe I will contact Farm Sanctuary or Peta!!! This is my situation. Please refer me to anyone who can help! My ex-husband married a Russian mail order bride. She is here living in his home. She has a terrible attitude and does not to many of the values that he and I worked to build for our kids. She is not a vegetarian, nor is she an environmentalist and she is not compassionate at all. She is also a drinker. The kids go to their dad’s house often and he has a legal visitation schedule. He is upset about her ways, but feels trapped because he is married to her now. This woman has taken my daughter, who is now 9 years old to the grocery store and encouraged her to view flesh in the meat department and had her choose a dead fish as food for their friends. Until then, my kids had never been in the meat department. We always addressed it as the graveyard, and that the poor animals needed a proper burial. This woman is also telling my daughter about the proper choice of wine or alcohol to serve with this flesh. In doing this she his glamorizing the eating of flesh and serving of alcohol. The very values that I have worked so hard to instill are being challenged. This woman tells my kids that they way they eat is not normal and that her way, eating meat, is normal. My kids are home schooled because of our vegetarian lifestyle. I gave up my high paying career to be with my children. I feel that this woman is undermining all my years of sacrifice and hard work for the health, well being and compassionate development of my children. My ex husband cannot control her. She is volatile, angry and controlling towards him. I need to know if there are any court cases whereby vegetarian children of divorced parents have rights or if the custodial parent, which is me, has any rights to intervene so that the new wife does not sabotage our life long efforts? I would probably ask to hold their dad responsible for controlling his foreign wife, and I would also limit the kids exposure which means his visitation would change drastically. I do not know if there is a court in the land who would vote in the favor of me and the kids because of our spiritual, healthy, and environmental reasons for being vegetarian. Mind you, my ex would prefer she had our same values as well, but she is not willing to change for anyone. Know any hard core vegetarian, animal rights attorneys. I await your advice!!! Thank you. Gena Godfrey Genagod1 772-978-4402 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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