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Carrie, et. al.,

 

Being involved in a mixed marriage (veg/nonveg) myself, I can

empathize and testify to the challenges you all are talking about.

 

What I *try* to do is to elevate the discussion to something my

spouse and I can hopefully agree on, like the need to raise children

who are informed and mindful, and who form opinions and make

decisions based upon research, reflection, etc. In this way, from

our respective positions and ideals, we can both help our children to

grow and learn and mature, and eventually make up their own minds

about what they'll eat and wear.

 

But, as the saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good

intentions.

 

My veg*nism is seen by my spouse as a threat, something that she

fears will weaken the bond between her and the kids. While she

tolerates my diet/moral choices, she seeks to isolate them so they

aren't adopted by our children (ages 4 and 7). For spouse, it's a

win-lose struggle, for the hearts and minds of the children.

 

That's a heavy trip. And sad because it's so unnecessary. Whereas I

can accept whatever decision my kids make as they age, knowing I've

done my best to prepare them for that moment, my spouse says she will

be satisfied only by meat eating children.

 

I remain hopeful that she'll eventually become better informed about

veg*nism. So far she refuses to read any books or literature I

recommend, and she is reluctant to even discuss the connection

between compassion and diet. The one crack in her position is about

the health benefits of a plant-based diet ... so that is something we

can build on.

 

The book " Living with Meat Eaters " has helped me be civil,

respectful, and patient in dealing with the situation. But I've come

to realize that I can't expect the same treatment in return.

 

At the end of the day, I think we have to find our own peace in the

knowledge that we are acting as courageously as we can upon our

deepest convictions, and doing our part to raise kids that will one

day do the same.

 

- Alan

 

, " Carrie Kahl " <carriekahl@m...>

wrote:

>

> Thank you Carol and Shelly for your response. It's so nice to know

that so many other people know where I'm coming from.

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" At the end of the day, I think we have to find our

own peace in the knowledge that we are acting as

courageously as we can upon our

deepest convictions, and doing our part to raise kids

that will one

day do the same. "

 

-Beautifully said, Alan!!!!

 

 

--- Alan <soy_decaf_latte wrote:

 

> Carrie, et. al.,

>

> Being involved in a mixed marriage (veg/nonveg)

> myself, I can

> empathize and testify to the challenges you all are

> talking about.

>

> What I *try* to do is to elevate the discussion to

> something my

> spouse and I can hopefully agree on, like the need

> to raise children

> who are informed and mindful, and who form opinions

> and make

> decisions based upon research, reflection, etc. In

> this way, from

> our repective positions and ideals, we can both

> help our children to

> grow and learn and mature, and eventually make up

> their own minds

> about what they'll eat and wear.

>

> But, as the saying goes, the road to hell is paved

> with good

> intentions.

>

> My veg*nism is seen by my spouse as a threat,

> something that she

> fears will weaken the bond between her and the kids.

> While she

> tolerates my diet/moral choices, she seeks to

> isolate them so they

> aren't adopted by our children (ages 4 and 7). For

> spouse, it's a

> win-lose struggle, for the hearts and minds of the

> children.

>

> That's a heavy trip. And sad because it's so

> unnecessary. Whereas I

> can accept whatever decision my kids make as they

> age, knowing I've

> done my best to prepare them for that moment, my

> spouse says she will

> be satisfied only by meat eating children.

>

> I remain hopeful that she'll eventually become

> better informed about

> veg*nism. So far she refuses to read any books or

> literature I

> recommend, and she is reluctant to even discuss the

> connection

> between compassion and diet. The one crack in her

> position is about

> the health benefits of a plant-based diet ... so

> that is something we

> can build on.

>

> The book " Living with Meat Eaters " has helped me be

> civil,

> respectful, and patient in dealing with the

> situation. But I've come

> to realize that I can't expect the same treatment in

> return.

>

> At the end of the day, I think we have to find our

> own peace in the

> knowledge that we are acting as courageously as we

> can upon our

> deepest convictions, and doing our part to raise

> kids that will one

> day do the same.

>

> - Alan

>

> , " Carrie Kahl "

> <carriekahl@m...>

> wrote:

> >

> > Thank you Carol and Shelly for your response.

> It's so nice to know

> that so many other people know where I'm coming

> from.

>

>

>

>

>

>

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005

 

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I truly do not see how a mixed marriage can work out. Veganism is such a

powerful and all encompassing way to live one's life. My partner and I split on

Monday, not because of veganism, but rather a whole mix of things. When there

are such competing points of view in one's home, it sure makes for a confusing

existence for the children. I commend you on your patience Alan, and everyone

else. It is true compassion to deal with that day in and day out. My now

expartner would not look at anything either. He said that he was a compassionate

person and looking at the images and learning about animal ethics etc would be

painful. He said he did not want to see because he did not want to stop eating

meat. He is a person that likes to live in a dream land, trust me, that is part

of the reason we split. He chose drugs over reality. A challenge that I am

working with is making vegetarian meals for 3 kids while being a sole parent and

a FT student. Time is of an essence for us. My car is busted

too, so i am biking. I like biking, so I get some joy out of that.

Unfortunately, it takes longer to travel so i hve less time to cook and shop and

can carry less at a time. Do you all have some fast veggie meals that you would

like to pass onto little ol me? I wish you the best with keeping balance and

peace within your famliy Alan, I really commmend you. ~Shelly

 

Alan <soy_decaf_latte wrote:Carrie, et. al.,

 

Being involved in a mixed marriage (veg/nonveg) myself, I can

empathize and testify to the challenges you all are talking about.

 

What I *try* to do is to elevate the discussion to something my

spouse and I can hopefully agree on, like the need to raise children

who are informed and mindful, and who form opinions and make

decisions based upon research, reflection, etc. In this way, from

our respective positions and ideals, we can both help our children to

grow and learn and mature, and eventually make up their own minds

about what they'll eat and wear.

 

But, as the saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good

intentions.

 

My veg*nism is seen by my spouse as a threat, something that she

fears will weaken the bond between her and the kids. While she

tolerates my diet/moral choices, she seeks to isolate them so they

aren't adopted by our children (ages 4 and 7). For spouse, it's a

win-lose struggle, for the hearts and minds of the children.

 

That's a heavy trip. And sad because it's so unnecessary. Whereas I

can accept whatever decision my kids make as they age, knowing I've

done my best to prepare them for that moment, my spouse says she will

be satisfied only by meat eating children.

 

I remain hopeful that she'll eventually become better informed about

veg*nism. So far she refuses to read any books or literature I

recommend, and she is reluctant to even discuss the connection

between compassion and diet. The one crack in her position is about

the health benefits of a plant-based diet ... so that is something we

can build on.

 

The book " Living with Meat Eaters " has helped me be civil,

respectful, and patient in dealing with the situation. But I've come

to realize that I can't expect the same treatment in return.

 

At the end of the day, I think we have to find our own peace in the

knowledge that we are acting as courageously as we can upon our

deepest convictions, and doing our part to raise kids that will one

day do the same.

 

- Alan

 

, " Carrie Kahl " <carriekahl@m...>

wrote:

>

> Thank you Carol and Shelly for your response. It's so nice to know

that so many other people know where I'm coming from.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG website at

http://www.vrg.org and for materials especially useful for families go to

http://www.vrg.org/family.This is a discussion list and is not intended to

provide personal medical advice. Medical advice should be obtained from a

qualified health professional.

 

edical advice. Medical advice should be obtained from a qualified health

professional.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Share on other sites

Alan,

Thanks so much for your reply. Now that I'm learning there are so many in

my shoes, I'm starting to wonder how marriages survive when they each have

opposite diets alone, yet then to add children to the equation....I was not a

veg. when my husband and I met in college, but did become one before we were

married so I cannot say that he didn't have a choice. I just never knew I'd be

raising a child veg. I had always said I would feed them meat until they were

old enough to understand my veg.'ism and then make their own choice. However, I

am doing the exact opposite. We have agreed to raise them veg. until they are

old enough to understand. If they feel they want to eat meat, after, and only

after, I have informed them through education on where it all comes from, then I

will have to respect their decision. But I hope that day never comes. I hope

they will want to continue with it. I think I will order that book and try and

read it. Maybe it will help me " chill out " a bit more and not get so mad at him

sometimes. Thanks.

Carrie

-

Alan<soy_decaf_latte

< >

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 9:15 PM

Veg/Non Veg Relationships

 

 

Carrie, et. al.,

 

Being involved in a mixed marriage (veg/nonveg) myself, I can

empathize and testify to the challenges you all are talking about.

 

What I *try* to do is to elevate the discussion to something my

spouse and I can hopefully agree on, like the need to raise children

who are informed and mindful, and who form opinions and make

decisions based upon research, reflection, etc. In this way, from

our respective positions and ideals, we can both help our children to

grow and learn and mature, and eventually make up their own minds

about what they'll eat and wear.

 

But, as the saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good

intentions.

 

My veg*nism is seen by my spouse as a threat, something that she

fears will weaken the bond between her and the kids. While she

tolerates my diet/moral choices, she seeks to isolate them so they

aren't adopted by our children (ages 4 and 7). For spouse, it's a

win-lose struggle, for the hearts and minds of the children.

 

That's a heavy trip. And sad because it's so unnecessary. Whereas I

can accept whatever decision my kids make as they age, knowing I've

done my best to prepare them for that moment, my spouse says she will

be satisfied only by meat eating children.

 

I remain hopeful that she'll eventually become better informed about

veg*nism. So far she refuses to read any books or literature I

recommend, and she is reluctant to even discuss the connection

between compassion and diet. The one crack in her position is about

the health benefits of a plant-based diet ... so that is something we

can build on.

 

The book " Living with Meat Eaters " has helped me be civil,

respectful, and patient in dealing with the situation. But I've come

to realize that I can't expect the same treatment in return.

 

At the end of the day, I think we have to find our own peace in the

knowledge that we are acting as courageously as we can upon our

deepest convictions, and doing our part to raise kids that will one

day do the same.

 

- Alan

 

< >, " Carrie

Kahl " <carriekahl@m<carriekahl@m>...>

wrote:

>

> Thank you Carol and Shelly for your response. It's so nice to know

that so many other people know where I'm coming from.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG website at

http://www.vrg.org<http://www.vrg.org/> and for materials especially useful for

families go to http://www.vrg.org/family.This<http://www.vrg.org/family.This> is

a discussion list and is not intended to provide personal medical advice.

Medical advice should be obtained from a qualified health professional.

 

edical advice. Medical advice should be obtained from a qualified health

professional.

 

 

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Share on other sites

It is an awesome book " Living Among Meat Eaters " it

covers dealing with everybody in our lives coworkers,

friends, aquaitances, etc. My husband isn't a meat

eater - though I deal with him eating eggs/dairy and

his belief that that is okay eventhough I don't

neccesarily agree with him. I used to be lacto-ovo

too. I became vegetarian around 4 years old when my

14 year old brother told me what hotdogs and

hamburgers were made of. My mom and dad would say

stop picking on your little sister. But eventually I

found out what he said was true. I always trusted my

brother more as far as not lying to me about stuff.

My older sister made me eat pork when I was 6 and to

this day I still haven't fully forgiven her. THOUGH

it was my sister who first suggested I give veggie

burgers a chance. Just to say I've been vegetarian my

whole life and its been a struggle.. in the beginning

my family (except for my brother) tried to trick me

into eating meat and byproducts. As I got older the

people in my life got more supportive ... though not

so much with me not eating eggs and dairy. I suppose

when most meat-eating children learn where meat comes

from they are disgusted at first but then are taught

to suppress that feeling by the people that they love.

I know at lot of people who became vegetarian in high

school or college or even later. The book really

helped point out to me that most people aren't

vegetarian from the beginning and there is a lot of

brainwashing that they have to get over. I can deal

with my husband's non-vegan vegetarianism I think more

now after reading the book. But mostly its helped

with talking to people about our family's veg*nism in

a non-threatening manner.

Renee

 

--- Carrie Kahl <carriekahl wrote:

 

> Alan,

> Thanks so much for your reply. Now that I'm

> learning there are so many in my shoes, I'm starting

> to wonder how marriages survive when they each have

> opposite diets alone, yet then to add children to

> the equation....I was not a veg. when my husband and

> I met in college, but did become one before we were

> married so I cannot say that he didn't have a

> choice. I just never knew I'd be raising a child

> veg. I had always said I would feed them meat until

> they were old enough to understand my veg.'ism and

> then make their own choice. However, I am doing the

> exact opposite. We have agreed to raise them veg.

> until they are old enough to understand. If they

> feel they want to eat meat, after, and only after, I

> have informed them through education on where it all

> comes from, then I will have to respect their

> decision. But I hope that day never comes. I hope

> they will want to continue with it. I think I will

> order that book and try and read it. Maybe it will

> help me " chill out " a bit more and not get so mad at

> him sometimes. Thanks.

> Carrie

> -

> Alan<soy_decaf_latte

> To:

>

< >

>

> Tuesday, October 25, 2005 9:15 PM

> Veg/Non Veg Relationships

>

>

> Carrie, et. al.,

>

> Being involved in a mixed marriage (veg/nonveg)

> myself, I can

> empathize and testify to the challenges you all

> are talking about.

>

> What I *try* to do is to elevate the discussion to

> something my

> spouse and I can hopefully agree on, like the need

> to raise children

> who are informed and mindful, and who form

> opinions and make

> decisions based upon research, reflection, etc.

> In this way, from

> our respective positions and ideals, we can both

> help our children to

> grow and learn and mature, and eventually make up

> their own minds

> about what they'll eat and wear.

>

> But, as the saying goes, the road to hell is paved

> with good

> intentions.

>

> My veg*nism is seen by my spouse as a threat,

> something that she

> fears will weaken the bond between her and the

> kids. While she

> tolerates my diet/moral choices, she seeks to

> isolate them so they

> aren't adopted by our children (ages 4 and 7).

> For spouse, it's a

> win-lose struggle, for the hearts and minds of the

> children.

>

> That's a heavy trip. And sad because it's so

> unnecessary. Whereas I

> can accept whatever decision my kids make as they

> age, knowing I've

> done my best to prepare them for that moment, my

> spouse says she will

> be satisfied only by meat eating children.

>

> I remain hopeful that she'll eventually become

> better informed about

> veg*nism. So far she refuses to read any books or

> literature I

> recommend, and she is reluctant to even discuss

> the connection

> between compassion and diet. The one crack in her

> position is about

> the health benefits of a plant-based diet ... so

> that is something we

> can build on.

>

> The book " Living with Meat Eaters " has helped me

> be civil,

> respectful, and patient in dealing with the

> situation. But I've come

> to realize that I can't expect the same treatment

> in return.

>

> At the end of the day, I think we have to find our

> own peace in the

> knowledge that we are acting as courageously as we

> can upon our

> deepest convictions, and doing our part to raise

> kids that will one

> day do the same.

>

> - Alan

>

> --- In

>

< >,

> " Carrie Kahl " <carriekahl@m<carriekahl@m>...>

>

> wrote:

> >

> > Thank you Carol and Shelly for your response.

> It's so nice to know

> that so many other people know where I'm coming

> from.

>

>

For more information about vegetarianism, please

> visit the VRG website at

> http://www.vrg.org<http://www.vrg.org/> and for

> materials especially useful for families go to

>

http://www.vrg.org/family.This<http://www.vrg.org/family.This>

> is a discussion list and is not intended to provide

> personal medical advice. Medical advice should be

> obtained from a qualified health professional.

>

> edical advice. Medical advice should be obtained

> from a qualified health professional.

>

>

>

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Share on other sites

the book " meatless meals for working people " was a

godsend for my husband and I when we were in college.

Peta has a list of accidently vegan foods which is a

great place to start for meal ideas.

 

--- shelly phair <joychild72 wrote:

 

> I truly do not see how a mixed marriage can work

> out. Veganism is such a powerful and all

> encompassing way to live one's life. My partner and

> I split on Monday, not because of veganism, but

> rather a whole mix of things. When there are such

> competing points of view in one's home, it sure

> makes for a confusing existence for the children. I

> commend you on your patience Alan, and everyone

> else. It is true compassion to deal with that day in

> and day out. My now expartner would not look at

> anything either. He said that he was a compassionate

> person and looking at the images and learning about

> animal ethics etc would be painful. He said he did

> not want to see because he did not want to stop

> eating meat. He is a person that likes to live in a

> dream land, trust me, that is part of the reason we

> split. He chose drugs over reality. A challenge that

> I am working with is making vegetarian meals for 3

> kids while being a sole parent and a FT student.

> Time is of an essence for us. My car is busted

> too, so i am biking. I like biking, so I get some

> joy out of that. Unfortunately, it takes longer to

> travel so i hve less time to cook and shop and can

> carry less at a time. Do you all have some fast

> veggie meals that you would like to pass onto little

> ol me? I wish you the best with keeping balance and

> peace within your famliy Alan, I really commmend

> you. ~Shelly

>

> Alan <soy_decaf_latte wrote:Carrie, et.

> al.,

>

> Being involved in a mixed marriage (veg/nonveg)

> myself, I can

> empathize and testify to the challenges you all are

> talking about.

>

> What I *try* to do is to elevate the discussion to

> something my

> spouse and I can hopefully agree on, like the need

> to raise children

> who are informed and mindful, and who form opinions

> and make

> decisions based upon research, reflection, etc. In

> this way, from

> our respective positions and ideals, we can both

> help our children to

> grow and learn and mature, and eventually make up

> their own minds

> about what they'll eat and wear.

>

> But, as the saying goes, the road to hell is paved

> with good

> intentions.

>

> My veg*nism is seen by my spouse as a threat,

> something that she

> fears will weaken the bond between her and the kids.

> While she

> tolerates my diet/moral choices, she seeks to

> isolate them so they

> aren't adopted by our children (ages 4 and 7). For

> spouse, it's a

> win-lose struggle, for the hearts and minds of the

> children.

>

> That's a heavy trip. And sad because it's so

> unnecessary. Whereas I

> can accept whatever decision my kids make as they

> age, knowing I've

> done my best to prepare them for that moment, my

> spouse says she will

> be satisfied only by meat eating children.

>

> I remain hopeful that she'll eventually become

> better informed about

> veg*nism. So far she refuses to read any books or

> literature I

> recommend, and she is reluctant to even discuss the

> connection

> between compassion and diet. The one crack in her

> position is about

> the health benefits of a plant-based diet ... so

> that is something we

> can build on.

>

> The book " Living with Meat Eaters " has helped me be

> civil,

> respectful, and patient in dealing with the

> situation. But I've come

> to realize that I can't expect the same treatment in

> return.

>

> At the end of the day, I think we have to find our

> own peace in the

> knowledge that we are acting as courageously as we

> can upon our

> deepest convictions, and doing our part to raise

> kids that will one

> day do the same.

>

> - Alan

>

> , " Carrie Kahl "

> <carriekahl@m...>

> wrote:

> >

> > Thank you Carol and Shelly for your response.

> It's so nice to know

> that so many other people know where I'm coming

> from.

>

For more information about vegetarianism, please

> visit the VRG website at http://www.vrg.org and for

> materials especially useful for families go to

> http://www.vrg.org/family.This is a discussion list

> and is not intended to provide personal medical

> advice. Medical advice should be obtained from a

> qualified health professional.

>

> edical advice. Medical advice should be obtained

> from a qualified health professional.

>

>

>

>

>

>

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Share on other sites

Jenny, that is such a powerful expression. I am going to memorize it and think

of it when i am feeling weak. ~Shelly

 

Jenny Rieck <jennrieck wrote: " At the end of the day, I think we have

to find our

own peace in the knowledge that we are acting as

courageously as we can upon our

deepest convictions, and doing our part to raise kids

that will one

day do the same. "

 

-Beautifully said, Alan!!!!

 

 

--- Alan <soy_decaf_latte wrote:

 

> Carrie, et. al.,

>

> Being involved in a mixed marriage (veg/nonveg)

> myself, I can

> empathize and testify to the challenges you all are

> talking about.

>

> What I *try* to do is to elevate the discussion to

> something my

> spouse and I can hopefully agree on, like the need

> to raise children

> who are informed and mindful, and who form opinions

> and make

> decisions based upon research, reflection, etc. In

> this way, from

> our repective positions and ideals, we can both

> help our children to

> grow and learn and mature, and eventually make up

> their own minds

> about what they'll eat and wear.

>

> But, as the saying goes, the road to hell is paved

> with good

> intentions.

>

> My veg*nism is seen by my spouse as a threat,

> something that she

> fears will weaken the bond between her and the kids.

> While she

> tolerates my diet/moral choices, she seeks to

> isolate them so they

> aren't adopted by our children (ages 4 and 7). For

> spouse, it's a

> win-lose struggle, for the hearts and minds of the

> children.

>

> That's a heavy trip. And sad because it's so

> unnecessary. Whereas I

> can accept whatever decision my kids make as they

> age, knowing I've

> done my best to prepare them for that moment, my

> spouse says she will

> be satisfied only by meat eating children.

>

> I remain hopeful that she'll eventually become

> better informed about

> veg*nism. So far she refuses to read any books or

> literature I

> recommend, and she is reluctant to even discuss the

> connection

> between compassion and diet. The one crack in her

> position is about

> the health benefits of a plant-based diet ... so

> that is something we

> can build on.

>

> The book " Living with Meat Eaters " has helped me be

> civil,

> respectful, and patient in dealing with the

> situation. But I've come

> to realize that I can't expect the same treatment in

> return.

>

> At the end of the day, I think we have to find our

> own peace in the

> knowledge that we are acting as courageously as we

> can upon our

> deepest convictions, and doing our part to raise

> kids that will one

> day do the same.

>

> - Alan

>

> , " Carrie Kahl "

> <carriekahl@m...>

> wrote:

> >

> > Thank you Carol and Shelly for your response.

> It's so nice to know

> that so many other people know where I'm coming

> from.

>

>

>

>

>

>

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005

 

 

 

 

 

For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG website at

http://www.vrg.org and for materials especially useful for families go to

http://www.vrg.org/family.This is a discussion list and is not intended to

provide personal medical advice. Medical advice should be obtained from a

qualified health professional.

 

edical advice. Medical advice should be obtained from a qualified health

professional.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

After exams are over, I am going to look for the book you are mentioning. The

book seems like it would be a valuable tool based on what Renee and Alan are

saying about it. Christmas is coming and I will be going to my Aunt's likely.

They have a meat centered celebration. I know that is going to be difficult for

my girls because they will feel left out a bit i think. I have a little time to

learn to prepare something that is cruelty free for them that they can get

exicted about as well. If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to share

them. Many people look at me like i have 3 heads when i tell them i am veggie.

My daughter is learning how to deal with comments at school. In the beginning,

the transition can be a challenge. ~Shell

 

Renee Carroll <renecarol25 wrote:It is an awesome book " Living Among

Meat Eaters " it

covers dealing with everybody in our lives coworkers,

friends, aquaitances, etc. My husband isn't a meat

eater - though I deal with him eating eggs/dairy and

his belief that that is okay eventhough I don't

neccesarily agree with him. I used to be lacto-ovo

too. I became vegetarian around 4 years old when my

14 year old brother told me what hotdogs and

hamburgers were made of. My mom and dad would say

stop picking on your little sister. But eventually I

found out what he said was true. I always trusted my

brother more as far as not lying to me about stuff.

My older sister made me eat pork when I was 6 and to

this day I still haven't fully forgiven her. THOUGH

it was my sister who first suggested I give veggie

burgers a chance. Just to say I've been vegetarian my

whole life and its been a struggle.. in the beginning

my family (except for my brother) tried to trick me

into eating meat and byproducts. As I got older the

people in my life got more supportive ... though not

so much with me not eating eggs and dairy. I suppose

when most meat-eating children learn where meat comes

from they are disgusted at first but then are taught

to suppress that feeling by the people that they love.

I know at lot of people who became vegetarian in high

school or college or even later. The book really

helped point out to me that most people aren't

vegetarian from the beginning and there is a lot of

brainwashing that they have to get over. I can deal

with my husband's non-vegan vegetarianism I think more

now after reading the book. But mostly its helped

with talking to people about our family's veg*nism in

a non-threatening manner.

Renee

 

--- Carrie Kahl <carriekahl wrote:

 

> Alan,

> Thanks so much for your reply. Now that I'm

> learning there are so many in my shoes, I'm starting

> to wonder how marriages survive when they each have

> opposite diets alone, yet then to add children to

> the equation....I was not a veg. when my husband and

> I met in college, but did become one before we were

> married so I cannot say that he didn't have a

> choice. I just never knew I'd be raising a child

> veg. I had always said I would feed them meat until

> they were old enough to understand my veg.'ism and

> then make their own choice. However, I am doing the

> exact opposite. We have agreed to raise them veg.

> until they are old enough to understand. If they

> feel they want to eat meat, after, and only after, I

> have informed them through education on where it all

> comes from, then I will have to respect their

> decision. But I hope that day never comes. I hope

> they will want to continue with it. I think I will

> order that book and try and read it. Maybe it will

> help me " chill out " a bit more and not get so mad at

> him sometimes. Thanks.

> Carrie

> -

> Alan<soy_decaf_latte

> To:

>

< >

>

> Tuesday, October 25, 2005 9:15 PM

> Veg/Non Veg Relationships

>

>

> Carrie, et. al.,

>

> Being involved in a mixed marriage (veg/nonveg)

> myself, I can

> empathize and testify to the challenges you all

> are talking about.

>

> What I *try* to do is to elevate the discussion to

> something my

> spouse and I can hopefully agree on, like the need

> to raise children

> who are informed and mindful, and who form

> opinions and make

> decisions based upon research, reflection, etc.

> In this way, from

> our respective positions and ideals, we can both

> help our children to

> grow and learn and mature, and eventually make up

> their own minds

> about what they'll eat and wear.

>

> But, as the saying goes, the road to hell is paved

> with good

> intentions.

>

> My veg*nism is seen by my spouse as a threat,

> something that she

> fears will weaken the bond between her and the

> kids. While she

> tolerates my diet/moral choices, she seeks to

> isolate them so they

> aren't adopted by our children (ages 4 and 7).

> For spouse, it's a

> win-lose struggle, for the hearts and minds of the

> children.

>

> That's a heavy trip. And sad because it's so

> unnecessary. Whereas I

> can accept whatever decision my kids make as they

> age, knowing I've

> done my best to prepare them for that moment, my

> spouse says she will

> be satisfied only by meat eating children.

>

> I remain hopeful that she'll eventually become

> better informed about

> veg*nism. So far she refuses to read any books or

> literature I

> recommend, and she is reluctant to even discuss

> the connection

> between compassion and diet. The one crack in her

> position is about

> the health benefits of a plant-based diet ... so

> that is something we

> can build on.

>

> The book " Living with Meat Eaters " has helped me

> be civil,

> respectful, and patient in dealing with the

> situation. But I've come

> to realize that I can't expect the same treatment

> in return.

>

> At the end of the day, I think we have to find our

> own peace in the

> knowledge that we are acting as courageously as we

> can upon our

> deepest convictions, and doing our part to raise

> kids that will one

> day do the same.

>

> - Alan

>

> --- In

>

< >,

> " Carrie Kahl " <carriekahl@m<carriekahl@m>...>

>

> wrote:

> >

> > Thank you Carol and Shelly for your response.

> It's so nice to know

> that so many other people know where I'm coming

> from.

>

>

For more information about vegetarianism, please

> visit the VRG website at

> http://www.vrg.org<http://www.vrg.org/> and for

> materials especially useful for families go to

>

http://www.vrg.org/family.This<http://www.vrg.org/family.This>

> is a discussion list and is not intended to provide

> personal medical advice. Medical advice should be

> obtained from a qualified health professional.

>

> edical advice. Medical advice should be obtained

> from a qualified health professional.

>

>

>

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