Guest guest Posted November 9, 2005 Report Share Posted November 9, 2005 While I can't advise on relationships as I have never been divorced or had any disagreements as to what my child will or will not eat with my spouse, I have some experience in compromise, with my in-laws. My in-laws while well-meaning don't agree with me on some issues. They get stuck on details like " babies need milk. " My mother-in-law grew up on a farm where they grew their own vegetables and ate their own animals. So, she has some ideas as stubborn as mine. ;.) She is also my daughter's babysitter two days a week. If I don't have milk, she'll send my father-in-law to by some. My husband is a milk drinker so to keep some control, I've started buying organic milk, which I feel is safer for my daughter than typical milk even if it is detrimental for the cows. Because for two mornings a week, the argument isn't worth it. My father-in-law feeds my toddler tastykakes after her lunch. While I don't condone processed foods, I find this also an issue I'm not going to fight since my daughter is on the low side of the weight scale, extremely active, and will eat anything so she gets her nutrients even if she indulges in this crap. While I am NOT saying to give in to your ex's manipulation, I will say that you shouldn't stress over anything your daughter might consume in his presence. It's just not worth it. Especially if he isn't around much. If your principles are strong enough, eventually the kids will say " Daddy, we don't eat that. " Angel A. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2005 Report Share Posted November 10, 2005 I know you have said before, but how old are your kids, Shelly? Carol FareChase - Search multiple travel sites in one click. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2005 Report Share Posted November 10, 2005 My oldest is now 12, she has Down syndrome, my middle is 9, and my youngest is 2 1/2. I have all daughters. How many do you have? ~Shell carol sobczak <cpsobczak wrote:I know you have said before, but how old are your kids, Shelly? Carol FareChase - Search multiple travel sites in one click. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2005 Report Share Posted November 10, 2005 I hope that my girls will develop the strength and conviction you are mentioning. My love for animals is intense, so are my ideals concerning their welfare. My girls get up and play with thier friends I.E. Sabu our fat cat and Gypsy our very dim-witted, yet adoreable dog. We also have numerous fish, which they help care for and a teddy bear hamster. I will be adding a rabbit to our family, once i research which species will be best for us. My girls truly and completely love animals as much as I do. We live in Northern Ontario so we do get to see moose, black bears, wolves, foxes, owls, etc. They know they are important to the balance of life. They have the basis for developing into extremely ethical women when they grow up. I just have to keep to my ideals and continue teaching them. ~Shelly darranged wrote: While I can't advise on relationships as I have never been divorced or had any disagreements as to what my child will or will not eat with my spouse, I have some experience in compromise, with my in-laws. My in-laws while well-meaning don't agree with me on some issues. They get stuck on details like " babies need milk. " My mother-in-law grew up on a farm where they grew their own vegetables and ate their own animals. So, she has some ideas as stubborn as mine. ;.) She is also my daughter's babysitter two days a week. If I don't have milk, she'll send my father-in-law to by some. My husband is a milk drinker so to keep some control, I've started buying organic milk, which I feel is safer for my daughter than typical milk even if it is detrimental for the cows. Because for two mornings a week, the argument isn't worth it. My father-in-law feeds my toddler tastykakes after her lunch. While I don't condone processed foods, I find this also an issue I'm not going to fight since my daughter is on the low side of the weight scale, extremely active, and will eat anything so she gets her nutrients even if she indulges in this crap. While I am NOT saying to give in to your ex's manipulation, I will say that you shouldn't stress over anything your daughter might consume in his presence. It's just not worth it. Especially if he isn't around much. If your principles are strong enough, eventually the kids will say " Daddy, we don't eat that. " Angel A. For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG website at http://www.vrg.org and for materials especially useful for families go to http://www.vrg.org/family.This is a discussion list and is not intended to provide personal medical advice. Medical advice should be obtained from a qualified health professional. edical advice. Medical advice should be obtained from a qualified health professional. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2005 Report Share Posted November 10, 2005 I have agreed with all of the posters who had advice for Shelly with the exception of Angel A. Any relationship whether that be in laws, spouse etc, is truly about respect and trust. IMO I fail to see where your in-laws respect your decisions about your daughter. Moreover how can you trust them to know that they would not feed your daughter meat when you are not there? Perhaps you are not vegan and feeding your daughter " tastycakes " and milk are agreeable to you. I absolutely think that this sends the wrong message to the child that some foods are acceptable if Grandpa offers them to you. As you so wonderfully stated " if your principles are strong enough your daughter will say Grandpa I don't eat that " . Carin _____ On Behalf Of darranged Wednesday, November 09, 2005 1:07 PM more advice for shelly While I can't advise on relationships as I have never been divorced or had any disagreements as to what my child will or will not eat with my spouse, I have some experience in compromise, with my in-laws. My in-laws while well-meaning don't agree with me on some issues. They get stuck on details like " babies need milk. " My mother-in-law grew up on a farm where they grew their own vegetables and ate their own animals. So, she has some ideas as stubborn as mine. ;.) She is also my daughter's babysitter two days a week. If I don't have milk, she'll send my father-in-law to by some. My husband is a milk drinker so to keep some control, I've started buying organic milk, which I feel is safer for my daughter than typical milk even if it is detrimental for the cows. Because for two mornings a week, the argument isn't worth it. My father-in-law feeds my toddler tastykakes after her lunch. While I don't condone processed foods, I find this also an issue I'm not going to fight since my daughter is on the low side of the weight scale, extremely active, and will eat anything so she gets her nutrients even if she indulges in this crap. While I am NOT saying to give in to your ex's manipulation, I will say that you shouldn't stress over anything your daughter might consume in his presence. It's just not worth it. Especially if he isn't around much. If your principles are strong enough, eventually the kids will say " Daddy, we don't eat that. " Angel A. For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG website at http://www.vrg.org and for materials especially useful for families go to http://www.vrg.org/family.This is a discussion list and is not intended to provide personal medical advice. Medical advice should be obtained from a qualified health professional. edical advice. Medical advice should be obtained from a qualified health professional. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2005 Report Share Posted November 11, 2005 You made some great points Carin. I think that it is most valuable that all people involved in a child's life be on the same page in terms of something as important as veganism. I am receiving a lot of flak. We are new vegetarians, it is a challenge. Something happened lastnight though. I was in the grocery store and I could NOT do it, i could NOT buy the eggs and milk, nor the chesse. There was no vegan cheese and I did not know what to use instead of eggs for my muffins. I asked a few people in the store if they knew, but no one did. I went home and looked through a book and found a replacement-bananas and baking powder. It worked well! I was so impressed with myself. I think i might be rushing the kids into absolute veganism though. They still want certain things, but i just cannot bring myself to provide them. Christmas is going to be a trip, even birthday parties and such. I hope my girls do not feel like outcasts. I am hoping that others are going to work with me on this. It is hard being in such a place as I am. It is hard to enforce values, especially when they are not the common ones in a community that is more or less against them. Do you know any excellent vegan recipes for bread or deserts, like baking that i can use? I am pressed to offer vegan food that tastes as good or better than omnifood. My youngest goes to a daycare that offers an omni menu. They have been accomidating with her vegetarian diet, but now if i have them provide totally vegan, she will freak because she sees the other kids with their cow milk and cheese. She does not like soy milk, i am trying to get her used to it though. I tell her that cow milk is for baby cows, not humans. She sorta gets it I think. ~Shell Brian & Carin Diggle <4vegans wrote:I have agreed with all of the posters who had advice for Shelly with the exception of Angel A. Any relationship whether that be in laws, spouse etc, is truly about respect and trust. IMO I fail to see where your in-laws respect your decisions about your daughter. Moreover how can you trust them to know that they would not feed your daughter meat when you are not there? Perhaps you are not vegan and feeding your daughter " tastycakes " and milk are agreeable to you. I absolutely think that this sends the wrong message to the child that some foods are acceptable if Grandpa offers them to you. As you so wonderfully stated " if your principles are strong enough your daughter will say Grandpa I don't eat that " . Carin _____ On Behalf Of darranged Wednesday, November 09, 2005 1:07 PM more advice for shelly While I can't advise on relationships as I have never been divorced or had any disagreements as to what my child will or will not eat with my spouse, I have some experience in compromise, with my in-laws. My in-laws while well-meaning don't agree with me on some issues. They get stuck on details like " babies need milk. " My mother-in-law grew up on a farm where they grew their own vegetables and ate their own animals. So, she has some ideas as stubborn as mine. ;.) She is also my daughter's babysitter two days a week. If I don't have milk, she'll send my father-in-law to by some. My husband is a milk drinker so to keep some control, I've started buying organic milk, which I feel is safer for my daughter than typical milk even if it is detrimental for the cows. Because for two mornings a week, the argument isn't worth it. My father-in-law feeds my toddler tastykakes after her lunch. While I don't condone processed foods, I find this also an issue I'm not going to fight since my daughter is on the low side of the weight scale, extremely active, and will eat anything so she gets her nutrients even if she indulges in this crap. While I am NOT saying to give in to your ex's manipulation, I will say that you shouldn't stress over anything your daughter might consume in his presence. It's just not worth it. Especially if he isn't around much. If your principles are strong enough, eventually the kids will say " Daddy, we don't eat that. " Angel A. For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG website at http://www.vrg.org and for materials especially useful for families go to http://www.vrg.org/family.This is a discussion list and is not intended to provide personal medical advice. Medical advice should be obtained from a qualified health professional. edical advice. Medical advice should be obtained from a qualified health professional. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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