Guest guest Posted July 21, 2004 Report Share Posted July 21, 2004 Dear Group, I just need to vent and maybe get some sympathy and/or input on this. Feel free to skip it My partner moved in with me last fall. We've been together a long time, and he knew I was vegetarian when we started dating. In fact, I went vegan right after we started dating (I'm no longer vegan). It bothers me that he's not vegetarian. He's gone vegetarian before but he always backslides. A little while after we first started dating, he ordered the PETA vegetarian starter kit, and he called me up, really upset, and declared that he was never eating meat again. That didn't last. It's not that I want to control him, or make his choices for him. I want him to make his own choices in liberty. What bothers me is this: He is an animal lover, and thinks that the slaughter of animals is wrong and cruel, but he still chooses to eat meat. He chooses, when he's eating, to just not think about the fact that the animals he is eating were once living creatures with brains. That bothers me- I feel like it displays a big character flaw. How can he acknowledge that a system is wrong, but still choose to be a part of it? He doesn't bring meat into the house, because that's a big rule of mine. He knew when he moved in that there would be no meat in the house. He eats meat, though, when we go out, or when we visit his mother. And here's the kicker: he's thinking of going on the Atkins diet. He went on it last fall, and lost quite bit of weight, and he felt really good. He stopped the diet because he went to India for a few months and it was impossible for him to keep on the diet there. However, his brother stayed on it, and lost a lot of weight, and feels great, yadda yadda yadda. So now he's thinking of going back on the plan. This really bothers me. He says that he will try to do it as vegetarianly as possible (probably eating lots of Quorn and seitan). But it still bothers me- last time he was on Atkins, his liver enzymes went up, which is not healthy. And I already think it's gross that he eats meat at all- eating meat a LOT will really bother me. frustratedly, priscilla Vote for the stars of 's next ad campaign! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 21, 2004 Report Share Posted July 21, 2004 Hi Priscilla, Well, I've got to say that your significant other is suffering from a full blown case of Iknowbutdontcareism. What it seems to me like is that, he knows killing animals is wrong, but he just doesn't seem to care enough to become vegetarian. I know alot of people like this, it's actually not all that uncommon. On a personal note, I find it hard to find a girlfriend because of dietary choices (or perhaps my exterior appearence, I'm not sure, lol jk). It seems like everytime I'm starting to see something evolve, I mention the fact I'm vegetarian and they either A)Immediately become disgusted for some reason and cut it off at that or B)Say that's nice then try to change me. It's bloody frustrating sometimes, but, oh well what can ya do? Love, blah, it's not worth the broken bones lol. Cheers -Jawsh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 21, 2004 Report Share Posted July 21, 2004 I'm sorry to hear that Priscilla. (Everyone has awesome names here) I went vegetarian when my parents were on the Atkins Diet so I know in a way what you are going through. Keep doing what you believe in! reptile grrl [reptilegoddess] Wednesday, July 21, 2004 9:28 PM relationships and vegetarianism Dear Group, I just need to vent and maybe get some sympathy and/or input on this. Feel free to skip it My partner moved in with me last fall. We've been together a long time, and he knew I was vegetarian when we started dating. In fact, I went vegan right after we started dating (I'm no longer vegan). It bothers me that he's not vegetarian. He's gone vegetarian before but he always backslides. A little while after we first started dating, he ordered the PETA vegetarian starter kit, and he called me up, really upset, and declared that he was never eating meat again. That didn't last. It's not that I want to control him, or make his choices for him. I want him to make his own choices in liberty. What bothers me is this: He is an animal lover, and thinks that the slaughter of animals is wrong and cruel, but he still chooses to eat meat. He chooses, when he's eating, to just not think about the fact that the animals he is eating were once living creatures with brains. That bothers me- I feel like it displays a big character flaw. How can he acknowledge that a system is wrong, but still choose to be a part of it? He doesn't bring meat into the house, because that's a big rule of mine. He knew when he moved in that there would be no meat in the house. He eats meat, though, when we go out, or when we visit his mother. And here's the kicker: he's thinking of going on the Atkins diet. He went on it last fall, and lost quite bit of weight, and he felt really good. He stopped the diet because he went to India for a few months and it was impossible for him to keep on the diet there. However, his brother stayed on it, and lost a lot of weight, and feels great, yadda yadda yadda. So now he's thinking of going back on the plan. This really bothers me. He says that he will try to do it as vegetarianly as possible (probably eating lots of Quorn and seitan). But it still bothers me- last time he was on Atkins, his liver enzymes went up, which is not healthy. And I already think it's gross that he eats meat at all- eating meat a LOT will really bother me. frustratedly, priscilla Vote for the stars of 's next ad campaign! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 21, 2004 Report Share Posted July 21, 2004 Three of my relationships have ended because of this. I was a vegetarian (and now a vegan) and they just can't deal with " my problems " with my diet. My ex-fiance said he just wanted to be able to take me out to dinner and share the same meal. I have yet to date a guy who shares my beleifs towards animals and diet. Actually I tend to get teased by the guy I am dating...he'll eat something and do the " yummy " and " don't you wish you could eat this " thing. Very annoying. At least he is appriciative of your values and feelings about meat in the house. That is a positive step. I am so happy that you have at least been able to get to that point. Maybe one day he will begin to understand more and finally kick the habit. Best Wishes...and I hope you make it through all that Atkins crap. ~Mel --- reptile grrl <reptilegoddess wrote: > Dear Group, > > I just need to vent and maybe get some sympathy > and/or input on this. Feel free to skip it > > My partner moved in with me last fall. We've been > together a long time, and he knew I was vegetarian > when we started dating. In fact, I went vegan right > after we started dating (I'm no longer vegan). > > It bothers me that he's not vegetarian. He's gone > vegetarian before but he always backslides. A > little while after we first started dating, he > ordered the PETA vegetarian starter kit, and he > called me up, really upset, and declared that he was > never eating meat again. That didn't last. > > It's not that I want to control him, or make his > choices for him. I want him to make his own choices > in liberty. What bothers me is this: He is an > animal lover, and thinks that the slaughter of > animals is wrong and cruel, but he still chooses to > eat meat. He chooses, when he's eating, to just not > think about the fact that the animals he is eating > were once living creatures with brains. That > bothers me- I feel like it displays a big character > flaw. How can he acknowledge that a system is > wrong, but still choose to be a part of it? > > He doesn't bring meat into the house, because that's > a big rule of mine. He knew when he moved in that > there would be no meat in the house. He eats meat, > though, when we go out, or when we visit his mother. > > > And here's the kicker: he's thinking of going on the > Atkins diet. He went on it last fall, and lost > quite bit of weight, and he felt really good. He > stopped the diet because he went to India for a few > months and it was impossible for him to keep on the > diet there. However, his brother stayed on it, and > lost a lot of weight, and feels great, yadda yadda > yadda. So now he's thinking of going back on the > plan. > > This really bothers me. He says that he will try to > do it as vegetarianly as possible (probably eating > lots of Quorn and seitan). But it still bothers me- > last time he was on Atkins, his liver enzymes went > up, which is not healthy. And I already think it's > gross that he eats meat at all- eating meat a LOT > will really bother me. > > frustratedly, > > priscilla > > > > > Vote for the stars of 's next ad campaign! > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 21, 2004 Report Share Posted July 21, 2004 I have the same problem with boys. Bah ~Mel --- Jawsh Wright <degenr869 wrote: > Hi Priscilla, > > Well, I've got to say that your significant other is > suffering from a > full blown case of Iknowbutdontcareism. What it > seems to me like is > that, he knows killing animals is wrong, but he just > doesn't seem to > care enough to become vegetarian. I know alot of > people like this, > it's actually not all that uncommon. > > On a personal note, I find it hard to find a > girlfriend because of > dietary choices (or perhaps my exterior appearence, > I'm not sure, lol > jk). It seems like everytime I'm starting to see > something evolve, I > mention the fact I'm vegetarian and they either > A)Immediately become > disgusted for some reason and cut it off at that or > B)Say that's nice > then try to change me. It's bloody frustrating > sometimes, but, oh well > what can ya do? > > Love, blah, it's not worth the broken bones lol. > Cheers > > -Jawsh > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 21, 2004 Report Share Posted July 21, 2004 Melissa Hill <assilembob wrote: >Three of my relationships have ended because of this. I was a vegetarian (and now a vegan) and they just can't deal with " my problems " with my diet. My ex-fiance said he just wanted to be able to take me out to dinner and share the same meal. This is absolutely not the case between myself and my partner. He has never had any problem with my vegetarianism, and he has never pressured me to change my ways. He's completely supportive. In fact, a few weeks ago we attended a wedding, at which there was no vegetarian option. I was just going to suck it up and eat only the veggies off my plate, but he requested that the catering staff make up a vegetable plate for me. I just want to be clear about that. The person with the problem, in this case, isn't him- it's me. Take Mail with you! Get it on your mobile phone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2004 Report Share Posted July 22, 2004 well, priscilla, i feel your pain. the thing is, quitting meat, much like quitting smoking, is something that has to come from within the person-- it's not something that can be forced on him (in fact, trying to get him to go veg might even cause him to rebel somewhat). if he REALLY wanted to quit, he would. i imagine that at this point in time, he simply is not ready to make the commitment it takes to become veg*an. what you CAN do is find ways to make him not miss the meat (not hard with good veg cooking), take him to veg restaurants, and so on. if he wants to know the gory details to give him an extra push, then make sure he gets all the literature you can find (but ONLY if he really wants to know, like when he requested the PETA starter pak). like jawsh said, being veg makes finding a mate really difficult sometimes. i got very lucky with my ex-- he's a great guy AND a vegan. now that i'm single again, i'm not sure i will find someone that great again. but hey, here's hoping. best of luck to you-- let me know how it goes! melody http://www.flawlessfitness.com http://www.melodysmusic.net Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2004 Report Share Posted July 22, 2004 If cloning was legal and worked with personalities also, I'd say fire up that machine! Good morning and good day! Coco reptile grrl [reptilegoddess] Wednesday, July 21, 2004 11:05 PM Re: relationships and vegetarianism Melissa Hill <assilembob wrote: >Three of my relationships have ended because of this. I was a vegetarian (and now a vegan) and they just can't deal with " my problems " with my diet. My ex-fiance said he just wanted to be able to take me out to dinner and share the same meal. This is absolutely not the case between myself and my partner. He has never had any problem with my vegetarianism, and he has never pressured me to change my ways. He's completely supportive. In fact, a few weeks ago we attended a wedding, at which there was no vegetarian option. I was just going to suck it up and eat only the veggies off my plate, but he requested that the catering staff make up a vegetable plate for me. I just want to be clear about that. The person with the problem, in this case, isn't him- it's me. Take Mail with you! Get it on your mobile phone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2004 Report Share Posted July 22, 2004 , reptile grrl <reptilegoddess> wrote: > " I just need to vent and maybe get some sympathy and/or input on >this. " Input yes, but you may not like it; sympathy no. > " It bothers me that he's not vegetarian. " Why should this bother you? > " It's not that I want to control him, or make his choices for him. I >want him to make his own choices in liberty. " OK, then let him choose. > " What bothers me is this: He is an animal >lover, and thinks that the slaughter of animals is wrong and cruel, >but he still >chooses to eat meat. He chooses, when he's eating, to just not think >about the >fact that the animals he is eating were once living creatures with >brains. That >bothers me- I feel like it displays a big character flaw. " There may be more than one character flaw displayed above, and not just from him. > " How can he >acknowledge that a system is wrong, but still choose to be a part of >it? " Who knows? Perhaps you should ask him? Maybe he does not realize that HE is actually killing the animals he eats by proxy. The trick is getting him to realize his hypocrisy, without being preachy or condescending. > " He doesn't bring meat into the house, because that's a big rule of >mine. He >knew when he moved in that there would be no meat in the house. He >eats meat, >though, when we go out, or when we visit his mother. " As long as it does not happen in your house, where you make the rules and have the authority to enforce them, it shouldn't matter. > " And here's the kicker: he's thinking of going on the Atkins diet. He >went on it >last fall, and lost quite bit of weight, and he felt really good. He >stopped >the diet because he went to India for a few months and it was >impossible for him >to keep on the diet there. However, his brother stayed on it, and >lost a lot of >weight, and feels great, yadda yadda yadda. So now he's thinking of >going back >on the plan. " Atkins - OUCH! Oh well, it's his life > " This really bothers me. He says that he will try to do it as >vegetarianly as >possible (probably eating lots of Quorn and seitan). But it still >bothers me- >last time he was on Atkins, his liver enzymes went up, which is not >healthy. >And I already think it's gross that he eats meat at all- eating meat >a LOT will >really bother me. " I certainly understand your concern for his health, but there is only so much you can do to help him. Like the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. {From your response} > " He has never had >any problem with my vegetarianism, and he has never pressured me to >change my >ways. He's completely supportive. In fact, a few weeks ago we >attended a >wedding, at which there was no vegetarian option. I was just going to >suck it >up and eat only the veggies off my plate, but he requested that the >catering >staff make up a vegetable plate for me. " He sounds like a great guy who is also very supportive of YOUR eating lifestyle. Perhaps you should reciprocate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2004 Report Share Posted July 22, 2004 i feel your pain and can only pause to encourage you to hang in there, Priscilla, It is completely understandable that you are concerned for him going on the atikins diet again. As a suggestion, maybe you can help him by finding some delicious vegetarian low-carb meal ideas and fixing them for him... thatway he won't be reaching for the meat so much. My dh and i have a mutual tolerance thing, as far as our different diets are concerned; he is an omnivore. We have different cooking tools that he will use for meat. i was a semi-veg or pesca-pollo veg when we met and have gone lacto-ovo during our time together. Like your SO he is very supportive in social situations and likewise i am very tolerant of his choice to still eat meat. i do insist he buy freerange hormone free organic meat... that is the only part i am really tough on. i try not to get too preachy, but likewise i don't like to be teased or taunted about meat... he is pretty good about that and i am pretty good about not making scowling comments about the meat on his plate, too. Sometimes we both slip and of course in social situations i always come against a bit of that where folks just think they are being clever... if they only knew! *lol* Anyway, good luck to you both and i hope you can find a balance you can live with. Maybe he will come around to living as you do. ~ pt ~ Imagination is the faculty of the soul. ~ Caitlin Matthews, 'Singing the Soul Back Home' , reptile grrl <reptilegoddess> wrote: > Dear Group, > > I just need to vent and maybe get some sympathy and/or input on this. Feel free to skip it > > My partner moved in with me last fall. We've been together a long time, and he knew I was vegetarian when we started dating. In fact, I went vegan right after we started dating (I'm no longer vegan). > > It bothers me that he's not vegetarian. He's gone vegetarian before but he always backslides. A little while after we first started dating, he ordered the PETA vegetarian starter kit, and he called me up, really upset, and declared that he was never eating meat again. That didn't last. > > It's not that I want to control him, or make his choices for him. I want him to make his own choices in liberty. What bothers me is this: He is an animal lover, and thinks that the slaughter of animals is wrong and cruel, but he still chooses to eat meat. He chooses, when he's eating, to just not think about the fact that the animals he is eating were once living creatures with brains. That bothers me- I feel like it displays a big character flaw. How can he acknowledge that a system is wrong, but still choose to be a part of it? > > He doesn't bring meat into the house, because that's a big rule of mine. He knew when he moved in that there would be no meat in the house. He eats meat, though, when we go out, or when we visit his mother. > > And here's the kicker: he's thinking of going on the Atkins diet. He went on it last fall, and lost quite bit of weight, and he felt really good. He stopped the diet because he went to India for a few months and it was impossible for him to keep on the diet there. However, his brother stayed on it, and lost a lot of weight, and feels great, yadda yadda yadda. So now he's thinking of going back on the plan. > > This really bothers me. He says that he will try to do it as vegetarianly as possible (probably eating lots of Quorn and seitan). But it still bothers me- last time he was on Atkins, his liver enzymes went up, which is not healthy. And I already think it's gross that he eats meat at all- eating meat a LOT will really bother me. > > frustratedly, > > priscilla > > > > > Vote for the stars of 's next ad campaign! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2004 Report Share Posted July 22, 2004 After reading this thread, and responsing to all of the accumulated info in my head, not just what is quoted here.. It seems your complaints are 1) The health implications of your partner going on the Atkins diet again, and 2) That his thought process represents a character flaw. As for his health, I don't know what to say.. Atkins et. al baffles me. But perhaps he will find a way to do it that's not too bad for his him? (consult a nutritionist maybe?) I just think that people can have strong conflicts between what they think is " right " and what actions exactly they will take, and still just be human, not specifically flawed. And I do not think that if they don't follow the moral highground course of action, that it means they don't care. Plenty of people out there participate in acts that they believe are wrong, and yet.. (i.e. people who try to follow their religious beliefs, but may be 'living in sin' or voting pro-choice etc., or patronizing companies/establishments that are not the best they would like, and many small day-to-day things. You know you *should* conserve water but you really want another minute or two in the shower. You *should* recycle/compost but it's a rubbish bin or carrying it around ALL day. etc.) I know you could argue about the 'living breathing creatures being harmed, not just himself' or anything along those lines, and believe me I agree. But I also wanted to voice my opinion on other ways of looking at the situation. I'm honestly not trying to argue or offend anyone, just to add one more perspective. Respectfully, Julia In a message dated 7/21/2004 10:47:42 PM Eastern Standard Time, reptilegoddess writes: It's not that I want to control him, or make his choices for him. I want him to make his own choices in liberty. What bothers me is this: He is an animal lover, and thinks that the slaughter of animals is wrong and cruel, but he still chooses to eat meat. He chooses, when he's eating, to just not think about the fact that the animals he is eating were once living creatures with brains. That bothers me- I feel like it displays a big character flaw. How can he acknowledge that a system is wrong, but still choose to be a part of it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2004 Report Share Posted July 22, 2004 saedric <saedric wrote: >> " It bothers me that he's not vegetarian. " >Why should this bother you? I made this very clear in my original post: it's because it exhibits a large disconnect in his thinking. >OK, then let him choose. I do. I've never asked him to become vegetarian. >He sounds like a great guy who is also very supportive of YOUR >eating >lifestyle. Perhaps you should reciprocate. As I said, I have never pressured him to change the way he eats. Vote for the stars of 's next ad campaign! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2004 Report Share Posted July 22, 2004 Thank you for your support, PT. He eats mostly vegetarian as things are now, because I'm the cook I just don't know how he will be able to do it on Atkins, though. I worry about his liver on Atkins, and his heart in general. His father died very young from a heart condition and of course I would hate to lose my dear one. ~ PT ~ <patchouli_troll wrote:Anyway, good luck to you both and i hope you can find a balance you can live with. Maybe he will come around to living as you do. Vote for the stars of 's next ad campaign! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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