WAS family struggles - NOW toys

January 30, 2007

RE the off-topic of toys:

my huband is a waldorf teacher, so we're pretty specific about what kinds of

toys we will and will not allow in our home, like we primarily only use toys

that are made from natural materials, we don't use plastic or electronics,

we don't allow toys that are branded or based on a tv show or that promote

violence, etc.

both sides of our family got a letter from us this year asking that people

PLEASE think a little harder about the toys they get our kids and PLEASE try

to limit the number of toys they buy. we said, we are always happy with

things like books or art supplies, but we simply don't have the room for a

lot of toys that our kids are only going to play with once. (we said it a

lot nicer than that, though.)

we did that this year because last year, when our son was all of 9 mos. old,

we received three 2x3 ft. boxes of christmas presents from my grandparents

alone, plus another four boxes of presents my parents, plus the 15-20 gifts

from my in-laws, not a single toy of which we felt comfortable having in our

home...it was pretty bad. i was sick of " disappearing " toys that horrified

me and honestly felt that i was doing the family a disservice to not make

our wishes known. but our main point this year was, look, we have four

humans and four animals occupying 800 square feet of a basement

apartment...PLEASE limit yourself somewhat! (our main fear was seeng the

load from last year DOUBLED because we had a baby a month before

christmas.)

both sides of the family freaked right out. my MIL told us that we were

stunting our kids' development and destroying family relationships - she

actually referred to us as " anti-family. " but she did also give us a chance

to explain ourselves, so my husband sent her tons of studies and articles

about the importance of play - and WHAT kids play with - to a child's moral,

emotional, and intellectual development, and i explained why we don't like

plastic or electronics...in the end she agreed with us and they actually

went out of their way to buy toys that we were really cool with, like art

supplies, wooden blocks, etc. they said that it ended up being a really

positive thing for them because they put a lot of thought and care into

their gifts instead of just grabbing random crap off the shelves (which was

EXACTLY what our intent was - we don't want to breed our kids to be little

greedy corporate consumers right from the beginning, ya know? if they get a

gift, we want it to have meaning.)

but MY parents ended up not even sending us a christmas card. they told us

that we had completely destroyed christmas for them and they weren't even

going to celebrate. i tried to fix it and explain that they could buy

whatever they wanted; we just wanted to give them ideas so we couuld be more

consistent with our kids; and the main thing was that we didn't want them to

have SO MANY toys...but they didn't care. they even cancelled their trip to

see us at the end of december, saying that there was no point in coming if

they couldn't even " enjoy " their time with our kids by taking them on

shopping sprees. (keep in mind that my kids at the time were 21 months and

3 weeks old.) i used the same argument as liz - that i wanted my kids to

grow up wanting to see family for the sake of family, and not approach it

from a " whaddamygonnaget " mentality (as i did, as i'm sure most of us did).

they didn't get it. they haven't spoken to us since.

then my grandfather sent us a long letter explaining why it was essential

and good to support child labor in third-world countries (!). it was a

nightmare. sigh...what can i say, our families are just crazy!

chandelle'

On 1/30/07, ERB <bakwin wrote:

>

> <<I took the worst flak for this from my MIL because

> she can't understand why you wouldn't want your child

> to have everything. " I don't want to not buy something

> for her if I see it in the store and I want to give it

> to her, " she said. Yes, odd grammar, but truthfully,

> she didn't want to put limits on herself. It had

> nothing to do with limiting my child. It was all about

> her (MIL) feelings and what she (MIL) wanted. The

> gifts also had nothing to do with my child and making

> her happy, as Grandma said they did. The gifts were

> there because my child's reaction to them made Grandma

> feel good about herself.>>

>

> I know this is slightly OT because it doesn't deal

> directly with veg stuff, but here's what I did to get

> the point across to my dad: I explained to him that

> if every time he saw my kids he brought them

> something, then he would never know if they were happy

> to see him because of HIM, or because of the gifts.

> He got the point. I hope your MIL can see the logic,

> too.

>

> Liz

>

> For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG website at

> http://www.vrg.org and for materials especially useful for families go to

> http://www.vrg.org/family.This is a discussion list and is not intended to

> provide personal medical advice. Medical advice should be obtained from a

> qualified health professional.

>

> edical advice. Medical advice should be obtained from a qualified health

> professional.

>

January 30, 2007

Just wanted to send a quick note to commiserate,

Chandelle! It's all cut from the same cloth, isn't

it?....to buy without thinking, to place value on the

dominant societal norms instead of determining what

really makes sense in a given situation, to lash out

against anyone who steps back and chooses a different

path.

Liz

January 30, 2007

It is so incredible to see others having the same problems as us. My

MIL brings our girls each a new stuffed animal everytime we see her,

which is a few times a month. That makes for a lot of stuffed

animals! We get so overloaded. I have made it very clear to her

that we have way too many and at Christmastime I wanted to keep the

gifts small and not too many. That didn't exactly work out. Not

only does it make me sad to add so much " stuff " to Goodwill (they can

never sell all of those stuffed animals), but I also think of all of

the money she wastes on that stuff. It's sad.

Jill

, earthmother <earthmother213

wrote:

>

> RE the off-topic of toys:

>

> my huband is a waldorf teacher, so we're pretty specific about what

kinds of

> toys we will and will not allow in our home, like we primarily only

use toys

> that are made from natural materials, we don't use plastic or

electronics,

> we don't allow toys that are branded or based on a tv show or that

promote

> violence, etc.

>

> both sides of our family got a letter from us this year asking that

people

> PLEASE think a little harder about the toys they get our kids and

PLEASE try

> to limit the number of toys they buy. we said, we are always happy

with

> things like books or art supplies, but we simply don't have the

room for a

> lot of toys that our kids are only going to play with once. (we

said it a

> lot nicer than that, though.)

>

> we did that this year because last year, when our son was all of 9

mos. old,

> we received three 2x3 ft. boxes of christmas presents from my

grandparents

> alone, plus another four boxes of presents my parents, plus the 15-

20 gifts

> from my in-laws, not a single toy of which we felt comfortable

having in our

> home...it was pretty bad. i was sick of " disappearing " toys that

horrified

> me and honestly felt that i was doing the family a disservice to

not make

> our wishes known. but our main point this year was, look, we have

four

> humans and four animals occupying 800 square feet of a basement

> apartment...PLEASE limit yourself somewhat! (our main fear was

seeng the

> load from last year DOUBLED because we had a baby a month before

> christmas.)

>

> both sides of the family freaked right out. my MIL told us that we

were

> stunting our kids' development and destroying family relationships -

she

> actually referred to us as " anti-family. " but she did also give us

a chance

> to explain ourselves, so my husband sent her tons of studies and

articles

> about the importance of play - and WHAT kids play with - to a

child's moral,

> emotional, and intellectual development, and i explained why we

don't like

> plastic or electronics...in the end she agreed with us and they

actually

> went out of their way to buy toys that we were really cool with,

like art

> supplies, wooden blocks, etc. they said that it ended up being a

really

> positive thing for them because they put a lot of thought and care

into

> their gifts instead of just grabbing random crap off the shelves

(which was

> EXACTLY what our intent was - we don't want to breed our kids to be

little

> greedy corporate consumers right from the beginning, ya know? if

they get a

> gift, we want it to have meaning.)

>

> but MY parents ended up not even sending us a christmas card. they

told us

> that we had completely destroyed christmas for them and they

weren't even

> going to celebrate. i tried to fix it and explain that they could

buy

> whatever they wanted; we just wanted to give them ideas so we

couuld be more

> consistent with our kids; and the main thing was that we didn't

want them to

> have SO MANY toys...but they didn't care. they even cancelled

their trip to

> see us at the end of december, saying that there was no point in

coming if

> they couldn't even " enjoy " their time with our kids by taking them

on

> shopping sprees. (keep in mind that my kids at the time were 21

months and

> 3 weeks old.) i used the same argument as liz - that i wanted my

kids to

> grow up wanting to see family for the sake of family, and not

approach it

> from a " whaddamygonnaget " mentality (as i did, as i'm sure most of

us did).

> they didn't get it. they haven't spoken to us since.

>

> then my grandfather sent us a long letter explaining why it was

essential

> and good to support child labor in third-world countries (!). it

was a

> nightmare. sigh...what can i say, our families are just crazy!

>

> chandelle'

> On 1/30/07, ERB <bakwin wrote:

> >

> > <<I took the worst flak for this from my MIL because

> > she can't understand why you wouldn't want your child

> > to have everything. " I don't want to not buy something

> > for her if I see it in the store and I want to give it

> > to her, " she said. Yes, odd grammar, but truthfully,

> > she didn't want to put limits on herself. It had

> > nothing to do with limiting my child. It was all about

> > her (MIL) feelings and what she (MIL) wanted. The

> > gifts also had nothing to do with my child and making

> > her happy, as Grandma said they did. The gifts were

> > there because my child's reaction to them made Grandma

> > feel good about herself.>>

> >

> > I know this is slightly OT because it doesn't deal

> > directly with veg stuff, but here's what I did to get

> > the point across to my dad: I explained to him that

> > if every time he saw my kids he brought them

> > something, then he would never know if they were happy

> > to see him because of HIM, or because of the gifts.

> > He got the point. I hope your MIL can see the logic,

> > too.

> >

> > Liz

> >

> > For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG

website at

> > http://www.vrg.org and for materials especially useful for

families go to

> > http://www.vrg.org/family.This is a discussion list and is not

intended to

> > provide personal medical advice. Medical advice should be

obtained from a

> > qualified health professional.

> >

> > edical advice. Medical advice should be obtained from a qualified

health

> > professional.

> >

January 30, 2007

Some fire departments collect stuffed animals to give to children.

Jill Wenzel <jillben2005 wrote: It is so incredible to

see others having the same problems as us. My

MIL brings our girls each a new stuffed animal everytime we see her,

which is a few times a month. That makes for a lot of stuffed

animals! We get so overloaded. I have made it very clear to her

that we have way too many and at Christmastime I wanted to keep the

gifts small and not too many. That didn't exactly work out. Not

only does it make me sad to add so much " stuff " to Goodwill (they can

never sell all of those stuffed animals), but I also think of all of

the money she wastes on that stuff. It's sad.

Jill

, earthmother <earthmother213

wrote:

>

> RE the off-topic of toys:

>

> my huband is a waldorf teacher, so we're pretty specific about what

kinds of

> toys we will and will not allow in our home, like we primarily only

use toys

> that are made from natural materials, we don't use plastic or

electronics,

> we don't allow toys that are branded or based on a tv show or that

promote

> violence, etc.

>

> both sides of our family got a letter from us this year asking that

people

> PLEASE think a little harder about the toys they get our kids and

PLEASE try

> to limit the number of toys they buy. we said, we are always happy

with

> things like books or art supplies, but we simply don't have the

room for a

> lot of toys that our kids are only going to play with once. (we

said it a

> lot nicer than that, though.)

>

> we did that this year because last year, when our son was all of 9

mos. old,

> we received three 2x3 ft. boxes of christmas presents from my

grandparents

> alone, plus another four boxes of presents my parents, plus the 15-

20 gifts

> from my in-laws, not a single toy of which we felt comfortable

having in our

> home...it was pretty bad. i was sick of " disappearing " toys that

horrified

> me and honestly felt that i was doing the family a disservice to

not make

> our wishes known. but our main point this year was, look, we have

four

> humans and four animals occupying 800 square feet of a basement

> apartment...PLEASE limit yourself somewhat! (our main fear was

seeng the

> load from last year DOUBLED because we had a baby a month before

> christmas.)

>

> both sides of the family freaked right out. my MIL told us that we

were

> stunting our kids' development and destroying family relationships -

she

> actually referred to us as " anti-family. " but she did also give us

a chance

> to explain ourselves, so my husband sent her tons of studies and

articles

> about the importance of play - and WHAT kids play with - to a

child's moral,

> emotional, and intellectual development, and i explained why we

don't like

> plastic or electronics...in the end she agreed with us and they

actually

> went out of their way to buy toys that we were really cool with,

like art

> supplies, wooden blocks, etc. they said that it ended up being a

really

> positive thing for them because they put a lot of thought and care

into

> their gifts instead of just grabbing random crap off the shelves

(which was

> EXACTLY what our intent was - we don't want to breed our kids to be

little

> greedy corporate consumers right from the beginning, ya know? if

they get a

> gift, we want it to have meaning.)

>

> but MY parents ended up not even sending us a christmas card. they

told us

> that we had completely destroyed christmas for them and they

weren't even

> going to celebrate. i tried to fix it and explain that they could

buy

> whatever they wanted; we just wanted to give them ideas so we

couuld be more

> consistent with our kids; and the main thing was that we didn't

want them to

> have SO MANY toys...but they didn't care. they even cancelled

their trip to

> see us at the end of december, saying that there was no point in

coming if

> they couldn't even " enjoy " their time with our kids by taking them

on

> shopping sprees. (keep in mind that my kids at the time were 21

months and

> 3 weeks old.) i used the same argument as liz - that i wanted my

kids to

> grow up wanting to see family for the sake of family, and not

approach it

> from a " whaddamygonnaget " mentality (as i did, as i'm sure most of

us did).

> they didn't get it. they haven't spoken to us since.

>

> then my grandfather sent us a long letter explaining why it was

essential

> and good to support child labor in third-world countries (!). it

was a

> nightmare. sigh...what can i say, our families are just crazy!

>

> chandelle'

> On 1/30/07, ERB <bakwin wrote:

> >

> > <<I took the worst flak for this from my MIL because

> > she can't understand why you wouldn't want your child

> > to have everything. " I don't want to not buy something

> > for her if I see it in the store and I want to give it

> > to her, " she said. Yes, odd grammar, but truthfully,

> > she didn't want to put limits on herself. It had

> > nothing to do with limiting my child. It was all about

> > her (MIL) feelings and what she (MIL) wanted. The

> > gifts also had nothing to do with my child and making

> > her happy, as Grandma said they did. The gifts were

> > there because my child's reaction to them made Grandma

> > feel good about herself.>>

> >

> > I know this is slightly OT because it doesn't deal

> > directly with veg stuff, but here's what I did to get

> > the point across to my dad: I explained to him that

> > if every time he saw my kids he brought them

> > something, then he would never know if they were happy

> > to see him because of HIM, or because of the gifts.

> > He got the point. I hope your MIL can see the logic,

> > too.

> >

> > Liz

> >

> > For more information about vegetarianism, please visit the VRG

website at

> > http://www.vrg.org and for materials especially useful for

families go to

> > http://www.vrg.org/family.This is a discussion list and is not

intended to

> > provide personal medical advice. Medical advice should be

obtained from a

> > qualified health professional.

> >

> > edical advice. Medical advice should be obtained from a qualified

health

> > professional.

> >

January 31, 2007

Churches can often use stuffed animals if in new condition. A church

I know gives them out as part of community outreach. My dad was an

over-the-road truck driver, he spent many many hours at truck stops

playing the claw game-- and now he's very good at it. He wins a

couple every week. Thank God he doesn't give us many, but he did make

a nice donation as Vacation Bible School prizes. Also if you live in

a city or near one, find a community center in a bad neighborhood.

>It is so incredible to see others having the same problems as us. My

>MIL brings our girls each a new stuffed animal everytime we see her,

>which is a few times a month. That makes for a lot of stuffed

>animals! We get so overloaded. I have made it very clear to her

>that we have way too many and at Christmastime I wanted to keep the

>gifts small and not too many. That didn't exactly work out. Not

>only does it make me sad to add so much " stuff " to Goodwill (they can

>never sell all of those stuffed animals), but I also think of all of

>the money she wastes on that stuff. It's sad.

>

>Jill

>

January 31, 2007

We have similar issues with toys given by family members. We feel like our kids

have too

many toys. When we do choose toys, we always try to avoid toys made in

countries known

for violating workers' civil rights and we try to choose toys made of natural

materials. We did

manage to help the situation somewhat by creating Amazon Wish Lists for each of

our 2

children. It seems that sometimes the grandparents were just buying something

to buy

something. For the list, we helped the kids choose books on subjects they are

currently

interested in, like princesses or fairies or sports or whatever. Of course you

could also

choose a special video, coloring book, or audio CD. We have also found things

like puzzles

and games, european toys, waldorf dolls, anything you want basically. Then we

tell the

relatives around the holidays or birthdays something like " well, you certainly

don't have to

get so-and-so anything for her birthday, but if you must, she has some special

things she

has been dreaming of on her Wish List! " and usually they are relieved that they

can easily

choose something the child will love, and we have fewer noisy plastic toys in

our house, and

more books! Sorry, i know we are straying way off topic....

Karen

January 31, 2007

We do allow plastic toys in our house but I also try to encourage

family to buy things like reading books (both fun fictional ones and

science/educational ones), activity books (which my five year old

LOVES to do), puzzles, board games. Fun things that also stimulate

the mind and will be used many more years than the toy that they get

bored with after six months. My daughter loves my little ponies,

which yes they are plastic, but they encourage imaginative play and

both kids (boy and girl) like to play dress up. My mom loves to

find interesting clothing from the thrift store to bring for the

dress-up box. I usually send a kids wish list to our families to

help stream line the unwanted toys (which we still get some of but

not as many). Another good idea which both families have liked, is

buying things for the kids bedrooms (my son has a dinosaur theme, my

daughter bugs and fairies) like pictures for the walls, themed

curtains, light switch plates, sheets. Then its fun for both kids

and their grandparents and still useful stuff. I also like toys

like pretend doctors kits, pretend food (which you can get the

wooden variety with velcro) and pots and pans, when my duaghter gets

a little bigger I want to get her a model of a human showing

muscles, bones, organs because she has always been interested in

this. Some of these things are plastic but I think that the

combination of the educational/stimulation aspect and that they are

also fun for the kids makes it a good tradeoff and still allows

grandparent to feel like they are getting something special for the

kids.

February 1, 2007

I guess one isn't really suppose to tell people what gifts they want

or do not want...at least by standard etiquette. However, I would

have no problem telling my mom what I wouldn't want for my son...but

she lives with us, and we are really close, so we aren't very formal

with each other. I would probably tell the rest of my family and in-

laws " no weapons " (not that they would ever buy something like that,

bc they wouldn't), but beyond that, I'd probably just donate stuff I

didn't want. I do end up donating a lot of toys to various

organizations.

I try to let my mom spoil my son a little. She enjoys it, as does he

(obviously). Sometimes when she's slipping him a chocolate-covered

raisin, I cringe. But he'll survive, and he knows mommy and daddy

aren't grandma, and our rules trump grandma's. It's a balancing act

for us, especially with her living with us. At least she's a

vegetarian, too!!

Somewhat related...my 40-something SIL who makes 6 figures actually

tells us what she wants for x-mas and her birthday...and I'm talking

big, expensive gifts! We said " pass " this year. I find it really

rude. Just needed to vent! Ha!

Come to think of it, my FIL did make my 3 y.o. a birthday card this

week depicting my son as a cowboy with some wicked looking guns and

some mowed down squirrels! I didn't know exactly how to take it...it

was really more for my husband, bc we have some squirrel issues

(i.e., squirrels trying to live in our attic), which drive my hubby

crazy. My FIL even said he was a little concerned about how I would

take it. I didn't show it to my 3 y.o. He can see it when he's old

enough to understand his grandfather is a little eccentric in

his " humor. " I didn't really appreciate it at all, but I'm trying to

take it in the spirit in which it was intended.

Aren't families fun???!!!

This post is totally all over the place! Haaaaa!

February 2, 2007

This is the reason I even mentioned the toy-buying in

the first place. I think that the food issue is

directly associated with the

spending-money-on-the-children-so-I-can-feel-good

issue.

It is here that we see our parents behave like

children. FYI, we tried similar pre-Christmas advice

to our parents in the past, but not in written form.

It was usually blown off/disregarded at first, but

helped in the end because they knew that if they

didn't spend a lot of money on us, we would actually

be happier. Took away a little of their worry.

I did have another thought regarding grandparents

feeding grandchildren whatever they like and

disregarding the parents' wishes. It was a bit of an

epiphany for me, because I think it is a huge part of

my own mother's issue with our food limitations.

I think that since I have set limits for my children,

my mom doesn't know what she can feed them. She has no

idea of what vegetarians eat, or even people who

simply avoid sugar and nasty snack foods.

Truthfully, this makes perfect sense to me,

considering what her house is stocked with: " fruit "

snacks, potato chips, boxed crackers, candy of all

sorts, sodas, a freezer full of ice cream and Schwan's

products, lunchmeat and innumerable half empty jars

and bottles of who knows what that she got on sale.

She rarely cooks, and when she does, it's usually

based around meat and 2 sides, sometimes a salad.

Sooo, I guess I am now responsible to give my mother

an education in healthful eating...whether she likes

it or not. Since my father recently had gastric

bypass surgery, it is probably a good time to do it. I

just hope she actually believes me.

If I can make it sound like Dr. Phil said it, I might

have a chance of convincing her.

:-)

<<but MY parents ended up not even sending us a

christmas card. they told us

that we had completely destroyed christmas for them

and they weren't even

going to celebrate. i tried to fix it and explain that

they could buy

whatever they wanted; we just wanted to give them

ideas so we couuld be more

consistent with our kids; and the main thing was that

we didn't want them to

have SO MANY toys...but they didn't care. they even

cancelled their trip to

see us at the end of december, saying that there was

no point in coming if

they couldn't even " enjoy " their time with our kids by

taking them on

shopping sprees. (keep in mind that my kids at the

time were 21 months and

3 weeks old.) i used the same argument as liz - that i

wanted my kids to

grow up wanting to see family for the sake of family,

and not approach it

from a " whaddamygonnaget " mentality (as i did, as i'm

sure most of us did).

they didn't get it. they haven't spoken to us since.

then my grandfather sent us a long letter explaining

why it was essential

and good to support child labor in third-world

countries (!). it was a

nightmare. sigh...what can i say, our families are

just crazy!>>

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February 2, 2007

but sometimes i really feel that my MIL goes out of her way to make things

difficult. they really eat so crappy. i don't know anyone who eats as bad

as them. their only plus is that they don't drink much soda. but there

isn't a whole grain to be found in their house. their salad is the bagged

iceberg lettuce with the little tiny carrot matchsticks in it. it's sort of

just like a side dish to the dressing, honestly. their rice, sugar and

flour are uniformly white. making two cakes to eat after dinner is NOT

unusual, nor is making boxed brownies, muffins, cupcakes, cookies at the

spur of the moment and eating them all at once, or eating 3-4 gallons of ice

cream along with their cake. and gthe thing is, we've made it clear aso

many times what we do and don't eat. but now they are stuck on, if it's

vegan, it's ok. here's an example - one of the only things my son can eat

over there are these little boxed crackers (which i'm probably going to have

to eliminate too because i'm pretty sure they contain hydrogenated oils).

they are white flour but my MIL just can't get over feeding like she's gotta

feed him something, even if he's not hungry (and she NEVER considers or

accepts feeding him something we've brought - it has to be something SHE'S

picked out). well, on the same day that the carrot cake fiasco happened, my

son asked for a cracker. but they were all gone. so she reaches into the

pantry and pulls out one supersize bag of fritos and one supersize bag of

nacho cheese doritos. she holds them up and says, i'm going to give him one

of these instead. we actually thought she was joking. my husband told her

no. she was like, oh, i guess the doritos have cheese, i'll give him some

fritos instead. ??? one of the biggest reasons we're vegan is for health

purposes! but my in-laws wouldn't know a healthy food if one kicked them in

the head. she just doesn't get it and i honestly, honestly believe that

it's because she doesn't want to get it. if she starts following our rules

she might be indicating that we're right, or at least correct in our

parental authority, which is unheard of.

it is so hard for my husband to go over there. i see his food issues on

full display. like, i try to make something really healthy and filling

before we go over there so we won't be tempted by something that migfht be

vegan but certainly isn't healthy, like boxed white bread rolls. so i'll

make a big pot of chili, or some stuffed squash, or some miso soup. then we

go over there, and where does my husband go the second he walks through the

door? he proceeds directly to the refrigerator. it's like he can't even

help himself - he really can't. he'll open it up and peer inside and i'll

go tell him, babe, there isn't anything in there you can eat. and he'll

always find something, usually some kind of leftover bread. he HAS TO EAT

when we are there. it's kind of sad. he comes home and feels sick and

moans, why did i eat over there when i know i really can't? but he really

can't not eat. it's burned into his psyche that when he's in his parents'

house, he has to eat something, and it sually has to be the unhealthiest

thing he can manage. it's really scary.

chandelle'

February 2, 2007

Oh my, Chandelle, you just fully described my husband's routine when

we visit his parents. He heads straight for the food, stares into

the fridge and always manages to find something. And if he can't

his mom will send his dad running to the store. But it's funny that

she has learned to stock up on certain junk foods that happen to be

vegan...you know, the cheapest cookies that just happen to be sort

of vegan and chips. It's sad to see that relationship with food.

Their lives revolve around it. All of his siblings are heavy and he

struggles with his weight. I'm no vegan saint, I love to make my

own cookies and I love eating them. But, it is difficult to see

such an obsession with food and to see how directly it stems from

his family. On a normal basis we don't have junk food in our house,

but my husband will do his best to create it...he'll take crackers

and put soy cream cheese on and mushrooms and olives and eat until

he's sick. Well, we're working on it, but I definitely don't want

to see it carried over to our kids.

Jill

, earthmother <earthmother213

wrote:

>

> but sometimes i really feel that my MIL goes out of her way to

make things

> difficult. they really eat so crappy. i don't know anyone who

eats as bad

> as them. their only plus is that they don't drink much soda. but

there

> isn't a whole grain to be found in their house. their salad is

the bagged

> iceberg lettuce with the little tiny carrot matchsticks in it.

it's sort of

> just like a side dish to the dressing, honestly. their rice,

sugar and

> flour are uniformly white. making two cakes to eat after dinner

is NOT

> unusual, nor is making boxed brownies, muffins, cupcakes, cookies

at the

> spur of the moment and eating them all at once, or eating 3-4

gallons of ice

> cream along with their cake. and gthe thing is, we've made it

clear aso

> many times what we do and don't eat. but now they are stuck on,

if it's

> vegan, it's ok. here's an example - one of the only things my son

can eat

> over there are these little boxed crackers (which i'm probably

going to have

> to eliminate too because i'm pretty sure they contain hydrogenated

oils).

> they are white flour but my MIL just can't get over feeding like

she's gotta

> feed him something, even if he's not hungry (and she NEVER

considers or

> accepts feeding him something we've brought - it has to be

something SHE'S

> picked out). well, on the same day that the carrot cake fiasco

happened, my

> son asked for a cracker. but they were all gone. so she reaches

into the

> pantry and pulls out one supersize bag of fritos and one supersize

bag of

> nacho cheese doritos. she holds them up and says, i'm going to

give him one

> of these instead. we actually thought she was joking. my husband

told her

> no. she was like, oh, i guess the doritos have cheese, i'll give

him some

> fritos instead. ??? one of the biggest reasons we're vegan is

for health

> purposes! but my in-laws wouldn't know a healthy food if one

kicked them in

> the head. she just doesn't get it and i honestly, honestly

believe that

> it's because she doesn't want to get it. if she starts following

our rules

> she might be indicating that we're right, or at least correct in

our

> parental authority, which is unheard of.

>

> it is so hard for my husband to go over there. i see his food

issues on

> full display. like, i try to make something really healthy and

filling

> before we go over there so we won't be tempted by something that

migfht be

> vegan but certainly isn't healthy, like boxed white bread rolls.

so i'll

> make a big pot of chili, or some stuffed squash, or some miso

soup. then we

> go over there, and where does my husband go the second he walks

through the

> door? he proceeds directly to the refrigerator. it's like he

can't even

> help himself - he really can't. he'll open it up and peer inside

and i'll

> go tell him, babe, there isn't anything in there you can eat. and

he'll

> always find something, usually some kind of leftover bread. he

HAS TO EAT

> when we are there. it's kind of sad. he comes home and feels

sick and

> moans, why did i eat over there when i know i really can't? but

he really

> can't not eat. it's burned into his psyche that when he's in his

parents'

> house, he has to eat something, and it sually has to be the

unhealthiest

> thing he can manage. it's really scary.

>

> chandelle'

>

February 2, 2007

That is sad that your husband was raised that way. My Jeff was raised on

ramen noodles and boxed crap because his mom had fifty thousand children and

didn't want to put forth the effort to make sure he ate good things. I get so

proud of myself when he asks for something like the baked vegetables I make for

him or whatever. At least you feed your husband good things while he's at home.

earthmother <earthmother213 wrote: