mixed marraige

[Guest guest]

Hi

I am near vegan and trying to raise my kids vegan. my husband is 100%

against vegetarism and veganism. the way i look at it is, i am home

with the kids, i cook all the meals and do all the shopping. can

anyone help?

[Guest guest]

Wow. I really think that you should consider couples counseling.

 

veggiemama05 <veggiemama05 wrote: Hi

I am near vegan and trying to raise my kids vegan. my husband is 100%

against vegetarism and veganism. the way i look at it is, i am home

with the kids, i cook all the meals and do all the shopping. can

anyone help?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Access over 1 million songs - Music Unlimited.

 

 

[Guest guest]

There's no question about whether or not vegetarianism/veganism is healthy.

There is, however, much doubt as to whether meat is healthy. So you're without a

doubt the one with the healthier plan. That's like if my husband wanted to teach

the kids how to shoot a gun or something. In my opinion, it's not safe. I win.

If something is dangerous, the parent who's against it ought to automatically

win that one!! It's a question of the kids' health, not just some stupid little

thing.

 

And just to be clear, my husband would never have guns around our children, that

was just an example!

 

 

 

veggiemama05 <veggiemama05 wrote: Hi

I am near vegan and trying to raise my kids vegan. my husband is 100%

against vegetarism and veganism. the way i look at it is, i am home

with the kids, i cook all the meals and do all the shopping. can

anyone help?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kadee Sedtal

 

Brain: " Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? "

Pinky: " I think so, Brain, but if the plural of mouse is mice, wouldn't the

plural of spouse be spice? "

 

 

Check out my new , Classical 2 at

http://launch.classical2/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have a burning question? Go to Answers and get answers from real people

who know.

 

 

[Guest guest]

I have a similar situation, though my dh has " softened up " about it a bit

over the years. I blogged this earlier in the week. Sometimes things get

hard. This entry is just a snippet..Hope something in it is helpful...

----

 

I eat vegan foods. Tonight I am making a wonderful smelling tofu lasagna and

having a side of a beautiful, vibrant looking vegetable-bean soup. (Can you

tell I LOVE to cook?..And EAT -lol!!)

 

My oldest son will be partaking with me. My younger son and his dad(my

hubby) will be eating the lasagna with a meat dish on the side.

 

You see, when I met my now husband 17 years ago, I had failed at my latest

attempt at vegetarianism and was eating meat. About one year into our now

16+ yr marriage I successfully became a vegeterian again. There have

certainly been ups and downs.

 

Just as I want and expect him to be tolerant and understanding of my life

choices..he also expects me to be tolerant of his. This is a fair thing.

 

BUT This means I choose to cook meat even though I don't eat it.

 

In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to touch it or smell it, or think of

what the animal went through. But in my world, I prepare it anyway, though I

don't eat it.

 

Our children will make their own food choices. My oldest son (10) has chosen

to be a vegetarian.

 

So we are a " split " family. Occasionally this causes tension. I've recently

reached out to some friends and friends of friends for ideas as to how to

make this work more smoothly.

 

Although, it can be difficult sometimes, it is worth it. I am still madly in

love with the man I married 16 years ago. He is a good man. And, I'd rather

be married to someone I can love and respect (even if I don't always agree

with) then to a vegan that I didn't.

 

Life can be hard - no matter who you are, what you eat, or who you are in a

relationship with. I wouldn't trade mine for the world.

 

Now, I'm going to go dig into that delicious tofu lasagna!!!

 

-beth

 

On 2/14/07, veggiemama05 <veggiemama05 wrote:

>

> Hi

> I am near vegan and trying to raise my kids vegan. my husband is 100%

> against vegetarism and veganism. the way i look at it is, i am home

> with the kids, i cook all the meals and do all the shopping. can

> anyone help?

>

>

>

 

 

 

--

God bless,

Beth Montgomery, TN

 

My Blog: The Happy Homeschool House

www.homeschoolblogger.com/curlygirl

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi Veggiemama

 

I know the situation. Im Vegan my husband is not, but have over he

years cut down on the meat he eats, actualy he eat mostly fish now.

Anyway, We have had our contreverses on the subject. I have been

faithfull to my diet, except for a short time trying out chicken 10-11

years ago (dident like it by the way, except if it was heavy spiced so

i coulden taste the blod (yikes)).

I raised my daughter vegitarian for the first 2-3 years and had to let

go of it because of the preschool. They dident like parents funny

eating habbits (long story, but somting I couldent get around since it

is state/national guidelines, so every preschool would be the same).

I have let it up to my daughter (now 4 1/2), to decide wether she need

meat or not. I have all along made it clear why I dont eat meat ex.

animal are my friends so I dont eat them, humans are not always so

nice to the animals a.s.o.

She have been really into meat for about 6-8 month now, but lately

starting to refuse it, and saing that she dont like it :-)

 

So how did we handle it ? well Eventualy my husband gave up the

discution on wether she should eat meat or not. I was cooking her food

so that was what she got.

At the evening meal it was a bit harder, but we compromised at cooking

our own food. I know it soulds crazy but it works. Everyone is

satisfied and no more discution. He will cook his meat (he have to,

because im not), and I will do my vegie thing. Im into a lot of greens

and salads, he is deffently not. He is more the rice and protine kind

of thing. So everyone is happy. I do inform him about the danger of

his eating habbits, but he is an adult so he makes his own choises,

and so do I. It is posibel to live together and have differences.

And we shure do ;-)

Oh I just rememberd I just read a story of a woman, who was (is) even

married to a man who owned a butchershop, and she canged her diet into

a raw vegan diet. They have been married for 47 years now, her being a

vegitarian and now raw veagn for 21 years. Like she said " there is

much more to my husband than what he eats " . (I got it from the book:

Live food factor by Susan Schenck).

 

It has all to do with accept and respect, and not forgetting

compromise :-) It is posible, I have been married now for 11 years and

we found a midle way that we are all happy with :-)

 

Kristine

 

 

 

 

, " veggiemama05 " <veggiemama05

wrote:

>

> Hi

> I am near vegan and trying to raise my kids vegan. my husband is

100%

> against vegetarism and veganism. the way i look at it is, i am home

> with the kids, i cook all the meals and do all the shopping. can

> anyone help?

>

[Guest guest]

Kristine,

 

I notice by your email address that you are from

Denmark? You mentioned about all preschools in your

country being mandated to serve the same food, etc.

Believe it or not, I actually have the name and email

address of the head of the Danish Vegetarian Society

-- very nice and helpful -- and can pass it on to you

if you need it. I contacted them with lots of

questions a few years ago when we were looking to go

to Denmark on holiday, because it became clear to me

very quickly in my research that it was going to be a

particularly hard country to be a vegetarian tourist

in!!

 

Good luck,

 

Liz (Chicago, IL, USA)

[Guest guest]

The preschool wouldn't allow your child to be vegetarian??? We're vegetarian for

moral/religious reasons and for a place like that to just refuse... would they

do the same thing to a Hindu or Jewish child? Funny eating habits... heads would

roll.

 

blomster_fe <shanti wrote: Hi

Veggiemama

 

I know the situation. Im Vegan my husband is not, but have over he

years cut down on the meat he eats, actualy he eat mostly fish now.

Anyway, We have had our contreverses on the subject. I have been

faithfull to my diet, except for a short time trying out chicken 10-11

years ago (dident like it by the way, except if it was heavy spiced so

i coulden taste the blod (yikes)).

I raised my daughter vegitarian for the first 2-3 years and had to let

go of it because of the preschool. They dident like parents funny

eating habbits (long story, but somting I couldent get around since it

is state/national guidelines, so every preschool would be the same).

I have let it up to my daughter (now 4 1/2), to decide wether she need

meat or not. I have all along made it clear why I dont eat meat ex.

animal are my friends so I dont eat them, humans are not always so

nice to the animals a.s.o.

She have been really into meat for about 6-8 month now, but lately

starting to refuse it, and saing that she dont like it :-)

 

So how did we handle it ? well Eventualy my husband gave up the

discution on wether she should eat meat or not. I was cooking her food

so that was what she got.

At the evening meal it was a bit harder, but we compromised at cooking

our own food. I know it soulds crazy but it works. Everyone is

satisfied and no more discution. He will cook his meat (he have to,

because im not), and I will do my vegie thing. Im into a lot of greens

and salads, he is deffently not. He is more the rice and protine kind

of thing. So everyone is happy. I do inform him about the danger of

his eating habbits, but he is an adult so he makes his own choises,

and so do I. It is posibel to live together and have differences.

And we shure do ;-)

Oh I just rememberd I just read a story of a woman, who was (is) even

married to a man who owned a butchershop, and she canged her diet into

a raw vegan diet. They have been married for 47 years now, her being a

vegitarian and now raw veagn for 21 years. Like she said " there is

much more to my husband than what he eats " . (I got it from the book:

Live food factor by Susan Schenck).

 

It has all to do with accept and respect, and not forgetting

compromise :-) It is posible, I have been married now for 11 years and

we found a midle way that we are all happy with :-)

 

Kristine

 

, " veggiemama05 " <veggiemama05

wrote:

>

> Hi

> I am near vegan and trying to raise my kids vegan. my husband is

100%

> against vegetarism and veganism. the way i look at it is, i am home

> with the kids, i cook all the meals and do all the shopping. can

> anyone help?

>

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kadee Sedtal

 

Brain: " Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? "

Pinky: " I think so, Brain, but if the plural of mouse is mice, wouldn't the

plural of spouse be spice? "

 

 

Check out my new , Classical 2 at

http://launch.classical2/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cheap Talk? Check out Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call rates.

 

 

[Guest guest]

It just so happened that when I decided to stop eating

meat, my husband did also, independently. This made it

rather easy and smooth as transitions go. Although

this transition was smooth, we have had our share of

differences in the past. What was important about

this, though, was that we each chose to do it on our

own.

 

We had been discussing food often, as in, all the

time, lately. I was reading " The Food Revolution " by

John Robbins, among other books, and sharing info from

there with my husband. He refused to read it, because

he says he is too busy to read, but still he would

listen when I would share with him the statistics

about how much healthier vegetarians are compared to

omnivores.

 

We hadn't even gotten to the horrors of the meat

industry or any of the other useful information in the

book. It was simply the fact that by not eating meat,

we were decreasing our risks exponentially for all of

the diseases that Americans expect and fear as we age:

diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc. We don't want to

be " old " when we are 50 years old. We have seen our

parents' quality of life degrade much more quickly

than it should have, because of what they eat. We

don't want that.

 

While I highly recommend John Robbins' books, or Dr.

Joel Fuhrmann, or many others, it is not the book that

will make the difference. It is the person's readiness

to hear it. Sometimes, a little well-spoken truth

will knock your socks off and you can't help but

change your life, but most of the time, it is a slow

journey to making life-changing decisions.

 

Your husband may not be ready to hear any of what

changed your life, but that doesn't mean he will never

be ready.

If he is willing to accept any change, then capitalize

on that. Make the changes he thinks are do-able, and

then see if you can add another change after the first

ones are comfortable.

It took us years to get to the point where we

understood that giving up meat is still healthful

(more healthful, really), and there were many stops

along the way. Simple things like switching from white

to wheat bread took a long time to accept. We were

truly entrenched in the futile American diet.

If your husband is a tried and true meat and potatoes

guy, accept that as a handicap of his. You'll get more

results with understanding than with force. It's

going to take something that he trusts to change his

mind.

 

If he is concerned about the health of the children,

then show him information to reassure him that you are

not jeopardizing their health by removing animals from

their diet.

 

I hope that helps. I believe that you can work within

a marriage even if you are both on polar opposite

sides of an issue.

Jen

 

<<Hi

I am near vegan and trying to raise my kids vegan. my

husband is 100%

against vegetarism and veganism. the way i look at it

is, i am home

with the kids, i cook all the meals and do all the

shopping. can

anyone help?>>

 

 

 

______________________________\

____

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Toolbar alerts you the instant new Mail arrives.

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[Guest guest]

Thankyou Liz for you kind offer, but I allready know about the

vegitarian society :-) Well it use to be hard to find

vegitarian/vegan food around here, but not anymore. There are so

many middleeastern places with falafel, hummus a.s.o. so now you can

get it on allmost every street conor :-)you just have to watch out

for the hummus, since some places (danish resturants thoug) ad

yogurth to the hummus :-o Yoghurt dosent belong in hummus, what are

they thinking ???? *S*

 

Kristine

 

 

> Kristine,

>

> I notice by your email address that you are from

> Denmark? You mentioned about all preschools in your

> country being mandated to serve the same food, etc.

> Believe it or not, I actually have the name and email

> address of the head of the Danish Vegetarian Society

> -- very nice and helpful -- and can pass it on to you

> if you need it. I contacted them with lots of

> questions a few years ago when we were looking to go

> to Denmark on holiday, because it became clear to me

> very quickly in my research that it was going to be a

> particularly hard country to be a vegetarian tourist

> in!!

>

> Good luck,

>

> Liz (Chicago, IL, USA)

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, if I dont have a doctors certificate that my kid shouldent eat

somting (gluten, diary, meat a.s.o.) they wont except it. We dont

have that many hindus or jewish here but they do take some care for

the moslem kids. Well kind of, because I have seen that they will

serve liverpaté (pig)for the kids just not giving it to the moslem

kids, but if the kid ask for it they will get it (if their parent

knew, heads would roll for sure). Im on the parent bord at her pre-

school, we have at meetings discoused the food issiues. One mom was

whining about if they dident serve pig meat for the kids, it would

be so horible that the kids would miss out on " what ever pig dish " .

After hearing her whine for a while I told her that it is only one

meal a day they get at the pre-school, and there are so much other

stuff they could serve the kids so no one would get offendet and

some kids woulden feel left out because the were not allowed to eat

the same as the other kids. She could just serve all the piggy

dishes she wantet at home, so her poor child woulden miss an

important culutral pice there (that was what she thought LOL).

This is a country with 5.2 million people and 15-20 million pigs LOL

Luckly more and more peole are getting aware and changing their

diet. I have a lot of vegitarian friends and meet vegitarians

everywhere I go, it is a growing movement :-)

 

And no, I havent had the energy to take up the fight. They are so

affraid that the kids get malnurised if they are not doctor

supervised. I had a talk with them when she startet.

The only pre-school I know of who accept vegitatians are the Waldorf

pre-school, but the waiting list is just so long, so she wouldent

get a place there before she had to start school :-(

 

Kristine

 

 

 

, Kadee M <abbey_road3012

wrote:

>

> The preschool wouldn't allow your child to be vegetarian??? We're

vegetarian for moral/religious reasons and for a place like that to

just refuse... would they do the same thing to a Hindu or Jewish

child? Funny eating habits... heads would roll.

[Guest guest]

Something you mentioned in your post is something I have been thinking about

lately- how people have actually started to EXPECT diseases like cancer and

heart attacks. My husband's father had a heart attack or something when he was

around 60. To me, that is WAY too young to be having stuff like that happen!!

People are so convinced that these things are inevitable that they don't take

many really big measures to prevent them. It's really sad that people have that

kind of mindset. I was reading your post though and was glad you brought that

up. I know I'm not expecting a heart attack any time in the next century.

 

Jen <thefourlakes wrote: It just so

happened that when I decided to stop eating

meat, my husband did also, independently. This made it

rather easy and smooth as transitions go. Although

this transition was smooth, we have had our share of

differences in the past. What was important about

this, though, was that we each chose to do it on our

own.

 

We had been discussing food often, as in, all the

time, lately. I was reading " The Food Revolution " by

John Robbins, among other books, and sharing info from

there with my husband. He refused to read it, because

he says he is too busy to read, but still he would

listen when I would share with him the statistics

about how much healthier vegetarians are compared to

omnivores.

 

We hadn't even gotten to the horrors of the meat

industry or any of the other useful information in the

book. It was simply the fact that by not eating meat,

we were decreasing our risks exponentially for all of

the diseases that Americans expect and fear as we age:

diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc. We don't want to

be " old " when we are 50 years old. We have seen our

parents' quality of life degrade much more quickly

than it should have, because of what they eat. We

don't want that.

 

While I highly recommend John Robbins' books, or Dr.

Joel Fuhrmann, or many others, it is not the book that

will make the difference. It is the person's readiness

to hear it. Sometimes, a little well-spoken truth

will knock your socks off and you can't help but

change your life, but most of the time, it is a slow

journey to making life-changing decisions.

 

Your husband may not be ready to hear any of what

changed your life, but that doesn't mean he will never

be ready.

If he is willing to accept any change, then capitalize

on that. Make the changes he thinks are do-able, and

then see if you can add another change after the first

ones are comfortable.

It took us years to get to the point where we

understood that giving up meat is still healthful

(more healthful, really), and there were many stops

along the way. Simple things like switching from white

to wheat bread took a long time to accept. We were

truly entrenched in the futile American diet.

If your husband is a tried and true meat and potatoes

guy, accept that as a handicap of his. You'll get more

results with understanding than with force. It's

going to take something that he trusts to change his

mind.

 

If he is concerned about the health of the children,

then show him information to reassure him that you are

not jeopardizing their health by removing animals from

their diet.

 

I hope that helps. I believe that you can work within

a marriage even if you are both on polar opposite

sides of an issue.

Jen

 

<<Hi

I am near vegan and trying to raise my kids vegan. my

husband is 100%

against vegetarism and veganism. the way i look at it

is, i am home

with the kids, i cook all the meals and do all the

shopping. can

anyone help?>>

 

________

Never miss an email again!

Toolbar alerts you the instant new Mail arrives.

http://tools.search./toolbar/features/mail/

 

 

 

 

 

Kadee Sedtal

 

Brain: " Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? "

Pinky: " I think so, Brain, but if the plural of mouse is mice, wouldn't the

plural of spouse be spice? "

 

 

Check out my new , Classical 2 at

http://launch.classical2/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The fish are biting.

Get more visitors on your site using Search Marketing.

 

 

[Guest guest]

Wow, excellent point. I have never thought of that, but how true it is. I wonder

what kind of psychological ramifications that has.

Laura

 

Kadee M <abbey_road3012 wrote:

Something you mentioned in your post is something I have been thinking

about lately- how people have actually started to EXPECT diseases like cancer

and heart attacks. My husband's father had a heart attack or something when he

was around 60. To me, that is WAY too young to be having stuff like that

happen!! People are so convinced that these things are inevitable that they

don't take many really big measures to prevent them. It's really sad that people

have that kind of mindset. I was reading your post though and was glad you

brought that up. I know I'm not expecting a heart attack any time in the next

century.

 

Jen <thefourlakes wrote: It just so happened that when I decided to

stop eating

meat, my husband did also, independently. This made it

rather easy and smooth as transitions go. Although

this transition was smooth, we have had our share of

differences in the past. What was important about

this, though, was that we each chose to do it on our

own.

 

We had been discussing food often, as in, all the

time, lately. I was reading " The Food Revolution " by

John Robbins, among other books, and sharing info from

there with my husband. He refused to read it, because

he says he is too busy to read, but still he would

listen when I would share with him the statistics

about how much healthier vegetarians are compared to

omnivores.

 

We hadn't even gotten to the horrors of the meat

industry or any of the other useful information in the

book. It was simply the fact that by not eating meat,

we were decreasing our risks exponentially for all of

the diseases that Americans expect and fear as we age:

diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc. We don't want to

be " old " when we are 50 years old. We have seen our

parents' quality of life degrade much more quickly

than it should have, because of what they eat. We

don't want that.

 

While I highly recommend John Robbins' books, or Dr.

Joel Fuhrmann, or many others, it is not the book that

will make the difference. It is the person's readiness

to hear it. Sometimes, a little well-spoken truth

will knock your socks off and you can't help but

change your life, but most of the time, it is a slow

journey to making life-changing decisions.

 

Your husband may not be ready to hear any of what

changed your life, but that doesn't mean he will never

be ready.

If he is willing to accept any change, then capitalize

on that. Make the changes he thinks are do-able, and

then see if you can add another change after the first

ones are comfortable.

It took us years to get to the point where we

understood that giving up meat is still healthful

(more healthful, really), and there were many stops

along the way. Simple things like switching from white

to wheat bread took a long time to accept. We were

truly entrenched in the futile American diet.

If your husband is a tried and true meat and potatoes

guy, accept that as a handicap of his. You'll get more

results with understanding than with force. It's

going to take something that he trusts to change his

mind.

 

If he is concerned about the health of the children,

then show him information to reassure him that you are

not jeopardizing their health by removing animals from

their diet.

 

I hope that helps. I believe that you can work within

a marriage even if you are both on polar opposite

sides of an issue.

Jen

 

<<Hi

I am near vegan and trying to raise my kids vegan. my

husband is 100%

against vegetarism and veganism. the way i look at it

is, i am home

with the kids, i cook all the meals and do all the

shopping. can

anyone help?>>

 

________

Never miss an email again!

Toolbar alerts you the instant new Mail arrives.

http://tools.search./toolbar/features/mail/

 

 

 

 

Kadee Sedtal

 

Brain: " Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? "

Pinky: " I think so, Brain, but if the plural of mouse is mice, wouldn't the

plural of spouse be spice? "

 

Check out my new , Classical 2 at

http://launch.classical2/

 

 

The fish are biting.

Get more visitors on your site using Search Marketing.

 

 

[Guest guest]

If one of our reasons for being vegan is a moral issue with harming

and killing defenseless animals, then I think it is helpful to

consider our treatment of a speciesist spouse vs that of a racist or

a sexist spouse.

 

Now I appreciate that we are all on our personal journeys, and we

all have our flaws, and we don't have true knowledge of what other

people are experiencing, so we don't judge other people. But that

doesn't mean we shouldn't consider our own behaviors and make

judgements about ourselves for the purpose our own individual growth.

 

It's one thing to be living with a person who is behaving in a way

that they themselves find inappropriate and desire to change, and

they need our support to help them with the transformation, perhaps

requiring months or years to attain. It's quite another thing to

live with somebody that has a moral compass pointing in the opposite

direction from our own, where they intend to continue their behavior

indefinitely.

 

Would we tolerate sitting down each evening at the dinner table and

listening to our spouse make disparaging remarks about people of a

particular race? What if that person were physically harming

othes? Would it be okay if we used to be racist? Would we serve

them up a heaping helping of racist fodder each night even if we

ourselves didn't partake?

 

And even so, we don't judge the other person, because we aren't

walking in his shoes. But what about us? There we sit. As Martin

Luther King said, " In the end, we will remember not the words of our

enemies, but the silence of our friends. " And so it is with those

defenseless animals whom we seek to protect from harm. Our silence

leads to more of them suffering.

 

And so I think we need to assess whether our non-veg*n spouses are

on a path of transformation, or whether they are defiantly sticking

to their amoral principles. If there is light at the end of the

tunnel then let's do everything we can to help them reach that

light, including being patient as they struggle with whatever is

blocking their way. But if they are committed to a lifestyle of

prejudice that is disrepecful and harmful of others (be it based on

their species, race, or gender), I think we owe it to ourselves and

those being harmed, and probably to our spouses, as well, to tell

them in no uncertain terms that we feel what they are doing is

wrong, that we compromise our self-respect and our cause each time

we condone their behavior with our silence (or cooking!), and that

whatever they may feel about themselves, they hurt us and we are

diminished.

 

Let's be honest with our spouses and ourselves. Although that may

seem frightening, only then can truly positive change happen.

 

- Alan

[Guest guest]

Nice, Alan! Very well said.

 

Alan <soy_decaf_latte wrote:

If one of our reasons for being vegan is a moral issue with harming

and killing defenseless animals, then I think it is helpful to

consider our treatment of a speciesist spouse vs that of a racist or

a sexist spouse.

 

Now I appreciate that we are all on our personal journeys, and we

all have our flaws, and we don't have true knowledge of what other

people are experiencing, so we don't judge other people. But that

doesn't mean we shouldn't consider our own behaviors and make

judgements about ourselves for the purpose our own individual growth.

 

It's one thing to be living with a person who is behaving in a way

that they themselves find inappropriate and desire to change, and

they need our support to help them with the transformation, perhaps

requiring months or years to attain. It's quite another thing to

live with somebody that has a moral compass pointing in the opposite

direction from our own, where they intend to continue their behavior

indefinitely.

 

Would we tolerate sitting down each evening at the dinner table and

listening to our spouse make disparaging remarks about people of a

particular race? What if that person were physically harming

othes? Would it be okay if we used to be racist? Would we serve

them up a heaping helping of racist fodder each night even if we

ourselves didn't partake?

 

And even so, we don't judge the other person, because we aren't

walking in his shoes. But what about us? There we sit. As Martin

Luther King said, " In the end, we will remember not the words of our

enemies, but the silence of our friends. " And so it is with those

defenseless animals whom we seek to protect from harm. Our silence

leads to more of them suffering.

 

And so I think we need to assess whether our non-veg*n spouses are

on a path of transformation, or whether they are defiantly sticking

to their amoral principles. If there is light at the end of the

tunnel then let's do everything we can to help them reach that

light, including being patient as they struggle with whatever is

blocking their way. But if they are committed to a lifestyle of

prejudice that is disrepecful and harmful of others (be it based on

their species, race, or gender), I think we owe it to ourselves and

those being harmed, and probably to our spouses, as well, to tell

them in no uncertain terms that we feel what they are doing is

wrong, that we compromise our self-respect and our cause each time

we condone their behavior with our silence (or cooking!), and that

whatever they may feel about themselves, they hurt us and we are

diminished.

 

Let's be honest with our spouses and ourselves. Although that may

seem frightening, only then can truly positive change happen.

 

- Alan

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kadee Sedtal

 

Brain: " Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? "

Pinky: " I think so, Brain, but if the plural of mouse is mice, wouldn't the

plural of spouse be spice? "

 

 

Check out my new , Classical 2 at

http://launch.classical2/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get your own web address.

Have a HUGE year through Small Business.

 

 

[Guest guest]

Wow, Alan, that was very well written. Back when I was dating my family often

tried coming down on me for insisting that I would never marry a meat eater and

I always used the explanation that I would not marry someone who was racist, so

why would I marry someone who didn't share my other beliefs. Only I was never

as well spoken as you...

 

Jill

 

Alan <soy_decaf_latte wrote:

 

If one of our reasons for being vegan is a moral issue with harming

and killing defenseless animals, then I think it is helpful to

consider our treatment of a speciesist spouse vs that of a racist or

a sexist spouse.

 

Now I appreciate that we are all on our personal journeys, and we

all have our flaws, and we don't have true knowledge of what other

people are experiencing, so we don't judge other people. But that

doesn't mean we shouldn't consider our own behaviors and make

judgements about ourselves for the purpose our own individual growth.

 

It's one thing to be living with a person who is behaving in a way

that they themselves find inappropriate and desire to change, and

they need our support to help them with the transformation, perhaps

requiring months or years to attain. It's quite another thing to

live with somebody that has a moral compass pointing in the opposite

direction from our own, where they intend to continue their behavior

indefinitely.

 

Would we tolerate sitting down each evening at the dinner table and

listening to our spouse make disparaging remarks about people of a

particular race? What if that person were physically harming

othes? Would it be okay if we used to be racist? Would we serve

them up a heaping helping of racist fodder each night even if we

ourselves didn't partake?

 

And even so, we don't judge the other person, because we aren't

walking in his shoes. But what about us? There we sit. As Martin

Luther King said, " In the end, we will remember not the words of our

enemies, but the silence of our friends. " And so it is with those

defenseless animals whom we seek to protect from harm. Our silence

leads to more of them suffering.

 

And so I think we need to assess whether our non-veg*n spouses are

on a path of transformation, or whether they are defiantly sticking

to their amoral principles. If there is light at the end of the

tunnel then let's do everything we can to help them reach that

light, including being patient as they struggle with whatever is

blocking their way. But if they are committed to a lifestyle of

prejudice that is disrepecful and harmful of others (be it based on

their species, race, or gender), I think we owe it to ourselves and

those being harmed, and probably to our spouses, as well, to tell

them in no uncertain terms that we feel what they are doing is

wrong, that we compromise our self-respect and our cause each time

we condone their behavior with our silence (or cooking!), and that

whatever they may feel about themselves, they hurt us and we are

diminished.

 

Let's be honest with our spouses and ourselves. Although that may

seem frightening, only then can truly positive change happen.

 

- Alan