ex-husband's return to fundamentalist christianity

[Guest guest]

I separated from my husband when my son was three months old and we

were divorced before his first birthday. Our son is now two and half.

Despite our inability to get along as a married couple, we have always

managed to reach agreement about the way that we want to raise our

son. While we often disagree about how to reach our goals for our son

(that he be a happy, kind, caring, responsible, generous and

well-adjusted human being), generally agree about the kind of person

we want our son to be and the kind of life we want him to have. In all

honesty, I usually prevail in what I want to happen because I have

sole custody and all of his visitation is supervised by me because he

is an alcoholic. He has recently entered the ranks of recovering

alcoholics and I couldn't be more thrilled for him and for our son.

Additionally, I have never been a drinker and I am considerably more

educated than my ex. He tends to respect my opinions and decisions.

 

However, he has never understood my commitment to a vegetarian

lifestyle. I have never been able to make it clear to him that I

became and remain a vegetarian for ethical reasons and see the health

benefits as a lovely little bonus. This misunderstanding has come into

sharp relief as my ex has begun his recovery. He has suddenly returned

to the fundamentalist Baptist church of his youth, declared my

religion " not a real religion " (I am Unitarian), and repeatedly

insisted that his job as a man and the " natural and God-appointed

head " of his family is to lead me and my son to God. I have so many

alarm bells going off, I don't even know how to name them all. He

keeps insisting that the only way to live a decent and clean life is

with God as my ex has defined her/him (of course, my ex defines God as

Him). I happen to believe that teaching our son about his place in

the world as intricately connected to all other life in the world will

lead almost inevitably to self-respect as he learns to see his

endowment with human understanding as giving him responsibility to

care for the world that includes him rather than seeing human

understanding as something that gives him dominance over all around him.

 

Just yesterday, my ex declared my understanding " blasphemous. " He now

objects to the montessori school my son has attended since he was six

months old because so many of the students are Hindu, Muslim, Jewish,

or other non-Christian. He wants our son to attend a conservative

Christian pre-school he has found. He is threatening to legally

challenge my continuing to take our son to the church that I grew up

in. Of course, I have refused both demands. So far, this is all that

he has threatened, but I see more coming.

 

Now I know that he would most likely lose in court if for no other

reason than he has been found legally unfit and our mediated

settlement requires only that he be informed of my choices for our

son. However, we live in the most politically conservative district in

Houston and born-again rhetoric holds great sway in this region.

 

I may just be panicking early, but panicking I am none-the-less. I

know from my experience when my father entered recovery from

alcoholism when I was an adolescent that the early stages include a

great deal of zealotry and crankiness. I hope this phase passes, but I

am still afraid. Any advice on how to prepare for the possible

onslaught that may be coming?

[Guest guest]

Wow, is about all I can say. I do hope, for you, your son, and your ex, that

this is just a phase.

 

Although I, myself, am not a religious person, my father's entire family is

strongly christian/baptist. My step-brother " found God " when my stepmom and dad

married and was constantly spitting off such things. My sister did the same when

she went back to the church and went as far as to tell me to my face that I was

going to hell.With me being a vegetarian, bisexual, teenage mom in school who

struggled with self-injury in the past years I have found myself at the center

of a lot of family controversey. Most of that has passed now, so I don't receive

as much ridicule as I have. Most of my family has just come to terms with it

all.

 

I love the idea that your son is in a Montessori school. I'm an education major,

so I know quite a bit about the benefits and I think it's extremely healthy for

your son to be in such an accepting environment. He'll need such skills to be a

productive citizen in today's society.

 

Although your ex may no longer agree with your religion, he can't legally say

much about it. This is America... freedom of religion.. remember? That's a

protected right you have. Even if you go to court in your conservative community

about it, just find yourself a good represenative. They cannot take your child

away just because you and his father disagree about your religions. There are

plenty of court rulings similiar to your own out there. I guarantee it.

 

Now, there is always the possiblity of the court being biased to a more

conservative religion. My advice in such a case would be to appeal the ruling

until it reaches a higher level where such bias can't take precedence. It would

extremely unconstitutional, not to mention unethical, if they ruled in favor of

the father simply on the basis of religion.

 

I wish you good luck. I hope everything blows over!

 

Jessica Cocker

http://jrc.teamdreamsrenewed.com/

Visit my eBay store!

Check out my PoshPoints items too!

 

 

 

 

 

 

karenacoblentz <karenacoblentz

 

Monday, April 23, 2007 12:41:49 PM

ex-husband's return to fundamentalist christianity

 

I separated from my husband when my son was three months old and we

were divorced before his first birthday. Our son is now two and half.

Despite our inability to get along as a married couple, we have always

managed to reach agreement about the way that we want to raise our

son. While we often disagree about how to reach our goals for our son

(that he be a happy, kind, caring, responsible, generous and

well-adjusted human being), generally agree about the kind of person

we want our son to be and the kind of life we want him to have. In all

honesty, I usually prevail in what I want to happen because I have

sole custody and all of his visitation is supervised by me because he

is an alcoholic. He has recently entered the ranks of recovering

alcoholics and I couldn't be more thrilled for him and for our son.

Additionally, I have never been a drinker and I am considerably more

educated than my ex. He tends to respect my opinions and decisions.

 

However, he has never understood my commitment to a vegetarian

lifestyle. I have never been able to make it clear to him that I

became and remain a vegetarian for ethical reasons and see the health

benefits as a lovely little bonus. This misunderstanding has come into

sharp relief as my ex has begun his recovery. He has suddenly returned

to the fundamentalist Baptist church of his youth, declared my

religion " not a real religion " (I am Unitarian), and repeatedly

insisted that his job as a man and the " natural and God-appointed

head " of his family is to lead me and my son to God. I have so many

alarm bells going off, I don't even know how to name them all. He

keeps insisting that the only way to live a decent and clean life is

with God as my ex has defined her/him (of course, my ex defines God as

Him). I happen to believe that teaching our son about his place in

the world as intricately connected to all other life in the world will

lead almost inevitably to self-respect as he learns to see his

endowment with human understanding as giving him responsibility to

care for the world that includes him rather than seeing human

understanding as something that gives him dominance over all around him.

 

Just yesterday, my ex declared my understanding " blasphemous. " He now

objects to the montessori school my son has attended since he was six

months old because so many of the students are Hindu, Muslim, Jewish,

or other non-Christian. He wants our son to attend a conservative

Christian pre-school he has found. He is threatening to legally

challenge my continuing to take our son to the church that I grew up

in. Of course, I have refused both demands. So far, this is all that

he has threatened, but I see more coming.

 

Now I know that he would most likely lose in court if for no other

reason than he has been found legally unfit and our mediated

settlement requires only that he be informed of my choices for our

son. However, we live in the most politically conservative district in

Houston and born-again rhetoric holds great sway in this region.

 

I may just be panicking early, but panicking I am none-the-less. I

know from my experience when my father entered recovery from

alcoholism when I was an adolescent that the early stages include a

great deal of zealotry and crankiness. I hope this phase passes, but I

am still afraid. Any advice on how to prepare for the possible

onslaught that may be coming?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

It is not uncommon for addicts to use religion as a substitute for drugs and

alcohol. You and your son will probably best be helped by alanon. There is a

book that discusses this called " I'll take God, You Take Jesus " .

 

karenacoblentz <karenacoblentz wrote: I separated from my

husband when my son was three months old and we

were divorced before his first birthday. Our son is now two and half.

Despite our inability to get along as a married couple, we have always

managed to reach agreement about the way that we want to raise our

son. While we often disagree about how to reach our goals for our son

(that he be a happy, kind, caring, responsible, generous and

well-adjusted human being), generally agree about the kind of person

we want our son to be and the kind of life we want him to have. In all

honesty, I usually prevail in what I want to happen because I have

sole custody and all of his visitation is supervised by me because he

is an alcoholic. He has recently entered the ranks of recovering

alcoholics and I couldn't be more thrilled for him and for our son.

Additionally, I have never been a drinker and I am considerably more

educated than my ex. He tends to respect my opinions and decisions.

 

However, he has never understood my commitment to a vegetarian

lifestyle. I have never been able to make it clear to him that I

became and remain a vegetarian for ethical reasons and see the health

benefits as a lovely little bonus. This misunderstanding has come into

sharp relief as my ex has begun his recovery. He has suddenly returned

to the fundamentalist Baptist church of his youth, declared my

religion " not a real religion " (I am Unitarian), and repeatedly

insisted that his job as a man and the " natural and God-appointed

head " of his family is to lead me and my son to God. I have so many

alarm bells going off, I don't even know how to name them all. He

keeps insisting that the only way to live a decent and clean life is

with God as my ex has defined her/him (of course, my ex defines God as

Him). I happen to believe that teaching our son about his place in

the world as intricately connected to all other life in the world will

lead almost inevitably to self-respect as he learns to see his

endowment with human understanding as giving him responsibility to

care for the world that includes him rather than seeing human

understanding as something that gives him dominance over all around him.

 

Just yesterday, my ex declared my understanding " blasphemous. " He now

objects to the montessori school my son has attended since he was six

months old because so many of the students are Hindu, Muslim, Jewish,

or other non-Christian. He wants our son to attend a conservative

Christian pre-school he has found. He is threatening to legally

challenge my continuing to take our son to the church that I grew up

in. Of course, I have refused both demands. So far, this is all that

he has threatened, but I see more coming.

 

Now I know that he would most likely lose in court if for no other

reason than he has been found legally unfit and our mediated

settlement requires only that he be informed of my choices for our

son. However, we live in the most politically conservative district in

Houston and born-again rhetoric holds great sway in this region.

 

I may just be panicking early, but panicking I am none-the-less. I

know from my experience when my father entered recovery from

alcoholism when I was an adolescent that the early stages include a

great deal of zealotry and crankiness. I hope this phase passes, but I

am still afraid. Any advice on how to prepare for the possible

onslaught that may be coming?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell?

Check outnew cars at Autos.

 

 

[Guest guest]

Wow, I really do feel sad for your struggles. I too am a Unitarian and

believe that my son will choose his path when he's older. Our

religious education classes explore the many different religions out

there and then there is a " coming of age " ceremony for the teenagers to

talk about their individual beliefs. I don't know if your church is

similar. Maybe you can come to a compromise and agree to teach him

Christianity while continuing the Unitarian beliefs (There are

Christian Unitarians, does he know that?) and then let the child decide

when he's older. Really, the child WILL decide anyway. I guess though

if your ex is now a fundamental Christian there is no compromise in his

mind. In that case, I truly feel for you and can give you my best

hopes, prayers, and positive thoughts to help you get through this.

 

One other thought, maybe you could agree to have your husband teach him

about Christianity but not pull him from all of the non-Christian

activities like you mentioned. Though, I imagine if the ex is

overbearing about it, this could be a lot for a little mind to process

especially since Christian words can sometimes be presented in a way

that instills fear instead of love.

 

hang in there,

Hilary

[Guest guest]

Hi Karena

As someone else said, I hope this is a phase that will pass soon. I am not sure

if I can help much in this line, but here are some thoughts

 

1. Pick your battles: If you say no to everything your ex brings up then it

might add more fire to his rage. Instead if you can make it look like you would

agree to his point when they make sense and

make sure he realizes that you are compromising on your side too, then this

could help tone him down.

2. Also try to read up on Baptism and see why and what makes his views different

from that of yours. Eventually your son will anyway go-through this stage of

“what is the difference” and if you know it now, you might be able to point it

to you husband as well. And in most cases most of the religious beliefs have

similar views, just portrayed differently.

3. And last not the least. Make sure your child is on your side. Your son is

very small to understand what’s good and bad but he is growing and he will

certainly understand love and care. Make sure he understands you, try to reason

out where ever you can, you won't see any effects right away but with time he

will know what mom is doing and why she chose one over the other.

 

 

wrote:

2a. ex-husband's return to fundamentalist christianity

karenacoblentz

2b. Re: ex-husband's return to fundamentalist christianity

Jess

2c. Re: ex-husband's return to fundamentalist christianity

robin koloms

 

 

 

 

Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell?

Check outnew cars at Autos.

 

 

[Guest guest]

Geez, he sounded like a pretty nice guy at the beginning of your

e-mail!!! As a Christian myself, it drives me CRAZY when others of my

religion do stuff like this. It gives us all a bad name. As your

child's father I think he should have the right to share his beliefs

with his son, but not FORCE it. Especially when *you're* the one with

sold custody. I think your son will benefit from both his parents'

different religious beliefs if your ex would be willing to chill out.

I personally have a pretty " odd " set of beliefs as far as Christians

go. I was raised Southern Baptist, and I went to many a potluck. Fried

everything with a wilted salad at the end of the table. I chose to do

lots of reading, though. My mom did NOT like it that I was reading

books about different religions. After reading about them, I now have

a respect for them that I didn't have before. Not that I believe they

are all correct. And not that I believe that they're going to hell

either. I think most religions are too " set in stone " for anyone's

good. It's maddening.Just yesterday I read a story about some pastor

of a church who was preaching that homosexuals (he used a different

word...) will burn in hell. There's just entirely too much hate when

people start thinking there's only one way to live. I think your ex

needs to figure out a way to assert himself and make a positive

influence on your son, and at the same time help you to teach him that

the best thing he can do is to help people, and to love them. That

seems to be a common belief among most religions, including

Christianity. It's definitely possible to raise a child with each

parents having drastically different religious beliefs. I think at

this point your son is probably too young to understand much other

than that it's good to be nice to people. As he gets older, if you and

your ex both teach him what you believe, while at the same time

letting him know that everyone is different and has different beliefs.

 

As for your ex- he needs to know that by being fanatical like this,

he's only going to make your son confused. That's not good for him at

all. And also, something I personally believe is true for *any*

religion is that the greatest faith is from those who *have*

questioned their own faith and who *have* gone out into the world and

seen what's out there. If all one ever knows is ONE thing, that's

simply faith by default. I think this is why preachers' kids are such

hellions!!! They learn nothing (nothing positive, anyway) outside

their parents' own beliefs. Then they get in school and see that

indeed there are other things out there, and they have no skills for

coping with differences in opinion. So they rebel. True faith comes

when a person makes their rounds and then comes back. And if your son

chooses to follow his father's beliefs, great!! If he chooses to

follow yours, that's great too!! And if he chooses a mix of your

beliefs, or something completely different, super!! With all options

available to him, whatever he chooses will be an educated decision.

Faith by default is worthless, in my opinion.

 

As for diet, make it clear that it's NOT negotiable. It's not going

against either of your beliefs. The Bible even says, " If a brother

among you does not eat meat, do not eat meat in his presence. " I'm not

sure where that is, but I can look it up if you want. Nothing in the

Bible prohibits vegetarianism. In fact, in the world's original state

of perfection God told Adam and Eve to eat of any plant. He didn't

give them permission to eat animals. Your ex's beliefs aren't being

offended by your son being a vegetarian. It's not like you're

tattooing a picture of satan on the kid's head!!

 

I hope this is just a phase too... fanatical Christians are as

annoying to me as they are to people of other religions, I assure

you!! I hope he settles down and chooses to *help* your son rather

than fill his head with fire and brimstone!!

[Guest guest]

Hate is not a family value...

 

Kadee <abbey_road3012 wrote: Geez, he sounded like a pretty

nice guy at the beginning of your

e-mail!!! As a Christian myself, it drives me CRAZY when others of my

religion do stuff like this. It gives us all a bad name. As your

child's father I think he should have the right to share his beliefs

with his son, but not FORCE it. Especially when *you're* the one with

sold custody. I think your son will benefit from both his parents'

different religious beliefs if your ex would be willing to chill out.

I personally have a pretty " odd " set of beliefs as far as Christians

go. I was raised Southern Baptist, and I went to many a potluck. Fried

everything with a wilted salad at the end of the table. I chose to do

lots of reading, though. My mom did NOT like it that I was reading

books about different religions. After reading about them, I now have

a respect for them that I didn't have before. Not that I believe they

are all correct. And not that I believe that they're going to hell

either. I think most religions are too " set in stone " for anyone's

good. It's maddening.Just yesterday I read a story about some pastor

of a church who was preaching that homosexuals (he used a different

word...) will burn in hell. There's just entirely too much hate when

people start thinking there's only one way to live. I think your ex

needs to figure out a way to assert himself and make a positive

influence on your son, and at the same time help you to teach him that

the best thing he can do is to help people, and to love them. That

seems to be a common belief among most religions, including

Christianity. It's definitely possible to raise a child with each

parents having drastically different religious beliefs. I think at

this point your son is probably too young to understand much other

than that it's good to be nice to people. As he gets older, if you and

your ex both teach him what you believe, while at the same time

letting him know that everyone is different and has different beliefs.

 

As for your ex- he needs to know that by being fanatical like this,

he's only going to make your son confused. That's not good for him at

all. And also, something I personally believe is true for *any*

religion is that the greatest faith is from those who *have*

questioned their own faith and who *have* gone out into the world and

seen what's out there. If all one ever knows is ONE thing, that's

simply faith by default. I think this is why preachers' kids are such

hellions!!! They learn nothing (nothing positive, anyway) outside

their parents' own beliefs. Then they get in school and see that

indeed there are other things out there, and they have no skills for

coping with differences in opinion. So they rebel. True faith comes

when a person makes their rounds and then comes back. And if your son

chooses to follow his father's beliefs, great!! If he chooses to

follow yours, that's great too!! And if he chooses a mix of your

beliefs, or something completely different, super!! With all options

available to him, whatever he chooses will be an educated decision.

Faith by default is worthless, in my opinion.

 

As for diet, make it clear that it's NOT negotiable. It's not going

against either of your beliefs. The Bible even says, " If a brother

among you does not eat meat, do not eat meat in his presence. " I'm not

sure where that is, but I can look it up if you want. Nothing in the

Bible prohibits vegetarianism. In fact, in the world's original state

of perfection God told Adam and Eve to eat of any plant. He didn't

give them permission to eat animals. Your ex's beliefs aren't being

offended by your son being a vegetarian. It's not like you're

tattooing a picture of satan on the kid's head!!

 

I hope this is just a phase too... fanatical Christians are as

annoying to me as they are to people of other religions, I assure

you!! I hope he settles down and chooses to *help* your son rather

than fill his head with fire and brimstone!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell?

Check outnew cars at Autos.

 

 

[Guest guest]

The statement about being head of the family seems completely absurd to me.

Does he understand that he is NOT the head of a family? Does he realize that

your divorce ended his standing as husband?

 

Aubrey

 

 

 

 

 

and repeatedly

insisted that his job as a man and the " natural and God-appointed

head " of his family is to lead me and my son to God.

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

It also might be a good idea to go to a pastor at his church and let

him know what is going on. I was a conservative Babtist for many

years and I have never heard of a church adocating a man trying to

have control of his ex-wife. All that he is saying sounds like his

own twisted ideas and probably have nothing to do with anything he

has heard of been told by his church. He needs someone to sit him

down and straighten him out and the pastor of his church would

probably be a perfect person to do it. You could at least give it a

shot.

Aubrey

 

 

 

, " karenacoblentz "

<karenacoblentz wrote:

>

> I separated from my husband when my son was three months old and we

> were divorced before his first birthday. Our son is now two and

half.

> Despite our inability to get along as a married couple, we have

always

> managed to reach agreement about the way that we want to raise our

> son. While we often disagree about how to reach our goals for our

son

> (that he be a happy, kind, caring, responsible, generous and

> well-adjusted human being), generally agree about the kind of

person

> we want our son to be and the kind of life we want him to have. In

all

> honesty, I usually prevail in what I want to happen because I have

> sole custody and all of his visitation is supervised by me because

he

> is an alcoholic. He has recently entered the ranks of recovering

> alcoholics and I couldn't be more thrilled for him and for our son.

> Additionally, I have never been a drinker and I am considerably

more

> educated than my ex. He tends to respect my opinions and

decisions.

>

> However, he has never understood my commitment to a vegetarian

> lifestyle. I have never been able to make it clear to him that I

> became and remain a vegetarian for ethical reasons and see the

health

> benefits as a lovely little bonus. This misunderstanding has come

into

> sharp relief as my ex has begun his recovery. He has suddenly

returned

> to the fundamentalist Baptist church of his youth, declared my

> religion " not a real religion " (I am Unitarian), and repeatedly

> insisted that his job as a man and the " natural and God-appointed

> head " of his family is to lead me and my son to God. I have so many

> alarm bells going off, I don't even know how to name them all. He

> keeps insisting that the only way to live a decent and clean life

is

> with God as my ex has defined her/him (of course, my ex defines

God as

> Him). I happen to believe that teaching our son about his place in

> the world as intricately connected to all other life in the world

will

> lead almost inevitably to self-respect as he learns to see his

> endowment with human understanding as giving him responsibility to

> care for the world that includes him rather than seeing human

> understanding as something that gives him dominance over all

around him.

>

> Just yesterday, my ex declared my understanding " blasphemous. " He

now

> objects to the montessori school my son has attended since he was

six

> months old because so many of the students are Hindu, Muslim,

Jewish,

> or other non-Christian. He wants our son to attend a conservative

> Christian pre-school he has found. He is threatening to legally

> challenge my continuing to take our son to the church that I grew

up

> in. Of course, I have refused both demands. So far, this is all

that

> he has threatened, but I see more coming.

>

> Now I know that he would most likely lose in court if for no other

> reason than he has been found legally unfit and our mediated

> settlement requires only that he be informed of my choices for our

> son. However, we live in the most politically conservative

district in

> Houston and born-again rhetoric holds great sway in this region.

>

> I may just be panicking early, but panicking I am none-the-less. I

> know from my experience when my father entered recovery from

> alcoholism when I was an adolescent that the early stages include a

> great deal of zealotry and crankiness. I hope this phase passes,

but I

> am still afraid. Any advice on how to prepare for the possible

> onslaught that may be coming?

>

[Guest guest]

I was also raised conservative Baptist as a child. It was about 10

years ago that I moved into our current location and discovered that

there are many Baptists far more " conservative " than the church I had

attended. There are some who not only feel that the husband has

complete control over the wife but that the government cannot grant a

divorce. So, even though this man could suffer legal problems, the

church he attends may very much condone his taking control of

his " wife " and family.

 

I certainly don't agree with this but it may be something

karenacoblentz needs to find out before she attempts to discuss

things with a pastor that she does not know. (Does she know him? I

haven't kept up with the thread very well?) I have seen pastors

become rude and dismissive and this isn't what anyone needs from a

spiritual advisor. If the church isn't behind this man's actions,

talking to the pastor should be a good start. Just something to

consider.

 

Carroll

 

 

-- In , " momma " <southernbelle wrote:

>

> It also might be a good idea to go to a pastor at his church and

let

> him know what is going on. I was a conservative Babtist for many

> years and I have never heard of a church adocating a man trying to

> have control of his ex-wife. All that he is saying sounds like his

> own twisted ideas and probably have nothing to do with anything he

> has heard of been told by his church. He needs someone to sit him

> down and straighten him out and the pastor of his church would

> probably be a perfect person to do it. You could at least give it a

> shot.

> Aubrey

>

>

>

> , " karenacoblentz "

> <karenacoblentz@> wrote:

> >

> > I separated from my husband when my son was three months old and

we

> > were divorced before his first birthday. Our son is now two and

> half.

> > Despite our inability to get along as a married couple, we have

> always

> > managed to reach agreement about the way that we want to raise our

> > son. While we often disagree about how to reach our goals for our

> son

> > (that he be a happy, kind, caring, responsible, generous and

> > well-adjusted human being), generally agree about the kind of

> person

> > we want our son to be and the kind of life we want him to have.

In

> all

> > honesty, I usually prevail in what I want to happen because I have

> > sole custody and all of his visitation is supervised by me

because

> he

> > is an alcoholic. He has recently entered the ranks of recovering

> > alcoholics and I couldn't be more thrilled for him and for our

son.

> > Additionally, I have never been a drinker and I am considerably

> more

> > educated than my ex. He tends to respect my opinions and

> decisions.

> >

> > However, he has never understood my commitment to a vegetarian

> > lifestyle. I have never been able to make it clear to him that I

> > became and remain a vegetarian for ethical reasons and see the

> health

> > benefits as a lovely little bonus. This misunderstanding has come

> into

> > sharp relief as my ex has begun his recovery. He has suddenly

> returned

> > to the fundamentalist Baptist church of his youth, declared my

> > religion " not a real religion " (I am Unitarian), and repeatedly

> > insisted that his job as a man and the " natural and God-appointed

> > head " of his family is to lead me and my son to God. I have so

many

> > alarm bells going off, I don't even know how to name them all. He

> > keeps insisting that the only way to live a decent and clean life

> is

> > with God as my ex has defined her/him (of course, my ex defines

> God as

> > Him). I happen to believe that teaching our son about his place

in

> > the world as intricately connected to all other life in the world

> will

> > lead almost inevitably to self-respect as he learns to see his

> > endowment with human understanding as giving him responsibility to

> > care for the world that includes him rather than seeing human

> > understanding as something that gives him dominance over all

> around him.

> >

> > Just yesterday, my ex declared my understanding " blasphemous. " He

> now

> > objects to the montessori school my son has attended since he was

> six

> > months old because so many of the students are Hindu, Muslim,

> Jewish,

> > or other non-Christian. He wants our son to attend a conservative

> > Christian pre-school he has found. He is threatening to legally

> > challenge my continuing to take our son to the church that I grew

> up

> > in. Of course, I have refused both demands. So far, this is all

> that

> > he has threatened, but I see more coming.

> >

> > Now I know that he would most likely lose in court if for no other

> > reason than he has been found legally unfit and our mediated

> > settlement requires only that he be informed of my choices for our

> > son. However, we live in the most politically conservative

> district in

> > Houston and born-again rhetoric holds great sway in this region.

> >

> > I may just be panicking early, but panicking I am none-the-less. I

> > know from my experience when my father entered recovery from

> > alcoholism when I was an adolescent that the early stages include

a

> > great deal of zealotry and crankiness. I hope this phase passes,

> but I

> > am still afraid. Any advice on how to prepare for the possible

> > onslaught that may be coming?

> >

>