Guest guest Posted August 26, 2002 Report Share Posted August 26, 2002 Rosanne, I have always wondered why this is! Why do adults get embarrased and uncomfortable when they see someone who is " different " from them. Why can we not walk up to them and treat them exactly the same? Is it because it is not something we are use to? Or not the " norm " ? Yet kids, they are so much stronger than we are. They have no difficulty asking about the differences they see. And instead of helping them to understand and grow, we generally hush them. When my gramma was in the hospital last, she roomed with a lady who had a bad case of diabetes. The diabetes caused her to become blind as well as lose her left leg. As we talked with this lady, we learned what a great person she was and how strong she had become when overcoming her losses. She told us about how one day she was in a restaurant and a mother came in with her daughter. The daughter pointed at her and said " Look Mommy! She only has one leg " then the mom told her daughter shhh! that's not nice and started to escort her away. Linda (the lady with diabetes) told the Mom, that's ok. She can come here. And proceeded to talk with this young child and explain what was wrong with her (very nicely of course). As she told us this story, I thought to myself. If Linda can be so strong and she is the one who has to live with her " differences " and disabilities " , why can't we also be strong? After all, I have 2 legs. I have it a bit easier in that aspect. I see out of both my eyes, easier once again. So why must we always look the other way. And then in turn teach our children the same? This is probably the number one reason children tease other children who are different than them. Out of fear and not understanding. It is our job to teach them that understanding and ask them to pass it on to the rest of the world. Anyways, Rosanne, your daughter sounds like a strong and lovely person! And it sounds as if you have done a wonderful job of raising her and nurturing her! hugz, nikki <just me 2 cents> , " rzanuk " <rzanuk> wrote: > I think the way society advances those who are judged attractive is a > serious issue that needs discussing. Looks are superficial but > society does judge on them unfortunately, and reward accordingly. > Brushing it under the carpet doesn't help. > > My daughter had a really big swollen stawberry mark on her forehead > plus others on her body. It completely dominated her face. Peoples > reactions were really interesting. Adults were embarassed and > wouldn't look at her. Kids were natural and fascinated. > > People seemed to expect her to be bitter and and embarassed by it but > she wasn't in the slightest. She just told other kids it was her > lucky mark and did they want to poke it cos it felt funny. > > Sorry long winded lecture again. > > rosanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 26, 2002 Report Share Posted August 26, 2002 I think part of the problem is using the word 'society'. People advance in their jobs/positions because another person or a few people choose them for their position. Whether this is based on finding the applicant attractive must be variable. Some people would choose for attractiveness (and this can work for men and women) and some would choose for the suitability for the job etc. On a very different track, but making the point that women are just as controlling - Peter's choral society - the women insisted that men wear black tie for concerts - the men didn't appear to have a say in the matter. Back to the point though - not all men find the same women attractive, and not all women find the same men attractive. If you mix with men who make you feel ugly change who you mix with. I still think that on this list it is not a good idea to start naming features as ugly, because it is hurtful to the people who have those features. The men on this have not aired their views on particular famale assets or lack thereof that they find ugly, and I sincerely hope they won't start to do so. And I trust that we will afford them the same courtesy. Jo - " rzanuk " <rzanuk Saturday, August 24, 2002 11:01 PM Re: Jesus Died For His Own Sins > I think the way society advances those who are judged attractive is a > serious issue that needs discussing. Looks are superficial but > society does judge on them unfortunately, and reward accordingly. > Brushing it under the carpet doesn't help. > > > MessageI personally think that attraction is an individual thing. > I am not keen on saying 'such and such is ugly' because then it could > hurt the feelings of someone who has these attributes. We don't know > what everyone listening is like, and I for one wouldn't want to hurt > anyones feelings, especially over something as superficial as looks. > > > > Jo > > There was a prog on the box about people with distorted faces the > other night. I instantly thought sick freak show and decided not to > watch it but it came on in the background and I saw some of it. It > was a serious thought provking programme and raised many issues about > how even right minded liberals treat such people - ie - me deciding > that it > was a sick freak show and not to watch. It's really sad how extremely > nice people who had the misfortune to be ugly / different had rubbish > jobs, only went out at night, were hurt by people staring etc. > > My daughter had a really big swollen stawberry mark on her forehead > plus others on her body. It completely dominated her face. Peoples > reactions were really interesting. Adults were embarassed and > wouldn't look at her. Kids were natural and fascinated. Some lovely > women came up to me in the street and told me not to worry and that > it > would improve over the years. Only once that I know of was anybody > horrid and I was more upset than R.was. I expect she had to deal with > some nasties but I think she just thought they weren't worth > bothering > with. > > Nobody ever took photos of her - they just avoided it - unintentional > and probably well meaning but that did hurt when I looked back and > realised that there were hundreds of pics of my son and very few of > my daughter. Now that was trying not to hurt her feelings but was > really hurtful in far more serious way. > > People seemed to expect her to be bitter and and embarassed by it but > she wasn't in the slightest. She just told other kids it was her > lucky mark and did they want to poke it cos it felt funny. No doubt > id she had had any well meaning counselling over it she'd have been > completely screwed up over it and it would have ruined her life. She > was offered plastic surgery on a regular basis but didn't want it as > she saw mothing particularly wrong with it. This always seemed to > really throw the health professionals. > > It has faded and is less obvious but is still there. Nobody sees it, > they just see an confident person with no hang ups over looking a bit > different. And blimey isn't that want the kids try to do! I think > people see all her studs, fantastic long hair and her eyes, not the > birthmarks. Not sure if I could have had her strength of character. > It's not a serious example but if she had fulfilled the expectations > that people wanted to lay on her she'd be in a real state. > > And one more point, I have psoriasis, I'm not too bothered, I forget > it most of the time but I do cover up, not go swimming etc. When it > gets on to my hands so that people can see it, I actually get shop > assitants shrinking back from taking money but I also get masses of > people saying Oh you've got it too and admitting they have it. It > really helps. Being open and discussing issues normally does help other > people. > > Best story was when i was giving some local God fearing pillar of the > community a lift and she started on about a girl in the village who > has realy bad hospital case psoriasis and how she'd had a baby out of > wedlock and wasn't is good how God alway punished sinners. I took > ENORMEOUS pleasure in saying " Well I hope you're wrong cos I've got > it too " She went as quiet as a mouse! I've never offered her another > lift. > > Sorry long winded lecture again. > > rosanne To send an email to - > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 26, 2002 Report Share Posted August 26, 2002 LOL > Oh Rosanne what a wonderful opportunity missed - accelerate to 50, > lean over, open passenger door and give an almightly shove to > snivelling git, whilst shouting with appropriate glee, " Yes, and > sometimes he works through *ME* " > > Learn for next time! > > Cathy > xxx > > > > To send an email to - > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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