Guest guest Posted December 20, 2005 Report Share Posted December 20, 2005 Hi, I am a raw foodist, mostly 99% for almost 2 years and when I started my husband was really into it with me and a few months later we put our 2 kids ages 5 and 9 on 99% raw. However I found my 9 yo sneaking cooked foods at a friend's house and decided I should relax my control of their diet. However, since then, my husband has gone back to a SAD diet with almost no raw, although he eats it all outside of our home to help me stay raw (I am immensily grateful for this) He also has been feeding the kids more and more cooked food over the past 9 months and they are now about 70% raw. I've asked him to at please feed them healthy foods if he needs to feed them cooked food like whole wheat and organic and honey/sucanat sweetened instead of white refined sugar etc... But his choices of foods include Taco Bell (I worry about the MSG) Fried chicken and French Fries, Pizza, Ice Cream (not organic!) and only occasionally something from the health food store. I feel like the more I relax my demands and controls in regards to what my kids eat, the more my husband feeds them crap. I want so badly to stop being controling but I am really concerned for their teeth (we originally put them on raw to spare them from more traumatizing dental visits) and they behave so much more poorly when they eat cooked that I find that I resent my husband leaving me with the consequences of him feeding them unhealthy foods. Also, whenever they eat cooked food, they are ravenous for a couple of days afterwards (probably because they received very little nurishment from the cooked food and their bodies want them to make up for it!) so I spend the better part of the day preparing, cutting and serving them food, whereas when they eat raw for several days in a row, their need for food decreases and we can lead what feels like a more managable eating pace. So I resent that I am stuck picking up the peices of what my husband does to them! On the other hand I worry that by being controlling, I am setting them up for rebellion and eating disorders. When I let go of the controls, I feel constantly challenged and frustrated. When I return to my previous demands and request that my husband get back on track with our agreement, I am resented and a source of frustration and anger for my family. Any advice? Anybody else experience this? Thanks! Denise Thomas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 21, 2005 Report Share Posted December 21, 2005 I know exactly what you are going through. I feel a little like hubby is trying to be the naughty kid. Yesterday he took our daughter to White Castle! Ugh! The thought turned my stomach. My daughter is 14 and loved raw fruit and veggies until we started this and now she wants ramen noodles for lunch. I can see it in kids but not adults. Laurel rawfood , " denisedthomas " <denisedthomas> wrote: > > Hi, > > I am a raw foodist, mostly 99% for almost 2 years and when I started my > husband was really into it with me and a few months later we put our 2 kids > ages 5 and 9 on 99% raw. However I found my 9 yo sneaking cooked foods at > a friend's house and decided I should relax my control of their diet. However, > since then, my husband has gone back to a SAD diet with almost no raw, > although he eats it all outside of our home to help me stay raw (I am > immensily grateful for this) *SNIP* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 21, 2005 Report Share Posted December 21, 2005 This is a very tough situation and I can totally relate. Although I have been eating 100% living foods for two years, my son has been eating SAD. When I first started on living foods I threw everything out of the kitchen that was non supportive to my new food choices. I made my son eat the same meals as me when he was around me. If we went to a friends house or to my family's then he could eat what they were serving. For every meal that we were home, he screamed and cried for an hour before eating the live food I had prepared....sometimes refusing to eat. As a Cancerian mother, this was devastating to me. I had to reason that he had plenty of fat that his body could digest for energy - he wasn't going to starve. I talked to myself an awful lot over those months. Quite honestly, after about 5 months I gave up - I couldn't take it anymore. Being a single mom with thyroid cancer was enough stress. Listening to my son throwing a screaming fit for an hour or more every night didn’t help to bring me peace. I was miserable. Do I wish that I had been able to convince him to eat a living diet? YES! But at the age of nine, it really had to be his choice. From what I have read it sounds like your husband is having some food addiction issues - MSG is highly addictive for one. I also feel like perhaps he has started roping the kids into his digression to help him feel better about his choices...something like....'see the kids are eating this too, and they are fine'. We tend to do that as humans, ya know? Also, food is a cornerstone of our society. You go into a social gathering and 9 times out of 10, there is probably going to be something to stuff in your mouth. So, your husband is also merely spending ‘quality time’ with the kids, perhaps? I know, I know…..why does it have to be White Castle or Taco Time? Well, that’s for him to answer. Try this on for yourself and see if it is truth for you…..I don't know what your relationship is with your husband, but it sounds like you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him. Do your best to come from love, and express that love in every moment. Represent the real reason you chose this lifestyle for yourself and family - because you are worried about their health. Perhaps there were agreements the two of you made in the beginning that you could talk about. Remind him that you want your family to experience a great life, a long life, a healthy life. Perhaps expressing, from love, that you feel like your husband is at odds with you and how you don’t feel it’s good for the kids. That his actions are making you wrong - whether he realizes it or not - by taking them out to fast food. He gets to be the 'good parent' the 'fun parent', and because of your beliefs and stand that you are taking for your life, and that of your family, you are having to take on the role of the 'bad parent', the 'mean mommy', and 'bitchy wife', policing every meal. Not fun! Ask if he is willing to re-commit to a living foods lifestyle. Perhaps even taking it one month at a time. Although don't tell your kids that the commitment is month to month if that's what it ends up being. If he's not willing to re-commit there has to be a reason why - ask him. There are really great, painless, and easy ways to deal with food addictions - even if a person has no willpower. I recently got to experience a talk with Dr. David Jubb. He is such a beautiful man. The biggest message I received out of everything he said was so beautiful. Simply, it was to have Compassion and Understanding. This has been the teaching of all the great masters that have walked this earthly plane. Have Compassion and Understanding. Come from this place at all times, and you will see miracles happening in your life and the lives of those around you. As I say this I have to admit to you that I don't live this every moment of my life. I feel so angry (complete opposite end of the spectrum - eh?) when my son begs for junk food. I feel so angry and sick to my stomach having to buy meat and cooked food for him. I feel sad at the depths of my soul that he is eating this way. I feel frustrated and yell at him sometimes which, of course, only makes matters worse. I feel helpless when I look at him and know that although he is 6 inches shorter than me, at 5 feet, he outweighs me by at least 10 pounds (170). None of these feelings do him or me any good. Knowing this does not stop me from having the feelings. However, remembering to be compassionate and understanding helps me to center myself back into love.....the place of truth that I want to eminate from every cell of my being. There are no easy answers, no magic wand, no steps to follow to getting your family to choose living foods. They have to make the choices themselves. My intention in responding to you was to give you hope. Perhaps a little direction. A new breath of life. Encouragement. To let you know that you are not alone, and that I understand. Namaste, Paula PS: As an afterthough.....has anyone in your family read " Raw Family " by the Boutenko's? It's very inspiring. My son read it the first month I went raw. denisedthomas <denised> wrote: Hi, I am a raw foodist, mostly 99% for almost 2 years and when I started my husband was really into it with me and a few months later we put our 2 kids ages 5 and 9 on 99% raw. However I found my 9 yo sneaking cooked foods at a friend's house and decided I should relax my control of their diet. However, since then, my husband has gone back to a SAD diet with almost no raw, although he eats it all outside of our home to help me stay raw (I am immensily grateful for this) He also has been feeding the kids more and more cooked food over the past 9 months and they are now about 70% raw. I've asked him to at please feed them healthy foods if he needs to feed them cooked food like whole wheat and organic and honey/sucanat sweetened instead of white refined sugar etc... But his choices of foods include Taco Bell (I worry about the MSG) Fried chicken and French Fries, Pizza, Ice Cream (not organic!) and only occasionally something from the health food store. I feel like the more I relax my demands and controls in regards to what my kids eat, the more my husband feeds them crap. I want so badly to stop being controling but I am really concerned for their teeth (we originally put them on raw to spare them from more traumatizing dental visits) and they behave so much more poorly when they eat cooked that I find that I resent my husband leaving me with the consequences of him feeding them unhealthy foods. Also, whenever they eat cooked food, they are ravenous for a couple of days afterwards (probably because they received very little nurishment from the cooked food and their bodies want them to make up for it!) so I spend the better part of the day preparing, cutting and serving them food, whereas when they eat raw for several days in a row, their need for food decreases and we can lead what feels like a more managable eating pace. So I resent that I am stuck picking up the peices of what my husband does to them! On the other hand I worry that by being controlling, I am setting them up for rebellion and eating disorders. When I let go of the controls, I feel constantly challenged and frustrated. When I return to my previous demands and request that my husband get back on track with our agreement, I am resented and a source of frustration and anger for my family. Any advice? Anybody else experience this? Thanks! Denise Thomas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 21, 2005 Report Share Posted December 21, 2005 Hi, Denise, As others have said, this does seem like a very difficult situation, and a touchy one, and I have been thinking about it some ever since reading it. What would *I* do in that situation? It is hard. But I think that the main thing to keep in mind is that there is only one life you can control (sort of), and that is your own. There is a need here, I think, to not only compromise, but to *accept* compromise (as, it already seems like you have compromised, but you haven't accepted that compromise deep down, which is understandable because you hold your beliefs strongly, as well you should). You can still hold your beliefs strongly, though, and believe that they are right for you, while at the same time letting go of some of your desires to 'do what's right' for your loved ones. As many of us have learned in a variety of situations, there is only so far you can go with that. They have to want to help themselves. Choosing a lifestyle is like choosing a religion -- if someone tries to force it down your throat, you are less likely to want to choose it on your own. I think that the best thing you can do is set an example, keep a sense of humor, and ask directly for a fair shake in your household's decision about food. There are benefits to eating raw food, even if a person does not eat *only* raw food, so I think it would be reasonable to ask for some give and take -- You won't try to force the raw foodist lifestyle on your family, if they will agree to eat at least some raw food at every home meal -- and maybe share a totally raw meal with you every once in a while (say, once a week?). You sound like a very caring and smart person; I bet your husband and children would make this pact with you. Then, you would need to let go, let the chips fall where they may, but I think that this simple exposure to this lifestyle, in a healthy, well-communicated, and non-pressured way, will have more of an impact on your family -- they may slowly come to the same decision as you, on their own, which will have more meaning and staying power for them -- than if it were mandated from above. Plus, it will take a lot of the pressure off your family dynamic, pressure which seems to be building and could start to do some real damage at some point, if it continues building. You are not " wrong " here, but your husband is an adult, too, and if the two of you disagree about some aspect of your childrearing or household- running, and you both feel strongly about your respective positions, then I think you have to consider a compromise, if you can, for the sake of the relationship -- but it's fair to insist that he meet you halfway. If he can do that, and it sounds like he probably can, given that he was at least at one time a partner in this lifestyle, then you have to do your part and try to " zen out " a bit about the choices these people around you are making, choices which may, in your view, seem " wrong " or self-defeating or harmful (to them, the environment, Gaia, whatever). Lord knows I have to similarly zen out every time I watch the news. This doesn't mean rolling over and playing dead -- No, it's perfectly OK to make one's views known and to have those views respected -- but we can waste too much time in our lives if we concern ourselves TOO much with what other people are doing that may be harmful to themselves and others. Remember: Food is fun. Eating is fun. Being with our loved ones is fun. So have fun. Say, " Ew, you're eating a dead cow " or whatever, if you need to, and then try to let it go. The differences between what you're eating and what they're eating will pretty much say everything for you, and if you wait until they ask about your reasons why, they'll be more receptive to your views then. And they'll appreciate that you didn't try to cram it down their throats (so to speak). And, by the way, I know that all of the above is easier said than done. Good luck! Audie rawfood , " denisedthomas " <denisedthomas> wrote: > > Hi, > > I am a raw foodist, mostly 99% for almost 2 years and when I started my > husband was really into it with me and a few months later we put our 2 kids > ages 5 and 9 on 99% raw. However I found my 9 yo sneaking cooked foods at > a friend's house and decided I should relax my control of their diet. However, > since then, my husband has gone back to a SAD diet with almost no raw, > although he eats it all outside of our home to help me stay raw (I am > immensily grateful for this) He also has been feeding the kids more and more > cooked food over the past 9 months and they are now about 70% raw. I've > asked him to at please feed them healthy foods if he needs to feed them > cooked food like whole wheat and organic and honey/sucanat sweetened > instead of white refined sugar etc... But his choices of foods include Taco Bell > (I worry about the MSG) Fried chicken and French Fries, Pizza, Ice Cream (not > organic!) and only occasionally something from the health food store. > I feel like the more I relax my demands and controls in regards to what my > kids eat, the more my husband feeds them crap. I want so badly to stop being > controling but I am really concerned for their teeth (we originally put them on > raw to spare them from more traumatizing dental visits) and they behave so > much more poorly when they eat cooked that I find that I resent my husband > leaving me with the consequences of him feeding them unhealthy foods. Also, > whenever they eat cooked food, they are ravenous for a couple of days > afterwards (probably because they received very little nurishment from the > cooked food and their bodies want them to make up for it!) so I spend the > better part of the day preparing, cutting and serving them food, whereas when > they eat raw for several days in a row, their need for food decreases and we > can lead what feels like a more managable eating pace. So I resent that I am > stuck picking up the peices of what my husband does to them! On the other > hand I worry that by being controlling, I am setting them up for rebellion and > eating disorders. When I let go of the controls, I feel constantly challenged > and frustrated. When I return to my previous demands and request that my > husband get back on track with our agreement, I am resented and a source of > frustration and anger for my family. > Any advice? Anybody else experience this? > Thanks! > Denise Thomas > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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