eating out and socializing with non-raw-food people

[Guest guest]

Jennifer wrote:

> the social aspect of being raw is often the

> hardest. My husband and I got tired of eating at non-raw

> restaurants and started trying to come up with other ways to

> be with our extended family. We thought maybe we could just

> go to each other's houses and chat or take a walk in a park

> together.

> At one point [my mom] told me, " I really miss eating with you.

> Couldn't we please eat together? "

Sounds like you are in the South... are you?

Couldn't you invite them over for a delicious raw meal (and learn to

make fancy crowd-pleasers, i.e., you know they are coming on Friday,

and it is Monday, so you assemble the ingredients before Wednesday and

you have time to dehydrate into fancy stuff, or whatever?)

 

Or was you mom (really) saying that she missed going to restaurants

with you

(i.e., no one has to cook, no one is to blame, everyone can choose

what they want)

That can be an issue... people will not necessarily come out and say

it (or you may not be willing to invite the people into your home and

then they have no way to explain it; or you may be willing to invite

them into your home, but they don't know how to reciprocate, i.e.,

they have no clue how to make a raw food entree, and no desire either,

and, so, they feel uncomfortable coming to your home for dinner

because they cannot feel comfortable inviting you to their home for

dinner.)

I came to understand this when I was a young married woman in graduate

school. Bless my ex, he ate what I prepared at home, and never

complained (I don't think he ate that way outside our home!) People

would invite us for dinner, and, fortunately, it was the beginning of

the politically correct era, and they would ask if there was anything

that we did not eat, and I would mention that *I* was a vegetarian,

and then we would get eggplant parmesan without fail! (I was mostly

raw at the time, but I would eat what I was served if the people were

trying)... We would reciprocate, and I would make a delicious

vegetarian production (a la _Diet for a Small Planet_, with one of my

" super salads " (what I usually ate anyway). We would usually never be

invited back. (of course, we were excellent conversationalists and

really interesting people to talk to -- I was an artist and a linguist

and he was from a foreign country -- something unusual and interesting

back then!)

 

Anyway, as my " dietary habits " have evolved, since I choose to live

and socialize among folks who do not share my " interest " , I have

learned to " make-do " . All restaurants have salads. Most restaurants

can *not cook* vegetables they have on the menu. (the *major*

exception is chains... they receive everything pre-packaged, and they

cannot even " take the olives out " , or whatever.. it is what it is, and

you get what they get!) This means... if you are going to Red

Lobster, you eat salad... the salad they say they have. No choices.

On the other hand, if you are going to a " local " restaurant, you can

ask them if they can " re-arrange " , i.e., if they have a salad, and if

they have an entree that has something in it that sounds good to you,

you could ask them to make you a custom salad.... it might cost you,

but you could ask....

 

I vacation in the Outer Banks of North Carolina with my elderly parents.

We go to seafood restaurants because that is what is mostly there and

that is what they want to eat. I eat salad. I don't complain. It is

only one week. I will not have them forever.(okay, I bring a goodly

supply of sprouts in with me, and I offer to make salads for lunch,

and I offer them my dehydrated crackers during the day!)

 

I used to freak out over these things when I was younger, but I am in

my 50s now, and I think that I can manage being around people who do

not share the same food concepts as I do. If I am invited to dinner,

I offer to bring a wonderful salad... I have not been turned down yet!

I explain to my hostess that I am into raw foods, but that I would

dearly enjoy being a part of her gathering, and, if necessary, I

describe the salad I will bring (duh, not just lettuce) and she

becomes so intrigued that she cannot wait for my arrival -- of course,

I have to show up early so the food can be set out properly for

effortless serving!

 

Since salads are most often the first food served, it is easy... you

pile up on the wondrous salad you made, and, as everyone else finishes

off their portion of salad, and goes on to the next courses, you just

unobtrusively work on your delicious salad. Very few people will

notice, and, for those who do, you can gauge where they are coming

form and either explain what you are up to, or simply say that you are

on a special diet for " health issues " , depending on how you gauge

their interest. (my experience has been that few, if any, will ask

" what health issues " -- it isn't polite dinner conversation -- you

could have cancer or AIDS, and then what would they say?)

 

Okay, these are my ways of dealing with eating with others socially.

They are sort of creatively based on Southern culture, which is also

very similar to " very high class culture " in most other parts of the

English speaking world, but they also work extremely well in my New

York City environs, where all bets are off.

 

Margaret

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It

> made me realize that my choice was causing her some pain. We

> have gone out to eat together since then. My husband and I

> have big salads, and even with all our explaining to the

> waiter, we end up with some non-raw ingredients by mistake.

> I'm just doing it for my mom. At the same time, I'm lowering

> my expectations around what I'll end up with to eat at a

> restaurant, I'm getting better at ordering at restaurants,

> and I'm working on other ideas for things we can do together

> (besides eating).

>

> The gist of this is that it's painful for everyone involved,

> because change is stressful. I think that it does get better

> over time though. Thanks for sharing. Probably everyone on

> this list can relate to your post.

>

>

> Blessings,

>

> Jennifer

>

>

> _____

>

> rawfood

> [rawfood ] On Behalf Of jerushy1944

> Wednesday, March 22, 2006 3:28 PM

> rawfood

> Re: [Raw Food] newbie help

>

>

> Relationships are so tied to food, it's scary. My sons don't

> know what

> to do with me any more since I'm eating raw. I've tried

> taking some of

> the heavier recipes that I hardly ever eat at home when I'd

> go to

> visit. My older son will try them, sometimes, but you'd

> think my

> younger son is convinced that they had live bugs in them or

> something.

> He prefers his worse than SAD diet. I don't say anything

> about the way

> they eat and I hope that the improvement in my health will

> speak for

> itself. We hardly even talk any more. My daughter is the one

> that got

> me started on raw food so she knows where I'm coming from.

> We visit on

> a regular basis but it hurts when I know that the way I eat

> is a

> stumbling block where my sons are concerned. I'm not going

> to start

> eating cooked again to change it, though. We need to band

> together and

> pray our way through this!

> Tommie

> http://www.rawburchard.blogspot.com

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> I explain to my hostess that I am into raw foods,

> but that I would

> dearly enjoy being a part of her gathering, and, if

> necessary, I

> describe the salad I will bring (duh, not just

> lettuce) and she

> becomes so intrigued that she cannot wait for my

> arrival --

 

Hi Margaret, you have intrigued me too. I have to

ask, what's your favourite concoction in the way of

salad to bring to a gathering? What do you all put in

it?

 

Debra

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Sounds like you are in the South... are you?

 

Couldn't you invite them over for a delicious raw meal (and

learn to make fancy crowd-pleasers, i.e., you know they are

coming on Friday,

and it is Monday, so you assemble the ingredients before

Wednesday and you have time to dehydrate into fancy stuff,

or whatever?)

 

Or was you mom (really) saying that she missed going to

restaurants with you (i.e., no one has to cook, no one is to

blame, everyone can choose

what they want)?

 

Margaret

 

Hi Margaret,

 

No, I'm not from the South. I'm from the Northwest. My mom

really prefers to eat out at restaurants. That is one of her

favorite things to do. On top of that, because she has

dietary restrictions (and because I eat raw), we eat

opposite foods and each would have a great challenge

preparing food for the other. Now, when I eat out with my

mom, I eat first, so I'm not hungry when I get there. Then I

slice an avocado and put it in a plastic bag in my purse.

After they bring me my salad, I add the avocado. Once I

finish that meal, I am very satiated (having eaten two

meals, including the one with avocado). Works great!

 

 

Blessings,

 

Jennifer