Ann & Steve (debates with others)

[Guest guest]

Hi Steve, hello Ann, and thanks for your suggestions. You've helped me realize

that I get stuck in my usual way of dealing with my Grandfather.

Unfortunately, he doesn't care if what he's about to say is going to be

positive; he views it as constructive criticism coming from a authority figure.

I'm not entirely convinced of taking control of the situation by saying:

" this subject is finished. " , because I'm used to sticking up for myself by

reacting as if he's hurting our relationship by thinking of me wrongfully and

causing me anger by making me look bad in front of others. I feel that acting

out of defense justifies my stepping all over his authority figure. And also

because he's always trying to get the last word in, I can't easily get away with

" this subject is finished " .

But I will try customizing your suggestion to: " I love you too much to get

into this with you again; let's understand that the subject itself is

obsessive. " . I'll let you know how it turns out - but hopefully I won't have to

again, right?!

-Tiffany Lohr

 

alphanov2 wrote:

Dear Tiffany,

Elchanan is correct. You cannot change someone else, only your own response

to them. Next time, your grandfather starts a tirade (on anything), you can do

one of

two things:

1. Ask, " Is what you are about to say going to be positive? If not, please

cease and desist. If you are here to criticize me, I believe that everything

that needs to be said, has been said. The subject is finished. "

Whenever my grandparents wanted to end discussion or argument, they always

announced (with finality), " the subject is finished. " and we were all dispatched

to various parts of the house. It worked.

2. Smile, say " I love you too much to get into this discussion again, " give him

a kiss, and walk away.

I hope this helps. Keep us all informed because it is important folks know how

to deal with assaults on our choices of food or anything else.

Good luck,

Ann (100% raw since August 1, though had major problem with papaya yesterday,

back to normal fruits I guess)

Coral Springs, FL