Need Help Feeding 15M- child will not willingly

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, Karen Bevis <karen wrote:

>

The best piece of advice I ever had, and

> that I have learned to follow, was that a child will not willingly

> starve - your responsiblity is to provide appropriate food, their

> responsibility is to eat it!

 

 

 

I certainly don't want to add stress to any parent and I do agree that

this adage is the case almost all the time. But please don't let such

sayings become fact in your mind and overlook something that may be a

problem. Of course, anyone of any age can have anorexia due to a

medical problem. However, children as young as 2 years old have also

been diagnosed with anorexia nervosa - the emotional/mental disorder

type. My step nephew had this and he was 5 before he was finally sent

to a psychologist. After a few visits, he just openend up to this guy(

with the parents always present so there was no coercion or such). My

nephew was very tiny and would actually pass out from hypoglycemia due

to not eating. Doctors just told his mother to not let food be a power

struggle. But what do you do when your three year old has literally had

nothing to eat for over three days and can't stand up or stay awake? At

this point, you beg him to eat! She had him to every doctor she could

believing DFS would remove him if she wasn't actively pursuing some

sort of help. No one would help her until he was five and a doctor sent

him to a psychologist. After a while he began eating to survive and by

8 he was eating like normal kids. He will always be very tiny but he is

at least fleshed out now. He is and was always active ( " boy active " )

and extremely bright (he tested at collegiate level for all his courses

in the fourth grade). So, activity and mental aptitude do not seem to

be a reliable factor in judging how much food is needed.

 

My own 4 year old daughter will refuse to eat until she becomes weak

and forgetful. (Yes I know children this age are forgetful and

distracted but she will forget where a room is in the house. She is

also very bright having first read at 18 months and by 3 years old she

was doing 2nd grade work. No I don't force her - I just strew books

around and she has chooses these over preschool books.) I try to relax

and let her eat only soy yogurt, some days it is only oatmeal, pasta or

tofu pups. I used to fortify her food with protein powders and vegan

DHA but she refuses that now. She takes a multi with B-12 and a calcium

supplement. She used to drink fortified soy or hemp milk but her

consumption is way down right now and she won't drink water. Sometimes

she will eat freeze dried peas or corn or mango, but I hate giving

those to her if she isn't drinking. I don't push her unless I know she

hasn't eaten for 2 days or it has been 2 or 3 weeks without variety.

Then, I " make " her eat a food I know she likes. That's right, she

refuses to eat food she likes and even loves. Usually this is split pea

soup. After the 2nd or third bite (which takes 30 minutes of struggle

and fight to get to), she exclaims that she loves split pea soup and

then gobbles it down over about 10 minutes. Doing this same thing I can

get her to eat 2 bites of a peanut butter or almond butter sandwich.

She used to love to eat anything - sweet potatoes, avocadoes, sprouts,

chickpeas, lentils, peas, corn and on and on. She slowly stopped

eating and it has been mostly downhill since. Sometimes she will go on

a " spree " eating a lot of fruit or accepting rice again. I follow all

the tips - she shops and cooks with me. I make any food she wants to

try. We do not eat chips and cookies and such. We still have cookies

the Easter bunny brought. She has Jewish heritage so I found the older

Jewish growth charts (before everyone in the world started using the

CDCs) and know that she is not as small as she is on the CDC chart. I

remember she will be small because of genetics and I remember that it

takes very little to sustain a four year old. But I have learned her

subtle signs and do not let her go too far.

 

Again, this is probably rare. But it has happened in my family. I am

not saying my daughter has anorexia nervosa but I am watchful. I

relaxed (at night when I looked for ways to hide food or new recipes,

etc) until I noticed her behavior pattern was associated with the

amount of food she consumed. The children are genetically unrelated

cousins who have seen each other only twice. I was not raised with my

stepbrother or by his mother - they were across the country. So it is

not a " the way they are raised " or " family " issue.

 

 

(My sister recenlty received her psychology degree and states that this

condition does indeed occur in toddlers - at least according to current

theory.)

 

 

Anyway, I don't mean to stress you. I, too, think parents of toddlers

should relax over food choices. But, I think parents need to know how

much to relax. That is going to be something you will need to figure

out yourself. You will need to know your child's signs - they don't

always eat if they are hungry. And, some will indeed refuse to eat

beyond healthy.

 

Carrol