How do you deal with the criticism from everyone?

[Guest guest]

I'm a new vegetarian and also a new mother. I've always had the idea

to become vegetarian since I was younger but my mother never tried to

accomadate me. Since then I've attempted to make the change and feel

that now is the right time, with the hopes of later transitioning into

vegan. I also want to raise my daughter (who is only 8 months) as a

vegetarian, but my husband does not want to convert. He understands

my desire to change and is supportive of my raising our child

vegetarian. Whenever the subject arises around my mother-in-law she

doesn't believe that I should be doing this. She doesn't say much

about my wanting to BE vegetarian, but doesn't really like the idea of

me raising my child veg. She says things like I should let my child

choose on her own, but I tell her that when she gets older she has the

choice to eat meat if she likes, but it would be easier if she starts

out veg if she chooses to stay veg.

 

How did you deal with criticism, if any, and what should I do? I try

not to say anything, but they keep going on. I'm afraid that they

will undermine everything I try to instill in my daughter.

[Guest guest]

Tell them she has allergies. LOL.

We already were vegetarian when our son was born, and he picked up the

family allergy to dairy. We used it as our " excuse " to go vegan since I

never could stand eggs, though at first cheese was hard to give up, but the

allergy came first for us (it was easier for us all to give up milk than to

fix more than one thing or do the 'we can have this and you can't' route).

they didn't even bat an eye when we went vegan just over a year ago.

 

Our son was about your daughter's age when we figured it out. We never

really got any criticism or anything though - but I think mostly it was

because of allergies. I do know a family whose children have allergies to

beef and chicken and eggs, as well as tons of other things - severe

allergies, too. Maybe you can say you tried x, y and z and she's had

allergic reactions to it, so you don't want her to have it now, and hey, it

works in your favor or whatever. Maybe it will quiet down for a while,

untill they get used to the idea. At least it might work - since they don't

seem to get the health reasons down (some of my in-laws never got the 'no

dairy/milk/anything made from milk' thing down till um, probably earlier

this year, and our son is 4.5 now. We gave them 3 lists, one to carry in

their purse/wallet and they still don't get it right. Which is why we ALWAYS

have to bring our own food whenever we visit them). Sigh. At least one of my

IL's thinks it is great, though, but she doesn't live near us, and my mom

respects our choices, even though I know she doesn't really get it.

 

Maybe that might help...

Missie

 

On Dec 20, 2007 5:14 PM, Chassity <binoxi wrote:

 

> I'm a new vegetarian and also a new mother. I've always had the idea

> to become vegetarian since I was younger but my mother never tried to

> accomadate me. Since then I've attempted to make the change and feel

> that now is the right time, with the hopes of later transitioning into

> vegan. I also want to raise my daughter (who is only 8 months) as a

> vegetarian, but my husband does not want to convert. He understands

> my desire to change and is supportive of my raising our child

> vegetarian. Whenever the subject arises around my mother-in-law she

> doesn't believe that I should be doing this. She doesn't say much

> about my wanting to BE vegetarian, but doesn't really like the idea of

> me raising my child veg. She says things like I should let my child

> choose on her own, but I tell her that when she gets older she has the

> choice to eat meat if she likes, but it would be easier if she starts

> out veg if she chooses to stay veg.

>

> How did you deal with criticism, if any, and what should I do? I try

> not to say anything, but they keep going on. I'm afraid that they

> will undermine everything I try to instill in my daughter.

>

>

>

 

 

 

--

 

http://mszzzi.zoomshare.com

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mszzzi/

 

~~~~~(m-.-)m

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

8 months! - what a fun age- smiley baby!

 

My 2 cents-

 

There are tons of decisions that parents make for their children because that's

our job. Children can choose differently when they are capable of making

informed choices.

 

Otherwise,

 

you could let your daughter choose cigarettes, beer, cocaine, playing with

matches and hanging out with pedophiles - and then reassure your mother-in-law

that you've decided that your daughter should always make her own choices about

her health and safety - and that is more important than you living up to your

responsibilities as her mother.

 

just kidding.

 

You will have to arm yourself with tons of information from the most credible

sources- such as American Dietetic Assoc and American Pediatric Assoc and just

repeat yourself and repeat yourself again and stand firm.

 

Trying to find common ground with your M in law is important - point out you

both love her and want the best possible future for her- so that the

relationship has a chance of NOT being adversarial.

 

However, you are your daughter's mother and if you let anyone bully you or usurp

your responsibilities now it will just get worse with future issues as she gets

older. The time of saying silent in the face of disrespect is over. your

daughter is counting on you.

 

Try to find local veg families to hang out with for moral support, have

potlucks, play dates etc- some will have older siblings that you can use as

thriving examples.

 

Also, having your husband's support is terrific. He has to make it clear to his

parents that you are a united front on this issue- you shouldn't have to fight

this battle alone.

 

Transitioning to parenthood (there used to be a great book out there with a

similar title- not sure if it's still in print) is a big change for a marriage

and also for the dynamics with your own parents and in-laws. If the changing

roles for your husband and you gets messy and stressful don't be afraid to get

counseling help to sort it all out. your daughter is counting on you for that

too.

 

It might get uncomfortable as you venture in to new territory but take the high

road and know you are doing the right thing. You will grow and learn as much as

your daughter does. You are your daughter's hero and she needs you to play the

part the best you can.

 

Best of Luck!

 

Peace,

Danita

 

 

 

Chassity

Dec 20, 2007 6:14 PM

 

How do you deal with the criticism from everyone?

 

 

I'm a new vegetarian and also a new mother. I've always had the idea

to become vegetarian since I was younger but my mother never tried to

accomadate me. Since then I've attempted to make the change and feel

that now is the right time, with the hopes of later transitioning into

vegan. I also want to raise my daughter (who is only 8 months) as a

vegetarian, but my husband does not want to convert. He understands

my desire to change and is supportive of my raising our child

vegetarian. Whenever the subject arises around my mother-in-law she

doesn't believe that I should be doing this. She doesn't say much

about my wanting to BE vegetarian, but doesn't really like the idea of

me raising my child veg. She says things like I should let my child

choose on her own, but I tell her that when she gets older she has the

choice to eat meat if she likes, but it would be easier if she starts

out veg if she chooses to stay veg.

 

How did you deal with criticism, if any, and what should I do? I try

not to say anything, but they keep going on. I'm afraid that they

will undermine everything I try to instill in my daughter.

[Guest guest]

The criticism (at least most if it) will stop once your family and

others know you are serious about it. You mentioned that you are a new

vegetarian, so it's still new to them and they probably think they can

change your mind at this point. As it turns into years they will see

that their dribble is pointless. At least that's how it was for me...

I've been a vegetarian for around 12.5 years now and at first everyone

thought I was nuts and would criticize. Today my husband is a

vegetarian

and both are children (ages 3.5 and 1.5) are being raised vegetarian

and

nobody bats an eye at it. They know I'm a dedicated vegetarian and it

isn't going to go any other way.

 

When they bring it up I would just stick to you guns, in a polite way

and say that she will have plenty of time to eat meat as an adult if

that's what she chooses to do. If your husband does back you up on it

and it's his family he should put in a word too! Another way to

describe

it is like this: raising a child to be a vegetarian is no different

than

a family that chooses to raise their child as a Christian. Is the child

being brainwashed? Would it rather be an atheist or agnostic? Maybe...

but as parents we all make decisions on how we want to raise our

children. Some parents choose to raise them to be Christian, some

vegetarian (etc., whatever " it " is that is important to them).

 

Point is, that they are children and too young to " choose their own "

way

of living, whether it be religion, vegetarianism, etc. It's our job to

teach them what WE believe and then when they are older they can choose

what they want. As her if she feels the same about a family raising

their child with a religion.. it's the same principle. Or where is the

line drawn on where she should be able to choose on her own???? Drugs,

alcohol, poor grades, where does your influence get to come in

(according to her)?

 

If they question the safety of it pick them up a book on raising

vegetarian children, or print a few articles from the Internet. Even

the

dietetic association has info stating it's fine to do so. I honestly

don't think a couple of years from now she will be doing this, it's

just

because it's new. You just have to politely stick to your guns and let

her know you are serious about it - that it's not open for negotiation.

And if you don't want to discuss it, that's fine as well. Tell her

that... and then don't discuss it with her.

 

Jacqueline

[Guest guest]

I have to respectfully disagree with lying about the allergies.

Eventually people will want to test you about it, and once they find

out you were lying, they will not believe you for other things.

 

We are raising our son vegan (only 9 mos now) and have criticisms for

future things. The way we deal with it is by telling people this is

a way of life we choose and believe is the best thing for our son.

My husband is still omni, but supports the choice to raise our son

vegan. We also told our pediatrician and have her support. Whenever

anyone says it isn't healthy, we tell them that we have ours peds

support and it seems to help eivert the conversation. My father is

concerned about moments like taking his grandson to McDonalds for a

burger, and I tell him he is just going to have to find alternative

special moments. Its not like sharing a burger is really that big of

a moment to miss in life, considering missing a burger may also mean

missing a lifetime of cardiac disease, obesity, etc.

 

Just stand by your convictions, and tell people you appreciate their

concern, but you genuinely feel you are doing what is best for your

child. It's hard to argues with that, especially if you acknowledge

that you appreciate they are also concerned for your child. Its hard

to remember, but people are really voicing disapproval out of convern

and love for your child.

 

Susan

, " Missie Ward " <mszzzi wrote:

>

> Tell them she has allergies. LOL.

> We already were vegetarian when our son was born, and he picked up

the

> family allergy to dairy. We used it as our " excuse " to go vegan

since I

> never could stand eggs, though at first cheese was hard to give up,

but the

> allergy came first for us (it was easier for us all to give up milk

than to

> fix more than one thing or do the 'we can have this and you can't'

route).

> they didn't even bat an eye when we went vegan just over a year ago.

>

> Our son was about your daughter's age when we figured it out. We

never

> really got any criticism or anything though - but I think mostly it

was

> because of allergies. I do know a family whose children have

allergies to

> beef and chicken and eggs, as well as tons of other things - severe

> allergies, too. Maybe you can say you tried x, y and z and she's had

> allergic reactions to it, so you don't want her to have it now, and

hey, it

> works in your favor or whatever. Maybe it will quiet down for a

while,

> untill they get used to the idea. At least it might work - since

they don't

> seem to get the health reasons down (some of my in-laws never got

the 'no

> dairy/milk/anything made from milk' thing down till um, probably

earlier

> this year, and our son is 4.5 now. We gave them 3 lists, one to

carry in

> their purse/wallet and they still don't get it right. Which is why

we ALWAYS

> have to bring our own food whenever we visit them). Sigh. At least

one of my

> IL's thinks it is great, though, but she doesn't live near us, and

my mom

> respects our choices, even though I know she doesn't really get it.

>

> Maybe that might help...

> Missie

>

> On Dec 20, 2007 5:14 PM, Chassity <binoxi wrote:

>

> > I'm a new vegetarian and also a new mother. I've always had the

idea

> > to become vegetarian since I was younger but my mother never

tried to

> > accomadate me. Since then I've attempted to make the change and

feel

> > that now is the right time, with the hopes of later transitioning

into

> > vegan. I also want to raise my daughter (who is only 8 months) as

a

> > vegetarian, but my husband does not want to convert. He

understands

> > my desire to change and is supportive of my raising our child

> > vegetarian. Whenever the subject arises around my mother-in-law

she

> > doesn't believe that I should be doing this. She doesn't say much

> > about my wanting to BE vegetarian, but doesn't really like the

idea of

> > me raising my child veg. She says things like I should let my

child

> > choose on her own, but I tell her that when she gets older she

has the

> > choice to eat meat if she likes, but it would be easier if she

starts

> > out veg if she chooses to stay veg.

> >

> > How did you deal with criticism, if any, and what should I do? I

try

> > not to say anything, but they keep going on. I'm afraid that they

> > will undermine everything I try to instill in my daughter.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

> --

>

> http://mszzzi.zoomshare.com

> http://www.flickr.com/photos/mszzzi/

>

> ~~~~~(m-.-)m

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Chassity,

First of all, I think you have to have confidence in

doing this things.

Well, I'm vegetarian and raise my baby the same way

since pregnancy. She walk at 11 month and start learn

real words in 12 month and at 16mth she can point out

name of things and activities. She can recognise which

mummy's stuff, daddy's stuff and others.

Now at her 18mth, she start to learn to sing. She's

wonderful to me and everyone see her has to admit this

facts as well ignoring their disagreement on her diet.

 

 

And I always say to them who diagree with me that fish

is not merely source of Omega 3, as u c, my girl

doesn't has fish but then she's bright as well.

 

Hmmm, mother in law, well, my mother in law is a

doctor, GP, so imagine that with her medical

background and me, with none of them. But I try as

much as possible to look for all source about

nutrition and facts, consult with this group and seek

for nutrition guide. So by the time, she mention about

A nutrition, I'm well weapon and able to return her

bullet. When she said about fats from meat, I told her

that my baby take fats from avocado which much more

healthy and yummy.And so on. It's tired and bored but

then I believe I have the right choice.

 

So, you must be well informed about all nutrition as

much as possible. Keep you baby balance diet to build

her body system healthy and smart. In this way, though

they still reject and critism but then they can't take

any strong action to fight against you.

 

be confidence and well informed dear.

take care

Cheers

Jeni

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

Not everyone will criticize you. I've found that most people think it's swell

that my kids

decided on their own to go veggie and they seem to admire me for being

supportive. My MIL,

on the other hand, still tries to slip them hidden meat products and thinks it's

terrible. The

one thing that saves us is that the kids are technically pescatarians, meaning

they eat

seafood. " As long as they still eat fish, " she'll say. But I'm counting the

days to when they

find something on their PETA-kids web site about THAT! I don't push them in any

direction,

as long as they eat a well-balanced diet. I tell my MIL, whose genetics have

ensured her

offspring years of worry over heart-related illness, that they won't have to

worry as much

about their heart health, which also makes her happy. Of course, she won't

admit that years

of eating meatballs, salami and Italian sausage may have contributed to her two

open-heart

surgeries. And yet " it's a sin to eat Tofurkey when we have this nice bird on

the table. "

 

Jill

[Guest guest]

It can be difficult when people don't support the choices you make for your

child, especially when criticism is coming from in-laws. I was raised in an

on-again off-again vegetarian family, and while my parents are not currently

vegetarian, they understand why I'm raising my daughter vegan (even if it

sometimes makes them feel guilty).

 

My in-laws, however, have never considered vegetarianism and tend to be a little

obsessive about food. My mil is a caterer, her father was a chef, and the first

thing she asks whenever you return from someplace new is " How was the food? " My

husband and I sometimes experience resistance to our way of life, especially

related to our daughter who's the first grandchild. In those cases, I try to

stick to a few rules:

 

1) Never talk about vegetarianism over meals if meat is being served -- people

tend to be defensive. (Carol Adams recommends this in her book " Living Among

Meat Eaters. " )

 

2) Respond to the tone of the challenge. For example, my mil tends to soften her

criticism by saying that her friends are " concerned " or that her friends asked a

question about our diet that she couldn't answer. She tries not to make it

personal, but she's obviously worried. I try to respond by telling her what our

pediatrician or nutritionist has said, responding as specifically to whatever it

is that worries her (protein, fat, calcium) without making it about me and her.

My brother-in-law, on the other hand, once forwarded me a veg-bashing web

article, so I responded by directing him to other websites that have a more

vegetarian spin.

 

3) Enlist the help of professionals. When I was pregnant, I had a consultation

with a nutritionist who specializes in vegan diets. I also make sure that our

doctors are supportive of our lifestyle. That way, I can sometimes avail myself

of the technique all the parent magazines recommend when an older relative

starts in with the " when my kids were little " routine, I " blame " it on a doctor

or nutritionist. This doesn't work for defending vegetarianism per se, but is

great for responding to some of the little details associated with a veg

lifestyle.

 

Remember: a well-planned vegetarian diet really is better for kids than the

standard American diet. You're doing the right thing. Good luck.

_______________

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difference.

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[Guest guest]

I guess that is true. I only meant for maybe helping her buy time...My son

does have allergies to any/all things made and derived from animal milks

really not a fun time when we didn't know about some additives that weren't

the obvious contendersm or at least we didn't suspect them when we first

were figuring out our son's allergies.

I certainly would not wish what we went through on anyone - I meant it as

something to quiet folk if they're not around them much - because I knwo for

us, when we have gone to some places (relatives or what not that we do nto

see but maybe once a year or less) i do not have to justify why he can't

have anything they have offered other than it's got milk/butter/etc in it.

It's a bit easier, and since much of my side of our family is quite um,

argumentative on everything for the sake of just arguing (seriously), and I

don't need to justify our choices to them...the milk protien allergy is a

good excuse for that situation, and when we go out to regular restaurants,

they are more willing (in our experience) to not add cheese/butter/whatever

when we let them know the allergy. They won't risk the liability. We do

otherwise say we're vegan when we go other places, and my folks and my

in-laws are all supportive. It's just I really am not going to mess around

with his allergy - as that comes first in any situation for us.

 

I certainly would not recommend it as a constant. It was just sort of

flippant of me, and I think I didn't have my coffee yet when I responded.

Sorry to have sounded like it was my end all-be all excuse. I did say I had

no real advice. Hope that clears it up. I know it can be stressful when

one makes the switch, especially when family is not supportive.

 

Didn't mean to sound like it's what I meant for the long run. Email is so

terrible for getting tone of voice across and a lot of other meanings...

 

missie

 

On Dec 21, 2007 12:50 PM, Susan <virgo.vegan wrote:

 

> I have to respectfully disagree with lying about the allergies.

> Eventually people will want to test you about it, and once they find

> out you were lying, they will not believe you for other things.

>

> We are raising our son vegan (only 9 mos now) and have criticisms for

> future things. The way we deal with it is by telling people this is

> a way of life we choose and believe is the best thing for our son.

> My husband is still omni, but supports the choice to raise our son

> vegan. We also told our pediatrician and have her support. Whenever

> anyone says it isn't healthy, we tell them that we have ours peds

> support and it seems to help eivert the conversation. My father is

> concerned about moments like taking his grandson to McDonalds for a

> burger, and I tell him he is just going to have to find alternative

> special moments. Its not like sharing a burger is really that big of

> a moment to miss in life, considering missing a burger may also mean

> missing a lifetime of cardiac disease, obesity, etc.

>

> Just stand by your convictions, and tell people you appreciate their

> concern, but you genuinely feel you are doing what is best for your

> child. It's hard to argues with that, especially if you acknowledge

> that you appreciate they are also concerned for your child. Its hard

> to remember, but people are really voicing disapproval out of convern

> and love for your child.

>

> Susan

>

> <%40>, " Missie

> Ward " <mszzzi wrote:

> >

> > Tell them she has allergies. LOL.

> > We already were vegetarian when our son was born, and he picked up

> the

> > family allergy to dairy. We used it as our " excuse " to go vegan

> since I

> > never could stand eggs, though at first cheese was hard to give up,

> but the

> > allergy came first for us (it was easier for us all to give up milk

> than to

> > fix more than one thing or do the 'we can have this and you can't'

> route).

> > they didn't even bat an eye when we went vegan just over a year ago.

> >

> > Our son was about your daughter's age when we figured it out. We

> never

> > really got any criticism or anything though - but I think mostly it

> was

> > because of allergies. I do know a family whose children have

> allergies to

> > beef and chicken and eggs, as well as tons of other things - severe

> > allergies, too. Maybe you can say you tried x, y and z and she's had

> > allergic reactions to it, so you don't want her to have it now, and

> hey, it

> > works in your favor or whatever. Maybe it will quiet down for a

> while,

> > untill they get used to the idea. At least it might work - since

> they don't

> > seem to get the health reasons down (some of my in-laws never got

> the 'no

> > dairy/milk/anything made from milk' thing down till um, probably

> earlier

> > this year, and our son is 4.5 now. We gave them 3 lists, one to

> carry in

> > their purse/wallet and they still don't get it right. Which is why

> we ALWAYS

> > have to bring our own food whenever we visit them). Sigh. At least

> one of my

> > IL's thinks it is great, though, but she doesn't live near us, and

> my mom

> > respects our choices, even though I know she doesn't really get it.

> >

> > Maybe that might help...

> > Missie

> >

> > On Dec 20, 2007 5:14 PM, Chassity <binoxi wrote:

> >

> > > I'm a new vegetarian and also a new mother. I've always had the

> idea

> > > to become vegetarian since I was younger but my mother never

> tried to

> > > accomadate me. Since then I've attempted to make the change and

> feel

> > > that now is the right time, with the hopes of later transitioning

> into

> > > vegan. I also want to raise my daughter (who is only 8 months) as

> a

> > > vegetarian, but my husband does not want to convert. He

> understands

> > > my desire to change and is supportive of my raising our child

> > > vegetarian. Whenever the subject arises around my mother-in-law

> she

> > > doesn't believe that I should be doing this. She doesn't say much

> > > about my wanting to BE vegetarian, but doesn't really like the

> idea of

> > > me raising my child veg. She says things like I should let my

> child

> > > choose on her own, but I tell her that when she gets older she

> has the

> > > choice to eat meat if she likes, but it would be easier if she

> starts

> > > out veg if she chooses to stay veg.

> > >

> > > How did you deal with criticism, if any, and what should I do? I

> try

> > > not to say anything, but they keep going on. I'm afraid that they

> > > will undermine everything I try to instill in my daughter.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> > --

> >

> > http://mszzzi.zoomshare.com

> > http://www.flickr.com/photos/mszzzi/

> >

> > ~~~~~(m-.-)m

> >

> >

> >