Guest guest Posted December 26, 2008 Report Share Posted December 26, 2008 Dear Friends, I was given a handbag as a present for the holidays. I have been a vegetarian for the last 30 plus years and have not purchased leather and since 11 have always been leather free. Whenever I first get to know someone, I always let them know in a firm but friendly way that I am vegetarian for ethical and not health reasons, and that I buy cruelty free, environmentally sustainable etc. So I was surprised/shocked to get a Barbour handbag with leather straps. I know this is an expensive present and very nice thougth. I am not sure how to address the giver. I want to thank this person, but how can I make sure I never get anything with leather again? The person is my brother's girlfriend soon to be fiance, and so I need to handle this delicately. This person is sensitive to criticism. How have you dealt with a similar situation? best Chana _crkotzin_ (crkotzin) **************One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Mail. Try it now. (http://www.aol.com/?optin=new-dp & icid=aolcom40vanity & ncid=emlcntaolcom00000025) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 27, 2008 Report Share Posted December 27, 2008 for now, just say thank you. i would find a place to hide it, and wouldn't use it. but in a delicate situation, wouldn't want to upset the cart or anything. maybe i should be more confrontational. but some people stress so much about presents, that she might not take any criticism well. good luck! it's tough getting new people into your circle. cheers! Janeen --- On Fri, 12/26/08, crkotzin <crkotzin wrote: crkotzin <crkotzin Re: How to deal with a leather present Friday, December 26, 2008, 10:23 PM Dear Friends, I was given a handbag as a present for the holidays. I have been a vegetarian for the last 30 plus years and have not purchased leather and since 11 have always been leather free. Whenever I first get to know someone, I always let them know in a firm but friendly way that I am vegetarian for ethical and not health reasons, and that I buy cruelty free, environmentally sustainable etc. So I was surprised/shocked to get a Barbour handbag with leather straps. I know this is an expensive present and very nice thougth. I am not sure how to address the giver. I want to thank this person, but how can I make sure I never get anything with leather again? The person is my brother's girlfriend soon to be fiance, and so I need to handle this delicately. This person is sensitive to criticism. How have you dealt with a similar situation? best Chana _crkotzin (AT) aol (DOT) com_ (crkotzin (AT) aol (DOT) com) ************ **One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Mail. Try it now. (http://www.aol. com/?optin= new-dp & icid= aolcom40vanity & ncid=emlcntaolco m00000025) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 27, 2008 Report Share Posted December 27, 2008 Hi Chana, If it were me, I would politely thank her and tell her that you absolutely love the handbag, with the exception of the leather straps. I would nicely explain tha tusing leater is against our ethics and would she mind if you returned it for a similar bag that didn't have any leather on it? This way she will know your ethical preference, it shouldn't ever happen again, and you don't end up with a useless gift that contributed to death and it ends up sitting in your closet. Then I'd return it and find another handbag (since that's what she wanted you to have), but one that is vegan. And show it to her when you buy it. Most likely it was completely innocent. Most people are not into these isssues don't even realize the leather straps. But all the same, I would gently handle the situation and then just move on. Jacqueline Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2008 Report Share Posted December 28, 2008 This is a sticky issue, but one I have handled in the past by thanking the person for their thoughtful gift, and then either returning/exchanging it, regifting it to someone who would enjoy the item and isn't vegetarian, or giving it to a thrift shop. Having been vegetarian for almost 40 years, I have experienced many instances where caring and thoughtful friends and family seem to think " just a little " is okay (i.e. leather straps,not the whole bag, beef or chicken stock in a veggie soup, just a little cheese. etc). No matter how many gentle or firm reminders I have given, these incidents still occur. I think people don't get it because it is so outside of their reality. If you thank your brother's girlfriend, and later she asks about the bag you can thank her for her thought, and explain that due to you convictions you don't use leather, so you exchanged or shared the gift. Often a thank you note suffices and you'll never have the follow up conversation to deal with. If you are close to your brother you might remind him at next gift giving time of your choices and ask that he remind his girlfriend. Or you can ask family to give to a cause you care about rather than buying you a gift you might not be able to use. I have also tried to remember that giving is something to be appreciated even when it is something I would never use (sometimes for other reasons than my vegetarianism). Good luck and hope this works out without any hard feelings. Bea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2008 Report Share Posted December 28, 2008 My hubby, who's been veggie for 14+ yrs had this to say: Personally, if that happened to me, I would sell the gift on EBay and then donate that money to an animal rights organization. The purse was already made, you can't bring the poor animal back. This way the pre-fiance won't be offended with this year's present. Next christmas, maybe she/you could ask the brother to mention that non-leather/dead animal presents are preferred. The brother doesn't have to mention anything about last year's gift. -- ~Lina Our 3rd annual Walk 'n' Lemonade fundraising event, 09/27/08 was a great success $1,645! Thanks to everyone! http://www.walknlemonade.com For updates on Ilaria's progress visit: www.caringbridge.com/visit/ilariaeasom Help find a cure to pediatric cancers: http://www.steelecenter.arizona.edu/areas/hemonc.asp http://www.alexslemonade.org/about_cancer.php http://www.cancer.org/docroot/DON/DON_6_How_Your_Donation_Helps.asp " Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. " ~ William Shakespeare Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2008 Report Share Posted December 28, 2008 -Hi Chana! I agree with Jacqueline, there is always a tactful way to let someone know that leather was once a defenseless cow. I have many friends who have always known we are vegan, but don't always make the connection with many things animal, such as leather purses, belts, wallets, shoes, etc. I myself also know of a few vegetarians who do still buy leather products, since there seem to be many different degrees of animal awareness. I definitely wouldn't " let it go " & say nothing, as it could very well lead to many other leather gifts down the road, especially if you tell her how much you loved the purse. I myself use any opportunity to spread awareness & compassion whenever I'm able. You never know, you may very well be the one who sends her on her own vegan/vegetarian journey.......Best of luck! , " Jacqueline Bodnar " <jb wrote: > > > > Hi Chana, > > If it were me, I would politely thank her and tell her that you > absolutely love the handbag, with the exception of the leather straps. I > would nicely explain tha tusing leater is against our ethics and would > she mind if you returned it for a similar bag that didn't have any > leather on it? This way she will know your ethical preference, it > shouldn't ever happen again, and you don't end up with a useless gift > that contributed to death and it ends up sitting in your closet. Then > I'd return it and find another handbag (since that's what she wanted you > to have), but one that is vegan. And show it to her when you buy it. > Most likely it was completely innocent. Most people are not into these > isssues don't even realize the leather straps. But all the same, I would > gently handle the situation and then just move on. > > Jacqueline > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2008 Report Share Posted December 29, 2008 yes, i guess you guys are right. i might retract my idea. sorry. i just am in the middle of crazy stuff with my new in-law so had that in mind too. --- On Sun, 12/28/08, kimberlyire <kimberlyire wrote: kimberlyire <kimberlyire Re: How to deal with a leather present Sunday, December 28, 2008, 3:59 PM -Hi Chana! I agree with Jacqueline, there is always a tactful way to let someone know that leather was once a defenseless cow. I have many friends who have always known we are vegan, but don't always make the connection with many things animal, such as leather purses, belts, wallets, shoes, etc. I myself also know of a few vegetarians who do still buy leather products, since there seem to be many different degrees of animal awareness. I definitely wouldn't " let it go " & say nothing, as it could very well lead to many other leather gifts down the road, especially if you tell her how much you loved the purse. I myself use any opportunity to spread awareness & compassion whenever I'm able. You never know, you may very well be the one who sends her on her own vegan/vegetarian journey..... ..Best of luck! @gro ups.com, " Jacqueline Bodnar " <jb wrote: > > > > Hi Chana, > > If it were me, I would politely thank her and tell her that you > absolutely love the handbag, with the exception of the leather straps. I > would nicely explain tha tusing leater is against our ethics and would > she mind if you returned it for a similar bag that didn't have any > leather on it? This way she will know your ethical preference, it > shouldn't ever happen again, and you don't end up with a useless gift > that contributed to death and it ends up sitting in your closet. Then > I'd return it and find another handbag (since that's what she wanted you > to have), but one that is vegan. And show it to her when you buy it. > Most likely it was completely innocent. Most people are not into these > isssues don't even realize the leather straps. But all the same, I would > gently handle the situation and then just move on. > > Jacqueline > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.