Help!! OT

[Guest guest]

This is a little off topic, but I am hoping someone might be able to

help. I appreciate the help, suggestions and information I have

received before.

My 16 month old breastfed baby is still not sleeping through the

night. We spent two months in different rooms of the house trying to

sleep train him. He slept in his crib in our room while we slept

elsewhere. After two months, he is still waking up nightly. We are

back in our room and he is back to crying until he is picked up. I

am starting to wean him, hoping that it solves the problem. For a

while, he would sleep 2 or three nights, then cry a few, but I

always let him cry it out. After 2 months of the couch or our cold

office, we wanted to move back into our bedroom before our marriage

suffered. I could probably learn to sleep through the crying, but my

dh can't. There is no extra room for him to move into now. The

office is too cold and our children are in the others.

And to add insult to injury, my almost 3 year old has started waking

up. It has nothing to do with the other baby crying, it is at

different times. We moved in October and he very seldom woke up at

our last house. Since we have moved, it has become more and more

frequest, now it is nightly. He will sit up in bed and cry and

scream until I go to him, or he will come out into the living room

and cry. Sometimes he requests to go to the couch, other times I can

get him back to sleep in his bed. Last night he woke up at 4am

requesting the TV and I finally gave in because I am so exhausted.

Neither one seems to wake the other, but whatever the cause is has

me baffled. I can feel the effects of exhaustion wearing me down. I

let them play outside and run around during the day, I give them

bathtime and wind down time at night. Maybe someone has faced this

problem or has a suggestion that I haven't tried. I thank you in

advance!!

[Guest guest]

Have you thought about hiring a sleep expert? This sounds silly to

many people but when my daughter still wasn't sleeping through the

night at 11 months, I was losing it. It was the best $$ we ever

spent. I have a recommendation for someone in the SF, CA area and I

believe she does phone work as well. Or she can recommend someone

maybe in your area, wherever you are. Her name is Vivian Sonnenberg

and she has helped hundreds and hundreds of families in her career.

 

Well it's something to think about!

 

Good luck!

 

Dee

 

On Jan 3, 2009, at 12:55 PM, itshotinjt04 wrote:

 

> This is a little off topic, but I am hoping someone might be able to

> help. I appreciate the help, suggestions and information I have

> received before.

> My 16 month old breastfed baby is still not sleeping through the

> night. We spent two months in different rooms of the house trying to

> sleep train him. He slept in his crib in our room while we slept

> elsewhere. After two months, he is still waking up nightly. We are

> back in our room and he is back to crying until he is picked up. I

> am starting to wean him, hoping that it solves the problem. For a

> while, he would sleep 2 or three nights, then cry a few, but I

> always let him cry it out. After 2 months of the couch or our cold

> office, we wanted to move back into our bedroom before our marriage

> suffered. I could probably learn to sleep through the crying, but my

> dh can't. There is no extra room for him to move into now. The

> office is too cold and our children are in the others.

> And to add insult to injury, my almost 3 year old has started waking

> up. It has nothing to do with the other baby crying, it is at

> different times. We moved in October and he very seldom woke up at

> our last house. Since we have moved, it has become more and more

> frequest, now it is nightly. He will sit up in bed and cry and

> scream until I go to him, or he will come out into the living room

> and cry. Sometimes he requests to go to the couch, other times I can

> get him back to sleep in his bed. Last night he woke up at 4am

> requesting the TV and I finally gave in because I am so exhausted.

> Neither one seems to wake the other, but whatever the cause is has

> me baffled. I can feel the effects of exhaustion wearing me down. I

> let them play outside and run around during the day, I give them

> bathtime and wind down time at night. Maybe someone has faced this

> problem or has a suggestion that I haven't tried. I thank you in

> advance!!

>

>

>

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Wow, that is really hard. My third baby did this and as I was

single/separated at the time, I just brought him in to sleep with me.

It calmed whatever fears he was experiencing and we all got to sleep.

 

I tried the crying it out with my first son and I think it altered his

personality. I would not suggest that route to anyone and clearly

it's not working for you anyway. Why not just let your son sleep with

you until this period in his development passes?

[Guest guest]

At 16 months old, I am not sure that I would feed him in the middle of the

night. You could offer him water in a sippy cup or bottle. To be honest, if

it a problem, you may have to let him cry it out. When my dd was almost 2

my sister, who is a public health nurse, let me know how disgusted she was

about me still getting up and recommended I let her cry it out. So I took

her advice and it really did not take long. Only a few days and you can

still nurse or rock her to bed at night. It is just the middle of the night

that is the problem. Your dh may have to persevere with this for a few days

until you get it under control. Tell him it won't take long and that you

REALLY need this little one to start sleeping through the night. If it

continues to be an on and off thing, you may just need to persevere with it

and be consistent. And even then with consistency, it probably won't take

very long. And I would be putting him to sleep in his own bed room unless

it is the same room as your 3 year old and he wakes up the 3 year old.

 

 

 

It sounds like your 3 year old may be facing some adjustments to the new

place and he may be a bit frightened. What about leaving a light on or a

night light for a bit?

 

 

 

You could always let him stay up a little later for a few days until things

are back to normal as well. Maybe just the extra tiredness would help.

 

 

 

 

 

S

 

 

 

On

Behalf Of itshotinjt04

Saturday, January 03, 2009 1:56 PM

 

Help!! OT

 

 

 

This is a little off topic, but I am hoping someone might be able to

help. I appreciate the help, suggestions and information I have

received before.

My 16 month old breastfed baby is still not sleeping through the

night. We spent two months in different rooms of the house trying to

sleep train him. He slept in his crib in our room while we slept

elsewhere. After two months, he is still waking up nightly. We are

back in our room and he is back to crying until he is picked up. I

am starting to wean him, hoping that it solves the problem. For a

while, he would sleep 2 or three nights, then cry a few, but I

always let him cry it out. After 2 months of the couch or our cold

office, we wanted to move back into our bedroom before our marriage

suffered. I could probably learn to sleep through the crying, but my

dh can't. There is no extra room for him to move into now. The

office is too cold and our children are in the others.

And to add insult to injury, my almost 3 year old has started waking

up. It has nothing to do with the other baby crying, it is at

different times. We moved in October and he very seldom woke up at

our last house. Since we have moved, it has become more and more

frequest, now it is nightly. He will sit up in bed and cry and

scream until I go to him, or he will come out into the living room

and cry. Sometimes he requests to go to the couch, other times I can

get him back to sleep in his bed. Last night he woke up at 4am

requesting the TV and I finally gave in because I am so exhausted.

Neither one seems to wake the other, but whatever the cause is has

me baffled. I can feel the effects of exhaustion wearing me down. I

let them play outside and run around during the day, I give them

bathtime and wind down time at night. Maybe someone has faced this

problem or has a suggestion that I haven't tried. I thank you in

advance!!

 

 

 

 

Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com

Version: 8.0.176 / Virus Database: 270.10.2/1873 - Release 1/3/2009

2:14 PM

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

You may want to hold off on weaning until this is all settled. I wasn't really

clear as to if you are weaning to solve the sleeping issue, or weaning b/c it

was an unrelated choice. Cutting back on the afternoon naps? It seems about

every other night my 2.5 y.o. dd gets up about 4:30 am. She will usually go

back to sleep until about 6:30 am.

We invested (I say that b/c of the $40 price tag!) in a Good Nite Lite which you

can set with a sleep time and wake time. It is a blue moon when the child is to

be sleeping (or in our case, just staying in her room) and a yellow sun when it

is acceptable to be awake (come into mommy and daddy's room). It may help your

3 y.o. understand that you are not expecting him to stay in bed forever... Just

a thought.

Get some rest,

 

Cassie

" life's a garden, dig it! "

 

Sent from my iPhone

 

On Jan 3, 2009, at 3:55 PM, " itshotinjt04 " <itshotinjt04 wrote:

 

This is a little off topic, but I am hoping someone might be able to

help. I appreciate the help, suggestions and information I have

received before.

My 16 month old breastfed baby is still not sleeping through the

night. We spent two months in different rooms of the house trying to

sleep train him. He slept in his crib in our room while we slept

elsewhere. After two months, he is still waking up nightly. We are

back in our room and he is back to crying until he is picked up. I

am starting to wean him, hoping that it solves the problem. For a

while, he would sleep 2 or three nights, then cry a few, but I

always let him cry it out. After 2 months of the couch or our cold

office, we wanted to move back into our bedroom before our marriage

suffered. I could probably learn to sleep through the crying, but my

dh can't. There is no extra room for him to move into now. The

office is too cold and our children are in the others.

And to add insult to injury, my almost 3 year old has started waking

up. It has nothing to do with the other baby crying, it is at

different times. We moved in October and he very seldom woke up at

our last house. Since we have moved, it has become more and more

frequest, now it is nightly. He will sit up in bed and cry and

scream until I go to him, or he will come out into the living room

and cry. Sometimes he requests to go to the couch, other times I can

get him back to sleep in his bed. Last night he woke up at 4am

requesting the TV and I finally gave in because I am so exhausted.

Neither one seems to wake the other, but whatever the cause is has

me baffled. I can feel the effects of exhaustion wearing me down. I

let them play outside and run around during the day, I give them

bathtime and wind down time at night. Maybe someone has faced this

problem or has a suggestion that I haven't tried. I thank you in

advance!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

I agree and also went through this with one of my three boys. I felt

that getting enough rest was really important and however that

happened was OK. I was able to continue to nurse during the night

with very little disruption to my sleep, my husband's and his. I also

turned the clock around so that the stress of knowing that I only had

X hours left helped me go back to sleep. After I learned this with my

first, nights with my other two were peaceful.

 

I also would never suggest crying it out to anyone. Yes, the child

will eventually wear itself out and fall asleep exhausted, but I

always preferred that my children be secure in knowing that I would

always be there, day or night. They are becoming fine young men, so I

feel good about the way that I handled this for my family.

 

Lastly, the one thing that I always keep in mind when times get really

tough -- This too shall pass. Peace.

 

, " danishfaery " <vibekevale wrote:

>

> Wow, that is really hard. My third baby did this and as I was

> single/separated at the time, I just brought him in to sleep with me.

> It calmed whatever fears he was experiencing and we all got to sleep.

>

> I tried the crying it out with my first son and I think it altered his

> personality. I would not suggest that route to anyone and clearly

> it's not working for you anyway. Why not just let your son sleep with

> you until this period in his development passes?

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Our son didn't sleep through the night til he was over 2 years old, and

still woke up occasionally after that, and we just considered it a

normal part of childhood. It kind of made it easier if we just accepted

whatever happened as the norm for our family and found a way to roll

with it rather than spending all our energy (waking and sleeping/

dozing/fighting waking) trying to make our nighttime look like other

family's nighttimes or like what we've read or seen on tv or heard about

from other parents. But we have a completely different night-time

set-up - he sleeps with us, still nurses to sleep, quietly nurses back

to sleep in just a couple seconds if he does wake up at night, etc. I

think co-sleeping allows us to comfort him immediately so that there is

no crying or screaming or us running down a hall - if he wakes up at

all, we just pat him or we nurse, and he's back to sleep before any of

us really realizes we're awake. :-) And we also played around with

changing naptimes, bedtimes, activity levels in the daytime, etc., and

no matter what, it seems that most kids just need comfort or a little

something in their tummies at night. And I tried to remember that

babies need nourishment and comfort every 2 hours when they're born, and

then they need it less often and less often as they get older - and

then, all of a sudden, adults might decide they need none (and need to

sleep through the night), even if they still need some, and so they get

cut off from their food and comforting just because the sun is down,

which is confusing to them . . . I might cry, too. :-)

 

And on the topic of crying-it-out and sleep training - one school of

thought is that sleep training really only trains parents to ignore

their baby's crying and cut off their natural instincts to rush to help

their uncomfortable/unhappy child. A baby can only communicate with

crying sometimes, and they rely on parents to respond to that and help

them. The baby isn't trained to sleep, he's trained to believe that no

one is coming afterall, so he may as well sleep. There have also been

studies that show elevated cortisol levels (stress) in the brains of

babies who are left to cry-it-out (sorry I don't have any links right

now, but can look them up and forward them -- the database is having

tech problems right this minute). And I can't imagine the parents

wouldn't have elevated stress levels, too.

 

I think every family has sleep issues at some point - and their own way

of coping. Another friend always says " no one goes to college still

_______ " (insert whatever applies - still wearing diapers, still using a

pacifier, . . . still waking up crying at night and requiring you to run

to them). :-) So, it'll be over one day . . . and you'll have to find

new times and places to hug your baby in complete quiet and feel his

body fall to sleep in blissful comfort. :-)

 

Take care and try to nap when the kids nap, if you can - it'll take the

edge of sleeplessness off, and make it all seem more bearable. :-)

Another idea is to see if you can set up a parent sleep co-op with

friends, where another family might come to your house to play with your

kids while you sneak off for a nap in your comfy bed - and the next

time, you go to their house and play with the kids while their tired

mommy sneaks off to her bed to nap. :-)

 

Best of sleeping luck!!!!!

Lorraine

 

 

On

Behalf Of itshotinjt04

Saturday, January 03, 2009 12:56 PM

 

Help!! OT

 

This is a little off topic, but I am hoping someone might be able to

help. I appreciate the help, suggestions and information I have

received before.

My 16 month old breastfed baby is still not sleeping through the

night. We spent two months in different rooms of the house trying to

sleep train him. He slept in his crib in our room while we slept

elsewhere. After two months, he is still waking up nightly. We are

back in our room and he is back to crying until he is picked up. I

am starting to wean him, hoping that it solves the problem. For a

while, he would sleep 2 or three nights, then cry a few, but I

always let him cry it out. After 2 months of the couch or our cold

office, we wanted to move back into our bedroom before our marriage

suffered. I could probably learn to sleep through the crying, but my

dh can't. There is no extra room for him to move into now. The

office is too cold and our children are in the others.

And to add insult to injury, my almost 3 year old has started waking

up. It has nothing to do with the other baby crying, it is at

different times. We moved in October and he very seldom woke up at

our last house. Since we have moved, it has become more and more

frequest, now it is nightly. He will sit up in bed and cry and

scream until I go to him, or he will come out into the living room

and cry. Sometimes he requests to go to the couch, other times I can

get him back to sleep in his bed. Last night he woke up at 4am

requesting the TV and I finally gave in because I am so exhausted.

Neither one seems to wake the other, but whatever the cause is has

me baffled. I can feel the effects of exhaustion wearing me down. I

let them play outside and run around during the day, I give them

bathtime and wind down time at night. Maybe someone has faced this

problem or has a suggestion that I haven't tried. I thank you in

advance!!

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hi!

For what it's worth (which may not be much, considering how tired you are) both

of my kids who are older than 16 months woke in the middle of the night to

nurse, multiple times,  until they were roughly 16 months. At that time, it was

like a switch- and little rubs on the back or snuggling in close did the trick

after that. I had a friend who went through the same thing you're going through

now, and I told her to wait it out until 16 months, and voila! he, too, started

sleeping through the night right at 16 months. I don't know if there's a good

reason for this, stomach-capacity-wise, or whatever, but my sense was not so

much. They just seemed to want to wake up, see mom, have a little snack, and

then went back to sleep contented. Of course, we co-sleep, so that made it a

little easier. I, too, do not advise the cry-it-out method. I suppose it may

work, but at what cost? Believe me, I've been tempted to do it at various times

and for various reasons,

but I have always managed to hang on, bleary-eyed,  and stick it out. Putting

him in his own crib may be exacerbating the " I need Mom "  problem; you certainly

know your kid better than I do. I guess I'm not really offering any advice, just

moral support here.

      I echo the other response that perhaps your 3 year old  is a little

freaked out by the move. One trick I use with my  2 year old is when she's

desperate to sleep with us and can't go back to sleep (and 4 people in our bed,

including the 8 month old, is just not comfy anymore!), I move the crib-sized

mattress from her toddler bed into our room, next to our bed. That totally does

the trick. If your child is in a twin-size bed, you may try a blow-up mattress,

egg crate-type mattress (IKEA sells them dirt cheap!), etc. This has really

worked for us.

      BTW, I have a 5 year old, too. No sleep issues whatsoever, never somes in

our room at night or wakes up, really, so I really believe in the virtue of

compassionately trying to help your children through these difficulties. I don't

think the co-sleeping thing, the mattress-in-the-room-thing, etc. will make kids

more dependent on you at night, as some people are bound to tell you. In the

meantime, I hope you can catch a nap on occasion and it WILL get better.

jenni

 

--- On Sat, 1/3/09, itshotinjt04 <itshotinjt04 wrote:

 

itshotinjt04 <itshotinjt04

Help!! OT

 

Saturday, January 3, 2009, 12:55 PM

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is a little off topic, but I am hoping someone might be able to

help. I appreciate the help, suggestions and information I have

received before.

My 16 month old breastfed baby is still not sleeping through the

night. We spent two months in different rooms of the house trying to

sleep train him. He slept in his crib in our room while we slept

elsewhere. After two months, he is still waking up nightly. We are

back in our room and he is back to crying until he is picked up. I

am starting to wean him, hoping that it solves the problem. For a

while, he would sleep 2 or three nights, then cry a few, but I

always let him cry it out. After 2 months of the couch or our cold

office, we wanted to move back into our bedroom before our marriage

suffered. I could probably learn to sleep through the crying, but my

dh can't. There is no extra room for him to move into now. The

office is too cold and our children are in the others.

And to add insult to injury, my almost 3 year old has started waking

up. It has nothing to do with the other baby crying, it is at

different times. We moved in October and he very seldom woke up at

our last house. Since we have moved, it has become more and more

frequest, now it is nightly. He will sit up in bed and cry and

scream until I go to him, or he will come out into the living room

and cry. Sometimes he requests to go to the couch, other times I can

get him back to sleep in his bed. Last night he woke up at 4am

requesting the TV and I finally gave in because I am so exhausted.

Neither one seems to wake the other, but whatever the cause is has

me baffled. I can feel the effects of exhaustion wearing me down. I

let them play outside and run around during the day, I give them

bathtime and wind down time at night. Maybe someone has faced this

problem or has a suggestion that I haven't tried. I thank you in

advance!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Thanks for this response. You are not the first person I have heard the 'altered

personality' thing from, and it makes me feel better about the occasional trials

and tribulations (mostly due to sleeping like mummies all night!) of

co-sleeping. I'm with you 100%.

 

--- On Sat, 1/3/09, danishfaery <vibekevale wrote:

 

danishfaery <vibekevale

Re: Help!! OT

 

Saturday, January 3, 2009, 8:47 PM

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wow, that is really hard. My third baby did this and as I was

single/separated at the time, I just brought him in to sleep with me.

It calmed whatever fears he was experiencing and we all got to sleep.

 

I tried the crying it out with my first son and I think it altered his

personality. I would not suggest that route to anyone and clearly

it's not working for you anyway. Why not just let your son sleep with

you until this period in his development passes?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

I'm a supporter of the " attachment parenting " movement. My son did

not sleep through the night until he was 16 1/2 months old. We co-

slept until he was almost 2. At 16 months, we got him a twin bed and

put it up next to ours. That was wonderful because it was like a big

California king sized bed. Then right before he turned 2, we moved

the bed about 2 feet away from ours, one side against a wall, and put

a bed rail on the other side. That took him about 3 weeks to get

used to, but it eventually became " his big boy bed " and he was proud

to tell you that. Letting a child cry it out (I know others will

disagree...just my opinion...) does nothing for you or the child.

There are tons of success stories from attachment parenting parents

who will tell you their children have grown to be very independent,

loving young adults who do not cling to their mommies everywhere they

go. My child is beginning to show that also. He's never met a

stranger. Anyway, I know that there are people on both sides of the

fence and I'm not trying to start an argument at all. Just letting

you know what worked for us. You can check out www.askdrsears.com

for some good attachment parenting resources. Good luck! I've been

there! : )

, " itshotinjt04 " <itshotinjt04

wrote:

>

> This is a little off topic, but I am hoping someone might be able

to

> help. I appreciate the help, suggestions and information I have

> received before.

> My 16 month old breastfed baby is still not sleeping through the

> night. We spent two months in different rooms of the house trying

to

> sleep train him. He slept in his crib in our room while we slept

> elsewhere. After two months, he is still waking up nightly. We are

> back in our room and he is back to crying until he is picked up. I

> am starting to wean him, hoping that it solves the problem. For a

> while, he would sleep 2 or three nights, then cry a few, but I

> always let him cry it out. After 2 months of the couch or our cold

> office, we wanted to move back into our bedroom before our marriage

> suffered. I could probably learn to sleep through the crying, but

my

> dh can't. There is no extra room for him to move into now. The

> office is too cold and our children are in the others.

> And to add insult to injury, my almost 3 year old has started

waking

> up. It has nothing to do with the other baby crying, it is at

> different times. We moved in October and he very seldom woke up at

> our last house. Since we have moved, it has become more and more

> frequest, now it is nightly. He will sit up in bed and cry and

> scream until I go to him, or he will come out into the living room

> and cry. Sometimes he requests to go to the couch, other times I

can

> get him back to sleep in his bed. Last night he woke up at 4am

> requesting the TV and I finally gave in because I am so exhausted.

> Neither one seems to wake the other, but whatever the cause is has

> me baffled. I can feel the effects of exhaustion wearing me down. I

> let them play outside and run around during the day, I give them

> bathtime and wind down time at night. Maybe someone has faced this

> problem or has a suggestion that I haven't tried. I thank you in

> advance!!

>

[Guest guest]

I just wanted to mention something I was afraid to mention before. Even

though I did let my dd cry it out a bit, she did not cry long and it went

well. My dh and I ended up being a couple who felt very comfortable with our

kids sleeping with us. Our rule was that they had to go to bed in their own

room, but if they woke up at night they were free to crawl in bed with us.

At 7 & 9 they still crawl into bed with us sometimes, although on a

weekend or a holiday what they sometimes do is make a little bed beside ours

on the floor. We ended up liking co sleeping with our kids, and every year

feel that it could end any time and we won't get that time back. (so now

our yorkie sleeps with us)

 

 

 

If co sleeping is an option, I would definitely recommend trying it. I am

not sure that I was there when my dd was almost two and I was still waking

up to nurse her in the middle of the night. But we change, and now maybe I

would try a different approach first. I ended up nursing her until her 3rd

birthday. She is incredibly healthy and compared to other kids her, very

rarely gets sick.

 

 

 

Sheila

 

 

 

On

Behalf Of Sheila

Saturday, January 03, 2009 10:37 PM

 

RE: Help!! OT

 

 

 

At 16 months old, I am not sure that I would feed him in the middle of the

night. You could offer him water in a sippy cup or bottle. To be honest, if

it a problem, you may have to let him cry it out. When my dd was almost 2

my sister, who is a public health nurse, let me know how disgusted she was

about me still getting up and recommended I let her cry it out. So I took

her advice and it really did not take long. Only a few days and you can

still nurse or rock her to bed at night. It is just the middle of the night

that is the problem. Your dh may have to persevere with this for a few days

until you get it under control. Tell him it won't take long and that you

REALLY need this little one to start sleeping through the night. If it

continues to be an on and off thing, you may just need to persevere with it

and be consistent. And even then with consistency, it probably won't take

very long. And I would be putting him to sleep in his own bed room unless

it is the same room as your 3 year old and he wakes up the 3 year old.

 

It sounds like your 3 year old may be facing some adjustments to the new

place and he may be a bit frightened. What about leaving a light on or a

night light for a bit?

 

You could always let him stay up a little later for a few days until things

are back to normal as well. Maybe just the extra tiredness would help.

 

S

 

<%40>

[ <%40> ]

On

Behalf Of itshotinjt04

Saturday, January 03, 2009 1:56 PM

<%40>

Help!! OT

 

This is a little off topic, but I am hoping someone might be able to

help. I appreciate the help, suggestions and information I have

received before.

My 16 month old breastfed baby is still not sleeping through the

night. We spent two months in different rooms of the house trying to

sleep train him. He slept in his crib in our room while we slept

elsewhere. After two months, he is still waking up nightly. We are

back in our room and he is back to crying until he is picked up. I

am starting to wean him, hoping that it solves the problem. For a

while, he would sleep 2 or three nights, then cry a few, but I

always let him cry it out. After 2 months of the couch or our cold

office, we wanted to move back into our bedroom before our marriage

suffered. I could probably learn to sleep through the crying, but my

dh can't. There is no extra room for him to move into now. The

office is too cold and our children are in the others.

And to add insult to injury, my almost 3 year old has started waking

up. It has nothing to do with the other baby crying, it is at

different times. We moved in October and he very seldom woke up at

our last house. Since we have moved, it has become more and more

frequest, now it is nightly. He will sit up in bed and cry and

scream until I go to him, or he will come out into the living room

and cry. Sometimes he requests to go to the couch, other times I can

get him back to sleep in his bed. Last night he woke up at 4am

requesting the TV and I finally gave in because I am so exhausted.

Neither one seems to wake the other, but whatever the cause is has

me baffled. I can feel the effects of exhaustion wearing me down. I

let them play outside and run around during the day, I give them

bathtime and wind down time at night. Maybe someone has faced this

problem or has a suggestion that I haven't tried. I thank you in

advance!!

 

 

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[Guest guest]

Hi,

The few moms I've talked with all have said that when they stopped

nursing, their kids started sleeping thru the night. That was my

experience too. I think, most kids anyway, wake up of habit, so maybe

(if your ok with it) weening will get your baby sleeping better at night.

And with your 3 year old, I agree with what someone else already said

here that he is still probably adjusting to his new home, and needing

reassurance. It's hard, i know. I would try to just check in on him

and not make a big deal out of it, and make it short and sweet. " I'm

here, your ok, it's nighttime, sleep time " kind of thing, without

actually talking too much.

You husband might be more ok with whatever method you choose if you

say that it might be ruff/hard for a week or two, but that after that

you'll all be sleeping thru the night, finally =)

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

, " itshotinjt04 " <itshotinjt04

wrote:

>

> This is a little off topic, but I am hoping someone might be able to

> help. I appreciate the help, suggestions and information I have

> received before.

> My 16 month old breastfed baby is still not sleeping through the

> night. We spent two months in different rooms of the house trying to

> sleep train him. He slept in his crib in our room while we slept

> elsewhere. After two months, he is still waking up nightly. We are

> back in our room and he is back to crying until he is picked up. I

> am starting to wean him, hoping that it solves the problem. For a

> while, he would sleep 2 or three nights, then cry a few, but I

> always let him cry it out. After 2 months of the couch or our cold

> office, we wanted to move back into our bedroom before our marriage

> suffered. I could probably learn to sleep through the crying, but my

> dh can't. There is no extra room for him to move into now. The

> office is too cold and our children are in the others.

> And to add insult to injury, my almost 3 year old has started waking

> up. It has nothing to do with the other baby crying, it is at

> different times. We moved in October and he very seldom woke up at

> our last house. Since we have moved, it has become more and more

> frequest, now it is nightly. He will sit up in bed and cry and

> scream until I go to him, or he will come out into the living room

> and cry. Sometimes he requests to go to the couch, other times I can

> get him back to sleep in his bed. Last night he woke up at 4am

> requesting the TV and I finally gave in because I am so exhausted.

> Neither one seems to wake the other, but whatever the cause is has

> me baffled. I can feel the effects of exhaustion wearing me down. I

> let them play outside and run around during the day, I give them

> bathtime and wind down time at night. Maybe someone has faced this

> problem or has a suggestion that I haven't tried. I thank you in

> advance!!

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, this is just my 'spiritualist' point of view... but you describe

a situation that is enormously stressfull... moving into a new home,

not being able to sleep in your bed, marriage feeling strain, baby not

sleeping, the motherly stress of weening a child.... Children are

sensitive to emotion and energy, no matter how well we adults think

we're hiding or restraining it. I would suggest that your 3 year old

is picking up on it. I know that my 6 year old still knows when I'm

upset, even if we're not in the same room. He'll halt playing

sometimes to come find me and hug me. He just KNOWS.

 

That's my thoughts on the 3 year old. As for the 16 month old... I

can think of many things, late night hunger, bad dreams, uncomfortable

clothing/skin irritation from laundry soap, a draft from a window, or

simply missing you. Children don't cry without reason. That much I

know. I suggest you put on your detective's cap. Make a list of

experiences the child has each day, the people they come in contact

with, music they may hear, etc... see if there's a pattern?

 

Shanti,

Mama Stacey

[Guest guest]

I attended a seminar a few years ago, hosted by a member of the Post

Institute. He discussed trauma and stress in children. Trauma is not

only a big event or loss, trauma is also classified as any lengthy

period of stress in a child. He specifically mentioned the supposed

phenomenon of 'crying it out'. He said that it's more than eventual

exhaustion that puts your child to sleep when you use this approach.

He talked about this sort of 'safety catch' in children's and infant's

brains that essentially makes them pass-out rather than endure the

trauma of the unanswered cry. He actually said that the purpose of

this safety catch is to prevent death from extended trauma. It's the

same safety mechanism that lets infants who are left out in the cold

shut down their bodies, into a sort of hibernation mode, to survive.

 

It was a shocking, eye opening seminar, not just for this information,

but how the rest of it all related to disciplining children,

responding to tantrums, etc.

 

Shanti,

Mama Stacey

[Guest guest]

I don't remember exactly where I read it (But I'm sure it can be found

online via google, or at least a reference) a few years ago, but I

remember seeing a study where they said that an infants hormones and

other such things were at dangerous levels after they are left to cry

it out. The hormone levels were equivalent to an adult having or

about to have a stroke. That IS scary.

 

Jenn

 

On Mon, Jan 5, 2009 at 8:36 AM, Stacey <bandana.mama wrote:

 

>

> It was a shocking, eye opening seminar, not just for this information,

> but how the rest of it all related to disciplining children,

> responding to tantrums, etc.

>

> Shanti,

> Mama Stacey

[Guest guest]

My son completely self-weaned at 22mo's, he was able to go to sleep on

his own (he had his own bed in our room that we got for him, and he

happily slept there, and we had the rule, too that if he woke in the

night he could crawl in with us). We've since moved (twice) and he's

had his own room, with the same rule - goes to sleep in his cool cool

bed, and if he awakes, he can now either read himself back to sleep or

crawl in with us. We prefer he not sleep in our bed, as he's a very

restless sleeper (moves/kicks/flails about, but snoozing the whole

time - at least he wakes up refreshed, but not always us LOL). He is

5.5 though, but he's always been an 'active sleeper', it's just he's

more apt to wake us (me usually as I'm a light sleeper) up whenever he

moves around.

 

I think maybe it was around 15-16 mo's or so when he also slept

through the night though maybe he was closer to 2- he had not been

nursing to sleep, but we would read and then stay with him while he

fell asleep (and we still do, and will sit for about 10 min's before

we have to go have " grown up time " -as he was dragging out the reading

and falling asleep routine, and cutting into our down time after he

was asleep. We just explained that we were grownups and older than

he was (he has friends that are older than he is that get to go to bed

a lot later than he is, so we also used them as an example of the

older=later bedtime as well as his younger cousins who go to bed

earlier than he does), so we got to stay up later, and we had to have

grown up time, just like during the day he has his own time when he

prefers to be playing on his own, and he understood that equivalent,

so that's what works for us. We read to him, he reads to us then we

spend 'quiet time' together for a little while and he's usually out

for the night before the allotted time is over. We start bedtime

routine stuff earlier, so that we can read together and snuggle or

just sit with him for a total of an hour. It might be long to some,

but we're big readers in our family, and our son loves to read, and

sometimes just likes to read to us instead of us reading to him now!

(of course that doesn't take as long, so sometimes it's half an hour

total). It's one of my favorite times of the day - because we're both

winding down, and relaxing and just enjoying each other's company. He

still asks to sleep in our bed, but because he is so active when he

sleeps, he can't really. our rooms are not so big to allow for another

mattress on the floor - but we kind of have a tandem room, so he's

just a doorway away from us (there's a room-his - a doorway, which

leads to basically 2 rooms + a bathroom - and we're at the far end

from where he is). It's not like he's got far to go, but we have

privacy. The middle room (as we call it) is our dressing room.

 

One piece of advice I got from another mom at a parenting

group/drop-in center thing I used to go to with my son was " If it's

not working for you, then something needs to change " (as well as the

'this too shall pass') so we just made minor modifications and we felt

that things like sitting for 10 minutes with our child was better than

a half an hour or whatever of him screaming and crying...I wouldn't be

able to bear to hear him like that, and it is actually an instinct for

parents to respond to their child's cries.... It doesn't take long,

and we now have fond memories of reading to our son and sitting with

him for a few 'quiet minutes' at the end of the day (and I think that

also helps reinforce the bond we have with our son, especially on

those rough days we all have on occasion).

 

Hope this helps. Gotta run

Missie

 

On Mon, Jan 5, 2009 at 9:03 AM, Jenn <jenny.wren76 wrote:

> I don't remember exactly where I read it (But I'm sure it can be found

> online via google, or at least a reference) a few years ago, but I

> remember seeing a study where they said that an infants hormones and

> other such things were at dangerous levels after they are left to cry

> it out. The hormone levels were equivalent to an adult having or

> about to have a stroke. That IS scary.

>

> Jenn

>

> On Mon, Jan 5, 2009 at 8:36 AM, Stacey <bandana.mama wrote:

>

>>

>> It was a shocking, eye opening seminar, not just for this information,

>> but how the rest of it all related to disciplining children,

>> responding to tantrums, etc.

>>

>> Shanti,

>> Mama Stacey

>

 

 

 

--

 

http://mszzzi.zoomshare.com

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mszzzi/

 

~~~~~(m-.-)m

[Guest guest]

This is so funny in a way, I used to be the person who was DEAD SET

against " crying it out " and I told my husband we would NEVER go

there. Well as I already mentioned we eventually ended up hiring a

sleep trainer and my daughter did cry it out, it took 3 days: she

cried almost half an hour the first time (worst 1/2 hour of my life),

10 minutes the second time, and 3 the third time. I am not saying by

any means that this is a universal experience but I am saying don't be

too " high and mighty " in your outlook. Some people can handle " this

too shall pass " and others lose their marbles with not getting enough

sleep. I am of the latter type and life in my house was becoming very

unhappy. I am sorry if this sounds mercenary to some but as my

husband could tell you, I was becoming another person; paranoid, angry

and bitter. Once we were all sleeping things changed very quickly. I

think it's such an individual thing and it's important to remember

that. I am really glad we were able to utilize the resources of a

professional. She zeroed right in on some things we could change, and

helped us with her experience.

 

After that three days my daughter could be put in her crib and she

would play and sing and talk to herself until she fell asleep. My

child never wants for my attention (she literally goes, " mommy, I need

attention " at her now 4 years of age), I also consider myself a very

" attached " parent, yes even in the " Dr. Sears " sense of the word.

Although I did throw his book across the room at one point when he

went on about how this will eventually pass. She didn't wean until

she was 2 1/2 years old, and nursing right before bed was our

" calming " routine. I still read her some books and then rock her in

that old rocking chair. I put her in bed and tell her I will be back

to check on her throughout the night.

 

So I just wanted to mention that the trauma of having a parent who is

going nuts may be worse than the possible trauma from crying a couple

of times. Especially if your marriage is becoming affected. Weigh it

out for yourself.

 

On a side note, my 4 year old daughter co-sleeps with us these days

some nights, it is her habit to come to our room when she wakes

whether it be morning or night. Most times, it's morning and we laze

around in bed a bit together. At night we just pull down another

pillow in the middle for her and we all sleep. No big deal. And when

this stops, I will definitely miss it.

 

:-)

 

Dee

 

On Jan 5, 2009, at 6:36 AM, Stacey wrote:

 

> I attended a seminar a few years ago, hosted by a member of the Post

> Institute. He discussed trauma and stress in children. Trauma is not

> only a big event or loss, trauma is also classified as any lengthy

> period of stress in a child. He specifically mentioned the supposed

> phenomenon of 'crying it out'. He said that it's more than eventual

> exhaustion that puts your child to sleep when you use this approach.

> He talked about this sort of 'safety catch' in children's and infant's

> brains that essentially makes them pass-out rather than endure the

> trauma of the unanswered cry. He actually said that the purpose of

> this safety catch is to prevent death from extended trauma. It's the

> same safety mechanism that lets infants who are left out in the cold

> shut down their bodies, into a sort of hibernation mode, to survive.

>

> It was a shocking, eye opening seminar, not just for this information,

> but how the rest of it all related to disciplining children,

> responding to tantrums, etc.

>

> Shanti,

> Mama Stacey

>

>

>