kissinger and how we love thee

[Guest guest]

Henry Kissinger In Hell

Because what we really need now is more murderous criminal masterminds in power

By Mark Morford

Gosh sometimes the colon clench-inducing Bush political cowpies stack up so fast

you almost can't keep track.

 

It's getting so it's nearly impossible to follow which war-crimes monster or

which convicted lying felon or which mysterious pro-corporate stable boy is

heading what major investigative commission or sinister domestic-surveillance

database or cramming what vile homeland-security bill with how many tons of

conservative pork. Whew.

 

It's the GOP's infamous rapid-punch, pile-on strategy, and it goes something

like this:

 

Overload our collective gag reflex with enough reckless laws and appointments,

enough shockingly irresponsible decisions any one of which would, by itself,

offend and appall anyone with a cognitive pulse, and they all simply become a

numbing swirl of indecipherable atrocities no one has the will to object to

anymore. Just like Liddy Dole's hair -- it's happening, it's unstoppable, why

fight it?

 

Let's see: The barnacle-crusted, black-eyed Henry Kissinger, he of countless

unspeakable war crimes in Vietnam, North Korea, Cambodia, Chile and East Timor,

master of mass-murderous secret bombings and democracy-toppling conspiracies,

dark souled and understandably thought by millions to be long dead, has been

defrosted and resurrected to head the " independent " commission to investigate

9/11. Ahh, feel that cultural colon spasm.

 

It is a commission whose creation, by the way, Bush resisted to the end, but

which he finally had to give in to what with all the, you know, social

bitterness and sadness -- so, hey, why not make it easy on himself and choose a

notorious backroom figure of vile wars past to look into who knew what when and

why? Perfect.

 

Do you hear the screams of protest? The howls of citizen complaint and general

aghastedness and media outrage? Of course you don't. The media is simpering and

misled and Pentagon-whipped. The Dems are emasculated and gonad-free. The

populace is fear pummeled and exhausted and just wants a job and maybe a nice

bottle of Bactine for Christmas.

 

In related news, Bush also appointed a squad of those evil hooded dark-rider

things from " The Lord of the Rings " to look into the thousands of civilian

deaths in Afghanistan. They promise complete unbiased reportage, as soon as they

remove the skulls from between their teeth.

 

Kissinger has said there will be no conflict of interest regarding those who

appointed his sour visage, mostly because we all know his commission won't

really look very closely at Geedubya himself, or Cheney, or Rummy or anyone

related to anything surrounding the oiliest of administrations in American

history. Translation: Let's blame the liberals! Wiretap the media! Scan civilian

e-mail! What fun.

 

Not content to openly denigrate the universal sense of human decency by

resuscitating Kissinger, Bush's flying monkeys also appointed Adm. John

Poindexter, he of the five felony convictions of selling arms to Iran and of

flagrant repeated lying to Congress and of stomping on dying kittens, to head up

the new DARPA Homeland Security database project, a.k.a. Total Information

Awareness, a.k.a. Big Brother Is Already Here Ha Ha Suckers.

 

Again, no screaming. No major intakes of societal breath. Just that dense,

crushing sense that it's all going very, very wrong and dark and increasingly

menacing and by the way nice logo for the TIA group Mr. Poindexter sir, a

friendly all-seeing eye whose penetrating beams of omnipotent disdainful

surveillance blanket the planet. How subtle. I feel safer already.

 

Oh but wait. This is not enough. Kissinger and Poindexter are but the bitter

icing on the oily cake. Let us not forget the war we are currently fabricating.

 

Let us not forget the utter determination we are exhibiting to drive this nation

into yet another unwinnable, violent battle over oil. We are hell-bent on

slamming Iraq, U.N. inspections be damned. Oh yes we are.

 

Let's see: U.N. inspections officials are looking hard for illegal weapons

throughout Iraq, beginning with two of the large, key facilities Bush & Co.

absolutely swore on a stack of satellite photos that Saddam was using to build

nukes and biological weapons and dangerous Super Soakers and bootlegged copies

of the new Shania Twain.

 

The inspectors, of course, found nothing but ruins.

 

They are still looking. And they are finding no evidence of illegal weapons.

They are getting nearly complete cooperation from Iraq. They did find a dozen

old missiles with mustard gas in them, but those were the same ones they found

in the '90s but just didn't have time to destroy.

 

This shall not deter the Shrubster. He is suspicious and doubtful and really

really wants this war no matter what Iraq does or the U.N. says or how much the

global population protests, and hence the U.S. is moving troops and ships and

stink bombs into position and greasing up the crankshafts of continuous hate as

I write this, just in case.

 

Just in case he can find a way to bomb the living hell out of another country in

order to nab its petrochemical lucre before the general American populace

awakens and realizes just how much his administration has gutted the economy and

rammed us back into staggering debt and embarrassed us on a international scale.

Ask any European: America is a laughingstock. Except that no one's laughing.

Because that's when we start bombing.

 

The U.N. inspectors say their efforts are, in fact, being hampered. Not by

Saddam or terrorists or an uncooperative military, but by Dubya's own hawks,

U.S. officials, who are withholding key intelligence information so inspectors

can't completely prove the obvious nonexistence of Iraq's weapons of mass

destruction. Shall we guess why?

 

Hey, the economy's in the tank, the deficit is rising like the hair on the back

of Ashcroft's neck whenever he sees a calico cat. Can't find Osama (remember

him?). We need another war. We need more tax cuts for the rich. Drilling for oil

in Alaska? Coming soon. Reduced governmental restrictions on logging in national

forests? Done.

 

The list, as they say, is endless. And growing. And nauseating.

 

It has been recently revealed in a national poll that most Americans don't

really like Republican policies on war and gays and health care and the economy.

But they like Democrats as individuals even less, which is understandable, given

all the spinelessness and pathos on that side of the aisle.

 

But then you look a little more closely and you see Strom and Dick and Jesse and

Rummy, DeLay and Ridge and Kissinger and Poindexter, and realize, oh my God,

look at these people, these bitter hawks, why are we so duped by them and how is

it that they've kept us so scared, and do we really want to believe a group of

angry old white men who apparently never go outside or have sex or who have

finally quit sniffing all that ether?

 

You realize, finally, that this can't be all there is, that it can't all be

convicted criminals and mass murderers and corrupt CEOs leading the American

government into a giant dank cave of ignorance and bile and rogue-nation status,

not really, and you look around for the alternative voices.

 

You look for the leaders of the counterforces, the voices of reason, the

peacekeepers and powerful objectors and proponents of the new revolution. And

you look, and you keep looking ... and looking ... and looking ...