Guest guest Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 As we all prepare for the upcoming Halloween season, please take a few minutes to read some simple rules to help keep everyone safe. 1. Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house. 2. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. 3. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. 4. Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out! 5. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice. 6. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it alone. 7. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell. 8. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well. 9. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, don't stand there sighing with relief, GET OUT! 10. If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for short circuits; JUST GET OUT! 11. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead. 12. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around. 13. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing. 14. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely ambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you. 15. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately. 16. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine. 17. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had 3/4 of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten. 18. Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions. 19. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion. If you follow these rules, you should have a SAFE Halloween experience. " NOTICE: Due to Presidential Executive Orders, the National Security Agency may have read this email without warning, warrant, or notice. They may do this without any judicial or legislative oversight. You have no recourse nor protection save to call for the impeachment of the current President. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 LOL - thanks. Jo - " fraggle " <EBbrewpunx " vegan chat " Wednesday, October 31, 2007 3:53 PM how to have a safe holiday > As we all prepare for the upcoming Halloween season, please take a few > minutes to read some simple rules to help keep everyone safe. > > > 1. Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house. > > 2. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. > > 3. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. > > 4. Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out! > > 5. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice. > > 6. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it alone. > > 7. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell. > > 8. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well. > > 9. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, don't stand there sighing with relief, GET OUT! > > 10. If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for short circuits; JUST GET OUT! > > 11. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead. > > 12. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around. > > 13. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing. > > 14. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely ambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you. > > 15. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately. > 16. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine. > > 17. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had 3/4 of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten. > > 18. Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions. > > 19. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion. > > If you follow these rules, you should have a SAFE Halloween experience. > > " NOTICE: Due to Presidential Executive Orders, the National Security Agency may have read this email without warning, warrant, or notice. They may do this without any judicial or legislative oversight. You have no recourse nor protection save to call for the impeachment of the current President. " > > > To send an email to - > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 - 20. If you are a woman, wear your best bra and panties. Your clothes will most likely be torn off at some point. -- In , fraggle <EBbrewpunx wrote: > > As we all prepare for the upcoming Halloween season, please take a few > minutes to read some simple rules to help keep everyone safe. > > > 1. Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house. > > 2. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. > > 3. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. > > 4. Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out! > > 5. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice. > > 6. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it alone. > > 7. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell. > > 8. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well. > > 9. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, don't stand there sighing with relief, GET OUT! > > 10. If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for short circuits; JUST GET OUT! > > 11. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead. > > 12. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around. > > 13. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing. > > 14. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely ambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you. > > 15. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately. > 16. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine. > > 17. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had 3/4 of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten. > > 18. Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions. > > 19. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion. > > If you follow these rules, you should have a SAFE Halloween experience. > > " NOTICE: Due to Presidential Executive Orders, the National Security Agency may have read this email without warning, warrant, or notice. They may do this without any judicial or legislative oversight. You have no recourse nor protection save to call for the impeachment of the current President. " > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 ??? Jo , " massagesister " <massagesister wrote: > > - > 20. If you are a woman, wear your best bra and panties. Your clothes > will most likely be torn off at some point. > > > -- In , fraggle <EBbrewpunx@> wrote: > > > > > > > As we all prepare for the upcoming Halloween season, please take a few > > minutes to read some simple rules to help keep everyone safe. > > > > > > 1. Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house. > > > > 2. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to > see if it's really dead. > > > > 3. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. > > > > 4. Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out! > > > > 5. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language > which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a > lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several > rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who > speak with somebody else's voice. > > > > 6. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it alone. > > > > 7. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell. > > > > 8. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would > apply to any other house of the dead as well. > > > > 9. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and > find out that it's just the cat, don't stand there sighing with > relief, GET OUT! > > > > 10. If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for > short circuits; JUST GET OUT! > > > > 11. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead. > > > > 12. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good > reason for it. Don't stop and look around. > > > > 13. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure > you know what you're doing. > > > > 14. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down > at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note > that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely > ambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you. > > > > 15. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic > behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, > increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately. > > 16. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are > listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in > trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small > town in Maine. > > > > 17. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go > to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think > that it is strange because you thought you had 3/4 of a tank, shoot > yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be > eaten. > > > > 18. Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: > chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, > combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or > any devices made from deceased companions. > > > > 19. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the > time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had > previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some > horrible fashion. > > > > If you follow these rules, you should have a SAFE Halloween experience. > > > > " NOTICE: Due to Presidential Executive Orders, the National > Security Agency may have read this email without warning, warrant, or > notice. They may do this without any judicial or legislative > oversight. You have no recourse nor protection save to call for the > impeachment of the current President. " > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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