Another exchange with

[Guest guest]

Oh yeah and some light burning feeling in different places, I think

it's the aura but I'm not sure.

-

SJustin

chrism

Tuesday, August 22, 2006 4:13 AM

Re: Re: First Post - safeties

- Justin

 

 

I'm having something happen I want to run past you. Facial ticks. Left

side, the right side depending of what I'm thinking of or saying. I

figured I should try to balance it out so what I was expressing came

out on both sides and it's been working. I'm also encountering alot of

anger, my face scrunching up really tight. Some smiles but still the

sense of that person behind the eyes. A sensation I had a few years

ago. I'm wondering how long I've been activating. Alot of this anger

runs counter to what I'm trying to do but it is honest. Ugly too.

Still bothered by fear being my gut reaction. There's a split, I guess

some lower energy I've tried to ignore. Becoming more aware of the

fact. Trying to be positive when I really would rather be negative and

not wanting to express that because I think you'll pull the plug or I

don't want to face that maybe I'm not ready. The guy who left Tom

reminds me of myself in some ways. I wonder if I should go off and

take care of my beans then return if that's possible. The thing is

last night I had somewhat of a breakthrough. Alot of emotions came

out. I'm hesitant to say some joy. It's only been a few days but it's

a rollercoaster. I'm trying not to go fast, trying to have patience.

And i'm trying to be honest so that I get real advice and not

something based on me putting up a front. Plus it's weird for me to

share so much with someone I don't know but so much has happened

already, sensations, feeling, a random meditation pose. This morning I

put on some positive music but I also stayed in bed, which was fine

because I didn't want to overwork it. I want to keep myself safe but I

also smell something sweet when I'm at the computer. I feel the need

to deny to be logical or rational but at the same time stuff is

mounting up. Any response you have to this is fine. I am also

wondering about bits of pain that come with some of the sensations

Again telling you so you can tell me if that is to be expected. It's

like a brief sharp something here and there. Going back to the

emotional part I'm confused about which voice is the real me. Do I

integrate them all in some constructive way or are there definte false

selves. I'm facing my baser motivations for doing this but also hoping

there's more. Plus I've had what feel like something settling over my

head that made me think of egyptian pharoah statue headress and points

of something along the spine and those snaking tingles on my head.

It's alot I now. Heavy , heavy.