Introduction

[Guest guest]

Hello. My name is Jessi and I am 19 years old. I just signed up for

this group, and have found it very helpful and comforting. I recently

experienced what I believe to be an " awakening " , but a few sites told

me to be careful when self diagnosing. I was wondering if anyone has

had similar experiences. So here's the story: I started changing

habits for no apparent reason. I started eating healthier, stopped

smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol, and taking more time to do

just about everything. I just felt like I had no use for these habits

anymore. Sleeping was becoming more difficult each night. About two

weeks after " turning a new leaf " , I was having a conversation with a

friend about how we are all one, and how we're all made of the same

" stuff " . (I've believed in the power of words for quite some time

now, but my experiences had never been this intense.) After

contemplating and conversing for twenty minutes or so, I felt a

tickling sensation travel up my spine. I said to my friend, " whoa,

that was weird. " The initial feeling was an intense bliss. Then it

literally felt like my soul was leaving my body and perhaps that I was

losing my mind, so I began to get very anxious. My heart began to

race, my fingers went cold, and I began trembling. I didn't feel

" real " , or " real " as I had experienced prior to this. I watched

myself tap my arm with my fingers, but couldn't feel it. My friend

new something was up and asked if I wanted to go outside and get some

fresh air. I agreed, and he tried talking me back " down to earth " .

Everything seemed to look different, and although he was trying as

best he could to help, a part of me didn't want him to. He was saying

that it would be okay, but I " knew " beyond any doubt, that he didn't

believe what he was saying. It took about forty-five minutes to talk

me down, but was able to fall asleep later that evening.

The next morning, I started reading Tao Te Ching on the internet,

and the same feelings started to come again. I asked to be taken to

the hospital, and knew I wouldn't be able to drive myself so I got a

ride. While in the emergency room, I was having extreme mood swings;

laughing one minute, crying the next. I felt my deceased grandmothers

presence around me. They ended up sending me to the psych ward and

later I was diagnosed with bi-polar with psychotic tendencies.

Psychology is just one way of looking at the human experience, and I

don't feel it does spirituality much justice. I believe that what

happened to me was spiritual in nature, and don't feel the need to

take the medication prescribed. I have found some of my own ways to

keep me grounded and more balanced. I've been out now for two weeks,

and more is revealed to me each day. I'm not anxious now about what

is happening to me; I feel I'm exactly where I need to be. Any

comments would be greatly appreciated.

 

~Jessi

 

 

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