Guest guest Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 Hello, I have been guided to this place by a helpful person on another list who said it was a good and knowledgeable place where I might be able to get some help... I'm writing this whilst feeling no where near as tired as I should be given how little sleep I've had recently so please excuse me if I ramble... I have been working with trance states and spirit work within the context of pagan and wiccan practice for 15 years or so. I am usually the person that everyone else comes to when they have a problem they want to talk over or need someone to help them with some spiritual work but since last year I have been overwhelmed and preoccupied with what was initiated described to be as a necessary " changing " process to help me work better with ancestral energies. I went mad, for days, unable to concentrate on any simple activities as other worlds were too loud and dragging my attention. I lost control of my body. A shaman friend helped me come back into this world and I though that was the crisis over with, a new set of experiences to integrate.I was wrong. Apart from her, everyone else seems to either not see what is happening to me or misunderstands what I try to say, so I have stopped trying to tell them. Over the past 11 months I have experienced all sorts of extreme physical symptoms. My body would twitch and shake beyond my control every time I began to relax or lay down, hot and cold surges, pains shooting around my body and an emotional roller-coaster that has been terrifying. Ecstasy or panic, peace or terror or feeling 'high' or not knowing why I should stay alive. And I have been locked inside myself, unable to communicate what has been happening to me. A few weeks ago I was looking for some new ideas on the web for opening my heart chakra which I was feeling compelled to do and I came across a site which described kundalini awakening. I swear I had cold sweats reading it and seeing my current experiences listed in front of me, at the same time it was some kind of relief to see that maybe this was part of a process that other people knew about, that maybe there was a way through it all. I realised very recently that I had been afraid of asking for help, afraid of being vulnerable and as weak and helpless as I feel a lot of the time these days. I have hidden behind an idea that I was knowledgeable to deal with insecurity and social nervousness and fear of rejection. But the truth is that I do need help from people who know more about this than I do. My spirit guides are encouraging me to reach out to other human people and get some guidance. Right now I am trying to process a new understanding of acceptance. I have spent months trying to let go and go with this process but I find myself resisting over and over again. Last night I spent all night consciously experiencing acceptance of my feelings, sensations and emotions, past and present.As I understood this my whole spine arched into a bow and wouldn't stop and I heard music in my ears. I have spent my life pushing things away that I didn't want to experience and now I am trying to let them flow through me. It is terrifying and wonderful and today I have felt as weak as a newborn thing and my skin floods with energy and sensation. I'm swinging between calmness and panic right now. I know I cannot go back to what and who I was, I'm not sure who that was anymore anyway. I approach this group in awareness of my ignorance, as someone who feels quite small right now and I humbly ask for help with my awakening. Thank you for listening, Ruari Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 Blessed be Ruari Sending Love to you. Light and Love A. , Ruari <spirit wrote: > > Hello, > > I have been guided to this place by a helpful person on another list who > said it was a good and knowledgeable place where I might be able to get > some help... I'm writing this whilst feeling no where near as tired as I > should be given how little sleep I've had recently so please excuse me > if I ramble... > > I have been working with trance states and spirit work within the > context of pagan and wiccan practice for 15 years or so. I am usually > the person that everyone else comes to when they have a problem they > want to talk over or need someone to help them with some spiritual work > but since last year I have been overwhelmed and preoccupied with what > was initiated described to be as a necessary " changing " process to help > me work better with ancestral energies. I went mad, for days, unable to > concentrate on any simple activities as other worlds were too loud and > dragging my attention. I lost control of my body. A shaman friend helped > me come back into this world and I though that was the crisis over with, > a new set of experiences to integrate.I was wrong. Apart from her, > everyone else seems to either not see what is happening to me or > misunderstands what I try to say, so I have stopped trying to tell them. > > Over the past 11 months I have experienced all sorts of extreme physical > symptoms. My body would twitch and shake beyond my control every time I > began to relax or lay down, hot and cold surges, pains shooting around > my body and an emotional roller-coaster that has been terrifying. > Ecstasy or panic, peace or terror or feeling 'high' or not knowing why I > should stay alive. And I have been locked inside myself, unable to > communicate what has been happening to me. > > A few weeks ago I was looking for some new ideas on the web for opening > my heart chakra which I was feeling compelled to do and I came across a > site which described kundalini awakening. I swear I had cold sweats > reading it and seeing my current experiences listed in front of me, at > the same time it was some kind of relief to see that maybe this was part > of a process that other people knew about, that maybe there was a way > through it all. > > I realised very recently that I had been afraid of asking for help, > afraid of being vulnerable and as weak and helpless as I feel a lot of > the time these days. I have hidden behind an idea that I was > knowledgeable to deal with insecurity and social nervousness and fear of > rejection. But the truth is that I do need help from people who know > more about this than I do. My spirit guides are encouraging me to reach > out to other human people and get some guidance. > > Right now I am trying to process a new understanding of acceptance. I > have spent months trying to let go and go with this process but I find > myself resisting over and over again. Last night I spent all night > consciously experiencing acceptance of my feelings, sensations and > emotions, past and present.As I understood this my whole spine arched > into a bow and wouldn't stop and I heard music in my ears. I have spent > my life pushing things away that I didn't want to experience and now I > am trying to let them flow through me. It is terrifying and wonderful > and today I have felt as weak as a newborn thing and my skin floods with > energy and sensation. > > I'm swinging between calmness and panic right now. I know I cannot go > back to what and who I was, I'm not sure who that was anymore anyway. I > approach this group in awareness of my ignorance, as someone who feels > quite small right now and I humbly ask for help with my awakening. > > Thank you for listening, > Ruari > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 Hello Ruari, is recognizing your e-mails as spam? Causing me to have to approve each one. Dont know why this is happening but if you can fix on your end would be appreciated. - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 Be welcome on the list Ruari. LoL........R...................... - Ruari Monday, September 04, 2006 5:05 PM Hello... and introduction (of sorts...) Hello, I have been guided to this place by a helpful person on another list who said it was a good and knowledgeable place where I might be able to get some help... I'm writing this whilst feeling no where near as tired as I should be given how little sleep I've had recently so please excuse me if I ramble... I have been working with trance states and spirit work within the context of pagan and wiccan practice for 15 years or so. I am usually the person that everyone else comes to when they have a problem they want to talk over or need someone to help them with some spiritual work but since last year I have been overwhelmed and preoccupied with what was initiated described to be as a necessary " changing " process to help me work better with ancestral energies. I went mad, for days, unable to concentrate on any simple activities as other worlds were too loud and dragging my attention. I lost control of my body. A shaman friend helped me come back into this world and I though that was the crisis over with, a new set of experiences to integrate.I was wrong. Apart from her, everyone else seems to either not see what is happening to me or misunderstands what I try to say, so I have stopped trying to tell them. Over the past 11 months I have experienced all sorts of extreme physical symptoms. My body would twitch and shake beyond my control every time I began to relax or lay down, hot and cold surges, pains shooting around my body and an emotional roller-coaster that has been terrifying. Ecstasy or panic, peace or terror or feeling 'high' or not knowing why I should stay alive. And I have been locked inside myself, unable to communicate what has been happening to me. A few weeks ago I was looking for some new ideas on the web for opening my heart chakra which I was feeling compelled to do and I came across a site which described kundalini awakening. I swear I had cold sweats reading it and seeing my current experiences listed in front of me, at the same time it was some kind of relief to see that maybe this was part of a process that other people knew about, that maybe there was a way through it all. I realised very recently that I had been afraid of asking for help, afraid of being vulnerable and as weak and helpless as I feel a lot of the time these days. I have hidden behind an idea that I was knowledgeable to deal with insecurity and social nervousness and fear of rejection. But the truth is that I do need help from people who know more about this than I do. My spirit guides are encouraging me to reach out to other human people and get some guidance. Right now I am trying to process a new understanding of acceptance. I have spent months trying to let go and go with this process but I find myself resisting over and over again. Last night I spent all night consciously experiencing acceptance of my feelings, sensations and emotions, past and present.As I understood this my whole spine arched into a bow and wouldn't stop and I heard music in my ears. I have spent my life pushing things away that I didn't want to experience and now I am trying to let them flow through me. It is terrifying and wonderful and today I have felt as weak as a newborn thing and my skin floods with energy and sensation. I'm swinging between calmness and panic right now. I know I cannot go back to what and who I was, I'm not sure who that was anymore anyway. I approach this group in awareness of my ignorance, as someone who feels quite small right now and I humbly ask for help with my awakening. Thank you for listening, Ruari Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 Hi Ruari, I read your post on that other site as well. Welcome to this group, I find it a more talkative and seemingly knowledgable group, and and the rest of the group are extremely loving and helpful. I too am a Wiccan as well. Merry meet! This group uses a lot of Hindu terminolgy, lol, so I was rather confused--but I'm learning! As far as covens go (I am a solitary--so I only know this from reading), they should really be a " team " effort--yes, there is a high priest/ess--but everyone does an equal share of contribution. Therefore, the members of your coven shouldn't have any problems supporting you emotionally for a bit until you can figure out how to work with K ?? You'll find answers here. Bright blessings to you, Ana Ruari <spirit wrote: Hello, I have been guided to this place by a helpful person on another list who said it was a good and knowledgeable place where I might be able to get some help... I'm writing this whilst feeling no where near as tired as I should be given how little sleep I've had recently so please excuse me if I ramble... I have been working with trance states and spirit work within the context of pagan and wiccan practice for 15 years or so. I am usually the person that everyone else comes to when they have a problem they want to talk over or need someone to help them with some spiritual work but since last year I have been overwhelmed and preoccupied with what was initiated described to be as a necessary " changing " process to help me work better with ancestral energies. I went mad, for days, unable to concentrate on any simple activities as other worlds were too loud and dragging my attention. I lost control of my body. A shaman friend helped me come back into this world and I though that was the crisis over with, a new set of experiences to integrate.I was wrong. Apart from her, everyone else seems to either not see what is happening to me or misunderstands what I try to say, so I have stopped trying to tell them. Over the past 11 months I have experienced all sorts of extreme physical symptoms. My body would twitch and shake beyond my control every time I began to relax or lay down, hot and cold surges, pains shooting around my body and an emotional roller-coaster that has been terrifying. Ecstasy or panic, peace or terror or feeling 'high' or not knowing why I should stay alive. And I have been locked inside myself, unable to communicate what has been happening to me. A few weeks ago I was looking for some new ideas on the web for opening my heart chakra which I was feeling compelled to do and I came across a site which described kundalini awakening. I swear I had cold sweats reading it and seeing my current experiences listed in front of me, at the same time it was some kind of relief to see that maybe this was part of a process that other people knew about, that maybe there was a way through it all. I realised very recently that I had been afraid of asking for help, afraid of being vulnerable and as weak and helpless as I feel a lot of the time these days. I have hidden behind an idea that I was knowledgeable to deal with insecurity and social nervousness and fear of rejection. But the truth is that I do need help from people who know more about this than I do. My spirit guides are encouraging me to reach out to other human people and get some guidance. Right now I am trying to process a new understanding of acceptance. I have spent months trying to let go and go with this process but I find myself resisting over and over again. Last night I spent all night consciously experiencing acceptance of my feelings, sensations and emotions, past and present.As I understood this my whole spine arched into a bow and wouldn't stop and I heard music in my ears. I have spent my life pushing things away that I didn't want to experience and now I am trying to let them flow through me. It is terrifying and wonderful and today I have felt as weak as a newborn thing and my skin floods with energy and sensation. I'm swinging between calmness and panic right now. I know I cannot go back to what and who I was, I'm not sure who that was anymore anyway. I approach this group in awareness of my ignorance, as someone who feels quite small right now and I humbly ask for help with my awakening. Thank you for listening, Ruari Everyone is raving about the all-new Mail. How low will we go? Check out Messenger’s low PC-to-Phone call rates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 Ruari, Thank you so much for your intro. You are in the right place and I know you will recieve answers as well as guidance from this group. Please know that you are not alone on this journey. I wish you peace, love and understanding with your awakening Lisa ---- Ruari <spirit wrote: > Hello, > > I have been guided to this place by a helpful person on another list who > said it was a good and knowledgeable place where I might be able to get > some help... I'm writing this whilst feeling no where near as tired as I > should be given how little sleep I've had recently so please excuse me > if I ramble... > > I have been working with trance states and spirit work within the > context of pagan and wiccan practice for 15 years or so. I am usually > the person that everyone else comes to when they have a problem they > want to talk over or need someone to help them with some spiritual work > but since last year I have been overwhelmed and preoccupied with what > was initiated described to be as a necessary " changing " process to help > me work better with ancestral energies. I went mad, for days, unable to > concentrate on any simple activities as other worlds were too loud and > dragging my attention. I lost control of my body. A shaman friend helped > me come back into this world and I though that was the crisis over with, > a new set of experiences to integrate.I was wrong. Apart from her, > everyone else seems to either not see what is happening to me or > misunderstands what I try to say, so I have stopped trying to tell them. > > Over the past 11 months I have experienced all sorts of extreme physical > symptoms. My body would twitch and shake beyond my control every time I > began to relax or lay down, hot and cold surges, pains shooting around > my body and an emotional roller-coaster that has been terrifying. > Ecstasy or panic, peace or terror or feeling 'high' or not knowing why I > should stay alive. And I have been locked inside myself, unable to > communicate what has been happening to me. > > A few weeks ago I was looking for some new ideas on the web for opening > my heart chakra which I was feeling compelled to do and I came across a > site which described kundalini awakening. I swear I had cold sweats > reading it and seeing my current experiences listed in front of me, at > the same time it was some kind of relief to see that maybe this was part > of a process that other people knew about, that maybe there was a way > through it all. > > I realised very recently that I had been afraid of asking for help, > afraid of being vulnerable and as weak and helpless as I feel a lot of > the time these days. I have hidden behind an idea that I was > knowledgeable to deal with insecurity and social nervousness and fear of > rejection. But the truth is that I do need help from people who know > more about this than I do. My spirit guides are encouraging me to reach > out to other human people and get some guidance. > > Right now I am trying to process a new understanding of acceptance. I > have spent months trying to let go and go with this process but I find > myself resisting over and over again. Last night I spent all night > consciously experiencing acceptance of my feelings, sensations and > emotions, past and present.As I understood this my whole spine arched > into a bow and wouldn't stop and I heard music in my ears. I have spent > my life pushing things away that I didn't want to experience and now I > am trying to let them flow through me. It is terrifying and wonderful > and today I have felt as weak as a newborn thing and my skin floods with > energy and sensation. > > I'm swinging between calmness and panic right now. I know I cannot go > back to what and who I was, I'm not sure who that was anymore anyway. I > approach this group in awareness of my ignorance, as someone who feels > quite small right now and I humbly ask for help with my awakening. > > Thank you for listening, > Ruari > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 Ruari, You have most definitely come to the right place! The people here are truly terrific and humbly helpful through listening and understanding. You can and will grow within yourself and your awakening will be a welcomed journey! Things that are worth having and experiencing come with a small price, that price is facing the pass accepting it as it is and moving forward forgiving and then letting go and as I said moving forward! We are with you until we are summoned down a different path! Love Peace, Katherine Ruari <spirit wrote: Hello, I have been guided to this place by a helpful person on another list who said it was a good and knowledgeable place where I might be able to get some help... I'm writing this whilst feeling no where near as tired as I should be given how little sleep I've had recently so please excuse me if I ramble... I have been working with trance states and spirit work within the context of pagan and wiccan practice for 15 years or so. I am usually the person that everyone else comes to when they have a problem they want to talk over or need someone to help them with some spiritual work but since last year I have been overwhelmed and preoccupied with what was initiated described to be as a necessary " changing " process to help me work better with ancestral energies. I went mad, for days, unable to concentrate on any simple activities as other worlds were too loud and dragging my attention. I lost control of my body. A shaman friend helped me come back into this world and I though that was the crisis over with, a new set of experiences to integrate.I was wrong. Apart from her, everyone else seems to either not see what is happening to me or misunderstands what I try to say, so I have stopped trying to tell them. Over the past 11 months I have experienced all sorts of extreme physical symptoms. My body would twitch and shake beyond my control every time I began to relax or lay down, hot and cold surges, pains shooting around my body and an emotional roller-coaster that has been terrifying. Ecstasy or panic, peace or terror or feeling 'high' or not knowing why I should stay alive. And I have been locked inside myself, unable to communicate what has been happening to me. A few weeks ago I was looking for some new ideas on the web for opening my heart chakra which I was feeling compelled to do and I came across a site which described kundalini awakening. I swear I had cold sweats reading it and seeing my current experiences listed in front of me, at the same time it was some kind of relief to see that maybe this was part of a process that other people knew about, that maybe there was a way through it all. I realised very recently that I had been afraid of asking for help, afraid of being vulnerable and as weak and helpless as I feel a lot of the time these days. I have hidden behind an idea that I was knowledgeable to deal with insecurity and social nervousness and fear of rejection. But the truth is that I do need help from people who know more about this than I do. My spirit guides are encouraging me to reach out to other human people and get some guidance. Right now I am trying to process a new understanding of acceptance. I have spent months trying to let go and go with this process but I find myself resisting over and over again. Last night I spent all night consciously experiencing acceptance of my feelings, sensations and emotions, past and present.As I understood this my whole spine arched into a bow and wouldn't stop and I heard music in my ears. I have spent my life pushing things away that I didn't want to experience and now I am trying to let them flow through me. It is terrifying and wonderful and today I have felt as weak as a newborn thing and my skin floods with energy and sensation. I'm swinging between calmness and panic right now. I know I cannot go back to what and who I was, I'm not sure who that was anymore anyway. I approach this group in awareness of my ignorance, as someone who feels quite small right now and I humbly ask for help with my awakening. Thank you for listening, Ruari Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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