Guest guest Posted September 17, 2006 Report Share Posted September 17, 2006 Deb, You have so much depth and beauty. It is always with such interest that I read your posts and get so much out of them. I, too, have watched my thoughts become reality. Sometimes it happens quickly and sometimes not so quickly. As a teenager I had no remorse and few moral restrictions. As I grew I figured out that many of the things that I manifested weren't for the best (in the long run.) It was much trial and error with many bad consequences (often not apparently for me.) Later I realized that even the consequences that didn't seem to effect me actually did. I started not trusting my ego to make those decisions about manifestation. So I would leave my brain out of the decision making process about manifestation. That worked pretty good but I was still missing something. Now my ego is working in partnership with my bigger self (at least most of the time) and the pieces are falling much more into place. You talk about being worthy. Many talk and worry about that. I have a hard time understanding that whole concept other than intellectually. Maybe that is why I don't do guilt very well. I expeerience us all as equally unworthy/worthy and it doesn't seem to make any difference either way. Things still happen the way they do. What would make me more worthy? If I was nicer, more moral, richer, gave more of my time to my fellow man? All those things are born of comparison which means they are moving targets based on someones point of view. From one perspective I could be worthy, honorable, self-sacrificing person and from another I might be a terrorist. I figure that the best I can do is work on this partnership that my brain has with my higher/bigger self and try not to pay too much attention the the little self/brain/ego. My ramblings, BlessU Sam , Deb111222 wrote: > > > > - I just wanted to thank you for all the great posts lately, I have > had so many thoughts, but could not get caught up long enough to reply until > now. One thing - after I started doing the 5 Tibetans again, I started > feeling the energy kicking up very quickly. Yesterday after doing them, my left > heel vibrated for about 2 hours! Then last night when falling asleep, I Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2006 Report Share Posted September 17, 2006 Wow Deb, your posts are like reading a magazine article people pay to read. I loved it. And I also completely agree with you. Thoughts hold an incredible power within. If we were all able to manifest our thoughts, we'd all be dead. Most of us humans are mentally weak and our thoughts stray more than anything. I didn't want to speak of these thought manifestations, I just wanted to keep it to myself. I still am in denial that I caused any harm to anyone. In my youngers years, my boyfriend dumped me for another co-worker and they married. He was my 'first' and I caught an STD from him. I ended up in the hospital for 3 days and almost died from hemroging. Then was told I probably could not carry a child to full term. I was devestated and embarrassed. I cursed him, angered at what he did to me. I cursed over and over and stated that I wanted him to feel tremenous loss for my suffering and almost taking away my own life. Being young and naive I cursed his first born to die. This was thought out in anger for days, but brushed it off as just 'thoughts' since they held no vadility. His son was born a year later and died that day. Unknown causes. I am in denial as I said, and this can not hold truth. But now that this was all said, I wonder. I have blessed their family ever since, hoping that nothing but love and peace surround them. There are other instances that are similiar, but I won't mention since i'm already depressed :-P My questions are, why does it seem that negative thoughts out weigh the positive? This reminds me of a movie The remake of 'Twilight Zone', where a little boy can manifest all this thoughts. He lived in a house where he ate junk food all day and watched cartoons whenever he wanted. He removed the mouth of his sister because she voiced her opinion, and along comes a pretty woman who he wants as his replacement mother. He wishes her into the house and she can not leave. She has a logical head on her shoulders and the boy ends up as the student she as his teacher. This group reflects that movie (on a more subtle and positive level of course). I recommend that movie to watch, it's a classic! I 'X' out bad thoughts now, if it plays though, I replace it with a positive version and say 'i love you'. Thank you again Deb for your thoughts which gave me guts to write about mine. Peace to you sista lisa ---- Deb111222 wrote: > > > - I just wanted to thank you for all the great posts lately, I have > had so many thoughts, but could not get caught up long enough to reply until > now. One thing - after I started doing the 5 Tibetans again, I started > feeling the energy kicking up very quickly. Yesterday after doing them, my left > heel vibrated for about 2 hours! Then last night when falling asleep, I > started having the whole body vibrations again and I thought, " Oh no, I just don't > know if I'm sane enough to handle this! " Sometimes I wonder if I don't just > have too much anxiety to be " ready " for a full awakening yet. > > But then I read about your awakening and there were so many things in > there that I could relate to. I really appreciate you sharing that, because > it made me feel so less alone. When you shared your experience with your > ex-girlfriend and the boyfriend who died, I can think of a few times when things > similar happened to me. I'll give a couple of examples. When I was married > to my ex, he had two teenage daughters who lived with us. The oldest one > gave me a really hard time. I remember thinking that I hoped that one day when > she had children of her own, she would understand the misery that she caused > me. In other words, I wished bad on her out of anger. Five years after her > dad and I divorced, her little boy drowned on his fourth birthday. I was > devastated. All I could think about was how I knew I had wished misery on her > when she had children of her own, although the details were far worse than > anything I could have ever imagined. And I spent many, many hours on the phone > with her, as she poured out her agony, which only intensified my guilt and > proved to me that people really do change. > > Another time, I was observing one of my co-workers being really strict > and unreasonable with his sons. I remember thinking, " You should not be so > hard on those boys. Those kids should not be taken for granted. You never > know what could happen. " (In other words, I was passing judgment on him.) The > next year, his eldest was killed in a car wreck. And then there were the > local places around here that caused me a great deal of conflict and I remember > wishing that those " places " did not exist. Katrina took care of that and > then they were gone. > > So, I began to recognize and become terrified of the power of my own > thoughts and especially, intentions. I often wondered, " Did my ill-intentions > make these things happen? " My husband would tell me that I would be > absolutely insane to give myself that much credit or think that I could have that > much power. But, I definitely don't think that I have powers that other people > don't. I DO think that we all have creative powers based on our intentions, > and I just happen to notice the connections, which have been known to horrify > me. > > Also, your posts by that lady (I forget her name) really hit home with > me. Especially the paragraph about the alcoholics who began to experience a > K-awakening and then wondered " why me? " And felt unworthy. My story is that > I spent the first 40 years of my life trying to be a good person, the good > wife, the good mother, the good daughter, the good employee, etc. And it felt > like I was constantly being tested. Like the " bad guys " always had it good > and the good guys always finished last. Married to a (sober) alcoholic > (turned drug-addicted) man who screamed and yelled at me for ten years, and then > marrying another one who had an out-of-control gambling addiction, to the tune > of over a hundred thousand dollars in less than five years. I turned 40 and > lost my mind. I got angry. I decided that it didn't do any good to try to > be a good person and I didn't care anymore. I separated from my husband, > started drinking a lot and hanging around some wild people, who I believe now > were karmic soulmates that taught me some most-valuable lessons and totally > rearranged my life, and I, theirs. And I harbor no hard feelings. But I did > get myself into some vulnerable situations and seriously lost my mind and made > a lot of mistakes. After about a year of destructive lifestyle, some things > happened that frightened me so bad that I agreed to work things out with my > husband, who has not gambled since. (Almost two years.) > > By giving up the " good person " and delving into the " couldn't care > less " stage, I was able to truly forgive every single person who had ever " hurt " > me, because I was so ashamed of the times I hurt others. And I was able to > let go completely of all " judgment " towards others, because I wasn't so > perfect, myself. I was able to truly forgive my husband. But the one person that > I still struggle with on forgiveness is myself. And still learning how to > stop dwelling on the traumas and the tragedies of the past long enough to put > my focus on the things to be grateful for. > > And now, for some strange reason, my luck is turning around and I am > the one who is having the good luck, and many of those people who hurt me long > ago are having terrible luck. And instead of being glad at my good fortune, > I often feel less-than-deserving. And it doesn't make me feel good that bad > things are happening to others now. It just makes it more difficult for me > to enjoy the good things that are happening to me. It kind of takes the fun > out of it. I wonder, " Why now? " Why are things better for me now? When so > many people I care about are having such a hard time. > > So I think that one thing that I have learned is that whenever I > " thought " I was being such a " good person " all those years before, but continued to > have bad luck, I realize now how judgmental and unforgiving that I really > was, and maybe that was the reason. Now that I am not-so-great myself, I can > see how I let go of all of those grudges, and now when I try to be a " good > person " again, I do it differently. This time I do it without a grudge. This > time I do it without resentment. This time I do it because I really mean it, > not because I feel obligated to put on a masked persona. I had to become a > " bad person " in my own eyes to find out what it was like to really become a > more forgiving, less judgmental person. > > And in the midst of all of that turmoil, Katrina made me homeless, > another experience that I now understand, which has taught me so much about > patience and appreciation. Not long before that, these strange k-symptoms began. > Very vivid dreams which I thought of at the time as " hallucinogenic dreams " > because they felt so real, like I was really there. And the precognitive > dreams, things started coming true. And the warning dreams that frightened me > into getting " back on track. " And the vibrations, which I thought was > alcohol poisoning at first, then realized they were happening when I had not been > drinking. I have thought that I was having a nervous breakdown, but listening > to others on this forum calms me down considerably. > > But the aftershocks of this deep period of confusion still haunt me. > The guilt still haunts me. The panic still visits me. And the dreams won't > let me forget. Now I wonder if others are judging me the way I used to judge > others. I am humbled, but wonder will I ever feel worthy. Worthy of the > beautiful home we are building. Worthy of a husband who is willing to try > again. Worthy of a k-awakening. And I wonder if I will ever not be so frightened > of the energy. > > Anyway, these are just some things I have been thinking about after > reading your posts. Would be interested to hear your thoughts on this. > > Deb > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2006 Report Share Posted September 17, 2006 yes, yes, yes Debs, I can so totally relate to you and your story. I love your ability to be so honest with your self, and to forgive yourself is often the hardest thing of all. I could forgive the man who murdered my sister so easily, and yet to forgive myself for lying to someone I loved when I was younger seemed so hard for me. It's bizarre. I think that once you clear your anxiety and fear (which you will do) I think you will have a wonderful k-awakening, as you soooo deserve everything, you are an amzing woman that I love and respect. Your honest with yourself (not many people are) and you don't have a huge ego (another bonus). F-alse E-vidence A-ppearing R-eal. It's so true. I love you Debs, and thankyou for sharing this with us all, Much love to the eye's also, you seem to be seeing quite clearly at the moment.... Elektra x x x _________ All New Mail – Tired of Vi@gr@! come-ons? Let our SpamGuard protect you. http://uk.docs./nowyoucan.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.