Hector's story (condensed) - still mind vs useful thought

[Guest guest]

Hello

My name is Hector and I am new to the list

 

Some days ago I wrote a more detailed story about my case and my previous K.

experience in the kundaliniheat mailing list.

 

In short... I am 35 years old, I live in Barcelona and, 3 years ago, under some

job stress and after reading my first spiritual book (the power of now) I

gradually I started to feel very relaxed and my mind started to quiet down. One

night I experienced spasmodic body movements and this was too much for me.

Lacking a coherent explanation (I knew nothing about Kundalini then), I

misinterpreted it (the whole situation) completely and I thought I was being

" transformed " and started to have all kinds of delusional thoughts. I ended up

in the hospital, I was diagnosed Bipolar disorder and given a strong medication

(zyprexa+Lithium) which made both kriyas and thoughts dissapear.

 

What has happened in those three years ? Well nothing much as far as classical

K. symptoms are concerned (K. seems to be in sleeping mode while I am taking the

Zyprexa) however I have evolved in many aspects... I used to be a very dynamic

person, now I usually do things more slowly and I am quite content with what I

have in my ordinary life. My relationships in general have improved a lot (it is

extremely hard to have an argument with me) and my mind is still most of the

time (although I admit that when something goes wrong my mind still governs me)

 

My intention is to withdraw Zyprexa in 2/3 months time (I will do it with my

psychiatrist consent mainly because I know this will make things easier for my

family) and see what happens. I think I am more experienced now, I believe my

ego is not so strong as it used to be, and most important of all, I now know

what Kundalini symptoms are typically like, so I hope not to be taken over by

them.

 

Having introduced myself, I finally would like to ask a question.... I think

having a still mind (or rather letting your mind become still) is basic for any

kind of spiritual awakening, I believe this is the goal of meditation. A still

mind started it all for me, however I have read (and then verified for myself)

that a mind that has been forcefully stilled is not agile and typically has

memory malfunctioning, so you are " more or less at peace " but tend to forget

ordinary-life things. This happened to me. My opinion is that there has to be a

compromise between having a still mind and being able to use thought for useful

and necessary things. How this compromise can be accomplised I don't know.

Anyone can shed some light on this ?

 

Greetings

Hector