Loitering with Intent to Commit Ecstasy

March 3, 2007

Hi There You All-

Five days a week I am in my studio doing my art work which consists

of going into the automatisms of my ecstatic state as deeply as

possible and letting them paint for me. This is very demanding for me

to do, which I will explain. But unfortunately seeking a bit of moral

support from others in this is often not forth coming, Many who I

think would understand do not really see it. The response is often

that I am not doing anything different from anyone else, so why do I

make out like I am?

I am indeed very committed to the work and it is certainly very

demanding. For one thing in the first level of surrender I become

very much removed from what is going on. I feel about as much

involvement as waiting in line at the DMV. In this state my mind

starts to wander because I am so vacant and if there is something

bothering me in my life it will be magnified and discursive thinking

will ensue. This is of course very trying.

I also feel that sometimes the flow actually stimulates my thinking.

I enjoy this analytical or descriptive language and think this is

part of how I am supposed to investigate, but this thinking will

become discursive as well. This also creates a distraction from

myself as often I am trying to see how I would describe some event or

experience to another rather than just experiencing it. So although

this kind of thinking is good it also becomes compulsive and makes a

buffer from the deeper experience, which may be me resisting on one

level.

I can have a certain level of ecstatic response even while my

thoughts are running on, but it always feels as a distraction. I feel

the proper way to approach this is to give it my full attention and

bolster it with my intention. I have an approach which at this point

consists of cultivating the experiences of gravity, looking, putting

the spirit forward and thanks. This is highly effective when I can

give it my full attention, but this level of concentration is

difficult to maintain. Often I fall back to the distractions of the

thinking that I mentioned above. Recently I have been implementing

saying " gravity, look, forward " when I approach the painting surface

to remind myself of the task at hand and then proceed with

cultivating the experience of each in turn. When the pass on the

surface is done (that is when the paint needs to be refilled) I give

my prayer of thanks and cultivate the gravity again, as the

relaxation is so important to maintain.

Now when I do this well, which seems to be less than more, the

response is very intense and am very lit up. With the surrender to my

body that comes and the excitation I feel I have thought of it as

surfing through fire. However I am sorry to say that I do not as of

yet feel so familiar with the experience, it is always very odd and

challenges to my normal way of perceiving myself and my place in the

world. There is pleasure and intrigued in this for sure but I find an

immediate reluctance to keep my hand in the fire, if you will. So on

the one hand there is a challenge in getting to where I want to be

and on the other there is the challenge being in it and not resisting

when I find myself there.

However this is my chosen path and vocation, which is why I feel it

fine to call myself a holy man. My intention is to do this

professionally. And also being an artist I feel I need to expose not

only what I produce as far as art works but also the process that I

comes that enables me to do it. So I am wanting to make myself an

ecstatic performer. This I have done on a few occasions and I have

many more ideas planned. However I feel like I am trail blazing as I

do not see any precedent in this in our western culture in these

days. And so I want to present this succinctly, honestly,

authentically and with internal comment of the experience and

behavior based on the forms that I choice to present it with. This is

another great challenge that I am only beginning to see, the greatest

part being finding the way into the deepest ecstatic experiences,

responses and behaviors with the most consistency.

These are the challenges in using my ecstatic response in making art.

There are other challenges of composition and marketing, which are

great in themselves. And obviously there still is much to learn,

especially in marketing. I am willing to go this path and face the

demands of what I am setting out to do. But it is certainly very

challenging to me none the less.

I hope I haven't bored you.

Big Kiss-

Bret

March 3, 2007

Bret very interesting, by no means boring! I wish you luck with your journey and with your endeavors. Keep us informed of what is going on! May you have Blessings of Success sent to you! Love, KatherineBret Arenson <bretarenson wrote: Hi There You All-Five days a week I am in my studio doing my art work which consists of going into the automatisms of my ecstatic state as deeply as possible and letting them paint for me. This is very demanding for me to do, which I will

explain. But unfortunately seeking a bit of moral support from others in this is often not forth coming, Many who I think would understand do not really see it. The response is often that I am not doing anything different from anyone else, so why do I make out like I am?I am indeed very committed to the work and it is certainly very demanding. For one thing in the first level of surrender I become very much removed from what is going on. I feel about as much involvement as waiting in line at the DMV. In this state my mind starts to wander because I am so vacant and if there is something bothering me in my life it will be magnified and discursive thinking will ensue. This is of course very trying.I also feel that sometimes the flow actually stimulates my thinking. I enjoy this analytical or descriptive language and think this is part of how I am supposed to investigate, but this thinking will become

discursive as well. This also creates a distraction from myself as often I am trying to see how I would describe some event or experience to another rather than just experiencing it. So although this kind of thinking is good it also becomes compulsive and makes a buffer from the deeper experience, which may be me resisting on one level.I can have a certain level of ecstatic response even while my thoughts are running on, but it always feels as a distraction. I feel the proper way to approach this is to give it my full attention and bolster it with my intention. I have an approach which at this point consists of cultivating the experiences of gravity, looking, putting the spirit forward and thanks. This is highly effective when I can give it my full attention, but this level of concentration is difficult to maintain. Often I fall back to the distractions of the thinking that I mentioned above. Recently I have been

implementing saying "gravity, look, forward" when I approach the painting surface to remind myself of the task at hand and then proceed with cultivating the experience of each in turn. When the pass on the surface is done (that is when the paint needs to be refilled) I give my prayer of thanks and cultivate the gravity again, as the relaxation is so important to maintain.Now when I do this well, which seems to be less than more, the response is very intense and am very lit up. With the surrender to my body that comes and the excitation I feel I have thought of it as surfing through fire. However I am sorry to say that I do not as of yet feel so familiar with the experience, it is always very odd and challenges to my normal way of perceiving myself and my place in the world. There is pleasure and intrigued in this for sure but I find an immediate reluctance to keep my hand in the fire, if you will. So on the

one hand there is a challenge in getting to where I want to be and on the other there is the challenge being in it and not resisting when I find myself there.However this is my chosen path and vocation, which is why I feel it fine to call myself a holy man. My intention is to do this professionally. And also being an artist I feel I need to expose not only what I produce as far as art works but also the process that I comes that enables me to do it. So I am wanting to make myself an ecstatic performer. This I have done on a few occasions and I have many more ideas planned. However I feel like I am trail blazing as I do not see any precedent in this in our western culture in these days. And so I want to present this succinctly, honestly, authentically and with internal comment of the experience and behavior based on the forms that I choice to present it with. This is another great challenge that I am only beginning

to see, the greatest part being finding the way into the deepest ecstatic experiences, responses and behaviors with the most consistency.These are the challenges in using my ecstatic response in making art. There are other challenges of composition and marketing, which are great in themselves. And obviously there still is much to learn, especially in marketing. I am willing to go this path and face the demands of what I am setting out to do. But it is certainly very challenging to me none the less.I hope I haven't bored you.Big Kiss-Bret

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