Guest guest Posted May 6, 2007 Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 Dear group, Chrism has suggested that I share with you some personal correspondence we had this weekend in hopes that it may help others in the group having similar issues. This is very personal, but if helps someone else, then I will be happy and try not to be too embarrassed. Here are three posts; my post to Chrism, his response to me, and my response to him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear Chrism: I'm very discouraged. I never meditated before I started with the K...I am having a hard time with it, trying to keep thoughts out of my mind. I've heard differing opinions about using guided meditation/music versus NOT using them. I've tried both, I keep trying both, but I don't see any progress whatsoever. Each time a thought comes into my head, I think 'good thought...I'll think about that later' and let it go. But they keep coming and coming. Next thing I know 20 or 30 minutes has passed and all I've done is volley thoughts. I keep having back problems. I got through the lower back pain during the middle part of April and was able to start doing Yoga. Then, on April 24, a new pain started, this one more severe than the lower back pain...it was all across my shoulders and radiating up into the back of my neck. It lasted 10 days, during which time it moved around the shoulder/neck area, finally settling right between my shoulder blades before it finally subsided. The pain was so intense at night that I could not sleep without taking ibuprofen; I know you said not to medicate, but I did so in order to sleep. During the times of back pain, my Yoga/Tibetans suffered. I did the spinning, but the pain was too strong to do much of anything else, although I did what I could. I also feared making the pain worse by doing certain exercises. I am not at all convinced that the pain is due to the K. In both cases, there were other possible causes for the pain; the lower back pain, the 5th Tibetan; the shoulder/neck pain, dead-lifting about 25 lbs. with my extended left arm. I am also having a hard time with joy. I take great joy in nature. When I'm driving and from work, etc., I really enjoy the views, and there are many as I drive across a causeway over the Atlantic Ocean to my job on an island. I work at a marina, so the views and the breeze and the ocean smells there are wonderful and I soak them up. I also soak up nature on my afternoon bike rides around my neighborhood. I feel such joy sometimes that tears well up in my eyes. Other than nature, I don't find much joy...I find really negative thoughts in my head, like when I go to the store and see shopping carts everywhere except at the return stations where they are supposed to go; I think about how lazy and irresponsible and plain uncaring those people are that leave their carts around, and I think that I am more highly spiritually evolved than they are (then I feel bad for thinking that, plus I know it's not true). That is an example...there are other instances. My head noise is incessant and negative. I doubt that my K is really awakening. I feel foolish, like a child playing house...it's an illusion...I am just pretending to be awakening. I have no evidence that it is awakening, in fact, I'm not as happy as I was before I committed to this. I wake up each morning and face another day of going through the motions but seeing no signs that I am advancing. I AM enjoying the service. I am getting out with a large garbage bag and picking up litter around my neighborhood. When I ride my bike, I pinpoint other places I will go to pick up trash. When I ride my bike, I have also been seeing an old lady sitting on her porch in my neighborhood; she sits alone and has an oxygen tank. Friday, I stopped and talked to her and told her I'd like to stop by again and chat with her. She seemed to like the idea. I love old folks and will enjoy getting to know her. I have noticed no difference between when you had the scatterfield in place and when you removed it. Everything seems static with me and has been from the start. There it is. I am embarrassed to tell you all of this because I don't want you to think less of me, and I know you are just going to reassure me that something IS happening with me and that I just have to be patient and keep practicing. Or you might even get fed up with me. I have to say...I am terribly discouraged, like I'd just like to give up and try to resurrect my OBE practice! I used to be happy and have OBEs...now both of those are missing from my life. I feel like a failure at K. You can't imagine how many times I've gone back and forth about whether or not to send you this email. I trust you, Chris, I'm just embarrassed. Love, Claudia ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hello Claudia, It really isn't important how I feel about your progress or your issues but how you feel about them. I have no expectations of you. Not because I do not care, I do, but because having expectations, as we understand them to be, is putting an undo pressure of performance or an attachment to results or outcomes that can impede the dynamics of a persons path. Not all parts of the Kundalini path are pleasant because not all parts of the human being are pleasant. The aspects of who we are that are unpleasant will also need to be addressed. Not taken away or discarded but viewed with an eye for choosing what it is that will be expressed and how that expression will take place. This can be unpleasant for a time. So you might wish to go inside of yourself and see and feel if you, as a conscious being, wish to come into balance with these other aspects of your self. There is no need for guilt or negative self judgment. There is no rush or a requirement of sensational phenomena. The only requirement is that you do the aspects of the practice that you feel comfortable with and if that means " none of it " that is alright too. Rome wasn't built in a day or the pyramids built in a single lifetime. You have time. You have choice and your options are endless. Be at peace Claudia. And be happy. As far as your meditations go. When I was in your place or a similar place of starting with it. I used this affirmation and I timed it, with my inhales and exhales. " I am at one with the all that I am " I said this over and over for twenty minutes to start. Every day at roughly the same time. I had no expectations of anything except in the belief of that phrase. Over and over. My focus was there. I did this every day for a year before I had any phenomena begin. I did this in a tin metal shed, outside in the back yard, full of black widows and gardening equipment because I lived in a social environment not supportive of this type of practice. I was in complete darkness except for little pin points of light as the sun would come through various cracks in the metal shed. I was resolute and patient and not expecting anything to happen. It was a personal habit that I wanted to bring into my life that's all. Nothing more. I would suggest to you Claudia to limit your expectations. Free your consciousness from competition with others who may be experiencing phenomena as that is not the focus. I know you are not in " active competition " but in comparing so called " results " its an easy place to go to. So I would suggest that you begin to take this on your own terms. If at all. If you do choose to travel more upon this path then let it be from a platform of your own choosing. " Pick out your own hiking shoes " so to say. Take it slow and easy and be patient and resolute. If you cannot distance yourself from the expectation of specific results then you may continue to have issues of an ego driven " Why am I not having such and such a phenomena yet?! " and this will lead to self recriminations and frustration, leading to a negative outlook about what is occurring. - Just my take dear Claudia - love - chrism ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear Chrism, I am relieved and encouraged by your response. This hit home for me the most: " You have time. You have choice and your options are endless. " I believe I was approaching this from the viewpoint that I had a list of things that I had to do every day, most of which I enjoy, but it was still something I felt I had to 'check off' every day. I didn't know that I could sort of play with the checklist a little bit. I really do enjoy praying for others, service, the compression prayer, the new Shakti chant you gave us this week, riding my bicycle, praying to God & Shakti, and Yoga. I have forgiven everyone I can think of and myself, so my daily forgiveness is for the people who annoy me during the day and for myself for being annoyed. I will work on the meditation as you have suggested. I guess I had 'expectations' for that, as well. And, heck, I sure don't have to meditate in a shed with black widow spiders! I do need to go inside myself and take a look at the negative aspects, at what causes my endless head noise. I'm not sure how to do that, but I am going to try. Thank you for taking the time and for caring enough to write this thoughtful personal response. You have given me much to think about, but the main thing is that I feel better already. I look forward to the day when I can look back on this day and laugh at myself...compassionately, of course! You are a wonderful person and resource, Chris, Much love, Claudia ______________________________\ ____ Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. Try the free Mail Beta. http://advision.webevents./mailbeta/features_spam.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2007 Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 Claudia, first of all I would like to say thanks for sharing this with all of us and giving us your trust. Than I would like to say that it took a lot of courage for you to post this to the group! I am proud of you for biting your pride to help others who may be experiencing what you are. I know where you are coming from because I have been there myself. Don't be embarrassed because there is no reason to be. You are human just like the rest of us, and the ones who haven't had a spontaneous awakening are guilty of what you speak about, most any way. I am! I will not judge you, for if I do, I would be judging myself. Anyway, don't kick yourself, don't look down on yourself, patience is what both you and I need. As said, we have all the time in the world! As for the meditations, I have been doing them a year now and I still have times when my mind just wants to chatter, so you will have moments where that might happen even after you have been doing it a while. As for how I do it, I use guide meditation Cds sometimes and other times I don't use anything at all. I just sit there fingers locked, eyes up, and tongue up and I just sit there not forcing anything, if something does come to mind, I am like " OK " and I continue. I had a problem in the beginning like you, I tried forcing it away, to stop, but I believe that made it worse. Actually to be honest with you I still have problems every once in a while and sometimes I will just get up and do something else and then try again later. Just see how you feel at the moment, what is right for you. I used a verse from Psalms as a guide, but I like what has shared. Anyway, Claudia, we have all been where you are right now at least once if not more, so don't worry, don't be discouraged, or embarrassed. The dredging up of old memories and having to deal with a memory we thought was put away for forever can cause all sorts of emotional turmoil. We are here for each other always. I will send you my number if you ever need to just talk. Love, katherine Claudia Lambright <newtfoodbowl Sunday, May 6, 2007 6:12:45 PM Dealing with discouragement Dear group, Chrism has suggested that I share with you some personal correspondence we had this weekend in hopes that it may help others in the group having similar issues. This is very personal, but if helps someone else, then I will be happy and try not to be too embarrassed. Here are three posts; my post to Chrism, his response to me, and my response to him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ Dear Chrism: I'm very discouraged. I never meditated before I started with the K...I am having a hard time with it, trying to keep thoughts out of my mind. I've heard differing opinions about using guided meditation/music versus NOT using them. I've tried both, I keep trying both, but I don't see any progress whatsoever. Each time a thought comes into my head, I think 'good thought...I' ll think about that later' and let it go. But they keep coming and coming. Next thing I know 20 or 30 minutes has passed and all I've done is volley thoughts. I keep having back problems. I got through the lower back pain during the middle part of April and was able to start doing Yoga. Then, on April 24, a new pain started, this one more severe than the lower back pain...it was all across my shoulders and radiating up into the back of my neck. It lasted 10 days, during which time it moved around the shoulder/neck area, finally settling right between my shoulder blades before it finally subsided. The pain was so intense at night that I could not sleep without taking ibuprofen; I know you said not to medicate, but I did so in order to sleep. During the times of back pain, my Yoga/Tibetans suffered. I did the spinning, but the pain was too strong to do much of anything else, although I did what I could. I also feared making the pain worse by doing certain exercises. I am not at all convinced that the pain is due to the K. In both cases, there were other possible causes for the pain; the lower back pain, the 5th Tibetan; the shoulder/neck pain, dead-lifting about 25 lbs. with my extended left arm. I am also having a hard time with joy. I take great joy in nature. When I'm driving and from work, etc., I really enjoy the views, and there are many as I drive across a causeway over the Atlantic Ocean to my job on an island. I work at a marina, so the views and the breeze and the ocean smells there are wonderful and I soak them up. I also soak up nature on my afternoon bike rides around my neighborhood. I feel such joy sometimes that tears well up in my eyes. Other than nature, I don't find much joy...I find really negative thoughts in my head, like when I go to the store and see shopping carts everywhere except at the return stations where they are supposed to go; I think about how lazy and irresponsible and plain uncaring those people are that leave their carts around, and I think that I am more highly spiritually evolved than they are (then I feel bad for thinking that, plus I know it's not true). That is an example...there are other instances. My head noise is incessant and negative. I doubt that my K is really awakening. I feel foolish, like a child playing house...it's an illusion...I am just pretending to be awakening. I have no evidence that it is awakening, in fact, I'm not as happy as I was before I committed to this. I wake up each morning and face another day of going through the motions but seeing no signs that I am advancing. I AM enjoying the service. I am getting out with a large garbage bag and picking up litter around my neighborhood. When I ride my bike, I pinpoint other places I will go to pick up trash. When I ride my bike, I have also been seeing an old lady sitting on her porch in my neighborhood; she sits alone and has an oxygen tank. Friday, I stopped and talked to her and told her I'd like to stop by again and chat with her. She seemed to like the idea. I love old folks and will enjoy getting to know her. I have noticed no difference between when you had the scatterfield in place and when you removed it. Everything seems static with me and has been from the start. There it is. I am embarrassed to tell you all of this because I don't want you to think less of me, and I know you are just going to reassure me that something IS happening with me and that I just have to be patient and keep practicing. Or you might even get fed up with me. I have to say...I am terribly discouraged, like I'd just like to give up and try to resurrect my OBE practice! I used to be happy and have OBEs...now both of those are missing from my life. I feel like a failure at K. You can't imagine how many times I've gone back and forth about whether or not to send you this email. I trust you, Chris, I'm just embarrassed. Love, Claudia ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~ Hello Claudia, It really isn't important how I feel about your progress or your issues but how you feel about them. I have no expectations of you. Not because I do not care, I do, but because having expectations, as we understand them to be, is putting an undo pressure of performance or an attachment to results or outcomes that can impede the dynamics of a persons path. Not all parts of the Kundalini path are pleasant because not all parts of the human being are pleasant. The aspects of who we are that are unpleasant will also need to be addressed. Not taken away or discarded but viewed with an eye for choosing what it is that will be expressed and how that expression will take place. This can be unpleasant for a time. So you might wish to go inside of yourself and see and feel if you, as a conscious being, wish to come into balance with these other aspects of your self. There is no need for guilt or negative self judgment. There is no rush or a requirement of sensational phenomena. The only requirement is that you do the aspects of the practice that you feel comfortable with and if that means " none of it " that is alright too. Rome wasn't built in a day or the pyramids built in a single lifetime. You have time. You have choice and your options are endless. Be at peace Claudia. And be happy. As far as your meditations go. When I was in your place or a similar place of starting with it. I used this affirmation and I timed it, with my inhales and exhales. " I am at one with the all that I am " I said this over and over for twenty minutes to start. Every day at roughly the same time. I had no expectations of anything except in the belief of that phrase. Over and over. My focus was there. I did this every day for a year before I had any phenomena begin. I did this in a tin metal shed, outside in the back yard, full of black widows and gardening equipment because I lived in a social environment not supportive of this type of practice. I was in complete darkness except for little pin points of light as the sun would come through various cracks in the metal shed. I was resolute and patient and not expecting anything to happen. It was a personal habit that I wanted to bring into my life that's all. Nothing more. I would suggest to you Claudia to limit your expectations. Free your consciousness from competition with others who may be experiencing phenomena as that is not the focus. I know you are not in " active competition " but in comparing so called " results " its an easy place to go to. So I would suggest that you begin to take this on your own terms. If at all. If you do choose to travel more upon this path then let it be from a platform of your own choosing. " Pick out your own hiking shoes " so to say. Take it slow and easy and be patient and resolute. If you cannot distance yourself from the expectation of specific results then you may continue to have issues of an ego driven " Why am I not having such and such a phenomena yet?! " and this will lead to self recriminations and frustration, leading to a negative outlook about what is occurring. - Just my take dear Claudia - love - chrism ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ Dear Chrism, I am relieved and encouraged by your response. This hit home for me the most: " You have time. You have choice and your options are endless. " I believe I was approaching this from the viewpoint that I had a list of things that I had to do every day, most of which I enjoy, but it was still something I felt I had to 'check off' every day. I didn't know that I could sort of play with the checklist a little bit. I really do enjoy praying for others, service, the compression prayer, the new Shakti chant you gave us this week, riding my bicycle, praying to God & Shakti, and Yoga. I have forgiven everyone I can think of and myself, so my daily forgiveness is for the people who annoy me during the day and for myself for being annoyed. I will work on the meditation as you have suggested. I guess I had 'expectations' for that, as well. And, heck, I sure don't have to meditate in a shed with black widow spiders! I do need to go inside myself and take a look at the negative aspects, at what causes my endless head noise. I'm not sure how to do that, but I am going to try. Thank you for taking the time and for caring enough to write this thoughtful personal response. You have given me much to think about, but the main thing is that I feel better already. I look forward to the day when I can look back on this day and laugh at myself...compassion ately, of course! You are a wonderful person and resource, Chris, Much love, Claudia ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. Try the free Mail Beta. http://advision. webevents. / mailbeta/ features_ spam.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2007 Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 Dearest Claudia, thank you for sharing this most personal information with us. I have said this to you before and I feel even stronger about it now, that you have a gift for encouraging and uplifting others. By reading your experiences and frustrations others have decided to follow this path. Right now, this is your phenomena, your gift to others. Through watching you grow and question others have the courage to follow. Have you considered that this is the way things are supposed to be on your path right now? It might be unpleasant for you at this time, but I think in the future you will see why it had to be this way. A big hug to you! Sarita , Claudia Lambright <newtfoodbowl wrote: > > Dear group, > > has suggested that I share with you some > personal correspondence we had this weekend in hopes > that it may help others in the group having similar > issues. This is very personal, but if helps someone > else, then I will be happy and try not to be too > embarrassed. > > Here are three posts; my post to Chrism, his response > to me, and my response to him. > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > Dear Chrism: > > I'm very discouraged. > > I never meditated before I started with the K...I am > having a hard time with it, trying to keep thoughts > out of my mind. I've heard differing opinions about > using guided meditation/music versus NOT using them. > I've tried both, I keep trying both, but I don't see > any progress whatsoever. Each time a thought comes > into my head, I think 'good thought...I'll think about > that later' and let it go. But they keep coming and > coming. Next thing I know 20 or 30 minutes has passed > and all I've done is volley thoughts. > > I keep having back problems. I got through the lower > back pain during the middle part of April and was able > to start doing Yoga. Then, on April 24, a new pain > started, this one more severe than the lower back > pain...it was all across my shoulders and radiating up > into the back of my neck. It lasted 10 days, during > which time it moved around the shoulder/neck area, > finally settling right between my shoulder blades > before it finally subsided. The pain was so intense > at night that I could not sleep without taking > ibuprofen; I know you said not to medicate, but I did > so in order to sleep. > > During the times of back pain, my Yoga/Tibetans > suffered. I did the spinning, but the pain was too > strong to do much of anything else, although I did > what I could. I also feared making the pain worse by > doing certain exercises. > > I am not at all convinced that the pain is due to the > K. In both cases, there were other possible causes > for the pain; the lower back pain, the 5th Tibetan; > the shoulder/neck pain, dead-lifting about 25 lbs. > with my extended left arm. > > I am also having a hard time with joy. I take great > joy in nature. When I'm driving and from work, etc., > I really enjoy the views, and there are many as I > drive across a causeway over the Atlantic Ocean to my > job on an island. I work at a marina, so the views > and the breeze and the ocean smells there are > wonderful and I soak them up. I also soak up nature > on my afternoon bike rides around my neighborhood. I > feel such joy sometimes that tears well up in my eyes. > > Other than nature, I don't find much joy...I find > really negative thoughts in my head, like when I go to > the store and see shopping carts everywhere except at > the return stations where they are supposed to go; I > think about how lazy and irresponsible and plain > uncaring those people are that leave their carts > around, and I think that I am more highly spiritually > evolved than they are (then I feel bad for thinking > that, plus I know it's not true). That is an > example...there are other instances. My head noise is > incessant and negative. > > I doubt that my K is really awakening. I feel > foolish, like a child playing house...it's an > illusion...I am just pretending to be awakening. I > have no evidence that it is awakening, in fact, I'm > not as happy as I was before I committed to this. I > wake up each morning and face another day of going > through the motions but seeing no signs that I am > advancing. > > I AM enjoying the service. I am getting out with a > large garbage bag and picking up litter around my > neighborhood. When I ride my bike, I pinpoint other > places I will go to pick up trash. When I ride my > bike, I have also been seeing an old lady sitting on > her porch in my neighborhood; she sits alone and has > an oxygen tank. Friday, I stopped and talked to her > and told her I'd like to stop by again and chat with > her. She seemed to like the idea. I love old folks > and will enjoy getting to know her. > > I have noticed no difference between when you had the > scatterfield in place and when you removed it. > Everything seems static with me and has been from the > start. > > There it is. I am embarrassed to tell you all of this > because I don't want you to think less of me, and I > know you are just going to reassure me that something > IS happening with me and that I just have to be > patient and keep practicing. Or you might even get > fed up with me. I have to say...I am terribly > discouraged, like I'd just like to give up and try to > resurrect my OBE practice! I used to be happy and > have OBEs...now both of those are missing from my > life. I feel like a failure at K. > > You can't imagine how many times I've gone back and > forth about whether or not to send you this email. I > trust you, Chris, I'm just embarrassed. > > Love, Claudia > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Hello Claudia, > It really isn't important how I > feel about your progress or your issues but how you > feel about them. I have no expectations of you. Not > because I do not care, I do, but because having > expectations, as we understand them to be, is putting > an undo pressure of performance or an attachment to > results or outcomes that can impede the dynamics of a > persons path. > > Not all parts of the Kundalini path are pleasant > because not all parts of the human being are pleasant. > The aspects of who we are that are unpleasant will > also need to be addressed. Not taken away or discarded > but viewed with an eye for choosing what it is that > will be expressed and how that expression will take > place. This can be unpleasant for a time. So you might > wish to go inside of yourself and see and feel if you, > as a conscious being, wish to come into balance with > these other aspects of your self. > > There is no need for guilt or negative self judgment. > There is no rush or a requirement of sensational > phenomena. The only requirement is that you do the > aspects of the practice that you feel comfortable with > and if that means " none of it " that is alright too. > Rome wasn't built in a day or the pyramids built in a > single lifetime. You have time. You have choice and > your options are endless. Be at peace Claudia. And be > happy. > > As far as your meditations go. When I was in your > place or a similar place of starting with it. I used > this affirmation and I timed it, with my inhales and > exhales. " I am at one with the all that I am " I said > this over and over for twenty minutes to start. Every > day at roughly the same time. > > I had no expectations of anything except in the > belief of that phrase. Over and over. My focus was > there. I did this every day for a year before I had > any phenomena begin. I did this in a tin metal shed, > outside in the back yard, full of black widows and > gardening equipment because I lived in a social > environment not supportive of this type of practice. I > was in complete darkness except for little pin points > of light as the sun would come through various cracks > in the metal shed. > > I was resolute and patient and not expecting anything > to happen. It was a personal habit that I wanted to > bring into my life that's all. Nothing more. > > I would suggest to you Claudia to limit your > expectations. Free your consciousness from competition > with others who may be experiencing phenomena as that > is not the focus. I know you are not in " active > competition " but in comparing so called " results " its > an easy place to go to. > > So I would suggest that you begin to take this on your > own terms. If at all. If you do choose to travel more > upon this path then let it be from a platform of your > own choosing. " Pick out your own hiking shoes " so to > say. Take it slow and easy and be patient and > resolute. If you cannot distance yourself from the > expectation of specific results then you may continue > to have issues of an ego driven " Why am I not having > such and such a phenomena yet?! " and this will lead to > self recriminations and frustration, leading to a > negative outlook about what is occurring. - Just my > take dear Claudia - love - chrism > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Dear Chrism, > > I am relieved and encouraged by your response. This > hit home for me the most: > > " You have time. You have choice and your options are > endless. " > > I believe I was approaching this from the viewpoint > that I had a list of things that I had to do every > day, most of which I enjoy, but it was still something > I felt I had to 'check off' every day. I didn't know > that I could sort of play with the checklist a little > bit. I really do enjoy praying for others, service, > the compression prayer, the new Shakti chant you gave > us this week, riding my bicycle, praying to God & > Shakti, and Yoga. I have forgiven everyone I can > think of and myself, so my daily forgiveness is for > the people who annoy me during the day and for myself > for being annoyed. > > I will work on the meditation as you have suggested. > I guess I had 'expectations' for that, as well. And, > heck, I sure don't have to meditate in a shed with > black widow spiders! > > I do need to go inside myself and take a look at the > negative aspects, at what causes my endless head > noise. I'm not sure how to do that, but I am going to > try. > > Thank you for taking the time and for caring enough to > write this thoughtful personal response. You have > given me much to think about, but the main thing is > that I feel better already. I look forward to the day > when I can look back on this day and laugh at > myself...compassionately, of course! > > You are a wonderful person and resource, Chris, > > Much love, > Claudia > > > > > > > > > ____________________ ______________ > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > Try the free Mail Beta. > http://advision.webevents./mailbeta/features_spam.html > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2007 Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 Dear Claudia, first the back pain, it could be actually a signature or evidence of the energy. It could be a blockage a normal history based or emotional experienced based prior experience sort of located there,or clearing karma (someone said that or used that term near me before) sort of statement that the energy is there. And it is working and at that point (locataion)or that chakra there is work to do or being done. Its not bad its a process. It's like that locataion, it some sort of or a, metaphysical touch point in time. Like it's a focal point between all the indixes in eternity juxtaposed in the now. As indicated in that one point in your back. and hinging around it circle all these past memories and concerns or worries and experiences and sorrows and realities. And today you, you get the opportunity to have energy move through and clear this with you, with your consent. second sometimes stress and or emotional pain or feelings even like anger are experienced in one or another set of muscles or even areas in the body. and they can be from the past, not even in the now. and that can be reactivated so either we can know it, know about it, or right now, through the physical to the spiritual- feel it. and we CAN forgive it. come to peace with it. maybe another time or place resonating still and now it can be felt and cleared freeing you for more love without that whirlpool. it's like an eddy from the past, (maybe some distant past) stilling an energy chanel. so even before energy is moving some areas of work and learning and release may bring greater and greater peace as they are experienced. This increases the ability to love more freely, increase an ease in service, increases forgiveness through some of those late night adventures (dreaming) find solace in the soul for now...changing always. next receiving energy and finding oneself outside of negativity may be the chance (LOL and challenge) for some of us of a lifetime! a lifetime. what a joy it is to be here on this list at this time for me. Every time I receive great energy or have experiences then later during some quiet interval I realize I am not all that much anyways I never was I am just me. a part of god. so loved. but just here I am. This feeling of discouragement I so share withyou. Every time I hope or label I am 'so good' thinking to be better or more or " more' talented/ gooder somehow than someone somewhere- then oh my gosh! crash me down!! when I see another limitation EVEN experience a life lesson delivered in love! which i needed !! with great I love so much stated and hug at the end!! it is EASY to be discouraged. EVEN the feeling of that back pain really says something about waking up and processing and being more aware. and being in emptiness in meditation or quiet prayer- don't get me started! when the waves of self criticism roll in and finding flaw and fault instead of this vast vault of love. oh my goodness! but praying and loving and serving and giving and communicating- will through this amazing love roll back the waves and peace and real hope can begin- I can feel it sometimes. It comes, at intervals. between distinguishing or feeling areas of invalidation earned invalidation and self criticism which need thought. and love. and time. and, Forgiveness. I hope I've helped. Love, Ruth -- In , Claudia Lambright <newtfoodbowl wrote: > > Dear group, > > has suggested that I share with you some > personal correspondence we had this weekend in hopes > that it may help others in the group having similar > issues. This is very personal, but if helps someone > else, then I will be happy and try not to be too > embarrassed. > > Here are three posts; my post to Chrism, his response > to me, and my response to him. > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > Dear Chrism: > > I'm very discouraged. > > I never meditated before I started with the K...I am > having a hard time with it, trying to keep thoughts > out of my mind. I've heard differing opinions about > using guided meditation/music versus NOT using them. > I've tried both, I keep trying both, but I don't see > any progress whatsoever. Each time a thought comes > into my head, I think 'good thought...I'll think about > that later' and let it go. But they keep coming and > coming. Next thing I know 20 or 30 minutes has passed > and all I've done is volley thoughts. > > I keep having back problems. I got through the lower > back pain during the middle part of April and was able > to start doing Yoga. Then, on April 24, a new pain > started, this one more severe than the lower back > pain...it was all across my shoulders and radiating up > into the back of my neck. It lasted 10 days, during > which time it moved around the shoulder/neck area, > finally settling right between my shoulder blades > before it finally subsided. The pain was so intense > at night that I could not sleep without taking > ibuprofen; I know you said not to medicate, but I did > so in order to sleep. > > During the times of back pain, my Yoga/Tibetans > suffered. I did the spinning, but the pain was too > strong to do much of anything else, although I did > what I could. I also feared making the pain worse by > doing certain exercises. > > I am not at all convinced that the pain is due to the > K. In both cases, there were other possible causes > for the pain; the lower back pain, the 5th Tibetan; > the shoulder/neck pain, dead-lifting about 25 lbs. > with my extended left arm. > > I am also having a hard time with joy. I take great > joy in nature. When I'm driving and from work, etc., > I really enjoy the views, and there are many as I > drive across a causeway over the Atlantic Ocean to my > job on an island. I work at a marina, so the views > and the breeze and the ocean smells there are > wonderful and I soak them up. I also soak up nature > on my afternoon bike rides around my neighborhood. I > feel such joy sometimes that tears well up in my eyes. > > Other than nature, I don't find much joy...I find > really negative thoughts in my head, like when I go to > the store and see shopping carts everywhere except at > the return stations where they are supposed to go; I > think about how lazy and irresponsible and plain > uncaring those people are that leave their carts > around, and I think that I am more highly spiritually > evolved than they are (then I feel bad for thinking > that, plus I know it's not true). That is an > example...there are other instances. My head noise is > incessant and negative. > > I doubt that my K is really awakening. I feel > foolish, like a child playing house...it's an > illusion...I am just pretending to be awakening. I > have no evidence that it is awakening, in fact, I'm > not as happy as I was before I committed to this. I > wake up each morning and face another day of going > through the motions but seeing no signs that I am > advancing. > > I AM enjoying the service. I am getting out with a > large garbage bag and picking up litter around my > neighborhood. When I ride my bike, I pinpoint other > places I will go to pick up trash. When I ride my > bike, I have also been seeing an old lady sitting on > her porch in my neighborhood; she sits alone and has > an oxygen tank. Friday, I stopped and talked to her > and told her I'd like to stop by again and chat with > her. She seemed to like the idea. I love old folks > and will enjoy getting to know her. > > I have noticed no difference between when you had the > scatterfield in place and when you removed it. > Everything seems static with me and has been from the > start. > > There it is. I am embarrassed to tell you all of this > because I don't want you to think less of me, and I > know you are just going to reassure me that something > IS happening with me and that I just have to be > patient and keep practicing. Or you might even get > fed up with me. I have to say...I am terribly > discouraged, like I'd just like to give up and try to > resurrect my OBE practice! I used to be happy and > have OBEs...now both of those are missing from my > life. I feel like a failure at K. > > You can't imagine how many times I've gone back and > forth about whether or not to send you this email. I > trust you, Chris, I'm just embarrassed. > > Love, Claudia > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Hello Claudia, > It really isn't important how I > feel about your progress or your issues but how you > feel about them. I have no expectations of you. Not > because I do not care, I do, but because having > expectations, as we understand them to be, is putting > an undo pressure of performance or an attachment to > results or outcomes that can impede the dynamics of a > persons path. > > Not all parts of the Kundalini path are pleasant > because not all parts of the human being are pleasant. > The aspects of who we are that are unpleasant will > also need to be addressed. Not taken away or discarded > but viewed with an eye for choosing what it is that > will be expressed and how that expression will take > place. This can be unpleasant for a time. So you might > wish to go inside of yourself and see and feel if you, > as a conscious being, wish to come into balance with > these other aspects of your self. > > There is no need for guilt or negative self judgment. > There is no rush or a requirement of sensational > phenomena. The only requirement is that you do the > aspects of the practice that you feel comfortable with > and if that means " none of it " that is alright too. > Rome wasn't built in a day or the pyramids built in a > single lifetime. You have time. You have choice and > your options are endless. Be at peace Claudia. And be > happy. > > As far as your meditations go. When I was in your > place or a similar place of starting with it. I used > this affirmation and I timed it, with my inhales and > exhales. " I am at one with the all that I am " I said > this over and over for twenty minutes to start. Every > day at roughly the same time. > > I had no expectations of anything except in the > belief of that phrase. Over and over. My focus was > there. I did this every day for a year before I had > any phenomena begin. I did this in a tin metal shed, > outside in the back yard, full of black widows and > gardening equipment because I lived in a social > environment not supportive of this type of practice. I > was in complete darkness except for little pin points > of light as the sun would come through various cracks > in the metal shed. > > I was resolute and patient and not expecting anything > to happen. It was a personal habit that I wanted to > bring into my life that's all. Nothing more. > > I would suggest to you Claudia to limit your > expectations. Free your consciousness from competition > with others who may be experiencing phenomena as that > is not the focus. I know you are not in " active > competition " but in comparing so called " results " its > an easy place to go to. > > So I would suggest that you begin to take this on your > own terms. If at all. If you do choose to travel more > upon this path then let it be from a platform of your > own choosing. " Pick out your own hiking shoes " so to > say. Take it slow and easy and be patient and > resolute. If you cannot distance yourself from the > expectation of specific results then you may continue > to have issues of an ego driven " Why am I not having > such and such a phenomena yet?! " and this will lead to > self recriminations and frustration, leading to a > negative outlook about what is occurring. - Just my > take dear Claudia - love - chrism > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Dear Chrism, > > I am relieved and encouraged by your response. This > hit home for me the most: > > " You have time. You have choice and your options are > endless. " > > I believe I was approaching this from the viewpoint > that I had a list of things that I had to do every > day, most of which I enjoy, but it was still something > I felt I had to 'check off' every day. I didn't know > that I could sort of play with the checklist a little > bit. I really do enjoy praying for others, service, > the compression prayer, the new Shakti chant you gave > us this week, riding my bicycle, praying to God & > Shakti, and Yoga. I have forgiven everyone I can > think of and myself, so my daily forgiveness is for > the people who annoy me during the day and for myself > for being annoyed. > > I will work on the meditation as you have suggested. > I guess I had 'expectations' for that, as well. And, > heck, I sure don't have to meditate in a shed with > black widow spiders! > > I do need to go inside myself and take a look at the > negative aspects, at what causes my endless head > noise. I'm not sure how to do that, but I am going to > try. > > Thank you for taking the time and for caring enough to > write this thoughtful personal response. You have > given me much to think about, but the main thing is > that I feel better already. I look forward to the day > when I can look back on this day and laugh at > myself...compassionately, of course! > > You are a wonderful person and resource, Chris, > > Much love, > Claudia > > > > > > > > > ____________________ ______________ > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > Try the free Mail Beta. > http://advision.webevents./mailbeta/features_spam.html > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2007 Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 Dear Claudia, thank you for sharing. First of all, it is difficult to express, to most people, the basic fact that you are going through a K awakening, but to admit to all of the doubts and fears can be even harder. It is so wonderful that there is a group such as this, and having here is more wonderful still. I often think about where I would be if I never stumbled upon this group. And now you know that you are not alone, for doubts and fears are a common theme, and considering that society places expectations upon us it is no wonder that we, in turn, absorb this expectation and place it upon ourselves when it comes to even our own spiritual progression. I can tell you that I have had the exact same expectations, fears and doubts. Exactly the same. I am even having back pain! Chrism is right, we just have to have faith, be at peace, and let go. If you are here you are awakened. Love, Kerry , Claudia Lambright <newtfoodbowl wrote: > > Dear group, > > has suggested that I share with you some > personal correspondence we had this weekend in hopes > that it may help others in the group having similar > issues. This is very personal, but if helps someone > else, then I will be happy and try not to be too > embarrassed. > > Here are three posts; my post to Chrism, his response > to me, and my response to him. > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > Dear Chrism: > > I'm very discouraged. > > I never meditated before I started with the K...I am > having a hard time with it, trying to keep thoughts > out of my mind. I've heard differing opinions about > using guided meditation/music versus NOT using them. > I've tried both, I keep trying both, but I don't see > any progress whatsoever. Each time a thought comes > into my head, I think 'good thought...I'll think about > that later' and let it go. But they keep coming and > coming. Next thing I know 20 or 30 minutes has passed > and all I've done is volley thoughts. > > I keep having back problems. I got through the lower > back pain during the middle part of April and was able > to start doing Yoga. Then, on April 24, a new pain > started, this one more severe than the lower back > pain...it was all across my shoulders and radiating up > into the back of my neck. It lasted 10 days, during > which time it moved around the shoulder/neck area, > finally settling right between my shoulder blades > before it finally subsided. The pain was so intense > at night that I could not sleep without taking > ibuprofen; I know you said not to medicate, but I did > so in order to sleep. > > During the times of back pain, my Yoga/Tibetans > suffered. I did the spinning, but the pain was too > strong to do much of anything else, although I did > what I could. I also feared making the pain worse by > doing certain exercises. > > I am not at all convinced that the pain is due to the > K. In both cases, there were other possible causes > for the pain; the lower back pain, the 5th Tibetan; > the shoulder/neck pain, dead-lifting about 25 lbs. > with my extended left arm. > > I am also having a hard time with joy. I take great > joy in nature. When I'm driving and from work, etc., > I really enjoy the views, and there are many as I > drive across a causeway over the Atlantic Ocean to my > job on an island. I work at a marina, so the views > and the breeze and the ocean smells there are > wonderful and I soak them up. I also soak up nature > on my afternoon bike rides around my neighborhood. I > feel such joy sometimes that tears well up in my eyes. > > Other than nature, I don't find much joy...I find > really negative thoughts in my head, like when I go to > the store and see shopping carts everywhere except at > the return stations where they are supposed to go; I > think about how lazy and irresponsible and plain > uncaring those people are that leave their carts > around, and I think that I am more highly spiritually > evolved than they are (then I feel bad for thinking > that, plus I know it's not true). That is an > example...there are other instances. My head noise is > incessant and negative. > > I doubt that my K is really awakening. I feel > foolish, like a child playing house...it's an > illusion...I am just pretending to be awakening. I > have no evidence that it is awakening, in fact, I'm > not as happy as I was before I committed to this. I > wake up each morning and face another day of going > through the motions but seeing no signs that I am > advancing. > > I AM enjoying the service. I am getting out with a > large garbage bag and picking up litter around my > neighborhood. When I ride my bike, I pinpoint other > places I will go to pick up trash. When I ride my > bike, I have also been seeing an old lady sitting on > her porch in my neighborhood; she sits alone and has > an oxygen tank. Friday, I stopped and talked to her > and told her I'd like to stop by again and chat with > her. She seemed to like the idea. I love old folks > and will enjoy getting to know her. > > I have noticed no difference between when you had the > scatterfield in place and when you removed it. > Everything seems static with me and has been from the > start. > > There it is. I am embarrassed to tell you all of this > because I don't want you to think less of me, and I > know you are just going to reassure me that something > IS happening with me and that I just have to be > patient and keep practicing. Or you might even get > fed up with me. I have to say...I am terribly > discouraged, like I'd just like to give up and try to > resurrect my OBE practice! I used to be happy and > have OBEs...now both of those are missing from my > life. I feel like a failure at K. > > You can't imagine how many times I've gone back and > forth about whether or not to send you this email. I > trust you, Chris, I'm just embarrassed. > > Love, Claudia > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Hello Claudia, > It really isn't important how I > feel about your progress or your issues but how you > feel about them. I have no expectations of you. Not > because I do not care, I do, but because having > expectations, as we understand them to be, is putting > an undo pressure of performance or an attachment to > results or outcomes that can impede the dynamics of a > persons path. > > Not all parts of the Kundalini path are pleasant > because not all parts of the human being are pleasant. > The aspects of who we are that are unpleasant will > also need to be addressed. Not taken away or discarded > but viewed with an eye for choosing what it is that > will be expressed and how that expression will take > place. This can be unpleasant for a time. So you might > wish to go inside of yourself and see and feel if you, > as a conscious being, wish to come into balance with > these other aspects of your self. > > There is no need for guilt or negative self judgment. > There is no rush or a requirement of sensational > phenomena. The only requirement is that you do the > aspects of the practice that you feel comfortable with > and if that means " none of it " that is alright too. > Rome wasn't built in a day or the pyramids built in a > single lifetime. You have time. You have choice and > your options are endless. Be at peace Claudia. And be > happy. > > As far as your meditations go. When I was in your > place or a similar place of starting with it. I used > this affirmation and I timed it, with my inhales and > exhales. " I am at one with the all that I am " I said > this over and over for twenty minutes to start. Every > day at roughly the same time. > > I had no expectations of anything except in the > belief of that phrase. Over and over. My focus was > there. I did this every day for a year before I had > any phenomena begin. I did this in a tin metal shed, > outside in the back yard, full of black widows and > gardening equipment because I lived in a social > environment not supportive of this type of practice. I > was in complete darkness except for little pin points > of light as the sun would come through various cracks > in the metal shed. > > I was resolute and patient and not expecting anything > to happen. It was a personal habit that I wanted to > bring into my life that's all. Nothing more. > > I would suggest to you Claudia to limit your > expectations. Free your consciousness from competition > with others who may be experiencing phenomena as that > is not the focus. I know you are not in " active > competition " but in comparing so called " results " its > an easy place to go to. > > So I would suggest that you begin to take this on your > own terms. If at all. If you do choose to travel more > upon this path then let it be from a platform of your > own choosing. " Pick out your own hiking shoes " so to > say. Take it slow and easy and be patient and > resolute. If you cannot distance yourself from the > expectation of specific results then you may continue > to have issues of an ego driven " Why am I not having > such and such a phenomena yet?! " and this will lead to > self recriminations and frustration, leading to a > negative outlook about what is occurring. - Just my > take dear Claudia - love - chrism > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Dear Chrism, > > I am relieved and encouraged by your response. This > hit home for me the most: > > " You have time. You have choice and your options are > endless. " > > I believe I was approaching this from the viewpoint > that I had a list of things that I had to do every > day, most of which I enjoy, but it was still something > I felt I had to 'check off' every day. I didn't know > that I could sort of play with the checklist a little > bit. I really do enjoy praying for others, service, > the compression prayer, the new Shakti chant you gave > us this week, riding my bicycle, praying to God & > Shakti, and Yoga. I have forgiven everyone I can > think of and myself, so my daily forgiveness is for > the people who annoy me during the day and for myself > for being annoyed. > > I will work on the meditation as you have suggested. > I guess I had 'expectations' for that, as well. And, > heck, I sure don't have to meditate in a shed with > black widow spiders! > > I do need to go inside myself and take a look at the > negative aspects, at what causes my endless head > noise. I'm not sure how to do that, but I am going to > try. > > Thank you for taking the time and for caring enough to > write this thoughtful personal response. You have > given me much to think about, but the main thing is > that I feel better already. I look forward to the day > when I can look back on this day and laugh at > myself...compassionately, of course! > > You are a wonderful person and resource, Chris, > > Much love, > Claudia > > > > > > > > > ______________________________\ ____ > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > Try the free Mail Beta. > http://advision.webevents./mailbeta/features_spam.html > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2007 Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 Wow! Dear Claudia, you have very much been an encourgement to me. I was floored to read all that you do and hold down a job as well. I take it you have a husband at home on a daily basis. If I had those, I would not be able to do half what you do. LOL! You are super woman compare to me! I have a hard time fitting all that in (and don't always) and I don't have a public job to go to everyday and my hubby is only here about 2 days out of a week. There have been many days since comming when thoughts go through my head where I am not so sure I belong here. Every one seems so much farther alone spiritually than me. Sometimes I have to read something several times before I can even understand what is being said and sometimes still not for sure if I do. Even though the word are in English it is like a forgein language is being spoken at times for me. Kind of like the bible was to me before my spiritual eyes and ears were opened so as to understand it. I can so relate to the shopping cart thing. The back pain as well. I'm beginning to think mine is there to remind me to keep my back straight. LOL! And this ear problem I've been having for over a year now, I don't know what to think about it. It comes and goes. As far as meditation goes, I have been at it for about 5 years now and I still have many days of having mind chatter to deal with or falling to sleep. I am getting really good at falling asleep sitting straight up. HEHE! Most days I just try hard to keep my mind stayed on what is good and kind and lovely. And forgive my self when I don't react the way I should have. Of course, I do forgive others when they don't do as I think they should, as well. Blessings CC , Claudia Lambright <newtfoodbowl wrote: > > Dear group, > > has suggested that I share with you some > personal correspondence we had this weekend in hopes > that it may help others in the group having similar > issues. This is very personal, but if helps someone > else, then I will be happy and try not to be too > embarrassed. > > Here are three posts; my post to Chrism, his response > to me, and my response to him. > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > Dear Chrism: > > I'm very discouraged. > > I never meditated before I started with the K...I am > having a hard time with it, trying to keep thoughts > out of my mind. I've heard differing opinions about > using guided meditation/music versus NOT using them. > I've tried both, I keep trying both, but I don't see > any progress whatsoever. Each time a thought comes > into my head, I think 'good thought...I'll think about > that later' and let it go. But they keep coming and > coming. Next thing I know 20 or 30 minutes has passed > and all I've done is volley thoughts. > > I keep having back problems. I got through the lower > back pain during the middle part of April and was able > to start doing Yoga. Then, on April 24, a new pain > started, this one more severe than the lower back > pain...it was all across my shoulders and radiating up > into the back of my neck. It lasted 10 days, during > which time it moved around the shoulder/neck area, > finally settling right between my shoulder blades > before it finally subsided. The pain was so intense > at night that I could not sleep without taking > ibuprofen; I know you said not to medicate, but I did > so in order to sleep. > > During the times of back pain, my Yoga/Tibetans > suffered. I did the spinning, but the pain was too > strong to do much of anything else, although I did > what I could. I also feared making the pain worse by > doing certain exercises. > > I am not at all convinced that the pain is due to the > K. In both cases, there were other possible causes > for the pain; the lower back pain, the 5th Tibetan; > the shoulder/neck pain, dead-lifting about 25 lbs. > with my extended left arm. > > I am also having a hard time with joy. I take great > joy in nature. When I'm driving and from work, etc., > I really enjoy the views, and there are many as I > drive across a causeway over the Atlantic Ocean to my > job on an island. I work at a marina, so the views > and the breeze and the ocean smells there are > wonderful and I soak them up. I also soak up nature > on my afternoon bike rides around my neighborhood. I > feel such joy sometimes that tears well up in my eyes. > > Other than nature, I don't find much joy...I find > really negative thoughts in my head, like when I go to > the store and see shopping carts everywhere except at > the return stations where they are supposed to go; I > think about how lazy and irresponsible and plain > uncaring those people are that leave their carts > around, and I think that I am more highly spiritually > evolved than they are (then I feel bad for thinking > that, plus I know it's not true). That is an > example...there are other instances. My head noise is > incessant and negative. > > I doubt that my K is really awakening. I feel > foolish, like a child playing house...it's an > illusion...I am just pretending to be awakening. I > have no evidence that it is awakening, in fact, I'm > not as happy as I was before I committed to this. I > wake up each morning and face another day of going > through the motions but seeing no signs that I am > advancing. > > I AM enjoying the service. I am getting out with a > large garbage bag and picking up litter around my > neighborhood. When I ride my bike, I pinpoint other > places I will go to pick up trash. When I ride my > bike, I have also been seeing an old lady sitting on > her porch in my neighborhood; she sits alone and has > an oxygen tank. Friday, I stopped and talked to her > and told her I'd like to stop by again and chat with > her. She seemed to like the idea. I love old folks > and will enjoy getting to know her. > > I have noticed no difference between when you had the > scatterfield in place and when you removed it. > Everything seems static with me and has been from the > start. > > There it is. I am embarrassed to tell you all of this > because I don't want you to think less of me, and I > know you are just going to reassure me that something > IS happening with me and that I just have to be > patient and keep practicing. Or you might even get > fed up with me. I have to say...I am terribly > discouraged, like I'd just like to give up and try to > resurrect my OBE practice! I used to be happy and > have OBEs...now both of those are missing from my > life. I feel like a failure at K. > > You can't imagine how many times I've gone back and > forth about whether or not to send you this email. I > trust you, Chris, I'm just embarrassed. > > Love, Claudia > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Hello Claudia, > It really isn't important how I > feel about your progress or your issues but how you > feel about them. I have no expectations of you. Not > because I do not care, I do, but because having > expectations, as we understand them to be, is putting > an undo pressure of performance or an attachment to > results or outcomes that can impede the dynamics of a > persons path. > > Not all parts of the Kundalini path are pleasant > because not all parts of the human being are pleasant. > The aspects of who we are that are unpleasant will > also need to be addressed. Not taken away or discarded > but viewed with an eye for choosing what it is that > will be expressed and how that expression will take > place. This can be unpleasant for a time. So you might > wish to go inside of yourself and see and feel if you, > as a conscious being, wish to come into balance with > these other aspects of your self. > > There is no need for guilt or negative self judgment. > There is no rush or a requirement of sensational > phenomena. The only requirement is that you do the > aspects of the practice that you feel comfortable with > and if that means " none of it " that is alright too. > Rome wasn't built in a day or the pyramids built in a > single lifetime. You have time. You have choice and > your options are endless. Be at peace Claudia. And be > happy. > > As far as your meditations go. When I was in your > place or a similar place of starting with it. I used > this affirmation and I timed it, with my inhales and > exhales. " I am at one with the all that I am " I said > this over and over for twenty minutes to start. Every > day at roughly the same time. > > I had no expectations of anything except in the > belief of that phrase. Over and over. My focus was > there. I did this every day for a year before I had > any phenomena begin. I did this in a tin metal shed, > outside in the back yard, full of black widows and > gardening equipment because I lived in a social > environment not supportive of this type of practice. I > was in complete darkness except for little pin points > of light as the sun would come through various cracks > in the metal shed. > > I was resolute and patient and not expecting anything > to happen. It was a personal habit that I wanted to > bring into my life that's all. Nothing more. > > I would suggest to you Claudia to limit your > expectations. Free your consciousness from competition > with others who may be experiencing phenomena as that > is not the focus. I know you are not in " active > competition " but in comparing so called " results " its > an easy place to go to. > > So I would suggest that you begin to take this on your > own terms. If at all. If you do choose to travel more > upon this path then let it be from a platform of your > own choosing. " Pick out your own hiking shoes " so to > say. Take it slow and easy and be patient and > resolute. If you cannot distance yourself from the > expectation of specific results then you may continue > to have issues of an ego driven " Why am I not having > such and such a phenomena yet?! " and this will lead to > self recriminations and frustration, leading to a > negative outlook about what is occurring. - Just my > take dear Claudia - love - chrism > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Dear Chrism, > > I am relieved and encouraged by your response. This > hit home for me the most: > > " You have time. You have choice and your options are > endless. " > > I believe I was approaching this from the viewpoint > that I had a list of things that I had to do every > day, most of which I enjoy, but it was still something > I felt I had to 'check off' every day. I didn't know > that I could sort of play with the checklist a little > bit. I really do enjoy praying for others, service, > the compression prayer, the new Shakti chant you gave > us this week, riding my bicycle, praying to God & > Shakti, and Yoga. I have forgiven everyone I can > think of and myself, so my daily forgiveness is for > the people who annoy me during the day and for myself > for being annoyed. > > I will work on the meditation as you have suggested. > I guess I had 'expectations' for that, as well. And, > heck, I sure don't have to meditate in a shed with > black widow spiders! > > I do need to go inside myself and take a look at the > negative aspects, at what causes my endless head > noise. I'm not sure how to do that, but I am going to > try. > > Thank you for taking the time and for caring enough to > write this thoughtful personal response. You have > given me much to think about, but the main thing is > that I feel better already. I look forward to the day > when I can look back on this day and laugh at > myself...compassionately, of course! > > You are a wonderful person and resource, Chris, > > Much love, > Claudia > > > > > > > > > ____________________ ______________ > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > Try the free Mail Beta. > http://advision.webevents./mailbeta/features_spam.html > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 8, 2007 Report Share Posted May 8, 2007 Hello Claudia When I started to meditate I tried every kind from listening to audio taped meditations, guided meditation by a person the one who taught me mindfulness meditation. He was a medical doctor but he was also a Buddhist. I found that taped meditations are good if you memorize them and then do them yourself. There is one very simple one that he taught me first. Sit quietly relax your body first. Then feel the cool air as it enters your nostrils and the warm air as it leaves. Don't control the breath just feel it. If it is easier you can just feel your belly rise and fall as you breath. When you realize that your thoughts have taken over gently bring your attention back to your breathing. Stay with your breath and when you notice your attention has strayed bring it gently back to your breath. It is best if you do it at the same time, and in the same spot every day to start with. If that is not possible you can do it when ever you can. I lost many psychic abilities years ago due to shock therapy. I have felt sad because of the loss, but they are now starting to return. I have no doubt that you will have conscious OBEs again. I would personally miss you very much should you leave the group. Most of the time I am behind in the messages, but you have no reason to be embarrassed. My teacher told me that the greatest cause of suffering is thinking. I have found him to be right. Love and Light; Stephen O. PS: I am adding you to my prayer list. I will pray for you to get the energy you need to deal, and I will also pray for you to get answers that you need. Claudia Lambright wrote: > > Dear group, > > has suggested that I share with you some > personal correspondence we had this weekend in hopes > that it may help others in the group having similar > issues. This is very personal, but if helps someone > else, then I will be happy and try not to be too > embarrassed. > > Here are three posts; my post to Chrism, his response > to me, and my response to him. > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > Dear Chrism: > > I'm very discouraged. > > I never meditated before I started with the K...I am > having a hard time with it, trying to keep thoughts > out of my mind. I've heard differing opinions about > using guided meditation/music versus NOT using them. > I've tried both, I keep trying both, but I don't see > any progress whatsoever. Each time a thought comes > into my head, I think 'good thought...I'll think about > that later' and let it go. But they keep coming and > coming. Next thing I know 20 or 30 minutes has passed > and all I've done is volley thoughts. > > I keep having back problems. I got through the lower > back pain during the middle part of April and was able > to start doing Yoga. Then, on April 24, a new pain > started, this one more severe than the lower back > pain...it was all across my shoulders and radiating up > into the back of my neck. It lasted 10 days, during > which time it moved around the shoulder/neck area, > finally settling right between my shoulder blades > before it finally subsided. The pain was so intense > at night that I could not sleep without taking > ibuprofen; I know you said not to medicate, but I did > so in order to sleep. > > During the times of back pain, my Yoga/Tibetans > suffered. I did the spinning, but the pain was too > strong to do much of anything else, although I did > what I could. I also feared making the pain worse by > doing certain exercises. > > I am not at all convinced that the pain is due to the > K. In both cases, there were other possible causes > for the pain; the lower back pain, the 5th Tibetan; > the shoulder/neck pain, dead-lifting about 25 lbs. > with my extended left arm. > > I am also having a hard time with joy. I take great > joy in nature. When I'm driving and from work, etc., > I really enjoy the views, and there are many as I > drive across a causeway over the Atlantic Ocean to my > job on an island. I work at a marina, so the views > and the breeze and the ocean smells there are > wonderful and I soak them up. I also soak up nature > on my afternoon bike rides around my neighborhood. I > feel such joy sometimes that tears well up in my eyes. > > Other than nature, I don't find much joy...I find > really negative thoughts in my head, like when I go to > the store and see shopping carts everywhere except at > the return stations where they are supposed to go; I > think about how lazy and irresponsible and plain > uncaring those people are that leave their carts > around, and I think that I am more highly spiritually > evolved than they are (then I feel bad for thinking > that, plus I know it's not true). That is an > example...there are other instances. My head noise is > incessant and negative. > > I doubt that my K is really awakening. I feel > foolish, like a child playing house...it's an > illusion...I am just pretending to be awakening. I > have no evidence that it is awakening, in fact, I'm > not as happy as I was before I committed to this. I > wake up each morning and face another day of going > through the motions but seeing no signs that I am > advancing. > > I AM enjoying the service. I am getting out with a > large garbage bag and picking up litter around my > neighborhood. When I ride my bike, I pinpoint other > places I will go to pick up trash. When I ride my > bike, I have also been seeing an old lady sitting on > her porch in my neighborhood; she sits alone and has > an oxygen tank. Friday, I stopped and talked to her > and told her I'd like to stop by again and chat with > her. She seemed to like the idea. I love old folks > and will enjoy getting to know her. > > I have noticed no difference between when you had the > scatterfield in place and when you removed it. > Everything seems static with me and has been from the > start. > > There it is. I am embarrassed to tell you all of this > because I don't want you to think less of me, and I > know you are just going to reassure me that something > IS happening with me and that I just have to be > patient and keep practicing. Or you might even get > fed up with me. I have to say...I am terribly > discouraged, like I'd just like to give up and try to > resurrect my OBE practice! I used to be happy and > have OBEs...now both of those are missing from my > life. I feel like a failure at K. > > You can't imagine how many times I've gone back and > forth about whether or not to send you this email. I > trust you, Chris, I'm just embarrassed. > > Love, Claudia > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Hello Claudia, > It really isn't important how I > feel about your progress or your issues but how you > feel about them. I have no expectations of you. Not > because I do not care, I do, but because having > expectations, as we understand them to be, is putting > an undo pressure of performance or an attachment to > results or outcomes that can impede the dynamics of a > persons path. > > Not all parts of the Kundalini path are pleasant > because not all parts of the human being are pleasant. > The aspects of who we are that are unpleasant will > also need to be addressed. Not taken away or discarded > but viewed with an eye for choosing what it is that > will be expressed and how that expression will take > place. This can be unpleasant for a time. So you might > wish to go inside of yourself and see and feel if you, > as a conscious being, wish to come into balance with > these other aspects of your self. > > There is no need for guilt or negative self judgment. > There is no rush or a requirement of sensational > phenomena. The only requirement is that you do the > aspects of the practice that you feel comfortable with > and if that means " none of it " that is alright too. > Rome wasn't built in a day or the pyramids built in a > single lifetime. You have time. You have choice and > your options are endless. Be at peace Claudia. And be > happy. > > As far as your meditations go. When I was in your > place or a similar place of starting with it. I used > this affirmation and I timed it, with my inhales and > exhales. " I am at one with the all that I am " I said > this over and over for twenty minutes to start. Every > day at roughly the same time. > > I had no expectations of anything except in the > belief of that phrase. Over and over. My focus was > there. I did this every day for a year before I had > any phenomena begin. I did this in a tin metal shed, > outside in the back yard, full of black widows and > gardening equipment because I lived in a social > environment not supportive of this type of practice. I > was in complete darkness except for little pin points > of light as the sun would come through various cracks > in the metal shed. > > I was resolute and patient and not expecting anything > to happen. It was a personal habit that I wanted to > bring into my life that's all. Nothing more. > > I would suggest to you Claudia to limit your > expectations. Free your consciousness from competition > with others who may be experiencing phenomena as that > is not the focus. I know you are not in " active > competition " but in comparing so called " results " its > an easy place to go to. > > So I would suggest that you begin to take this on your > own terms. If at all. If you do choose to travel more > upon this path then let it be from a platform of your > own choosing. " Pick out your own hiking shoes " so to > say. Take it slow and easy and be patient and > resolute. If you cannot distance yourself from the > expectation of specific results then you may continue > to have issues of an ego driven " Why am I not having > such and such a phenomena yet?! " and this will lead to > self recriminations and frustration, leading to a > negative outlook about what is occurring. - Just my > take dear Claudia - love - chrism > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Dear Chrism, > > I am relieved and encouraged by your response. This > hit home for me the most: > > " You have time. You have choice and your options are > endless. " > > I believe I was approaching this from the viewpoint > that I had a list of things that I had to do every > day, most of which I enjoy, but it was still something > I felt I had to 'check off' every day. I didn't know > that I could sort of play with the checklist a little > bit. I really do enjoy praying for others, service, > the compression prayer, the new Shakti chant you gave > us this week, riding my bicycle, praying to God & > Shakti, and Yoga. I have forgiven everyone I can > think of and myself, so my daily forgiveness is for > the people who annoy me during the day and for myself > for being annoyed. > > I will work on the meditation as you have suggested. > I guess I had 'expectations' for that, as well. And, > heck, I sure don't have to meditate in a shed with > black widow spiders! > > I do need to go inside myself and take a look at the > negative aspects, at what causes my endless head > noise. I'm not sure how to do that, but I am going to > try. > > Thank you for taking the time and for caring enough to > write this thoughtful personal response. You have > given me much to think about, but the main thing is > that I feel better already. I look forward to the day > when I can look back on this day and laugh at > myself...compassionately, of course! > > You are a wonderful person and resource, Chris, > > Much love, > Claudia > > > ________ > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > Try the free Mail Beta. > http://advision.webevents./mailbeta/features_spam.html > <http://advision.webevents./mailbeta/features_spam.html> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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