Dealing with discouragement-Kerry

[Guest guest]

Thank you SO much, Kerry, it makes me feel better to

know that I am not alone in my discouragement, that

you've had the same ones, and even the back pain! And

you are so right about this group...who else could I

tell and expect to get such an outpouring of support?

 

 

God bless you,

Love, Claudia

 

--- kiwibird_222 <sktimms wrote:

 

> Dear Claudia, thank you for sharing. First of all,

> it is difficult to express, to most people,

> the basic fact that you are going through a K

> awakening, but to admit to all of the doubts

> and fears can be even harder. It is so wonderful

> that there is a group such as this, and

> having here is more wonderful still. I often

> think about where I would be if I never

> stumbled upon this group. And now you know that you

> are not alone, for doubts and fears

> are a common theme, and considering that society

> places expectations upon us it is no

> wonder that we, in turn, absorb this expectation and

> place it upon ourselves when it

> comes to even our own spiritual progression. I can

> tell you that I have had the exact same

> expectations, fears and doubts. Exactly the same. I

> am even having back pain! is

> right, we just have to have faith, be at peace, and

> let go. If you are here you are awakened.

>

> Love,

> Kerry

>

> --- In

> ,

> Claudia Lambright

> <newtfoodbowl wrote:

> >

> > Dear group,

> >

> > has suggested that I share with you some

> > personal correspondence we had this weekend in

> hopes

> > that it may help others in the group having

> similar

> > issues. This is very personal, but if helps

> someone

> > else, then I will be happy and try not to be too

> > embarrassed.

> >

> > Here are three posts; my post to Chrism, his

> response

> > to me, and my response to him.

> >

> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> > Dear Chrism:

> >

> > I'm very discouraged.

> >

> > I never meditated before I started with the K...I

> am

> > having a hard time with it, trying to keep

> thoughts

> > out of my mind. I've heard differing opinions

> about

> > using guided meditation/music versus NOT using

> them.

> > I've tried both, I keep trying both, but I don't

> see

> > any progress whatsoever. Each time a thought

> comes

> > into my head, I think 'good thought...I'll think

> about

> > that later' and let it go. But they keep coming

> and

> > coming. Next thing I know 20 or 30 minutes has

> passed

> > and all I've done is volley thoughts.

> >

> > I keep having back problems. I got through the

> lower

> > back pain during the middle part of April and was

> able

> > to start doing Yoga. Then, on April 24, a new

> pain

> > started, this one more severe than the lower back

> > pain...it was all across my shoulders and

> radiating up

> > into the back of my neck. It lasted 10 days,

> during

> > which time it moved around the shoulder/neck area,

> > finally settling right between my shoulder blades

> > before it finally subsided. The pain was so

> intense

> > at night that I could not sleep without taking

> > ibuprofen; I know you said not to medicate, but I

> did

> > so in order to sleep.

> >

> > During the times of back pain, my Yoga/Tibetans

> > suffered. I did the spinning, but the pain was

> too

> > strong to do much of anything else, although I did

> > what I could. I also feared making the pain worse

> by

> > doing certain exercises.

> >

> > I am not at all convinced that the pain is due to

> the

> > K. In both cases, there were other possible

> causes

> > for the pain; the lower back pain, the 5th

> Tibetan;

> > the shoulder/neck pain, dead-lifting about 25 lbs.

> > with my extended left arm.

> >

> > I am also having a hard time with joy. I take

> great

> > joy in nature. When I'm driving and from work,

> etc.,

> > I really enjoy the views, and there are many as I

> > drive across a causeway over the Atlantic Ocean to

> my

> > job on an island. I work at a marina, so the

> views

> > and the breeze and the ocean smells there are

> > wonderful and I soak them up. I also soak up

> nature

> > on my afternoon bike rides around my neighborhood.

> I

> > feel such joy sometimes that tears well up in my

> eyes.

> >

> > Other than nature, I don't find much joy...I find

> > really negative thoughts in my head, like when I

> go to

> > the store and see shopping carts everywhere except

> at

> > the return stations where they are supposed to go;

> I

> > think about how lazy and irresponsible and plain

> > uncaring those people are that leave their carts

> > around, and I think that I am more highly

> spiritually

> > evolved than they are (then I feel bad for

> thinking

> > that, plus I know it's not true). That is an

> > example...there are other instances. My head

> noise is

> > incessant and negative.

> >

> > I doubt that my K is really awakening. I feel

> > foolish, like a child playing house...it's an

> > illusion...I am just pretending to be awakening.

> I

> > have no evidence that it is awakening, in fact,

> I'm

> > not as happy as I was before I committed to this.

> I

> > wake up each morning and face another day of going

> > through the motions but seeing no signs that I am

> > advancing.

> >

> > I AM enjoying the service. I am getting out with

> a

> > large garbage bag and picking up litter around my

> > neighborhood. When I ride my bike, I pinpoint

> other

> > places I will go to pick up trash. When I ride my

> > bike, I have also been seeing an old lady sitting

> on

> > her porch in my neighborhood; she sits alone and

> has

> > an oxygen tank. Friday, I stopped and talked to

> her

> > and told her I'd like to stop by again and chat

> with

> > her. She seemed to like the idea. I love old

> folks

> > and will enjoy getting to know her.

> >

> > I have noticed no difference between when you had

> the

> > scatterfield in place and when you removed it.

> > Everything seems static with me and has been from

> the

> > start.

> >

> > There it is. I am embarrassed to tell you all of

> this

> > because I don't want you to think less of me, and

> I

> > know you are just going to reassure me that

> something

> > IS happening with me and that I just have to be

> > patient and keep practicing. Or you might even

> get

> > fed up with me. I have to say...I am terribly

> > discouraged, like I'd just like to give up and try

> to

> > resurrect my OBE practice! I used to be happy and

> > have OBEs...now both of those are missing from my

> > life. I feel like a failure at K.

> >

> > You can't imagine how many times I've gone back

> and

> > forth about whether or not to send you this email.

> I

> > trust you, Chris, I'm just embarrassed.

> >

>

=== message truncated ===

 

 

 

 

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