Dealing with discouragement-CC

[Guest guest]

Dear CC,

It's always so good to hear from you! Hey, I don't

have a hard schedule, but I do have a fairly helpful

hubby! And he's here every day.

 

Thanks for your encouragement and for sharing similar

hurdles with your own practice. It sure helps to know

I'm not the only one. And I, too, sometimes have

trouble deciphering what is written here! You gave me

a laugh with that one!!

 

Thanks again for your loving words, Linda,

 

Love, Claudia

 

--- crazycats711 <crazycats711 wrote:

 

> Wow! Dear Claudia, you have very much been an

> encourgement to me. I

> was floored to read all that you do and hold down a

> job as well. I

> take it you have a husband at home on a daily basis.

> If I had those,

> I would not be able to do half what you do. LOL! You

> are super woman

> compare to me! I have a hard time fitting all that

> in (and don't

> always) and I don't have a public job to go to

> everyday and my hubby

> is only here about 2 days out of a week.

>

> There have been many days since comming when

> thoughts go through my

> head where I am not so sure I belong here. Every one

> seems so much

> farther alone spiritually than me. Sometimes I have

> to read something

> several times before I can even understand what is

> being said and

> sometimes still not for sure if I do. Even though

> the word are in

> English it is like a forgein language is being

> spoken at times for

> me. Kind of like the bible was to me before my

> spiritual eyes and

> ears were opened so as to understand it.

>

> I can so relate to the shopping cart thing. The

> back pain as well.

> I'm beginning to think mine is there to remind me to

> keep my back

> straight. LOL! And this ear problem I've been

> having for over a year

> now, I don't know what to think about it. It comes

> and goes. As far

> as meditation goes, I have been at it for about 5

> years now and I

> still have many days of having mind chatter to deal

> with or falling

> to sleep. I am getting really good at falling asleep

> sitting straight

> up. HEHE!

>

> Most days I just try hard to keep my mind stayed on

> what is good and

> kind and lovely. And forgive my self when I don't

> react the way I

> should have. Of course, I do forgive others when

> they don't do as I

> think they should, as well.

>

> Blessings

> CC

>

>

> --- In

> ,

> Claudia

> Lambright <newtfoodbowl wrote:

> >

> > Dear group,

> >

> > has suggested that I share with you some

> > personal correspondence we had this weekend in

> hopes

> > that it may help others in the group having

> similar

> > issues. This is very personal, but if helps

> someone

> > else, then I will be happy and try not to be too

> > embarrassed.

> >

> > Here are three posts; my post to Chrism, his

> response

> > to me, and my response to him.

> >

> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> > Dear Chrism:

> >

> > I'm very discouraged.

> >

> > I never meditated before I started with the K...I

> am

> > having a hard time with it, trying to keep

> thoughts

> > out of my mind. I've heard differing opinions

> about

> > using guided meditation/music versus NOT using

> them.

> > I've tried both, I keep trying both, but I don't

> see

> > any progress whatsoever. Each time a thought

> comes

> > into my head, I think 'good thought...I'll think

> about

> > that later' and let it go. But they keep coming

> and

> > coming. Next thing I know 20 or 30 minutes has

> passed

> > and all I've done is volley thoughts.

> >

> > I keep having back problems. I got through the

> lower

> > back pain during the middle part of April and was

> able

> > to start doing Yoga. Then, on April 24, a new

> pain

> > started, this one more severe than the lower back

> > pain...it was all across my shoulders and

> radiating up

> > into the back of my neck. It lasted 10 days,

> during

> > which time it moved around the shoulder/neck area,

> > finally settling right between my shoulder blades

> > before it finally subsided. The pain was so

> intense

> > at night that I could not sleep without taking

> > ibuprofen; I know you said not to medicate, but I

> did

> > so in order to sleep.

> >

> > During the times of back pain, my Yoga/Tibetans

> > suffered. I did the spinning, but the pain was

> too

> > strong to do much of anything else, although I did

> > what I could. I also feared making the pain worse

> by

> > doing certain exercises.

> >

> > I am not at all convinced that the pain is due to

> the

> > K. In both cases, there were other possible

> causes

> > for the pain; the lower back pain, the 5th

> Tibetan;

> > the shoulder/neck pain, dead-lifting about 25 lbs.

> > with my extended left arm.

> >

> > I am also having a hard time with joy. I take

> great

> > joy in nature. When I'm driving and from work,

> etc.,

> > I really enjoy the views, and there are many as I

> > drive across a causeway over the Atlantic Ocean to

> my

> > job on an island. I work at a marina, so the

> views

> > and the breeze and the ocean smells there are

> > wonderful and I soak them up. I also soak up

> nature

> > on my afternoon bike rides around my neighborhood.

> I

> > feel such joy sometimes that tears well up in my

> eyes.

> >

> > Other than nature, I don't find much joy...I find

> > really negative thoughts in my head, like when I

> go to

> > the store and see shopping carts everywhere except

> at

> > the return stations where they are supposed to go;

> I

> > think about how lazy and irresponsible and plain

> > uncaring those people are that leave their carts

> > around, and I think that I am more highly

> spiritually

> > evolved than they are (then I feel bad for

> thinking

> > that, plus I know it's not true). That is an

> > example...there are other instances. My head

> noise is

> > incessant and negative.

> >

> > I doubt that my K is really awakening. I feel

> > foolish, like a child playing house...it's an

> > illusion...I am just pretending to be awakening.

> I

> > have no evidence that it is awakening, in fact,

> I'm

> > not as happy as I was before I committed to this.

> I

> > wake up each morning and face another day of going

> > through the motions but seeing no signs that I am

> > advancing.

> >

> > I AM enjoying the service. I am getting out with

> a

> > large garbage bag and picking up litter around my

> > neighborhood. When I ride my bike, I pinpoint

> other

> > places I will go to pick up trash. When I ride my

> > bike, I have also been seeing an old lady sitting

> on

> > her porch in my neighborhood; she sits alone and

> has

> > an oxygen tank. Friday, I stopped and talked to

> her

> > and told her I'd like to stop by again and chat

> with

>

=== message truncated ===

 

 

 

 

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