RE: DEMONSTRATE MY SURRENDER -

[Guest guest]

I don't know what time that is in EST in PA, but I got an big energy rush

yesterday and one today.

Yesterday, afternoon I got a huge rush of energy. It was great because I needed

to prepare stuffed mushrooms for a gathering at Mike's sister's house and I was

short on time. I never chopped so fast in my life!!! It was great!!! Then I was

still on high speed, because I cleaned up the whole kitchen in almost no time.

That was a BIG deal, because after I finished cooking- it was a huge disaster;

with pots, pans, plates, knives and cutting boards all over..food ingredients

spilled all over the counter and the floor, and just looking at it made me not

want to come home when the gathering was over. LOL:). The energy rush became so

much that when I was at Mike's family's house for a gathering, I was in a panic

almost the whole time, because of the huge number of people gathered there. It

seemed to become influenced by my anxiety, and turn in the wrong direction. I

forgot to lock my fingers then, but when I remembered, I also thought to go into

the bathroom and do my prayer

breathing privately. That helped, and a little while later I thought to take

slow, full breaths and think calming thoughts. That helped too. Mike's family

must've noticed a difference in me (post K awakening) because his sisters and

nieces were especially nice to me. Then as his mom was leaving and after I

hugged her, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and told me how sorry she

was for being so grumpy. She used to be not very nice to me, and made me cry

once in public. I had already forgiven her in my heart, but it was nice to hear

that she changed her opinion of me.

 

Then today, I got a very even flowing and pleasant energy. It allowed me to

spend two hours in the kitchen cutting up a big watermelon and some papaya and

kiwi and coconut. I cleaned and reorganized the fridge, and I put all of the

fruit into containers, all nice and neat and cleaned up the kitchen beautifully.

The whole time, I was having fun and feeling peaceful, and never even noticed

how much time had passed by. Other than that, I don't feel much of a difference,

except that my first or second (or both) chakra(s) have been hot off and on, and

my feet too. Not unpleasantly, just noticeably warm. I have been feeling very

peaceful today.

 

I had been feeling very, very peaceful and loving, since around the beginning of

Shaktipat.I felt I was getting closer and closer to what I wanted to become..as

an instrument of God's love. I even downloaded a guide to praying the rosary.

I had a system going in which I would do all 5 Tibetans 21 times, then sit

'indian-style' (on the floor in the house or out on the porch) surrounded by a

circle of lit Crystal Journey (Reiki) candles, and do all the chakra

meditations. The I would recite my Shakti prayer, and say an OUR FATHER, Hail

Mary's, one Glory Be, one Oh My Jesus, one Hail Holy Queen and then pray for my

total acceptance of K, and for God's will to be done in me and through me, and

for the healing of others, and for my faults to be forgiven and that others

will feel my forgiveness as well. Then I'd start back at the beginning with the

second round of Tibetans, etc..until I'd done it all three times. I was feeling

like a million dollars. A tired million dollars, but a million dollars indeed!!!

 

Then Shaktipat ended and I felt a little unorganized without my routine:

I didn't want to mess up on the chakra meditations, because I felt like I didn't

know if the first one was supposed to be done on Sunday or Monday, so I haven't

been doing them at all - I will resume tonight, but would you enlighten me

please?- is it Sun or Mon?

 

The last two days I felt like I was in a struggle between my will and God's. I

had been feeling absolute bliss doing the chakra meditations and praying and

everything. I don't know what happened, but I got it back on track it looks

like. *Whew* I enjoy replaying situations which I think I may be able to learn

something more from, in my mind as I listen to music. I could just space out and

do that for hours, but I feel as though the message for me is that I will serve

a better purpose in prayer. I waste too much time this way, and it's what gives

ME pleasure..not anyone else..not God. I think that because I was selfish, I

lost a little grace. That's when I felt I wanted to do only what I wanted. That

feeling comes to me when I've made a decision to do things MY way..and it feels

like God takes a step back and lets me..and then I feel the separation. I don't

feel as wonderful as I felt during Shaktipat, and I think it's because I was

doing so much in the way of spiritual,

and now I feel like I'm not sure where to go..what to do..because I feel like I

felt so good because I was doing the Tibetans three times a day. That probably

sounds silly, but I feel I've always had a bit of a complex which makes me feel

as though I must do everything to a T or it's not good enough. I have not been

getting headaches doing the 5 Tibetans 21 reps each.I feel like I had a routine

and it got messed up and I don't know how to build it back up. I feel like I'm

not doing everything I should be doing..or at least not with the same feeling.

Something feels like its missing. I fully intend to figure it out quickly, while

still utilizing the safeties and doing the Tibetans. I want to become closer to

God, and I want to let go of myself..my stupid human desires and just BE. I'd

like to give up myself completely, and have no more desires..only love..only

desire to carry out God's will in my life..in the world. To enlighten

others..and to let it become stronger until

it consumes me and burns away

all my wants and desires. Those are my intentions. Do you have any advice for me

on how I may achieve please? I thought of throwing my radio away so that I'm not

tempted to 'trance out' and ignore my spiritual responsibilities, but doing that

for a little bit a day helps me to go over recent events and analyze situations

in my mind, so that I can find the 'lesson' in everything. I did take a quick

break from my spiritual music when I heard a song on the radio that I listened

to as a teen. A few of those songs were a pretty lustful. Do you think that's

what happened?..that my energy ran with the feeling of fulfilling my OWN will

and then gave me a struggle when I wanted to do God's will ?

What are your thought, please?

Blessings and many many thanks to you,

Tara

 

>At three o clock a.m. my time (pacific)July first. Keep your tongue

>up, your fingers locked, your eyes up when you can. Please return to

>the Tibetans and all other aspects of the safeties.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

chrism <> wrote: At three

o clock a.m. my time (pacific)July first. Keep your tongue

up, your fingers locked, your eyes up when you can. Please return to

the Tibetans and all other aspects of the safeties.

 

Please indicate to me your symptoms and sensations and please give me

a synopsis of your surrender. On list or in private. - blessings all -

chrism

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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