Guest guest Posted July 2, 2007 Report Share Posted July 2, 2007 I am having a hard time writing this down. As I sat here yesterday and today to write the thoughts/parts of me are seemingly being slung in every direction. I cannot focus on any one thing without pain rising up, and I feel the need to cry, but I can't surrender to that need because I am not alone. My grandson and husband are here. I feel a great need to do the the Hu Hu Hu meditation but I need to be alone for that as well. I don't know if just crying will do anything though to relieve the pain for I went through a 6 month period two years ago crying day and night, every moment I was alone and even some when not alone and the pain is still with me. I need to surrender a lifetime of pain; emotional, mental and physical. It seems no matter how much I go over forgiving hurts done to me I can never let go of the pain even though I don't feel any negative hard feeling towards the persons any longer. I was suicidal through my teen years. Some times when I would be experiencing deep sadness and pain, desiring death this black rolling mass would be there. I felt, if I could just let go and let it consume me, I and my pain would be no more. I have gone through other times in my life when I had intertained thoughts of suicided. One of those periods happened, right before I excepted Christ into my life. I didn't just intertain the ideal that night, I was for sure going to carry through with it. In fact if he had not revealed himself to me the way he did, I would not be here today. I surrendered my all to him that night. I am who/what I am today because he loved me and cared enough to intervene. I don't know why the pain was never removed except it must be something I have to work through or karma. I don't know. Maybe it was what is neccessary to get me where I am. I do believe it was Christ and the Holy Spirit that has lead me here to Kundalini. I am thinking the 6 months of crying and being in pain to the point of desiring suicide again was what it took to get me to this point of surrender to K. I had become fearful of it after reading some of the stuff on the web. It was K not astral travel, that prompt me to take that Gnosis course last year. I am here because that is what I desire, to surrender all to K. To let K finish the work that has been started in me. Do I need to be more specific about the causes of my mountain of pain? Yesterday, my grandson and I took a walk in the rain and played in some muddy puddles. Hehe! It was a fun walk. I guess I got a little carried away, I hurt my back somehow and am in a lot of pain last night and today. I tried not to take anything for it, but I did this afternoon, I took an advil. These last few days I have been like several others here on the forum, mostly doing a lot of sleeping. I do miss doing the Tibetans and now I don't know if I can. I have been experiencing some moments of feeling the hot energy here and there in my body. That's about it. Much love, Linda , " chrism " <> wrote: > > Show me. Let me see what you are willing to surrender that you may > come into a full and pure expression of Kundalini. Demonstrate > this.....please. Let me see what you are willing to give up. What > you are willing to leave. What you are willing to expose. Tell me, > show me. Demonstrate what you will surrender. And how you will > surrender it. Reveal yourself. I gave up everything and died seven > times. What are you willing to let die inside yourself? Your > conceit? Your honor? Your fears? Your pride? Your power? > > If you struggle and resist you will fail in your attempt and then be > consumed by that which you refuse to let go of. Surrender it. Let it > go. Is it guilt? Reveal it to me. Is it pain? Give it to me. Is it > your truth? Serve it to me. > > Let me know what you can give in the deepest and most lighted to the > rankest most depraved aspects of what you hide behind your eyes and > behind your heart. Because I will go there and breathe deep of your > sorrows and your accomplishments. I will help you clear your shames > and your joys and loves and all of those experiences that you keep > private, the exudate of your soul. > > It all gets exposed. Amplified and brought into the plain view. All > with eyes to see will know and already do know. Nothing is private > here and all these secrets are weighed for contents and intention > and set aside as the useless dross of the ego. Let it go. Give it to > me that I may help you. > > There is no shame. There is only release and surrender. Open > yourself and allow all aspects of your soul to be given the room to > breathe. By loosening the burden of what you hold dear, good or > shameful, wretched or loving. Surrender it all and let the Divinity > that is starting to express, breathe the new breath of existence > inside the new space you have created with your surrender. - > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2007 Report Share Posted July 2, 2007 Linda; Your soul is like a fine sword. It has been pounded and beaten and run through the fire. It is being formed into quite a fine masterpiece that will slice through all suffering and anguish. With all of that pounding and fire, you are going to be one awesome soul! Many Blessings! :) SC , " Linda " <DancesWithCats wrote: > > I am having a hard time writing this down. As I sat here yesterday > and today to write the thoughts/parts of me are seemingly being > slung in every direction. I cannot focus on any one thing without > pain rising up, and I feel the need to cry, but I can't surrender to > that need because I am not alone. My grandson and husband are here. I > feel a great need to do the the Hu Hu Hu meditation but I need to be > alone for that as well. I don't know if just crying will do anything > though to relieve the pain for I went through a 6 month period two > years ago crying day and night, every moment I was alone and even > some when not alone and the pain is still with me. > > I need to surrender a lifetime of pain; emotional, mental and > physical. It seems no matter how much I go over forgiving hurts done > to me I can never let go of the pain even though I don't feel any > negative hard feeling towards the persons any longer. > > I was suicidal through my teen years. Some times when I would be > experiencing deep sadness and pain, desiring death this black rolling > mass would be there. I felt, if I could just let go and let it > consume me, I and my pain would be no more. > > I have gone through other times in my life when I had intertained > thoughts of suicided. One of those periods happened, right before I > excepted Christ into my life. I didn't just intertain the ideal that > night, I was for sure going to carry through with it. In fact if he > had not revealed himself to me the way he did, I would not be here > today. I surrendered my all to him that night. I am who/what I am > today because he loved me and cared enough to intervene. I don't know > why the pain was never removed except it must be something I have to > work through or karma. I don't know. Maybe it was what is neccessary > to get me where I am. I do believe it was Christ and the Holy Spirit > that has lead me here to Kundalini. I am thinking the 6 months of > crying and being in pain to the point of desiring suicide again was > what it took to get me to this point of surrender to K. I had become > fearful of it after reading some of the stuff on the web. It was K > not astral travel, that prompt me to take that Gnosis course last > year. I am here because that is what I desire, to surrender all to K. > To let K finish the work that has been started in me. > > Do I need to be more specific about the causes of my mountain of pain? > > Yesterday, my grandson and I took a walk in the rain and played in > some muddy puddles. Hehe! It was a fun walk. I guess I got a little > carried away, I hurt my back somehow and am in a lot of pain last > night and today. I tried not to take anything for it, but I did this > afternoon, I took an advil. These last few days I have been like > several others here on the forum, mostly doing a lot of sleeping. I > do miss doing the Tibetans and now I don't know if I can. I have been > experiencing some moments of feeling the hot energy here and there in > my body. That's about it. > > Much love, > Linda > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2007 Report Share Posted July 2, 2007 dear linda.. for what it's worth here's my thought regarding your message. i'm currently reading a new earth by eckhart tolle. he proclaims that we all have a 'pain body' that is related to our ego. this energy body is the accumulation of our life suffering and like the ego, it needs our energy and identification to survive. by not being present in the moment we add to this body of pain. somehow we must begin our lives afresh every second so that we aren't giving energy to this entity that masquerades as our true being. we may even be present with our pain as a witness. i pray that we may all shed these false selves and i hope that K energy will facilitate this process. love, -steve f , " Linda " <DancesWithCats wrote: > > I am having a hard time writing this down. As I sat here yesterday > and today to write the thoughts/parts of me are seemingly being > slung in every direction. I cannot focus on any one thing without > pain rising up, and I feel the need to cry, but I can't surrender to > that need because I am not alone. My grandson and husband are here. I > feel a great need to do the the Hu Hu Hu meditation but I need to be > alone for that as well. I don't know if just crying will do anything > though to relieve the pain for I went through a 6 month period two > years ago crying day and night, every moment I was alone and even > some when not alone and the pain is still with me. > > I need to surrender a lifetime of pain; emotional, mental and > physical. It seems no matter how much I go over forgiving hurts done > to me I can never let go of the pain even though I don't feel any > negative hard feeling towards the persons any longer. > > I was suicidal through my teen years. Some times when I would be > experiencing deep sadness and pain, desiring death this black rolling > mass would be there. I felt, if I could just let go and let it > consume me, I and my pain would be no more. > > I have gone through other times in my life when I had intertained > thoughts of suicided. One of those periods happened, right before I > excepted Christ into my life. I didn't just intertain the ideal that > night, I was for sure going to carry through with it. In fact if he > had not revealed himself to me the way he did, I would not be here > today. I surrendered my all to him that night. I am who/what I am > today because he loved me and cared enough to intervene. I don't know > why the pain was never removed except it must be something I have to > work through or karma. I don't know. Maybe it was what is neccessary > to get me where I am. I do believe it was Christ and the Holy Spirit > that has lead me here to Kundalini. I am thinking the 6 months of > crying and being in pain to the point of desiring suicide again was > what it took to get me to this point of surrender to K. I had become > fearful of it after reading some of the stuff on the web. It was K > not astral travel, that prompt me to take that Gnosis course last > year. I am here because that is what I desire, to surrender all to K. > To let K finish the work that has been started in me. > > Do I need to be more specific about the causes of my mountain of pain? > > Yesterday, my grandson and I took a walk in the rain and played in > some muddy puddles. Hehe! It was a fun walk. I guess I got a little > carried away, I hurt my back somehow and am in a lot of pain last > night and today. I tried not to take anything for it, but I did this > afternoon, I took an advil. These last few days I have been like > several others here on the forum, mostly doing a lot of sleeping. I > do miss doing the Tibetans and now I don't know if I can. I have been > experiencing some moments of feeling the hot energy here and there in > my body. That's about it. > > Much love, > Linda > > > > , " chrism " > <@> wrote: > > > > Show me. Let me see what you are willing to surrender that you may > > come into a full and pure expression of Kundalini. Demonstrate > > this.....please. Let me see what you are willing to give up. What > > you are willing to leave. What you are willing to expose. Tell me, > > show me. Demonstrate what you will surrender. And how you will > > surrender it. Reveal yourself. I gave up everything and died seven > > times. What are you willing to let die inside yourself? Your > > conceit? Your honor? Your fears? Your pride? Your power? > > > > If you struggle and resist you will fail in your attempt and then > be > > consumed by that which you refuse to let go of. Surrender it. Let > it > > go. Is it guilt? Reveal it to me. Is it pain? Give it to me. Is it > > your truth? Serve it to me. > > > > Let me know what you can give in the deepest and most lighted to > the > > rankest most depraved aspects of what you hide behind your eyes and > > behind your heart. Because I will go there and breathe deep of your > > sorrows and your accomplishments. I will help you clear your shames > > and your joys and loves and all of those experiences that you keep > > private, the exudate of your soul. > > > > It all gets exposed. Amplified and brought into the plain view. All > > with eyes to see will know and already do know. Nothing is private > > here and all these secrets are weighed for contents and intention > > and set aside as the useless dross of the ego. Let it go. Give it > to > > me that I may help you. > > > > There is no shame. There is only release and surrender. Open > > yourself and allow all aspects of your soul to be given the room to > > breathe. By loosening the burden of what you hold dear, good or > > shameful, wretched or loving. Surrender it all and let the Divinity > > that is starting to express, breathe the new breath of existence > > inside the new space you have created with your surrender. - > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2007 Report Share Posted July 2, 2007 Oh, my little Linda, I'm so sorry for your pain. You and I could be twins. Your story sounds like mine, almost exactly. Also, I was in tears and pain today. I was browsing Madonna videos on you-tube, when I saw the video for her song Oh Father. I watched the little girl in the video putting her hands up to her face to shield herself from being hit, and her father angrily shaking her and shouting. It made me relive those days of my life. I didn't want to live during those days. I prayed every night to have a new father. Eventually, after many years of nothing getting better- I too, became suicidal. Only I actually was cutting at my wrists as I prayed for help..for an answer..for guidance..anything. It was during that time when I felt the presence of God more than ever, so I changed my mind and decided to fight and to live. I hear you..I feel your pain, I really do. It's not easy to forgive and forget. I have an easier time forgiving than forgetting, because of hurt. When I am reminded, it feels like someone is crushing my heart. Stomping the life out of me, and the tears pour down my face, and I slump down the wall into a heap on the floor and lie in sadness. I could remain that way, remembering..for a long time. I used to, but I refuse to let myself be captivated by the ghosts of those memories. Those days are over, and I have escaped. It's all over now, and I am fine..I'm alive. I never thought I would make it. I was sure I would never live to see my 18th birthday, and here I am..31 and I'm alright now. So are you. It's still hard for us, be we have to find joy in order to create more peace within ourselves. You are a light for me, and I thank God for you every time I see 'hear you voice'. You make me happy, Dances with Cats!!! You can do it though. I can too. It is all possible through God. Somehow, through our belief..our trust in God, and our self love and forgiveness..we will forget someday. Maybe not all the way, but enough that it won't crush us anymore. With much love and wishes for peaceful calming, Tara believing Linda <DancesWithCats wrote: I am having a hard time writing this down. As I sat here yesterday and today to write the thoughts/parts of me are seemingly being slung in every direction. I cannot focus on any one thing without pain rising up, and I feel the need to cry, but I can't surrender to that need because I am not alone. My grandson and husband are here. I feel a great need to do the the Hu Hu Hu meditation but I need to be alone for that as well. I don't know if just crying will do anything though to relieve the pain for I went through a 6 month period two years ago crying day and night, every moment I was alone and even some when not alone and the pain is still with me. I need to surrender a lifetime of pain; emotional, mental and physical. It seems no matter how much I go over forgiving hurts done to me I can never let go of the pain even though I don't feel any negative hard feeling towards the persons any longer. I was suicidal through my teen years. Some times when I would be experiencing deep sadness and pain, desiring death this black rolling mass would be there. I felt, if I could just let go and let it consume me, I and my pain would be no more. I have gone through other times in my life when I had intertained thoughts of suicided. One of those periods happened, right before I excepted Christ into my life. I didn't just intertain the ideal that night, I was for sure going to carry through with it. In fact if he had not revealed himself to me the way he did, I would not be here today. I surrendered my all to him that night. I am who/what I am today because he loved me and cared enough to intervene. I don't know why the pain was never removed except it must be something I have to work through or karma. I don't know. Maybe it was what is neccessary to get me where I am. I do believe it was Christ and the Holy Spirit that has lead me here to Kundalini. I am thinking the 6 months of crying and being in pain to the point of desiring suicide again was what it took to get me to this point of surrender to K. I had become fearful of it after reading some of the stuff on the web. It was K not astral travel, that prompt me to take that Gnosis course last year. I am here because that is what I desire, to surrender all to K. To let K finish the work that has been started in me. Do I need to be more specific about the causes of my mountain of pain? Yesterday, my grandson and I took a walk in the rain and played in some muddy puddles. Hehe! It was a fun walk. I guess I got a little carried away, I hurt my back somehow and am in a lot of pain last night and today. I tried not to take anything for it, but I did this afternoon, I took an advil. These last few days I have been like several others here on the forum, mostly doing a lot of sleeping. I do miss doing the Tibetans and now I don't know if I can. I have been experiencing some moments of feeling the hot energy here and there in my body. That's about it. Much love, Linda , " chrism " <> wrote: > > Show me. Let me see what you are willing to surrender that you may > come into a full and pure expression of Kundalini. Demonstrate > this.....please. Let me see what you are willing to give up. What > you are willing to leave. What you are willing to expose. Tell me, > show me. Demonstrate what you will surrender. And how you will > surrender it. Reveal yourself. I gave up everything and died seven > times. What are you willing to let die inside yourself? Your > conceit? Your honor? Your fears? Your pride? Your power? > > If you struggle and resist you will fail in your attempt and then be > consumed by that which you refuse to let go of. Surrender it. Let it > go. Is it guilt? Reveal it to me. Is it pain? Give it to me. Is it > your truth? Serve it to me. > > Let me know what you can give in the deepest and most lighted to the > rankest most depraved aspects of what you hide behind your eyes and > behind your heart. Because I will go there and breathe deep of your > sorrows and your accomplishments. I will help you clear your shames > and your joys and loves and all of those experiences that you keep > private, the exudate of your soul. > > It all gets exposed. Amplified and brought into the plain view. All > with eyes to see will know and already do know. Nothing is private > here and all these secrets are weighed for contents and intention > and set aside as the useless dross of the ego. Let it go. Give it to > me that I may help you. > > There is no shame. There is only release and surrender. Open > yourself and allow all aspects of your soul to be given the room to > breathe. By loosening the burden of what you hold dear, good or > shameful, wretched or loving. Surrender it all and let the Divinity > that is starting to express, breathe the new breath of existence > inside the new space you have created with your surrender. - > > Looking for a deal? Find great prices on flights and hotels with FareChase. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2007 Report Share Posted July 2, 2007 Hello Linda, Quite often the Kundalini person will have very difficult pre activation experiences and life conditions. I did. You are doing well. Surrender all that you can of your conscious life within your ability to do so. This is one of the hardest aspects and it goes much deeper than most folks can immediately absorb. Do what you can do then come back to it. Listen to the Shakti and follow your impulses as you feel a response. As far as the practice goes be careful with what you do but go ahead and resume the spins if you can and you decide what other aspects you would be able to do of the Tibetans. Cut back on the reps if needed. If they are out of the question do the compression prayer or the alternate nostril breathing to keep your self sharp. Pray for yourself and your family. Go deep in your meditations and be happy for the changes that are taking place. You are moving. -blessings and balance - chrism Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2007 Report Share Posted July 2, 2007 It seems as if a lot of old emotions are coming out at the moment for many of us. We are having similar symptoms, this is great really, together we can get through all the old pain and surrender it all. It takes a life time to store the pain and carry it around, so I imagine it would take a while to release it. You just keep on doing exactly what you are doing, the sacred fire will help to move things in ways that seemed impossible before. That is the gift of the K, it's like the best draino you ever bought.....LOL I'm so pleased that we can all go through this together, as one united family, what a joy and honour. love you all so much Elektra x x x _________ Mail is the world's favourite email. Don't settle for less, sign up for your free account today http://uk.rd./evt=44106/*http://uk.docs./mail/winter07.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2007 Report Share Posted July 2, 2007 Awww Linda, you are such a beautiful person. I'm sorry you went through all that you have, but I believe that we all must go through trials to get anywhere worth being. If all was handed to us on a platter, we would not accomplish anything. I hope that your pain is ended soon. Sarita , " Linda " <DancesWithCats wrote: > > I am having a hard time writing this down. As I sat here yesterday > and today to write the thoughts/parts of me are seemingly being > slung in every direction. I cannot focus on any one thing without > pain rising up, and I feel the need to cry, but I can't surrender to > that need because I am not alone. My grandson and husband are here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 3, 2007 Report Share Posted July 3, 2007 Thank you, Steve f, for this message. It makes sense to me what you say. It would be great to be able to stay in the presense and not fluctuate into the past and all. To be able to just let by gones, be by gones and wipe them from memory eventually would be great. On every event I seem to analyze every part; the why, for, and how comes and what was my part in it taking place. Turn it inside out and upside down and get all bogged up in it. I guess I need to get back to observing my ego more and be more determined in loosening it's controls. Since the gnosis course I have been practicing to be more in the moment and observing how the ego takes over in different situations. Just that little trick of being an observer in situations has been a big help so that things don't get all blown out of whack. Hehe! It would be a big help to know what is really going on in the minds of those around you. By being more observative of how their ego's are controlling them helps to devert some bad situations, too. With my dad growing up, I mostly handled things by staying out of sight and out of mind as much as possible. My tummy would get hungry though. Blessings Steve Linda , " gnilaeh1111 " <gnilaeh1111 wrote: > > dear linda.. for what it's worth here's my thought regarding your message. i'm currently > reading a new earth by eckhart tolle. he proclaims that we all have a 'pain body' that is > related to our ego. this energy body is the accumulation of our life suffering and like the > ego, it needs our energy and identification to survive. by not being present in the moment > we add to this body of pain. somehow we must begin our lives afresh every second so that > we aren't giving energy to this entity that masquerades as our true being. we may even be > present with our pain as a witness. i pray that we may all shed these false selves and i > hope that K energy will facilitate this process. > love, > -steve f > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.