Surrender - Bradly

[Guest guest]

Well, since this is the second time to write this, since the first

one got sucked into the black hole at the centre of our galaxy... I

will try to surrender a little more and go deeper.

 

To surrender: my one track mind, my desire to be right, my judgements

of others, my other judgements, my desire to compare, my need for

approval from others, my comparison of others, my judgements of

myself, my desire to always win and compete, my desire to always be

doing, my desire to always improve things, any tears I have uncried,

issues waiting to be released, unforgivenesses I haven't found,

wrongs I haven't righted, whatever remains to be released, my desire

to get it right, anything holding me back

 

To surrender to: love, shakti, the kundalini, my highest guidance, my

life path, my breath, the moment, service to others, my connection

with nature, my connection to all things, stillness

 

By releasing the things I surrender, I believe I can move forward

finding more space in my life for the things I wish to surrender too.

(Quite likely a lot more space!) Any guidance or thoughts is

much appreciated.

 

Since Shaktipat and the Scatterfield releasal I've been having

regular energy running up my legs. The usual tiny firings of muscles

there and energy feelings. I've also had lots of crown chakra

tinglings. Also my left eye sometimes, the eye more so during the

shaktipat though. Today since after lunch I've been having

flutterings in my 3rd chakra. Above my belly button about an inch and

an inch or two to my left when i look down. It feels really

interesting and I'm curious to what will happen next. After I posted

about my kitten too I felt heart chakra flutterings for about 30

seconds.

 

I've found some opportunities to serve others in good ways lately and

I'm content with that. It feels good to give in what ways I can.

 

I'm looking forward to making more space for more to come in. I am

willing to surrender all, though I prefer the pace I am at now I

think. But perhaps I could surrender that preference too if necessary!

 

In gratitude

 

bradly

[Guest guest]

Oh and the Shakti prayer " Earth, Air, Fire, Snow... " is working great

as a mantra. I can return to it throughout my day when the mind wanders

on to thoughts that aren't really moving me forward (one track

mind...!)

 

thanks again and group, bradly

[Guest guest]

Bradly,

 

Since we are trying to release many of the same things, it struck me

whilst reading your post that the judgements, comparisons, etc. seem

to be functions of a " staying on guard " attitude, like you're looking

ahead to size people up in order to be prepared for the worst. It's

not an open curiosity stance of accepting the not-knowing but

wondering, which is perhaps the healthier option.

 

I think we (and most humans) may be fill-in-the-blankers and we do it

with cynical, neg info. sometimes. In some instances this may give us

the illusion of superiority, in terms of competitiveness, but

underneath all comparison is that dreadful need, so we end up getting

the short end, finding ourselves lacking.

 

That's the predominant feeling driving it. Insecurity, perhaps

unworthiness. We are looking for external signposts to ameliorate

this feeling at every turn. Some ranking or classification system to

support or stabalise as our feet seem to dangle free disturbingly.

 

When we " size people up, " pigeonhole, stereotype, compare or judge

people, we do it out of a need to " know " more than what is available

to know. Why do we have this need? Self-protection against negative

intrusion. We distrust people, the world, life, ourselves to treat

us kindly, be adequate and sufficient.

 

Wow. We do create our own reality. We then go out and

find " examples " to substantiate our imagined paradigms. This all

goes to cynicism, doubt, fear, insecurity. If we don't need anything

from anyone, we will be perfectly content to let them be who they

are. Further, if we don't make judgements, we are placed in the

position to be constantly surprised by people's depth and see their

complexity.

 

By surrendering these needful, distracting and diverting mechanisms

which have become automatic, we gain an expanded and more

compassionate, more encompassing worldiew focused on no more and no

less than *what we know.* Our sphere is lighter and broader. I want

to float through life. I don't need the weight of judgement to

ground me. I won't float away to nothingness.

 

I guess this takes a lot of mindful discipline directed at lots of

individual cases that come up, a continual relinquishment of having

to know, having to discern and categorise and rank. This is the

perversion of simple curiosity and fascination with people, which I

also have. So, maybe if we turn it back to the original impulse

of " hm. wonder what that's about? " Or " what's driving him? " We can

seek to understand rather than label. Very difficult distinctions.

 

Leave room for surprises.

 

Forgive the presumption. I'm talking to myself here, really, didn't

mean to intrude. Thanks for getting me to start to frame it in these

terms. I have had a mistrust of the world, but I think that's

changing. Being proven wrong repeatedly can be very helpful in these

things! " I am sufficient " is a good mantra.

 

It seems always to go back to raising expectations, doesn't it?

Raising them all round. We're fishing around for scraps and missing

the elaborate feast prepared for us. Geesh, I hate it when that

happens!

 

 

x,

Droxine

 

 

 

 

 

 

, " curball2002 "

<curball2002 wrote:

>

> Well, since this is the second time to write this, since the first

> one got sucked into the black hole at the centre of our galaxy... I

> will try to surrender a little more and go deeper.

>

> To surrender: my one track mind, my desire to be right, my

judgements

> of others, my other judgements, my desire to compare, my need for

> approval from others, my comparison of others, my judgements of

> myself, my desire to always win and compete, my desire to always be

> doing, my desire to always improve things, any tears I have

uncried,

> issues waiting to be released, unforgivenesses I haven't found,

> wrongs I haven't righted, whatever remains to be released, my

desire

> to get it right, anything holding me back

>