Morning Meditation (Thoughts of Betsy)

July 21, 2007

Last night I spent the biggest portion of the evening reading Betsy's

website (Great site by the way, Betsy. Whenever I am able to have

some alone time agian I plan to do the mirror healing exercise). I am

ready for summer vacations to be over with.

In my meditation this morning I kind of went off into thinking about

Betsy and all she has been through with her K. It lead to me thinking

about how demanding the K is to how gentle and wooing the Holy Spirit

is in comparison. The Holy Spirit wooes until you are able to come to

the place of surrender and once you surrender it gives you the power

to carry through. I have also been reading the book Stevef

recommended to me, Eckhart Tolle's " A New Earth " and it goes into

great depths about the ego and how it functions and controls. At

that point it (the ego) reminded me so much how demmanding K is that

I ending the thinking and went back to concentration on my breathing

and keeping my mind blank. That didn't last long, I fell into the

hynogogic state or a dream. My ability to stay in an aware state has

really gotton bad, I could not tell if it was a dream images or

hynogogic images. My ability to have an OBE or lucid dream is gone

with the wind. My dream life has changed, it'a all I can do to

remember little bits and pieces of dreams and there is little control.

Anyway, I fell into some kind of state. The image of a monkey type

creature appeared and I got the impression it symbolized an ego. Then

there was another image of something I could not make out but the

symbol breathe in and sucked up the monkey and when it breathed out,

it breathed out three monkeys. Then imediately after, there was the

image of a large blonde man setting in an airplane (one of those old

kind of planes that do not have a top). This guy was way too big/tall

for the plane, his head was way up above the windshield. He was just

sitting there laughing his arse off, really big time.

My feeling since has been one of uneasiness, unsettling. I can't get

it out of my mind.

I can understand the monkey part I think, because last year when I

was focusing on becoming more aware of my egos, it seemed like when I

did recongnized/become aware of an ego, it would lose it's strength

or control, but it seemed like many more would pop up taking it's

place, like it became a never ending battle. I was seeing more and

more egos in myself and everyone around me, until all I was seeing

was egos. Everthing was an ego. LOL! I don't know why the symbol was

a monkey. i guess I need to look up what a monkey sybolizes.

I have this really big ego thing. You see, every church I have every

joined has died. I am a church killer! Hehe! It appears that I may

be a forum killer as well. Several forums, I've become " connected " to

have pass over or have come close to it. Or is it that I just happen

to pick dying churches or dying forums to join. I hope this forum

isn't dying, but it sure feels like the life has been sucked out of

it here in the last few weeks or is it just everyone is one vacation

or something or other all of a sudden.

Do I need to leave??? I left the last church before it completely

died and it has healed and has made a come back. I also left the last

forum I belonged to before coming here to these . It

seems to be doing a little better since I quit posting. Is all this

just a coincidence and they would have died whether I had become a

member or not? With these forums, it seems that once I joined, then

it comes under attack by various individuals who seem to join solely

for the purpose of causing disharmony. Like this forum has been

attacked by several people now, just in the short time I have been

here. Has it been attacked in the same way before this year? I have

read a lot of the older post and I have not seen where this has taken

place before this year.

Do you know what it really seems like to me? It seems like I am being

followed by some evil entity that destroys every place where I find

spiritual nurishment and connection. How big an ego is that?

Hehehehe! I don't know if it is my imagination or if it is real? A

lot of stuff just doesn't make much sense to me.

I have come to care for all of you here on this forum a lot.

Detachment from this group would be very totally painful for me.

Love you mucho grande,

Linda

July 21, 2007

I do not claim to know anything about your monkeys but am, myself, am a great

fan and admirer of Hanuman...

In gratefulness,

Sherri

--

The high destiny of the individual is to serve rather than rule-Albert Einstein

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" Linda " <crazycats711