False Guru test

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The False Guru Test

Andrew P—updated 04/2006

 

AKE THE FALSE GURU TEST. If seven or more of the following describes

your guru or spiritual teacher, then unfortunately he or she may not

be be as enlightened or good for your soul as you would like to

believe:

 

1. States his or her own enlightenment: The wisest masters tend not

to state their own enlightenment or perfection for they know that it

is both unhelpful to themselves and to their students. The false

teachers often make this claim because they have little else on

offer to attract followers.

 

2. Is unable to take criticism: False teachers strongly dislike

either personal criticism or criticism of their teaching; they do

not take kindly to ordinary unenlightened individuals questioning

them. They or their organisations will even undertake multi-million

dollar law suits to stop ex-members from spilling the beans.

 

3. Acts omnipotently with no accountability: Some spiritual

communities are run like concentration camps, with guru and his

chosen ones acting like Gestapo officers. Unjust or outrageous

behaviour by the guru is passed off as what is needed to help the

followers grow (how kind). These are the dangerous gurus who have

often severely damaged their students. A real master respects your

will even if he or she understands that your particular decisions

may not be in your interest, and he or she will act accountably to

an ethical code of conduct.

 

4. Focuses on enlightenment itself rather than teaching the path

leading to it: It is amazing how much false gurus have to say about

enlightenment. They argue their points in the same way that the

scholars in the middle ages argued how many angels could sit on the

head of a pin. Any fool can talk about the end goal because what is

said is irrefutable to most of your listeners. What is skillful is

guiding those listeners to having awakening within themselves. The

real teacher focuses on the path and strictly avoids any talk on

enlightenment.

 

5. Does not practice what is preached: Contrary to spiritual myth,

you don't reach a point of realization whereby you can then start

acting mindlessly. If a teacher preaches love and forgiveness, then

he should act that way, at least most of the time, showing suitable

regret for any lapses). If he teaches meditation, he should

meditate. If he insists that his followers live in austere

conditions, so should he.

 

6. Takes the credit for a particular meditative or healing

technique: The fact is that meditation and guided visualisation

work. Anyone doing them will experience major changes, benefits and

realizations. The false guru will try to own or trademark particular

methods and techniques so that she has something unique to attract

followers. And she will hijack the effects of meditation as the

guru's blessing rather than each individuals natural potential.

Often the students or followers are forbidden from divulging the

techniques to maintain a sort of intellectual property right,

usually under the guise of needing the technique to be taught

correctly.

 

7. Specifically gives satsang or darshan when it is not part of his

culture: Darshan is when the disciples or students of a master line

up and to pass their master, who is usually seated, with either a

bow or traditionally kissing their feet (yes it does happen). In the

East, this is part of their culture and a normal thing to do to show

respect and reverence (even children will kiss the feet of their

fathers). However, here in the West, such copycat behaviour is a

strong indication that the guru is acting a role. Satsang, on the

other hand, means literally " the company of the Truth " . In a deeper

sense it is an affirmation of the Guru-Disciple relationship in

Eastern traditions. But some Western gurus will use this terminology

because they are playing a role.

 

8. Lives in total opulence: There is nothing wrong with living in

luxury or being wealthy. But when that luxury turns to unnecessary

opulence using funds that were not explicity donated for that

purpose then you are probably dealing with a false guru. Money is

collected from followers usually in the form of donations, and those

donations are given as an act of love, appreciation and to help

spread the influence of the master. However, a genuine master is

more likely to use such wealth to lessen the suffering in this

world, not to buy another yacht, private jet or Rolls Royce.

 

9. Encourages or permits adoration from his followers: Avoid any

group that focuses on the " master " themselves rather than the

teachings or spiritual practices. This will be a hindrance to your

self-realisation for your focus will be drawn outside of yourself,

and usually indicates that there is not a lot more on offer than

guru worship.

 

10. Presents himself or herself overly fashionably and glamorously:

Beware of masters who present glamour photographs of themselves and

dress overly fashionably (whilst proclaiming that they have no ego

and leading ego-death retreats). Yes it does happen!

 

11. Demands love and devotion from their students: Keep clear of any

master who demands love and devotion. One very well known Western

guru stated, " Anyone who loves me is guaranteed enlightenment " ! Real

love and devotion is earned over time when we begin to really know

the whole person and not their public image.

 

12. Speaks with an Indian accent or vernacular when he is in fact a

Westerner: Not sure how much this happens now but there are some

high profile Western gurus who have (or had) Indian accents,

mannerisms and vernacular. Unless they have genuinely spent

considerable time in other cultures, they are probably playing out a

role.

 

13. Runs expensive miracle workshops and courses: You are unlikely

to reach enlightenment after a few weekend workshops with cheesy

titles. In our society of " must have now " , we want to be able to

purchase spiritual development with minimal fuss. Also, avoid

meaningless accreditation — it is often used merely to encourage

followers to do more courses.

 

14. Takes sexual advantage of his or her followers: This happens

much more than many believe. It is not being prudish to include this

one because when a follower falls under the spell of a guru he or

she is likely to do anything for the Chosen One. It is only

afterwards that it may dawn on the follower that his or her openness

has been used and abused. This can be very psychologically scarring.

 

15. Flatters you and treats you as very special: Sure we are all

special in some ways, but this is one of the things that a false

guru may do to hook a potential follower or to get a current

follower to do a particular task. Nothing can be more intoxicating

to the ego than to be selected by the master or leader (or any high

profile person). A real master will stand back and allow you to make

your decision whether to accept his or her teachings without trying

to influence the process.

 

16. Talks bollocks: It is surprising what a person will listen to

when he or she is devoted to the speaker. It is always a good idea

to get hold of a written transcript of what has been said and really

read the message. Then tell an open-minded friend who is not a

follower what their opinion is purely on the strength of the words.

You will soon find out whether there is any real substance to the

teacher's message, or whether you are merely being drawn in by the

charisma of the messenger.

 

17. Overly relies on slick presentation: Slick presentation can

often mask poor content, and so it is important for you to look past

the lovely music and video shows at the actual message. The slicker

the presentation, the harder it is to see what exactly the teaching

is.

 

18. Gives him or herself outrageous titles: Not satisfied by

being " merely " an enlightened being, many false gurus give

themselves titles (or allow their followers to do so) to indicate

that they are literally God-Incarnate, the reincarnation of the

Buddha or Christ, or THE chosen one. Some continually change their

names, to keep pace with their burgeoning egos.

 

19. Runs abundance workshops: A guru or master is there to help us

find an authentic life. This is nothing to do with becoming more

successful at work or making more money, although this may or may

not follow from being more authentic. There is nothing wrong with

abundance weekends, but if we mistake spirituality for increased

business success, then we are guilty of spiritual materialism and we

find ourselves deeper in the illusion. (The Japanese say that the

Gods laugh at those who pray for money.)

 

20. Is not interested in you personally: If a teacher or guru does

not have time to interact with you personally, then you may as well

read his teaching from a book, because merely being in his presence

doesn't help you find realization inside you. You may model some of

his spiritual characteristics, but that often only places you deeper

in illusion.

 

21. Allows his followers to set up a hierarchy of access: A guru

must be accessible. If he is not, or if he allows his followers to

block your access, then he is playing the role of a king and not a

spiritual guide. A guru is only useful to the process of awakening

if you can directly interact with him.

 

22. Makes false claims of lineage: Many mistakenly believe that

realisation can only happen under the guidance of a realized master.

In this belief system, gurus are only authentic when they come from

a line or lineage of realized gurus. Desperate not to be left out,

some gurus claim a false lineage of enlightened masters to bolster

their authority to teach. Another pseudo form of " lineage " is to

recount a miracle that once happened to them (maybe they cured

themselves of some disease or God spoke to them personally) which

infers that they are " chosen " and therefore have the authority to

set themselves up as teachers and gurus.

 

23. Presents themselves as non-profit whilst raking in the millions:

Often, the false prophet will present her teachings for free, whilst

strongly encouraging her devotees to make large donations. In this

way she can appear above money considerations, whilst maintaining

her greed and opulence.

 

24. Collects a large band of angry ex-followers: This is an

indication that something is seriously wrong. If she has used

kindness and love in her interactions with her students, and has

discouraged them from projecting denied spiritual characteristics

onto the guru (rather than encouraging their integration into the

self), then it is extremely unlikely that there would be more than a

few disheartened ex's. Many might drift away and feel they have

wasted their time, but they are only likely to have the great anger

if they have put their teacher on a pedestal, given him their power,

and later realized that he was never worthy of such adoration.

Contrary to what some believe, it is actually the teacher's

responsibility to strongly discourage students from putting them on

pedestals, for this is counterproductive to finding realisation

inside.

 

25. Uses pseudo-technology: Many false prophets and organisations

base themselves around pseudo-technology in the effort to appear

scientific — special meters, communication devices (do you really

expect the aliens to use a mobile?) and energy clearing instruments

and pendants that involve crystals and copper wire. Once again, this

is to distract the unwary from the poor quality of the actual

teaching.

 

26. Acts like a complete paranoid mad person: If your Precious One

acts like a complete paranoid schizophrenic or psychotic then he or

she probably is. Run! Remember that there is no such thing as " crazy

wisdom " —wisdom is the art of being balanced. However charismatic

they may be, and sane between moments of madness, you WILL be

damaged by them.

 

 

 

 

Please note that this test is only a rough guide, and it was written

without any particular guru or teacher in mind — any likeness in

description is purely coincidental.