Update on my Shaktipat Week.- all

[Guest guest]

I was so excited about this Shaktipat...the first one the fear of the

unknown was there in the background and stifled things a bit, plus I

had some problems saying the Shakti prayer. I felt ready for this one

and thought I would be having lots of time to myself to devote to it

since my huggy was back working. I ended up having only 2 days to

myself plus this evening. I am making the most of it too... setting

here stark naked... Hehe! Feeling the warmt again.

 

I was really wanting to fast all week, but ended it because of my

hubby being home. I could tell intuitively it was bothering him, just

like I knew the first day that he was effected by the energy that

morning. I knew he was experiencing it the same as me and I became

concerned about that and tried to stay away from him as much as

possible. I think I began supressing it at that point and was feeling

less energy on Wednesday and felt very sad...on the verge of tears

all day, and I suppressed the tears too because of hubby being home.

 

Thursday morning I woke up in a fetal position from a dream I don't

remember but I was feeling lost and alone. I laid there thinking and

praying, and I had the vision again of the many triangle pieces

haphardly meshed together not forming a harmonious pattern, but a

pattern of anxiety and chaos and I felt very nauseated and stayed

that way for most of next two day. I was also not able to focus very

well especially yesterday. I tried to read here on the forum but what

I read would not register in my brain.

 

Back to the vision: Laying there feeling very out of sorts, it

reminded me of my first OBE where I heard the shattering glass and

thought my house was being broken into. (I could look at that OBE as

the instant that I began this path I'm on.) As I continued lying

there feeling like this shattered pattern, it began to move and

change and it morphed into this most beautiful mandala, radiating a

bright white light from it's center. It gave me hope and assurance.

The weird thing is the whole time I was feeling like shattered

glass, I also was still experiencing peace and calm in the

background.

 

I have learned much from this week and even progressed somewhat I

think. Even though I don't outwardly hide from my hubby what I am

doing and involved with, I do surpress certain active personal

portions of it. This all stems from the night I recieved baptism of

fire by the Holy Spirit. The moment I walked in the door that night

without saying a word, he knew and got so angry with me. He being an

atheist, felt it was the ruination of our relationship. And even

though it happened some days later, that was the real reason he put

the gun to my head that night.

 

I can more fully understand Chrism's statement that the spouse needs

to be informed. I don't know how to go about it though. Anything that

has to do with spirituality is religious to him and he does not have

much tolerance. Divorcing him is no option for me, mainly because the

bible states that when one finds themself unequally yoked that you

are to stay in that relationship as long as the spouse chooses to

stay. As long as they stay, there is always the hope of winning them

over. He doesn't want to leave me, nor does he want to end it, even

though it may be for selfish reasons.

 

I don't know what to do except to continue praying and loving him

unconditionally. I know I can't continue supressing my spirituality

to kept him comfortable. I just don't know how to go about that

without having my life threatened. I am not afraid to die, I just

don't want to yet.

 

Ever since going through my 6 months of hell, he knows I am not

afraid of him any longer and I do not allow his trying to control me

any longer either, even though he has made attempts to a few times

since. One day during that 6 month period, I wrote a little poem or

an attempt at it. Hehe. I am not a poet for sure, but I thought I

would share anyways.

 

My heart bleeds

The pain is real

My hope is knowing

Suffering...

ends.

 

Also, Chrism, these three last days, the eggs sensation is still

there in my spine, but it does not seem expanded and sending out

warmed and tinglies like during the first part of the week, but feels

very condensed now. It moves up and down my back. When it is near the

solar plexus that is when I feel most of the nausea, when it moves up

to the heart level that is when I feel the urges to cry, when it

moved up to the base of my neck that is when I could not seem to

focus. Is it being in a condensed form, the cause these things

because of my surpressing? I feel like I have failed, but I have

learned a lot from this. Tonight as I write this, it seems to be

expanding back out and I feel much better.

 

I was also given a way to say the Shakti prayer that feels so right

for me. I replaced " to the goddess I go " with " to the all and all I

go " . That is the only thing I could find that would flows and

represents the true God source.

 

I am very much grateful to all of you and thankful that I feel safe

to express myself here, whether it is read or not.

 

Mucho love to all,

Linda

[Guest guest]

Well Linda,

It has been difficult for you and yes forgiveness is the

best route but not if it means death of wife by husband. Joy and

happiness are other god given rights for all. I know you will do what

is best for you - Blessings - chrism