Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 This was a new one for me this past week. I have a friend (of 20 some years) who has been wallowing in bitterness the past 10 because of something she believes I did to her...she actually did it to herself, but she is not able to hear that. We've come together and separated a few times over the years. She, seeing how it feels to be around me...me hoping she forgives and moves on. The last time I saw her, a couple of weeks ago, I went to hug her and she moved away...talking warmly with my hubby, but giving me the icey shoulder. This was right after a Sunday church service, and we were guests. Funny, I never know how she is going to respond to me when I see her. I always extend love, but the shell is so hard I don't think it gets through. I felt such a deep sadness that she is stuck and still hurting after all these years. I have to forgive her for not forgiving me, since she sees me as the cause of her hurt. I've prayed so much for her this past week. I can't understand how she can't/won't see what actually happened. I don't understand why people cling to what hurts them. So, I'm learning to forgive unforgivenss, and releasing her to peace. I learned from her how bitterness can strangle a life and kill joy. Thank you for listening. Love, dhyana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Dhyana, What I have found through different experiences (some I was directly involved with, some not) is that each person experiences it differently. You may see it happen one way, your friend another. I don't know exactly why this happens, but it does. I recently experienced a situation between my mother and my aunt and heard both of their " complaints " . They both saw it so very differently and both thought they were correct. I saw it as some fault on both sides. I tried to explain to them " There is your story, there is her story and the truth lies somewhere between. " That went over like a lead balloon, lol. Trying to change someone's mind about what they think happened is unlikely. But, as you said, forgiving the unforgiveness is something positive that we CAN do. Good for you for recognizing it and putting it into practice! Maybe your example will help your friend to start her healing process. Another thought, she might need to blame you because if she doesn't she might find that she is blaming herself instead. Maybe the alternative is so unacceptable to her, that she must blame you. Sarita , " novalees " <Novalees wrote: > > This was a new one for me this past week. > > I have a friend (of 20 some years) who has been wallowing in > bitterness the past 10 because of something she believes I did to > her...she actually did it to herself, but she is not able to hear that. > > We've come together and separated a few times over the years. She, > seeing how it feels to be around me...me hoping she forgives and moves > on. The last time I saw her, a couple of weeks ago, I went to hug her > and she moved away...talking warmly with my hubby, but giving me the > icey shoulder. This was right after a Sunday church service, and we > were guests. > > Funny, I never know how she is going to respond to me when I see her. > I always extend love, but the shell is so hard I don't think it gets > through. > > I felt such a deep sadness that she is stuck and still hurting after > all these years. I have to forgive her for not forgiving me, since she > sees me as the cause of her hurt. I've prayed so much for her this > past week. I can't understand how she can't/won't see what actually > happened. I don't understand why people cling to what hurts them. > > So, I'm learning to forgive unforgivenss, and releasing her to peace. > I learned from her how bitterness can strangle a life and kill joy. > > Thank you for listening. > Love, dhyana > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Thank you, Sarita. There was no right or wrong, just something that happened that was not accepted. And in the nonacceptance, a new experience was created. Your words were very comforting. Warm hug, and thank you. Love, dhyana , " Sarita " <sarita1969 wrote: > > Dhyana, > > What I have found through different experiences (some I was directly > involved with, some not) is that each person experiences it > differently. You may see it happen one way, your friend another. I > don't know exactly why this happens, but it does. > > I recently experienced a situation between my mother and my aunt and > heard both of their " complaints " . They both saw it so very > differently and both thought they were correct. I saw it as some > fault on both sides. I tried to explain to them " There is your > story, there is her story and the truth lies somewhere between. " > That went over like a lead balloon, lol. > > Trying to change someone's mind about what they think happened is > unlikely. But, as you said, forgiving the unforgiveness is something > positive that we CAN do. Good for you for recognizing it and putting > it into practice! Maybe your example will help your friend to start > her healing process. > > Another thought, she might need to blame you because if she doesn't > she might find that she is blaming herself instead. Maybe the > alternative is so unacceptable to her, that she must blame you. > > Sarita > > , " novalees " > <Novalees@> wrote: > > > > This was a new one for me this past week. > > > > I have a friend (of 20 some years) who has been wallowing in > > bitterness the past 10 because of something she believes I did to > > her...she actually did it to herself, but she is not able to hear > that. > > > > We've come together and separated a few times over the years. She, > > seeing how it feels to be around me...me hoping she forgives and > moves > > on. The last time I saw her, a couple of weeks ago, I went to hug > her > > and she moved away...talking warmly with my hubby, but giving me the > > icey shoulder. This was right after a Sunday church service, and we > > were guests. > > > > Funny, I never know how she is going to respond to me when I see > her. > > I always extend love, but the shell is so hard I don't think it gets > > through. > > > > I felt such a deep sadness that she is stuck and still hurting after > > all these years. I have to forgive her for not forgiving me, since > she > > sees me as the cause of her hurt. I've prayed so much for her this > > past week. I can't understand how she can't/won't see what actually > > happened. I don't understand why people cling to what hurts them. > > > > So, I'm learning to forgive unforgivenss, and releasing her to > peace. > > I learned from her how bitterness can strangle a life and kill joy. > > > > Thank you for listening. > > Love, dhyana > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Hi..... Its sad that your friend is not forgiving you......and its great that you are forgiving your friend for that..........its unfortunate that the people around us are not exposed to the safeties.....if only they were..then our work would have been so easy.........i hated a lot of people in my life and i just had kept them out of my life since a past few months......now after i learnt about forgiveness i went back to them.......i could forgive them and show the change in me but they remained yet the same..........my guru says...the love we show to them makes a mark on them and that will make them change.....but need to check how far this works........ One main reason that your friend would not forgive you may be because she is not accepting the truth.....the ego within is not letting her to realize.....may be if u can have a word and clear the things it my help....y do u need to leave the things uncleared..... At this point i feel to share 2 GREAT lessons taught by my guru... 1>The YES/NO approach.... Every time we do something wrong or right we tend to give a justification for our action.....especially when someting goes wrong......we tell...we did/it happend coz of this ..coz of that.....coz of her....coz of him....but we never dare to accept the basic truth that we did it......its the ego within that will stop us from accpeting the facts......one way to over come this is start asking ourself a YES/NO question.....I did this or i did not do this....i said this or i did not say this.....lets not try to justify or give reasons....ultimately a yes / no..... By this act we get the courage to accept the truth and then by this the baggage is removed........ 2> The TFFT policy...... We all know this principle....its the Tolerate Forgive Forget Thank Policy..... If someone is trying to harm us or trouble us....lets tolerate their act and not fight back..... Lets Forgive them for their act.... Lets Forget that they made a mistake.... And finally lets Thank them for their act for their mistake also helped me to grow and become a better person...... By following these two lessons my life has changed a lot....i get lots of peace in my mind.....though of sharing the same with all KP Sir.....Thank you so much for making my life so easy and wonderful to live Thanks and Regards Prasad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 , " prasadkrn " <prasadkrn wrote: > Very good lessons Prasad! Thanks for posting that. Sarita > Hi..... > > Its sad that your friend is not forgiving you......and its great that > you are forgiving your friend for that..........its unfortunate that > the people around us are not exposed to the safeties.....if only they > were..then our work would have been so easy.........i hated a lot of > people in my life and i just had kept them out of my life since a past > few months......now after i learnt about forgiveness i went back to > them.......i could forgive them and show the change in me but they > remained yet the same..........my guru says...the love we show to them > makes a mark on them and that will make them change.....but need to > check how far this works........ > One main reason that your friend would not forgive you may be because > she is not accepting the truth.....the ego within is not letting her > to realize.....may be if u can have a word and clear the things it my > help....y do u need to leave the things uncleared..... > > At this point i feel to share 2 GREAT lessons taught by my guru... > > 1>The YES/NO approach.... > Every time we do something wrong or right we tend to give a > justification for our action.....especially when someting goes > wrong......we tell...we did/it happend coz of this ..coz of > that.....coz of her....coz of him....but we never dare to accept the > basic truth that we did it......its the ego within that will stop us > from accpeting the facts......one way to over come this is start > asking ourself a YES/NO question.....I did this or i did not do > this....i said this or i did not say this.....lets not try to justify > or give reasons....ultimately a yes / no..... > By this act we get the courage to accept the truth and then by this > the baggage is removed........ > > 2> The TFFT policy...... > We all know this principle....its the Tolerate Forgive Forget Thank > Policy..... > If someone is trying to harm us or trouble us....lets tolerate their > act and not fight back..... > Lets Forgive them for their act.... > Lets Forget that they made a mistake.... > And finally lets Thank them for their act for their mistake also > helped me to grow and become a better person...... > > By following these two lessons my life has changed a lot....i get > lots of peace in my mind.....though of sharing the same with all > > KP Sir.....Thank you so much for making my life so easy and wonderful > to live > > Thanks and Regards > Prasad > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Hi Dhyana, I can relate. Sometimes it feels like when we forgive, the other party should reciprocate, or admit faults. The fact is, we can't make that happen and sometimes it never will. I think what we need to remember is that forgiveness is for ourselves, and not necessarily for the one who needs to be forgiven. Once we accept things as they are and let go of the bitterness; we can grow spiritually. Thats my take on it anyway. We can only hope for the best. Amanda ---- Original Message ---- Novalees RE: Forgiving Unforgiveness Thu, 04 Oct 2007 16:51:08 -0000 >This was a new one for me this past week. > >I have a friend (of 20 some years) who has been wallowing in >bitterness the past 10 because of something she believes I did to >her...she actually did it to herself, but she is not able to hear >that. > >We've come together and separated a few times over the years. She, >seeing how it feels to be around me...me hoping she forgives and >moves >on. The last time I saw her, a couple of weeks ago, I went to hug her >and she moved away...talking warmly with my hubby, but giving me the >icey shoulder. This was right after a Sunday church service, and we >were guests. > >Funny, I never know how she is going to respond to me when I see her. >I always extend love, but the shell is so hard I don't think it gets >through. > >I felt such a deep sadness that she is stuck and still hurting after >all these years. I have to forgive her for not forgiving me, since >she >sees me as the cause of her hurt. I've prayed so much for her this >past week. I can't understand how she can't/won't see what actually >happened. I don't understand why people cling to what hurts them. > >So, I'm learning to forgive unforgivenss, and releasing her to peace. >I learned from her how bitterness can strangle a life and kill joy. > >Thank you for listening. >Love, dhyana > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Hi Amanda and welcome - I think you re so correct. We need to forgive whether the other party is participating or not. That can be a VERY hard thing to do! Thanks for reminding us of that. I have really been working alot on forgiveness lately nd was advised to keep doing so, even though I *thought* I was done. Maybe not. Much Love, Melissa , " Amanda " <mi5anthr0pe wrote: > > Hi Dhyana, > > I can relate. Sometimes it feels like when we forgive, the other > party should reciprocate, or admit faults. The fact is, we can't make > that happen and sometimes it never will. I think what we need to > remember is that forgiveness is for ourselves, and not necessarily > for the one who needs to be forgiven. Once we accept things as they > are and let go of the bitterness; we can grow spiritually. Thats my > take on it anyway. We can only hope for the best. > > Amanda > ---- Original Message ---- > Novalees > > RE: Forgiving Unforgiveness > Thu, 04 Oct 2007 16:51:08 -0000 > > >This was a new one for me this past week. > > > >I have a friend (of 20 some years) who has been wallowing in > >bitterness the past 10 because of something she believes I did to > >her...she actually did it to herself, but she is not able to hear > >that. > > > >We've come together and separated a few times over the years. She, > >seeing how it feels to be around me...me hoping she forgives and > >moves > >on. The last time I saw her, a couple of weeks ago, I went to hug her > >and she moved away...talking warmly with my hubby, but giving me the > >icey shoulder. This was right after a Sunday church service, and we > >were guests. > > > >Funny, I never know how she is going to respond to me when I see her. > >I always extend love, but the shell is so hard I don't think it gets > >through. > > > >I felt such a deep sadness that she is stuck and still hurting after > >all these years. I have to forgive her for not forgiving me, since > >she > >sees me as the cause of her hurt. I've prayed so much for her this > >past week. I can't understand how she can't/won't see what actually > >happened. I don't understand why people cling to what hurts them. > > > >So, I'm learning to forgive unforgivenss, and releasing her to peace. > >I learned from her how bitterness can strangle a life and kill joy. > > > >Thank you for listening. > >Love, dhyana > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2007 Report Share Posted October 5, 2007 > > Another thought, she might need to blame you because > if she doesn't > she might find that she is blaming herself instead. > Maybe the > alternative is so unacceptable to her, that she must > blame you. This is such a typical human thing to do, we have all done it I'm sure, many times, every time you blame another without taking any of the responsibilty yourself you are doing this. Sometimes we do it with out realising because we feel so justified in it (when somebody shouts at you for no reason, as example, you may think it is all them without noticing how you may have attracted the experience). So hard to master the whole " looking in the mirror " . Every single person is showing us something of ourself. If you can always ask, what is this person showing me about myself, you are on a good path IMHO. The ego will surely begin to loosen it's grip!!! Great response Sarita!!!! Good going Dhyana! Love Elektra x x x _________ Want ideas for reducing your carbon footprint? Visit For Good http://uk.promotions./forgood/environment.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2007 Report Share Posted October 5, 2007 Again Prasad, Very good insight and advice I think, keep on doing what your doing, it will lead you home! Love Elektra x x x _________ Want ideas for reducing your carbon footprint? Visit For Good http://uk.promotions./forgood/environment.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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