Guest guest Posted October 10, 2007 Report Share Posted October 10, 2007 hi gang, I have been going through some emotional turmoil again...will it ever stop? Never....! All this sexuality talk has helped me peel away another layer of the onion, I had worked on the fear aspect of the sexual disease, the HIV fear. I thought this would help me kick start again, but no.... Still nothing. Then I read that rape story in Nag Hammadi and it brought back memories of my own " rape " when I was only 17. I cried in my hubbies arms this morning, a great release. I was given drugs by an older men who I trusted (being innocent) and then whilst in this drugged up state men took advantage of me sexually without precaution. Unprotected drug induced sex. " Rape " . I could not stop it, I hid it inside, ashamed and guilty, believing I had somehow deserved or wanted it. I never realised how this still lived within me, obviously it wants to come out now so I'm sharing it with you. The under belly of desire, drug, lust, and abuse. no wonder I'm so f & *ked up. Not only did this happen to me but it lead me to believe that sex with men I didn't desire was somehow normal for me, I became like an abused child who sought after abusers to continue the abuse thinking it was what I deserved. There you go, my onion is unravelling. Thankyou for helping me get it all out there. Much gratitude and love Elektra x x x (your tearful sister). _________ Answers - Got a question? Someone out there knows the answer. Try it now. http://uk.answers./ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2007 Report Share Posted October 11, 2007 Big hugs to you Elektra! It is good that you are letting it out and dealing with it. It must be so hard for you, but you are growing stronger every day. Sarita , Elektra Fire <elektra.fire wrote: > > hi gang, > > I have been going through some emotional turmoil > again...will it ever stop? Never....! > > All this sexuality talk has helped me peel away > another layer of the onion, I had worked on the fear > aspect of the sexual disease, the HIV fear. I thought > this would help me kick start again, but no.... > Still nothing. > > Then I read that rape story in Nag Hammadi and it > brought back memories of my own " rape " when I was only > 17. > I cried in my hubbies arms this morning, a great > release. > I was given drugs by an older men who I trusted (being > innocent) and then whilst in this drugged up state men > took advantage of me sexually without precaution. > Unprotected drug induced sex. " Rape " . I could not stop > it, I hid it inside, ashamed and guilty, believing I > had somehow deserved or wanted it. > I never realised how this still lived within me, > obviously it wants to come out now so I'm sharing it > with you. > The under belly of desire, drug, lust, and abuse. > no wonder I'm so f & *ked up. Not only did this happen > to me but it lead me to believe that sex with men I > didn't desire was somehow normal for me, I became > like an abused child who sought after abusers to > continue the abuse thinking it was what I deserved. > > There you go, my onion is unravelling. > Thankyou for helping me get it all out there. > > Much gratitude and love > Elektra x x x (your tearful sister). > > > _________ > Answers - Got a question? Someone out there knows the answer. Try it > now. > http://uk.answers./ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2007 Report Share Posted October 11, 2007 i can not imagine living through that - it is good youi can now openly discuss the event . blessings to you on your journey loro 239-980-9090 Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows. Answers - Check it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2007 Report Share Posted October 11, 2007 Always love and blessings for you Elektra... Paul > There you go, my onion is unravelling. > Thankyou for helping me get it all out there. > > Much gratitude and love > Elektra x x x (your tearful sister). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2007 Report Share Posted October 11, 2007 Elektra/Rachel, You are a beacon. You continue to amaze and delight me. BlessU Sam , Elektra Fire <elektra.fire wrote: > > hi gang, > > I have been going through some emotional turmoil > again...will it ever stop? Never....! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2007 Report Share Posted October 11, 2007 Holding you in loving arms, Elektra. Shakti's healing love is seeping into all the places we can't reach. What an awesome Gift. Sharing your tears...love, dhyana --- Elektra Fire <elektra.fire wrote: > hi gang, > > I have been going through some emotional turmoil > again...will it ever stop? Never....! > > All this sexuality talk has helped me peel away > another layer of the onion, I had worked on the fear > aspect of the sexual disease, the HIV fear. I > thought > this would help me kick start again, but no.... > Still nothing. > > Then I read that rape story in Nag Hammadi and it > brought back memories of my own " rape " when I was > only > 17. > I cried in my hubbies arms this morning, a great > release. > I was given drugs by an older men who I trusted > (being > innocent) and then whilst in this drugged up state > men > took advantage of me sexually without precaution. > Unprotected drug induced sex. " Rape " . I could not > stop > it, I hid it inside, ashamed and guilty, believing I > had somehow deserved or wanted it. > I never realised how this still lived within me, > obviously it wants to come out now so I'm sharing it > with you. > The under belly of desire, drug, lust, and abuse. > no wonder I'm so f & *ked up. Not only did this happen > to me but it lead me to believe that sex with men I > didn't desire was somehow normal for me, I became > like an abused child who sought after abusers to > continue the abuse thinking it was what I deserved. > > There you go, my onion is unravelling. > Thankyou for helping me get it all out there. > > Much gratitude and love > Elektra x x x (your tearful sister). > > > > _________ > Answers - Got a question? Someone out there > knows the answer. Try it > now. > http://uk.answers./ > ______________________________\ ____ Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. http://get.games./proddesc?gamekey=monopolyherenow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2007 Report Share Posted October 11, 2007 Elektra, dearest, congratulations on facing down a demon. Wow, peeling the onion is right. I'm so happy for you and that you have your hubby for support you! Getting it out is the beginning of release, moving ahead. You are doing great! Love you, Valarie P.S. It would be so awesome if you could come to the seminar that is building up! I'm hoping I can rationalise it with my hubby. Hey, he's gong on a 7 day meditation retreat the end of this year, why couldn't I go for a yoga, meditation one myself??? Fingers crossed, prayers for us that we make it there!!! Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places on Travel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2007 Report Share Posted October 11, 2007 Dearest Elektra, First of all, I love both of your names...Rachel is soooooo beautiful...but Elektra really describes your awakened side! Sounds like a good balance of yin and yang... I can't imagine living with the ghost of such a horrible abuse...God bless you, dear Elektra. I applaud you for facing that demon and sharing it with us...and I wish I could hug you. Please know that I am hugging you in my heart. You are one strong cookie, Elektra, Much love, Claudia Elektra Fire <elektra.fire wrote: hi gang, I have been going through some emotional turmoil again...will it ever stop? Never....! All this sexuality talk has helped me peel away another layer of the onion, I had worked on the fear aspect of the sexual disease, the HIV fear. I thought this would help me kick start again, but no.... Still nothing. Then I read that rape story in Nag Hammadi and it brought back memories of my own " rape " when I was only 17. I cried in my hubbies arms this morning, a great release. I was given drugs by an older men who I trusted (being innocent) and then whilst in this drugged up state men took advantage of me sexually without precaution. Unprotected drug induced sex. " Rape " . I could not stop it, I hid it inside, ashamed and guilty, believing I had somehow deserved or wanted it. I never realised how this still lived within me, obviously it wants to come out now so I'm sharing it with you. The under belly of desire, drug, lust, and abuse. no wonder I'm so f & *ked up. Not only did this happen to me but it lead me to believe that sex with men I didn't desire was somehow normal for me, I became like an abused child who sought after abusers to continue the abuse thinking it was what I deserved. There you go, my onion is unravelling. Thankyou for helping me get it all out there. Much gratitude and love Elektra x x x (your tearful sister). ________ Answers - Got a question? Someone out there knows the answer. Try it now. http://uk.answers./ Take the Internet to Go: Go puts the Internet in your pocket: mail, news, photos & more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2007 Report Share Posted October 11, 2007 I would just like to say thankyou to you all for thewonderful love and support I have recieved in response to my internal dilemma's. You really are dear family, all the love I ever needed is here on this list, it's in my heart but it's here also, and when I wrote my love poem I was thinking of you all , and thanking you all aswell. I hug you all, Can't wait to meet you all, love Elektra/Rachel x x x _________ Want ideas for reducing your carbon footprint? Visit For Good http://uk.promotions./forgood/environment.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2007 Report Share Posted October 11, 2007 My dear sweet Elektra, here hugs to you sis! You are as strong as the come with the compassion, determination, and will power. I am elated that you have come to a place in your life and found a place in your heart to travel the road you are travailing now. Finding it in you to face the past is a highly commendable step that you have taken. May love be with you and in your heart always! YOU my sis are a beacon that shines so bright! I can feel it here in Florida! Rachel/Elektra are so you! I love both of them and they represent you in the fullest! I personality shines through. With love to you sissy! I hope to be able to meet you in March. Love and Hugs, Elektra Elektra Fire <elektra.fire Thursday, October 11, 2007 1:24:55 PM Re: dilemma realisations I would just like to say thankyou to you all for thewonderful love and support I have recieved in response to my internal dilemma's. You really are dear family, all the love I ever needed is here on this list, it's in my heart but it's here also, and when I wrote my love poem I was thinking of you all , and thanking you all aswell. I hug you all, Can't wait to meet you all, love Elektra/Rachel x x x ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ Want ideas for reducing your carbon footprint? Visit For Good http://uk.promotion s./ forgood/environm ent.html ______________________________\ ____ Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows. Answers - Check it out. http://answers./dir/?link=list & sid=396545433 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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