Guest guest Posted October 11, 2007 Report Share Posted October 11, 2007 Anne, it sure sounds like you are going to be really busy! Don't forget to take a break and visit us! Hee, hee! You sure have a full load and as for the teacher you tried to avoid, well my outlook is that you have him for a reason. At least you know how he is so that helps out a lot! I am proud of you for breaking through your fear of public speaking, that is so GREAT! You are right you are having to face what you don't like so that you can overcome them. You will excel! You are tough person! As for your aunt! I am glad that she is feeling better, but like you said she will only change if she wants to! It is strictly up to her. You are welcomed for helping in the sending of the healing! It is my pleasure to help those who need help! Call on my anytime. Love, Katherine Anne <annicole72 Thursday, October 11, 2007 8:42:32 PM Surrendering & Making Peace With My Greatest Fears Hi Group & Chrism, Here's an update about me. My childhood best friends' dad passed away tuesday night. I found out yesterday while at school when my cousin called me up. I don't know why he died. I guess it was his time. He had been confined in a Nursing Home for a few years now. My best friends' mom is my mom's best friend. My aunt and uncle are planning to fly out to California for the funeral. I'm not sure. Spoke to them last night and my cousin Cecile. Well, at least my best friends are now married with their own kids. He (their dad) was able to see his grand kids at least. So I am sure he is happy and at peace. As for his wife, she sounded alright when I spoke with her last night. We told my mom about it. As for school .. it is super busy. By the time I get home, I am already exhausted, starving and ready to hit the sack. Monday and wednesdays are my longest day. I am pretty much there all day. What I do with the remaining time in between classes, I have lunch and hang out at the student lounge or library to do some readings. By 4pm, I go upstairs and wait in the classroom until class starts at 5pm. I have Ethics. The teacher that I took is was recommended to me by a friend. Well, as most of you know, I hate public speaking or plain participating in discussions for more than five minutes, because I get nervous. Well anyway, first day of class on monday, we had to introduce ourselves, how old we are, major, talk about our favorite book(s) and why, favorite movie(s) and why, what they are all about etc, our heroes, biases and ethical dilemmas. Well, since I am one of the fortunate people sitting on the front row, .. I had to go second. Of course, I felt the heat rising in my face, but then as time went on ... after talking about my favorite book " Ask And It Is Given " , I almost had a debate with my teacher because in a way he isn't seeing things in my perspective. Okay, but I tried not to argue with him, because certain people, no matter how hard you try to teach them to think positively, they cannot seem to get it. Anyway, I think this is going to be a very interesting class. I think Shakti is also testing/challenging me to face my greatest fear. Normally, when I fear something, my immediate reaction is to run away/escape from this class. I noticed that I may be allowing myself to surrender to this fear now. It doesn't seem to scare me anymore. Sure, I still feel nervous or my hands turn cold, but its not how I use to feel knots in my stomach and I just want to die right there and then. I just tell myself now that, " Okay, this class is going to be somewhat of a debate class. There will be some heated discussions. Everyone are contributing with their opinions. I know I can be a very opinionated person. Not in a bad way, but I have my own opinions on everything, so everything will be alright. I can do this. " I don't think I am being rebellious. I know I grew up in a family where everyone have always dictated to me what to do, how to think, what to choose etcetera. I guess I am now ready to speak my own mind whether other people agrees with me or not. There is no reason for me to feel stupid or think that people will laugh at me or the things I say may make me look like a fool. It's alright with me now because I do not agree with whatever other people tells me anyway. I'm not going to agree just for the sake of pleasing that person. Of course, I cannot argue with my aunt even though she is wrong, because she refuses to be wrong. She believes that she is always right. If I argue, she bites my head off and hear her nag all night long. It's not worth arguing with her. If I can help it, I will just keep my thoughts to myself or vent elsewhere. A few nights ago, a cousin of mine who is back home in the Philippines mentioned that she just found out that her parents aren't married in the church - only civil. I told her what's wrong with that? They are still legally married. So what's the problem? She said that in the Catholic church, there is a rule that if a couple did not marry in a Catholic church, their bodies cannot enter the church when they die. I asked why? That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Never heard of that before. Well, she said it is the rule. Everyone has to be married in the Catholic church. Geez, I don't think the church has the right to dictate to me what to do with my spirituality. So, what will happen to me if I died back home? Will the church throw my dead body away because I am not Catholic? How can they refuse that? That's really mean and close-minded if they did. My cousin was saying that it is like the Catholic church is depriving a person of their own spirituality. It's not up to the church to decide though. It's up to God and me. I think that's a bunch of BS. It really upsets me when I think about it. Back to school. It is going to be a very busy and challenging quarter. The teacher that I have been dreading to take for Typography class ended up teaching the one class that I thought he was not going to teach. This is why there is a big gap in between my classes. I was trying to avoid taking his class. Ughh, but he ends up teaching all of them. There's no escaping now. What happened was that there were two teachers who went on vacation (there was some miscommunication with the other faculty members) and that class was canceled on friday night and re-added back on monday morning. I had him for Graphic Design class on my first year at IADT. Very strict teacher. He gives a lot of projects. Oh well. I guess this quarter is all about facing ALL my fears. I am calm and ready to face them. My Web Design class is going to be a fun as well. We have to keep a journal and review 3 websites we visit each week and write a review/synopsis about it etc. For our midterm project, each of us has to create a brand new design for CSSZenGarden. com using CSS of course. For our final project, we have to create a website for our chosen client. I already asked my best friend Betty if she could be my client since she will be a full pledged architect soon, it may be a good project to create a portfolio site for her. As for work, I have been laid off for over a month now but my former employer called last week because one of the receptionist left. They wanted to know if I was interested. My only concern is that what will happen if I accept this position? If they go into a budget again, are they going to let me go just like the last time without notice? I even applied for unemployment but have not heard from them yet. So, I am really desperate to find a job. Luckily I have a student loan, but how am I going to pay for my bills? I don't and cannot depend on my aunt to help me because I know she is going to say something negative about it. I would rather avoid that. I applied at other places and went to an interview last week. Still waiting for a second interview, but how much longer am I going to wait? I've been avoiding hanging out with my friends because of my current financial situation. I need a miracle. I accepted the receptionist position at my former job. It's not very stable. This will do for now while I'm waiting for the hospital to call me for my second interview. I would much prefer working there than in a Nursing Home. As for my aunt, her legs are feeling much better except when she is mad. I cannot help her with her anger issues. Only she can help herself. Thank you Kat & Tara for helping me send healing prayers to her. Thanks to for your advice and guidance. I'm also thankful to goddess Shakti for not giving up on me. I know I will be alright. Pretty soon I am going to overcome and make peace with my fears. Thanks for reading, Anne ______________________________\ ____ Take the Internet to Go: Go puts the Internet in your pocket: mail, news, photos & more. http://mobile./go?refer=1GNXIC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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