my little healing story

November 24, 2007

A lot of things have come up for me, since my visit to the neurologist.

I had to explain about my childhood, so that he could understand where I was

coming from, and so that he could be open minded to why I felt my seizures were

linked to memories. He didn't seem to understand me at first, so I had to take

him there; to the house of a little 13 year old being thrown into walls and

cursed.

It was very bad for my emotional state, although the explanation was necessary.

I was shaking, shivering and hyperventilating, all the while.

So a lot of those old wounds came back to haunt me, and I had gotten very, very

depressed, and had begun to feel very much suicidal. One of my closest friends

whom I work with, took all of the razor knives (box cutters) away, because she

was worried for me. She also confiscated my huge bottle of ibuprofen. I wasn't

going to argue, because I felt it was a real struggle remaining here, for

another week, another day or another minute.

One day, my store manager pushed me over the edge, and it wasn't even his fault.

It's all of these repressed memories which are surfacing. He said something that

threw me back into that time frame of an oppressed and hated child, and I felt I

could never escape..except to leave everything. My department manager saw the

look on my face like I felt I didn't belong anywhere anymore.

She looked into my face sadly, and I saw her crying later.

It made me feel really, really bad; that she was hurting for me.

I was off for two days, and within those two days, I could not make myself move.

Then I took a look at a c.d. I had burned from, whose lyrics consisted of things

like

* " The weight of the world "

* " All I need is my warm gun "

* " Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort "

* " I long to be like you, lie cold in the ground like you "

I mean..there's a point at which you have to take a step back, and see yourself

in a different light; and then do something to improve your state.

I noticed it, and made a mental note that I needed to do something about it.

Somehow, during the night before my first day back at work, I felt a change in

energy. It occurred during my sleep.

In the morning, I had a craving for praise music, and a chakra cleansing and

alignment, with my chakra c.d. I obeyed the inclination, and listened my chakra

cleansing, aligning and healing c.d. in the morning, as I got ready for work.

Then I listened to praise music all the way in to work.

As I walked up the hill to my job, I felt the strongest heat, burning;

in the bottoms of my feet. Not painful, but pleasant and comforting.

I knew it was Shakti, and then I didn't feel so alone.

I was very happy to have her company.

I felt as if all of my hurt which was irrelevant to the here and now, was all

gone.

I was smiling and peaceful all day long. I felt as if someone put a 'good spell'

on me, or sent me some kind of powerful healing energy or something.

A few days later, when I began contemplating things I could do to bring my soul

more peace, I felt a silly little popping in my spine. That made me happy,

because I knew she was telling me I was a good girl for wanting to do right, and

progress.

It has really helped me a lot.

That very morning, I felt the strongest heat, burning; in the bottoms of my

feet.

I knew it was Shakti, and then I didn't feel so alone.

I was very happy to have her company. A few days later, when I began

contemplating things I could do to bring my soul more peace, I felt a silly

little popping in my spine. That made me happy, because I knew she was telling

me I was a good girl for wanting to do right, and progress.

Yesterday, I was up against a crushing sales goal, and I had to help every other

cosmetics counter around me, but my own, because the others were not properly

staffed. I lost sales because of it. I was my crushed and at wits end, when 30

min before the end of my shift, I only had in a quarter of my daily sales goal.

I found myself asking God why I must work so diligently for every one else, and

get nothing in return. No sales..no peace of mind..no comfort; nothing.

I prayed, and I did my prayer breathing,too.

When I came back to the selling floor, I noticed that my attitude had changed.

It was as if someone full of self confidence and inner peace and joy, took over

my being. Customers were coming up to me, and I found myself taking charge.

and seating them and explaining the products in such detail, that I surprised

myself. I never had believed in myself before, and so I would think " I can't do

this. I don't belong here. I'm too stupid to memorize all of this, I'm nothing

more than a fraud, and I don't know what I'm doing. No one can trust me. " I

don't know where that came from, other than words left lingering in my mind from

my childhood. I found myself forgetting all of it, and just being free..and just

being me; who I really am. Showing my true colors, without fear.

My customers loved me, every one of them; and I felt even more confident because

of it. I took extra special care of them, like I've always wanted but had felt

too self conscious to really shine that way.

I began work that day at 6:am, and was supposed to leave at 3:pm.

I left at 8:pm, with more than my sales goal accomplished, 4 brand new

customers, and much inner peace and self confidence. I was so shocked that I was

still standing. Somehow, I wasn't fainting, though hungry and very tired.

Something was giving me strength, but it was almost a reward for giving my all.

Maybe that can be called karma, I'm not sure, but I was/am so very thankful for

that peace and strength. I felt like a million dollars at the end of the day.

Granted, a very tired million dollars.lol

I forgot to thank God when i got home, so I'll be doing that tonight.

I have a lot to be thankful for. Especially to still be here in this world.

I will be praying for God and Shakti to keep filling me with this peace, so that

I can completely heal. I want to stay here now, and I'm so thankful for that

feeling.

Shakti is really helping me.

I've been feeling peace, where there was no peace before.

I wrote a poem called cutting, about the 13 year old 'me'. In the writing of

that poem, I was able to realize that all these years, I have been ashamed of

myself and my very existence..because of all the welts I knew I had from my

father's belt. I felt like the unwanted child, all along, and I must have

thought that the whole world knew, and hated me also. In the re-reading of that

poem, and I cried and cried..and felt once again, that I did not belong. Then I

realized that I DO have a father who loves and wants me..God. So I prayed and

spoke to him, and cried to him, and asked him to help me to feel better. I did.

Then I felt deserving of my existence, and I've had much more peace within me.

Just thought I'd share that little story with you, my K brothers and K sisters.

I love you all, and I'm thankful for each and every one of you. Thanks for your

presence in my life. I am truly grateful.

Love and peace to ever one of you,

Tara

xoxo

Get easy, one-click access to your favorites. Make your homepage.

November 24, 2007

I'm sorry that you had to go through all that Tara, but sometimes

those " Dark Nights " really change who we are for the better. You

have turned things around! You should be very proud of yourself.

I will keep you in my prayers that all your scars heal and you

continue to find some peace. Thank you for sharing.

Sarita

, tara jacoby

<tjmassage7777 wrote:

>

> A lot of things have come up for me, since my visit to the

neurologist.

> I had to explain about my childhood, so that he could understand

where I was coming from, and so that he could be open minded to why I

felt my seizures were linked to memories. He didn't seem to

understand me at first, so I had to take him there; to the house of a

little 13 year old being thrown into walls and cursed.

> It was very bad for my emotional state, although the explanation

was necessary.

> I was shaking, shivering and hyperventilating, all the while.

>

> So a lot of those old wounds came back to haunt me, and I had

gotten very, very depressed, and had begun to feel very much

suicidal. One of my closest friends whom I work with, took all of the

razor knives (box cutters) away, because she was worried for me. She

also confiscated my huge bottle of ibuprofen. I wasn't going to

argue, because I felt it was a real struggle remaining here, for

another week, another day or another minute.

>

> One day, my store manager pushed me over the edge, and it wasn't

even his fault. It's all of these repressed memories which are

surfacing. He said something that threw me back into that time frame

of an oppressed and hated child, and I felt I could never

escape..except to leave everything. My department manager saw the

look on my face like I felt I didn't belong anywhere anymore.

> She looked into my face sadly, and I saw her crying later.

> It made me feel really, really bad; that she was hurting for me.

>

> I was off for two days, and within those two days, I could not make

myself move.

> Then I took a look at a c.d. I had burned from, whose lyrics

consisted of things like

> * " The weight of the world "

> * " All I need is my warm gun "

> * " Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort "

> * " I long to be like you, lie cold in the ground like you "

> I mean..there's a point at which you have to take a step back, and

see yourself in a different light; and then do something to improve

your state.

>

> I noticed it, and made a mental note that I needed to do something

about it.

> Somehow, during the night before my first day back at work, I felt

a change in energy. It occurred during my sleep.

> In the morning, I had a craving for praise music, and a chakra

cleansing and alignment, with my chakra c.d. I obeyed the

inclination, and listened my chakra cleansing, aligning and healing

c.d. in the morning, as I got ready for work.

> Then I listened to praise music all the way in to work.

> As I walked up the hill to my job, I felt the strongest heat,

burning;

> in the bottoms of my feet. Not painful, but pleasant and comforting.

> I knew it was Shakti, and then I didn't feel so alone.

> I was very happy to have her company.

> I felt as if all of my hurt which was irrelevant to the here and

now, was all gone.

> I was smiling and peaceful all day long. I felt as if someone put

a 'good spell' on me, or sent me some kind of powerful healing energy

or something.

>

> A few days later, when I began contemplating things I could do to

bring my soul more peace, I felt a silly little popping in my spine.

That made me happy, because I knew she was telling me I was a good

girl for wanting to do right, and progress.

>

> It has really helped me a lot.

> That very morning, I felt the strongest heat, burning; in the

bottoms of my feet.

> I knew it was Shakti, and then I didn't feel so alone.

> I was very happy to have her company. A few days later, when I

began contemplating things I could do to bring my soul more peace, I

felt a silly little popping in my spine. That made me happy, because

I knew she was telling me I was a good girl for wanting to do right,

and progress.

>

> Yesterday, I was up against a crushing sales goal, and I had to

help every other cosmetics counter around me, but my own, because the

others were not properly staffed. I lost sales because of it. I was

my crushed and at wits end, when 30 min before the end of my shift, I

only had in a quarter of my daily sales goal.

>

> I found myself asking God why I must work so diligently for every

one else, and get nothing in return. No sales..no peace of mind..no

comfort; nothing.

> I prayed, and I did my prayer breathing,too.

>

> When I came back to the selling floor, I noticed that my attitude

had changed.

> It was as if someone full of self confidence and inner peace and

joy, took over my being. Customers were coming up to me, and I

found myself taking charge. and seating them and explaining the

products in such detail, that I surprised myself. I never had

believed in myself before, and so I would think " I can't do this. I

don't belong here. I'm too stupid to memorize all of this, I'm

nothing more than a fraud, and I don't know what I'm doing. No one

can trust me. " I don't know where that came from, other than words

left lingering in my mind from my childhood. I found myself

forgetting all of it, and just being free..and just being me; who I

really am. Showing my true colors, without fear.

>

> My customers loved me, every one of them; and I felt even more

confident because of it. I took extra special care of them, like I've

always wanted but had felt too self conscious to really shine that

way.

> I began work that day at 6:am, and was supposed to leave at 3:pm.

> I left at 8:pm, with more than my sales goal accomplished, 4 brand

new customers, and much inner peace and self confidence. I was so

shocked that I was still standing. Somehow, I wasn't fainting, though

hungry and very tired.

> Something was giving me strength, but it was almost a reward for

giving my all.

> Maybe that can be called karma, I'm not sure, but I was/am so very

thankful for that peace and strength. I felt like a million dollars

at the end of the day.

> Granted, a very tired million dollars.lol

> I forgot to thank God when i got home, so I'll be doing that

tonight.

> I have a lot to be thankful for. Especially to still be here in

this world.

> I will be praying for God and Shakti to keep filling me with this

peace, so that I can completely heal. I want to stay here now, and

I'm so thankful for that feeling.

>

> Shakti is really helping me.

> I've been feeling peace, where there was no peace before.

> I wrote a poem called cutting, about the 13 year old 'me'. In the

writing of that poem, I was able to realize that all these years, I

have been ashamed of myself and my very existence..because of all the

welts I knew I had from my father's belt. I felt like the unwanted

child, all along, and I must have thought that the whole world knew,

and hated me also. In the re-reading of that poem, and I cried and

cried..and felt once again, that I did not belong. Then I realized

that I DO have a father who loves and wants me..God. So I prayed

and spoke to him, and cried to him, and asked him to help me to feel

better. I did.

> Then I felt deserving of my existence, and I've had much more peace

within me.

>

> Just thought I'd share that little story with you, my K brothers

and K sisters.

> I love you all, and I'm thankful for each and every one of you.

Thanks for your

> presence in my life. I am truly grateful.

>

> Love and peace to ever one of you,

> Tara

> xoxo

>

> Get easy, one-click access to your favorites. Make your

homepage.

>

November 25, 2007

My Dearest Tara -

You are deeply Loved!

Becky

Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

November 25, 2007

Tara, if you could only see yourself from the eyes of others. You are

such a beautiful person inside and out! It shows in everything you

write... all those heartfelt words and the emotion pouring from them.

You may not feel this way all the time, but just know that you ARE!

Beauty and light, love shining outward from the center of your being!

much love, light & peace within & without ~Jen~

, tara jacoby

<tjmassage7777 wrote:

>

> A lot of things have come up for me, since my visit to the neurologist.

> I had to explain about my childhood, so that he could understand

where I was coming from, and so that he could be open minded to why I

felt my seizures were linked to memories. He didn't seem to understand

me at first, so I had to take him there; to the house of a little 13

year old being thrown into walls and cursed.

> It was very bad for my emotional state, although the explanation was

necessary.

> I was shaking, shivering and hyperventilating, all the while.

>

> So a lot of those old wounds came back to haunt me, and I had gotten

very, very depressed, and had begun to feel very much suicidal. One of

my closest friends whom I work with, took all of the razor knives (box

cutters) away, because she was worried for me. She also confiscated my

huge bottle of ibuprofen. I wasn't going to argue, because I felt it

was a real struggle remaining here, for another week, another day or

another minute.

>

> One day, my store manager pushed me over the edge, and it wasn't

even his fault. It's all of these repressed memories which are

surfacing. He said something that threw me back into that time frame

of an oppressed and hated child, and I felt I could never

escape..except to leave everything. My department manager saw the look

on my face like I felt I didn't belong anywhere anymore.

> She looked into my face sadly, and I saw her crying later.

> It made me feel really, really bad; that she was hurting for me.

>

> I was off for two days, and within those two days, I could not make

myself move.

> Then I took a look at a c.d. I had burned from, whose lyrics

consisted of things like

> * " The weight of the world "

> * " All I need is my warm gun "

> * " Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort "

> * " I long to be like you, lie cold in the ground like you "

> I mean..there's a point at which you have to take a step back, and

see yourself in a different light; and then do something to improve

your state.

>

> I noticed it, and made a mental note that I needed to do something

about it.

> Somehow, during the night before my first day back at work, I felt a

change in energy. It occurred during my sleep.

> In the morning, I had a craving for praise music, and a chakra

cleansing and alignment, with my chakra c.d. I obeyed the inclination,

and listened my chakra cleansing, aligning and healing c.d. in the

morning, as I got ready for work.

> Then I listened to praise music all the way in to work.

> As I walked up the hill to my job, I felt the strongest heat, burning;

> in the bottoms of my feet. Not painful, but pleasant and comforting.

> I knew it was Shakti, and then I didn't feel so alone.

> I was very happy to have her company.

> I felt as if all of my hurt which was irrelevant to the here and

now, was all gone.

> I was smiling and peaceful all day long. I felt as if someone put a

'good spell' on me, or sent me some kind of powerful healing energy or

something.

>

> A few days later, when I began contemplating things I could do to

bring my soul more peace, I felt a silly little popping in my spine.

That made me happy, because I knew she was telling me I was a good

girl for wanting to do right, and progress.

>

> It has really helped me a lot.

> That very morning, I felt the strongest heat, burning; in the

bottoms of my feet.

> I knew it was Shakti, and then I didn't feel so alone.

> I was very happy to have her company. A few days later, when I began

contemplating things I could do to bring my soul more peace, I felt a

silly little popping in my spine. That made me happy, because I knew

she was telling me I was a good girl for wanting to do right, and

progress.

>

> Yesterday, I was up against a crushing sales goal, and I had to help

every other cosmetics counter around me, but my own, because the

others were not properly staffed. I lost sales because of it. I was my

crushed and at wits end, when 30 min before the end of my shift, I

only had in a quarter of my daily sales goal.

>

> I found myself asking God why I must work so diligently for every

one else, and get nothing in return. No sales..no peace of mind..no

comfort; nothing.

> I prayed, and I did my prayer breathing,too.

>

> When I came back to the selling floor, I noticed that my attitude

had changed.

> It was as if someone full of self confidence and inner peace and

joy, took over my being. Customers were coming up to me, and I found

myself taking charge. and seating them and explaining the products in

such detail, that I surprised myself. I never had believed in myself

before, and so I would think " I can't do this. I don't belong here.

I'm too stupid to memorize all of this, I'm nothing more than a fraud,

and I don't know what I'm doing. No one can trust me. " I don't know

where that came from, other than words left lingering in my mind from

my childhood. I found myself forgetting all of it, and just being

free..and just being me; who I really am. Showing my true colors,

without fear.

>

> My customers loved me, every one of them; and I felt even more

confident because of it. I took extra special care of them, like I've

always wanted but had felt too self conscious to really shine that way.

> I began work that day at 6:am, and was supposed to leave at 3:pm.

> I left at 8:pm, with more than my sales goal accomplished, 4 brand

new customers, and much inner peace and self confidence. I was so

shocked that I was still standing. Somehow, I wasn't fainting, though

hungry and very tired.

> Something was giving me strength, but it was almost a reward for

giving my all.

> Maybe that can be called karma, I'm not sure, but I was/am so very

thankful for that peace and strength. I felt like a million dollars at

the end of the day.

> Granted, a very tired million dollars.lol

> I forgot to thank God when i got home, so I'll be doing that tonight.

> I have a lot to be thankful for. Especially to still be here in this

world.

> I will be praying for God and Shakti to keep filling me with this

peace, so that I can completely heal. I want to stay here now, and I'm

so thankful for that feeling.

>

> Shakti is really helping me.

> I've been feeling peace, where there was no peace before.

> I wrote a poem called cutting, about the 13 year old 'me'. In the

writing of that poem, I was able to realize that all these years, I

have been ashamed of myself and my very existence..because of all the

welts I knew I had from my father's belt. I felt like the unwanted

child, all along, and I must have thought that the whole world knew,

and hated me also. In the re-reading of that poem, and I cried and

cried..and felt once again, that I did not belong. Then I realized

that I DO have a father who loves and wants me..God. So I prayed and

spoke to him, and cried to him, and asked him to help me to feel

better. I did.

> Then I felt deserving of my existence, and I've had much more peace

within me.

>

> Just thought I'd share that little story with you, my K brothers and

K sisters.

> I love you all, and I'm thankful for each and every one of you.

Thanks for your

> presence in my life. I am truly grateful.

>

> Love and peace to ever one of you,

> Tara

> xoxo

>

> Get easy, one-click access to your favorites. Make your

homepage.

>

November 25, 2007

Thanks for sharing and shining Tara, love bradly...

November 25, 2007

Dear Tara, you my sister are a wonderful person! Trust me you are worth

everything! If you could see what I see, what we all see, you would see a

beautiful person with a wonder amount of love that radiates to even those who

aren't near you! You are a very special person and I love hearing from you! Your

past will be hard to forgive, but once you have made it through and you will,

you will look back on the difficult times and see your growth, both personal and

spiritual. Sometimes in life those bad times make us who we are today, make us a

better person! I love your genuine love and compassion, I love your radiance and

your smile I see through your words, I love your ability to make others smile!

Take care my dear friend and know that we are always here for you now and

always.

Love,

Katherine

tara jacoby <tjmassage7777

Sunday, November 25, 2007 1:31:00 AM

my little healing story

A lot of things have come up for me, since my visit to the neurologist.

I had to explain about my childhood, so that he could understand where I was

coming from, and so that he could be open minded to why I felt my seizures were

linked to memories. He didn't seem to understand me at first, so I had to take

him there; to the house of a little 13 year old being thrown into walls and

cursed.

It was very bad for my emotional state, although the explanation was necessary.

I was shaking, shivering and hyperventilating, all the while.

So a lot of those old wounds came back to haunt me, and I had gotten very, very

depressed, and had begun to feel very much suicidal. One of my closest friends

whom I work with, took all of the razor knives (box cutters) away, because she

was worried for me. She also confiscated my huge bottle of ibuprofen. I wasn't

going to argue, because I felt it was a real struggle remaining here, for

another week, another day or another minute.

One day, my store manager pushed me over the edge, and it wasn't even his fault.

It's all of these repressed memories which are surfacing. He said something that

threw me back into that time frame of an oppressed and hated child, and I felt I

could never escape..except to leave everything. My department manager saw the

look on my face like I felt I didn't belong anywhere anymore.

She looked into my face sadly, and I saw her crying later.

It made me feel really, really bad; that she was hurting for me.

I was off for two days, and within those two days, I could not make myself move.

Then I took a look at a c.d. I had burned from, whose lyrics consisted of things

like

* " The weight of the world "

* " All I need is my warm gun "

* " Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort "

* " I long to be like you, lie cold in the ground like you "

I mean..there' s a point at which you have to take a step back, and see yourself

in a different light; and then do something to improve your state.

I noticed it, and made a mental note that I needed to do something about it.

Somehow, during the night before my first day back at work, I felt a change in

energy. It occurred during my sleep.

In the morning, I had a craving for praise music, and a chakra cleansing and

alignment, with my chakra c.d. I obeyed the inclination, and listened my chakra

cleansing, aligning and healing c.d. in the morning, as I got ready for work.

Then I listened to praise music all the way in to work.

As I walked up the hill to my job, I felt the strongest heat, burning;

in the bottoms of my feet. Not painful, but pleasant and comforting.

I knew it was Shakti, and then I didn't feel so alone.

I was very happy to have her company.

I felt as if all of my hurt which was irrelevant to the here and now, was all

gone.

I was smiling and peaceful all day long. I felt as if someone put a 'good spell'

on me, or sent me some kind of powerful healing energy or something.

A few days later, when I began contemplating things I could do to bring my soul

more peace, I felt a silly little popping in my spine. That made me happy,

because I knew she was telling me I was a good girl for wanting to do right, and

progress.

It has really helped me a lot.

That very morning, I felt the strongest heat, burning; in the bottoms of my

feet.

I knew it was Shakti, and then I didn't feel so alone.

I was very happy to have her company. A few days later, when I began

contemplating things I could do to bring my soul more peace, I felt a silly

little popping in my spine. That made me happy, because I knew she was telling

me I was a good girl for wanting to do right, and progress.

Yesterday, I was up against a crushing sales goal, and I had to help every other

cosmetics counter around me, but my own, because the others were not properly

staffed. I lost sales because of it. I was my crushed and at wits end, when 30

min before the end of my shift, I only had in a quarter of my daily sales goal.

I found myself asking God why I must work so diligently for every one else, and

get nothing in return. No sales..no peace of mind..no comfort; nothing.

I prayed, and I did my prayer breathing,too.

When I came back to the selling floor, I noticed that my attitude had changed.

It was as if someone full of self confidence and inner peace and joy, took over

my being. Customers were coming up to me, and I found myself taking charge. and

seating them and explaining the products in such detail, that I surprised