Ugly Duckling Syndrome and Breaking Away from Ego

[Guest guest]

Hi Group,

 

I realized something last night while working on some projects. I

haven't thought about this for a long long time. I think I must have

blocked it from my memory. I have been thinking about how to break

free from ego and I have been wondering why outer appearance has

become so important to me. It didn't matter to me before when I was

younger.

 

Shakti reminded me why I am how I am now. I know I'm a good

person, but I hate this part of me. It's actually a part of me that

does not belong to me.

 

From what I can remember, it started when I was in 3rd grade.

People made fun of me. Everyone made fun of me because I was this

skinny girl with oblong face and ugly nose (don't know what the

english translation for this word " pango " is - it's a nose shape).

Some people call me " babaloo " because I have a long chin. One of my

cousin's wife's brother is a cosmetic surgeon back home in the

Philippines. When I was visiting in 2003, we saw each other and then

he commented that if he could have his way, he would trim my chin a

little and give me a nose job and I would look perfect. Of course I

didn't go for it. My mom often joked about it that maybe I should get

a nose job, but worried about the complications.

 

Throughout grade school, everyone in school picked on me because

of my appearance. They assumed that I was dumb and stupid.

 

When I first moved to Chicago in 1985, I heard someone (stranger)

at a grocery store tell his friend that I have a long face. I don't

know who these people were. All I can tell you is that they are

filipinos. (I'm not saying that all filipinos are bad, but most of

them believes that beauty and brand names were important. ) They

spoke in our dialect, so I understood what they were talking about

and I know they were talking about me. They were not aware that I

heard them. How did that make me feel? Hurt and embarrassed of

course. From then on, I made a promise to myself that I would improve

myself to prove something to everyone who made fun of me. Nope, I

didn't have any type of surgery done on me. I guess I just changed my

attitude because of all of this.

 

A few weeks ago, I saw one of my cousin's hubby's nephew online.

It's been a long time since we last saw each other. We were probably

still kids. Now, he can't even remember me or who I am. Showing him

my picture did not help him remember me. I spoke to my other nephew

(his cousin) and told him howcome E doesn't remember me anymore. He

said why don't you show him an old picture. I don't have one with me.

But I know that everyone knows me as that ugly kid. I'm still that

ugly in some people's eyes. I guess, I just didn't want to remember

or think about it anymore. But Shakti reminded me.

 

Sometimes my mom tells me not to look down and to always keep my

chin up, because looking down would only make my face look more

longer. I don't hate myself. Maybe I hate everyone from my childhood

until present who sees me as this ugly duckling. I'm also very upset

at my family/relatives/some people I know who looks down on me.

Especially since I'm still in school. Everyone makes fun or jokes

around " When is Anne going to graduate? " , " Probably never. " . I really

really hate these remarks eventhough they are joking. I can never

count on my family/relatives to appreciate my talents/abilities. They

always put me down.

 

At least I learned to stand up and decided to go for my true

passion in Art. Everyone in my family/friends/people I know who

always suggest for me to pursue this or pursue that and I'm not

really happy with it. Everyone tells me to just be a nurse or be

something I don't want to do or have no interests in just because

they think it's easy to make a living that way or society would

accept me more if I do certain things. It doesn't really do me any

good. In the end, they get mad at me if I didn't do well in those

classes because I have no interests. Now, I am loving every minute

and projects that I do in Multimedia and Web Design. It's what I'm

really really passionate about. It's the part of my childhood that no

one knew about. I just discovered it in 2004. When I graduate on

2009, I will prove to my family and everyone who did not believe in

me that <b>I DID IT</b>. I'm just waiting for that day to prove them

wrong.

 

As for breaking away from ego. Because of my experiences from

childhood to present, it will take me some time to break free from

it. I really need lots of prayers, guidance, and real surrendering to

break free from it. It won't be easy, but I will try.

 

 

Thanks for reading,

Anne

[Guest guest]

Hi Anne

 

From the description of your post it seems to me that you are a very

determined woman . Many people have problems such as these everyday

but those who fall under the pressure to society or their parents will

have that " baggage " to carry for the rest of their life .

 

You seem to be doing well from my view but I am sure it is very

difficult . In my opinion you should feel good about yourself and do

what you feel passionate about . Overcoming these obstacles now will

lead you to a much better future .

 

I believe that once you find that peace with yourself and follow your

heart that you will no longer worry about proving to your family or

friends . Just keep at it and find ways to keep from getting discouraged

and I'm sure you will do just great .

 

Blessings

Chris_H

[Guest guest]

Hi Anne! As you do work on your ego, things are going to start

coming up and that is part of the process. I have started doing some

work with my Shadow and I have had things come up that I haven't

thought of in years! It's a good thing disguised as a bad thing.

Good because once you deal with it you can put it behind you once and

for all.

 

You are the only one that can do this work, nobody can make this

happen for you. At some point, you will realize that the opinions

and remarks from others don't mean a thing. People who are demeaning

to others are projecting their own insecuritiesy and deficiencies.

It is much more comfortable for them to hurt someone else than deal

with their own issues.

 

There is a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that I love. " No one can make

you feel inferior without your consent " When someone says something

hurtful we either " consent " to feel hurt or not. The choice is

totally ours!

 

IMHO if you feel uncomfortable while doing this work it means that

you are making progress. Nothing worth attaining is handed to us on

a platter. You are doing well Anne and we are all behind you!

 

Sarita

 

, " Anne "

<annicole72 wrote:

>

> Hi Group,

>

> I realized something last night while working on some projects.

I

> haven't thought about this for a long long time. I think I must

have

> blocked it from my memory. I have been thinking about how to break

> free from ego and I have been wondering why outer appearance has

> become so important to me. It didn't matter to me before when I was

> younger.

>

> Shakti reminded me why I am how I am now. I know I'm a good

> person, but I hate this part of me. It's actually a part of me that

> does not belong to me.

>

> From what I can remember, it started when I was in 3rd grade.

> People made fun of me. Everyone made fun of me because I was this

> skinny girl with oblong face and ugly nose (don't know what the

> english translation for this word " pango " is - it's a nose shape).

> Some people call me " babaloo " because I have a long chin. One of my

> cousin's wife's brother is a cosmetic surgeon back home in the

> Philippines. When I was visiting in 2003, we saw each other and

then

> he commented that if he could have his way, he would trim my chin a

> little and give me a nose job and I would look perfect. Of course I

> didn't go for it. My mom often joked about it that maybe I should

get

> a nose job, but worried about the complications.

>

> Throughout grade school, everyone in school picked on me because

> of my appearance. They assumed that I was dumb and stupid.

>

> When I first moved to Chicago in 1985, I heard someone

(stranger)

> at a grocery store tell his friend that I have a long face. I don't

> know who these people were. All I can tell you is that they are

> filipinos. (I'm not saying that all filipinos are bad, but most of

> them believes that beauty and brand names were important. ) They

> spoke in our dialect, so I understood what they were talking about

> and I know they were talking about me. They were not aware that I

> heard them. How did that make me feel? Hurt and embarrassed of

> course. From then on, I made a promise to myself that I would

improve

> myself to prove something to everyone who made fun of me. Nope, I

> didn't have any type of surgery done on me. I guess I just changed

my

> attitude because of all of this.

>

> A few weeks ago, I saw one of my cousin's hubby's nephew online.

> It's been a long time since we last saw each other. We were

probably

> still kids. Now, he can't even remember me or who I am. Showing him

> my picture did not help him remember me. I spoke to my other nephew

> (his cousin) and told him howcome E doesn't remember me anymore. He

> said why don't you show him an old picture. I don't have one with

me.

> But I know that everyone knows me as that ugly kid. I'm still that

> ugly in some people's eyes. I guess, I just didn't want to remember

> or think about it anymore. But Shakti reminded me.

>

> Sometimes my mom tells me not to look down and to always keep my

> chin up, because looking down would only make my face look more

> longer. I don't hate myself. Maybe I hate everyone from my

childhood

> until present who sees me as this ugly duckling. I'm also very

upset

> at my family/relatives/some people I know who looks down on me.

> Especially since I'm still in school. Everyone makes fun or jokes

> around " When is Anne going to graduate? " , " Probably never. " . I

really

> really hate these remarks eventhough they are joking. I can never

> count on my family/relatives to appreciate my talents/abilities.

They

> always put me down.

>

> At least I learned to stand up and decided to go for my true

> passion in Art. Everyone in my family/friends/people I know who

> always suggest for me to pursue this or pursue that and I'm not

> really happy with it. Everyone tells me to just be a nurse or be

> something I don't want to do or have no interests in just because

> they think it's easy to make a living that way or society would

> accept me more if I do certain things. It doesn't really do me any

> good. In the end, they get mad at me if I didn't do well in those

> classes because I have no interests. Now, I am loving every minute

> and projects that I do in Multimedia and Web Design. It's what I'm

> really really passionate about. It's the part of my childhood that

no

> one knew about. I just discovered it in 2004. When I graduate on

> 2009, I will prove to my family and everyone who did not believe in

> me that <b>I DID IT</b>. I'm just waiting for that day to prove

them

> wrong.

>

> As for breaking away from ego. Because of my experiences from

> childhood to present, it will take me some time to break free from

> it. I really need lots of prayers, guidance, and real surrendering

to

> break free from it. It won't be easy, but I will try.

>

>

> Thanks for reading,

> Anne

>

[Guest guest]

In my own experience, and believe me--I went through it, too--there

are always those who will be hurtful and plenty of people to tell you

what they think you should and shouldn't do. In pleasing some, you

may displease others or vice versa. What about you? You're in there

somewhere and YOU have an idea of what you want. I applaud you for

going with your passion. Sure you can go for a job that makes loads

of money but will that make you happy? Especially when you are

unhappy, frustrated in your job, see how false your friends are, etc.

You will be better doing what you love and being with those who enjoy

the things you do and think more like you. Like people in this group.

Like attracts like, so go with your passion, Anne! And I don't think

you are ugly. You could be a model. I know I'm not Filipino but I'm

one of the many " others " out there in the world, and not all are so

shallow. It's taken me a long time to come to the point where I am,

too long. But this ugly duckling finally got to a place where I stand

on my own merits, I see beauty in myself, not so much the physical

but in the other levels and I shine that out beyond the physical till

I think most people that know me don't even see my " faults " now. And

those who are rude, I forgive and pray they open up to love more. Try

not to take it personally. See it through the eyes of Love as much as

you can. It takes practice but you will get there.

 

Good luck, Swan!

Valarie

 

, " Anne "

<annicole72 wrote:

>

> Hi Group,

>

> I realized something last night while working on some projects.

I

> haven't thought about this for a long long time. I think I must

have

> blocked it from my memory. I have been thinking about how to break

> free from ego and I have been wondering why outer appearance has

> become so important to me. It didn't matter to me before when I was

> younger.

>

> Shakti reminded me why I am how I am now. I know I'm a good

> person, but I hate this part of me. It's actually a part of me that

> does not belong to me.

>

> From what I can remember, it started when I was in 3rd grade.

> People made fun of me. Everyone made fun of me because I was this

> skinny girl with oblong face and ugly nose (don't know what the

> english translation for this word " pango " is - it's a nose shape).

> Some people call me " babaloo " because I have a long chin. One of my

> cousin's wife's brother is a cosmetic surgeon back home in the

> Philippines. When I was visiting in 2003, we saw each other and

then

> he commented that if he could have his way, he would trim my chin a

> little and give me a nose job and I would look perfect. Of course I

> didn't go for it. My mom often joked about it that maybe I should

get

> a nose job, but worried about the complications.

>

> Throughout grade school, everyone in school picked on me because

> of my appearance. They assumed that I was dumb and stupid.

>

> When I first moved to Chicago in 1985, I heard someone

(stranger)

> at a grocery store tell his friend that I have a long face. I don't

> know who these people were. All I can tell you is that they are

> filipinos. (I'm not saying that all filipinos are bad, but most of

> them believes that beauty and brand names were important. ) They

> spoke in our dialect, so I understood what they were talking about

> and I know they were talking about me. They were not aware that I

> heard them. How did that make me feel? Hurt and embarrassed of

> course. From then on, I made a promise to myself that I would

improve

> myself to prove something to everyone who made fun of me. Nope, I

> didn't have any type of surgery done on me. I guess I just changed

my

> attitude because of all of this.

>

> A few weeks ago, I saw one of my cousin's hubby's nephew online.

> It's been a long time since we last saw each other. We were

probably

> still kids. Now, he can't even remember me or who I am. Showing him

> my picture did not help him remember me. I spoke to my other nephew

> (his cousin) and told him howcome E doesn't remember me anymore. He

> said why don't you show him an old picture. I don't have one with

me.

> But I know that everyone knows me as that ugly kid. I'm still that

> ugly in some people's eyes. I guess, I just didn't want to remember

> or think about it anymore. But Shakti reminded me.

>

> Sometimes my mom tells me not to look down and to always keep my

> chin up, because looking down would only make my face look more

> longer. I don't hate myself. Maybe I hate everyone from my

childhood

> until present who sees me as this ugly duckling. I'm also very

upset

> at my family/relatives/some people I know who looks down on me.

> Especially since I'm still in school. Everyone makes fun or jokes

> around " When is Anne going to graduate? " , " Probably never. " . I

really

> really hate these remarks eventhough they are joking. I can never

> count on my family/relatives to appreciate my talents/abilities.

They

> always put me down.

>

> At least I learned to stand up and decided to go for my true

> passion in Art. Everyone in my family/friends/people I know who

> always suggest for me to pursue this or pursue that and I'm not

> really happy with it. Everyone tells me to just be a nurse or be

> something I don't want to do or have no interests in just because

> they think it's easy to make a living that way or society would

> accept me more if I do certain things. It doesn't really do me any

> good. In the end, they get mad at me if I didn't do well in those

> classes because I have no interests. Now, I am loving every minute

> and projects that I do in Multimedia and Web Design. It's what I'm

> really really passionate about. It's the part of my childhood that

no

> one knew about. I just discovered it in 2004. When I graduate on

> 2009, I will prove to my family and everyone who did not believe in

> me that <b>I DID IT</b>. I'm just waiting for that day to prove

them

> wrong.

>

> As for breaking away from ego. Because of my experiences from

> childhood to present, it will take me some time to break free from

> it. I really need lots of prayers, guidance, and real surrendering

to

> break free from it. It won't be easy, but I will try.

>

>

> Thanks for reading,

> Anne

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Anne,

 

Everyone who has commented has said some wonderful things, of which I

agree with and can't add much to! But I did want to say that you need

not prove anything to anyone. You are lovely, but forget what's in the

mirror and let your beauty shine from the inside out. Everyone is

beautiful in their own unique way! If I've learned one thing during

this existence (hopefully a few more though LOL), it's to love

yourself, and be true to yourself first. You are here to live your

life, and no one else can do that for you... so do it your own way! Do

what makes YOU happy, and everything else will fall into place imho.

Lots of love to you for how all that childhood stuff made you feel;

I've been there too and I know it hurts. Decide to let it go, and to

embrace life for what you've been given! Life is an incredible gift!

And so are you... many blessings to you Anne...

 

love & light ~Jen~

 

, " Anne "

<annicole72 wrote:

>

> Hi Group,

>

> I realized something last night while working on some projects. I

> haven't thought about this for a long long time. I think I must have

> blocked it from my memory. I have been thinking about how to break

> free from ego and I have been wondering why outer appearance has

> become so important to me. It didn't matter to me before when I was

> younger.

>

> Shakti reminded me why I am how I am now. I know I'm a good

> person, but I hate this part of me. It's actually a part of me that

> does not belong to me.

>

> From what I can remember, it started when I was in 3rd grade.

> People made fun of me. Everyone made fun of me because I was this

> skinny girl with oblong face and ugly nose (don't know what the

> english translation for this word " pango " is - it's a nose shape).

> Some people call me " babaloo " because I have a long chin. One of my

> cousin's wife's brother is a cosmetic surgeon back home in the

> Philippines. When I was visiting in 2003, we saw each other and then

> he commented that if he could have his way, he would trim my chin a

> little and give me a nose job and I would look perfect. Of course I

> didn't go for it. My mom often joked about it that maybe I should get

> a nose job, but worried about the complications.

>

> Throughout grade school, everyone in school picked on me because

> of my appearance. They assumed that I was dumb and stupid.

>

> When I first moved to Chicago in 1985, I heard someone (stranger)

> at a grocery store tell his friend that I have a long face. I don't

> know who these people were. All I can tell you is that they are

> filipinos. (I'm not saying that all filipinos are bad, but most of

> them believes that beauty and brand names were important. ) They

> spoke in our dialect, so I understood what they were talking about

> and I know they were talking about me. They were not aware that I

> heard them. How did that make me feel? Hurt and embarrassed of

> course. From then on, I made a promise to myself that I would improve

> myself to prove something to everyone who made fun of me. Nope, I

> didn't have any type of surgery done on me. I guess I just changed my

> attitude because of all of this.

>

> A few weeks ago, I saw one of my cousin's hubby's nephew online.

> It's been a long time since we last saw each other. We were probably

> still kids. Now, he can't even remember me or who I am. Showing him

> my picture did not help him remember me. I spoke to my other nephew

> (his cousin) and told him howcome E doesn't remember me anymore. He

> said why don't you show him an old picture. I don't have one with me.

> But I know that everyone knows me as that ugly kid. I'm still that

> ugly in some people's eyes. I guess, I just didn't want to remember

> or think about it anymore. But Shakti reminded me.

>

> Sometimes my mom tells me not to look down and to always keep my

> chin up, because looking down would only make my face look more

> longer. I don't hate myself. Maybe I hate everyone from my childhood

> until present who sees me as this ugly duckling. I'm also very upset

> at my family/relatives/some people I know who looks down on me.

> Especially since I'm still in school. Everyone makes fun or jokes

> around " When is Anne going to graduate? " , " Probably never. " . I really

> really hate these remarks eventhough they are joking. I can never

> count on my family/relatives to appreciate my talents/abilities. They

> always put me down.

>

> At least I learned to stand up and decided to go for my true

> passion in Art. Everyone in my family/friends/people I know who

> always suggest for me to pursue this or pursue that and I'm not

> really happy with it. Everyone tells me to just be a nurse or be

> something I don't want to do or have no interests in just because

> they think it's easy to make a living that way or society would

> accept me more if I do certain things. It doesn't really do me any

> good. In the end, they get mad at me if I didn't do well in those

> classes because I have no interests. Now, I am loving every minute

> and projects that I do in Multimedia and Web Design. It's what I'm

> really really passionate about. It's the part of my childhood that no

> one knew about. I just discovered it in 2004. When I graduate on

> 2009, I will prove to my family and everyone who did not believe in

> me that <b>I DID IT</b>. I'm just waiting for that day to prove them

> wrong.

>

> As for breaking away from ego. Because of my experiences from

> childhood to present, it will take me some time to break free from

> it. I really need lots of prayers, guidance, and real surrendering to

> break free from it. It won't be easy, but I will try.

>

>

> Thanks for reading,

> Anne

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Anne, I totally relate to your story.

 

I too was the ugly duckling at school, I use to have a

much larger nose and got called many names, cruel

names. I hated myself. I was also over weight. I felt

ugly and really despised myself.

I became totally obsessed with looks and miserable.

 

I then had two nose jobs, I now have a perfectly

wonderful nose. And I lost a lot of weight and became

a toned and muscular woman.

 

I know that my early childhood experience's taught me

not to judge others by the way they look. It taught me

not to be cruel to those who are different.

I would say if I had been beautiful and popular as a

child I could have become quite different, maybe even

a bitch!!! You never know!

 

I thank God for my difficult beginings.

 

I thank God for my superb surgeon also :-))

I love my nose!!!!

 

Thanks and good luck with your progress.

Love you loads

Elektra x x x

 

 

_________

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[Guest guest]

i think that any experience, even bad ones, should be viewed as

gifts.. because a lesson can be learned, especially from the bad ones.

if you didn't have such a rough childhood who knows how you'd be now.

i didn't have a great one either, and i'm pretty sure that those who

have perfect childhoods never truly question anything because why

should they? everything is perfect. it takes a little depression and

angst to get the ball going