Ugly Duckling Syndrome and Breaking Away from Ego - My Mantra

[Guest guest]

Please remind me to NEVER EVER try to confide or trust my aunt. Never

did. Never will. I lack emotional support from my family ever since I

was a kid. I tried to open up to her how much it bothered and upset me

that Linda (my former nurse co-worker/ " friend " /neighbor) made that

rude " remark joke " about me being in school forever and probably never

graduating. At first she tells me not to allow what other people think

or say bother me, but then she changes her mind a few minutes later

with an excuse to defend the other. Her advice/thoughts when it comes

to me is always contradictory. Always comparing. Always defending

other people.

 

Well, last night, Linda stopped by because my aunt had some questions

to her regarding some of the medications she is taking. So, Linda

asked me to check for my aunt what are the side effects of these

medications. I am not a doctor so I would not know that. So I

suggested that since she does not know it, maybe my aunt can ask my

cousin who is also a nurse. My aunt was telling me how Linda's " joke

remarks " bothered me. Yet did I not think about how Linda would have

felt by telling her to ask my cousin (also a nurse) for the answer to

her question? In short, my aunt is saying that Linda might have felt

offended. Question for all of you - was my answer offensive? My point

is: if one person does not know the answer to a question, another

person of the same profession might know. Should I not have the right

to feel offended? Hello?? So in my mind, I just said " SCREW ALL OF YOU! " .

 

While on my train ride to school this afternoon, I recited this mantra

over and over to myself: " Even though I opened up and tried to confide

with my aunt about how Linda's " joke remarks " about me being in school

forever and probably never graduating bothered/upset me/hurt my

feelings (my inner child), I deeply completely love and accept myself.

Even though my aunt told me not to allow what other people think or

say bother me, yet defend the offender and suggested that I am the one

who is being offensive, I deeply completely love and accept myself.

Even though I want to cry right now and thinking about this makes me

shake from disbelief and resentful towards my family, I deeply

completely love and accept myself. I love you (little anne). Please

forgive me. I'm sorry. Thank YOU. "

 

 

Anne