Sharing of experiences and request for prayers-Travis

[Guest guest]

Dear Travis,

 

Thank you for sharing so much of your past journey with us! Everything you

have done has led you to where you are today...and to this group. You are no

'better' or 'worse' a person than the rest of us. You are welcome here and in

the arms of Shakti. I hope that you will find a home in both.

 

Blessings and love to you, brother!

 

Claudia

 

travisnelsonmurphy <travisnelsonmurphy wrote:

Hello All,

I just want to thank all of you so much for the love and encouragement

that is shared here. Since making my first post several days ago I

have already begun to feel a drastic shift and improvement of the

energies in me. My intentions are again becoming clearer and positive

again and I feel that this is in large part due to the powerful energy

and support within this community. Much gratitude to all. I would like

to share a little bit more about my experience with all of you and

apologize in advance for the length of this post. It is very long but

I really want to join intimately with you all. My experiences with the

kundalini have been unfolding for several years. Only recently did I

learn that these mysterious blessings were all characteristic of what

goes on with a person while kundalini is activating. But basically

they have developed as a progressively greater and deeply felt sense

of oneness with all things and compassion for all beings, an

incredible increase in synchronistic occurences, and a melding of

dreams with reality. Before travelling to Hawaii or even knowing that

I would go I had dreamt of many of the lanscapes that I visited while

living there including one dream of the hostel that I actually lived

at for 3 months. This dream was somewhat precongnicant of the

experience I would have there with the awakening energies and the use

of psychedelic plants. In the dream the hostel was filled with smoke

and I had to find the source of it and put it out. I located the

source of smoke coming from the bathroom in which a joint (marijuana)

was sticking out of a bidet spigot in the toilet. I took the join out

of the spigot and threw it out the window. In that same dream I went

to a log cabin in the middle of the jungle. There a woman gave me a

bag of grains and oats that could be used for purification. She said

" these are not enough alone, you must take them with hugs and kisses. "

At the time (about a year before I went to Hawaii) I interpreted the

dream as being about marijuana and meaning that although marijuana had

been something that I had used in moderation to help purify myself it

was in fact somewhat of an unnecessary luxury like a bidet and that

rather than using an external supplement for purification, giving and

recieving love were the most potent medicine. The crazy part is that

when I actually got to the hostel in Hawaii in reality it really had a

bidet in an outdoor bathroom in the middle of the jungle! Despite the

insight from this dream I was still very interested in plant

consciousnesses and the teachings they can impart. While in Hawaii I

met a girl who was part of an Afro Brazillian spiritualist church that

concecrates a plant medicine used by shamans in the Amazon for

thousands of years known as Ayahuasca. I had read extensively about

Ayahuasca and shamanism and was very interested in it. This girl and I

became very close friends and had a very wonderful spiritual

connection with one another. During my time with her I first

experienced kriyas and had no idea what was happening I could only

describe it as what felt like the universe performing chiropractic

adjustments on my body and then a very wonderful and profound merging

feeling like becoming an ocean. During this time I was also instructed

in a dream that anything could be a yoga, even dreaming. So, I

researched dream yoga to see if it existed and sure enough it did. I

began practicing tibetan dream yoga and dreamed every night for one

week of Ayahuasca. I felt that I was being called to work with this

plant. After a month of non stop rain in the jungle I had been rained

out of the hut I was living in at the bottom of a crater and had been

sleeping in the commons area of the hostel. One night after doing the

practice I dreamt that I went to Africa on an L train like the ones in

Chicago and got out and walked into a community of all white houses

and fences. Everything white even all of the things inside the houses.

I got to the end of the street at a culdisac and an African man about

7 feet tall embraced me in his arms and welcomed me into the community

and told me Abandon language and forget your body and you will find

that form is form and formlessness is formlessness. I was instructed

in that dream to go to the northwest side of the island, (the dry

side) and the next morning I packed a bag and embarked on a hitch

hiking journey to that part of the island. I got a ride all the way to

my camping destination about a 2 hour trip with the first car that

saw my thumb. When I arrived there I called my friend who was a member

of this spiritualist group. Now back on the mainland she had visited

this specific group only briefly while visiting the island. I asked

her if I was by chance near by. She gave me the information for the

church and I was one town away. I made plans to participate in one of

the church works to come in the following days. When I arrived there I

saw pictures of the man who had founded the church. He was a 7 foot

tall African man. I naturally felt very blessed to have been guided in

this way and in that week participated in 3 works that were all very

powerful and illuminating. After these experiences I began to have a

humming and pressure on the left side of my head that wouldn't go

away. I was somewhat concerned by this and talked to one of the

members of the church casually about it. He told me that it was

probably a spiritual attatchment and that is when the fear came in. I

started to realize that there was a lot of emphasis put on this sort

of thing within this group and that maybe I had gotten into something

that I didn't quite know the extent of consequences about.This one

thought began to develop in me a fear and distrust of the benevolence

of the universe I had been experiencing up until this point. I became

very concerned that I had a negative attatchment and that there were

spirits all around. This began my dissent into darkness. I went to one

last work in the hopes of releasing this supposed attatchment which I

don't believe now that there actually was. This was a work where a

particularly large dose of the ayahuasca was drank and it only took

place twice a year. I experienced the most fearful trauma and shock

that I can imagine experiencing during this ceremony. It was as if

every single negative part of my subconscious exploded all at once.

This blew a whole in my aura and caused me to completely leave my

heart and go up into a very fearful delusional place in my head. Every

single thought that I had and word that I would say was immediately

followed by a psychological thought attacking it. I thought that I

must have been partially posessed by a demon because of this, and as I

could no longer feel any positive emotion in my body I had no method

of firming myself or simply observing my thoughts from a grounded

place. Much fear and darkness ensued in the following 7 months

including a stay in the mental hospital. During this period I was sure

that I was dying. Only after my soul retrieval did the forward

momentum of the healing process begin. I now think that these negative

attacking thoughts sre just a result of a traumatic and abusive

upbringing. My mother left when I was 2 and I was raised my two very

abusive step mothers. I have forgiven them and hold nothing against

them but the abusive and fearful dialogues still remain. Even in

writing this to share my experience openly with this loving community

and ask for support and prayers this voice is criticizing and saying

you are weak! you are needy! you are dependent! these people don't

need to waste their time with you! This voice never had so much

presence in my consciousness until this experience and I must admit

there is a shame that goes along with the experience because I was

working with psychedlics and feel somewhat that I am to blame and this

is what I deserve for playing with fire. But I know that my intentions

were good and I was dicovering through my experiences unconditional

love. Things are improving drastically now and I am again feeling

great love and grattitude and it is truly a great blessing. My mind

however, is still in a constant state of hyper vigilance feeling that

it must fend off an ever present attack. When the energies start to

activate and clear and I feel that I am again beginning to connect and

feel the power of hugs and kisses this voice is still figthing and I

am having trouble relaxing in my body and surrendering to what I know

from experience to be perfectly safe and wonderful. When this happens

it is very hard to sleep. I just wanted to share my experiences with

all of you and again I apologize for the lengthiness of this post. I

would like to ask with deep gratitude and reverence to all of you for

prayer of healing, and unconditional love to help to calmly release

these lingering energies and allow a surrender to this experience that

I know inside is anything but something to be afraid of.

Boundless Love to All,

thank you thank you thank you

Travis

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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