Shaktipat - Brandi

[Guest guest]

This post reminded me of the " Old Me " (many Eons ago...) .

 

When i was a young boy I was beat on and picked on unmercifully (I

was frail and very quiet).

 

As a teen I started Martial Arts training and weight lifting.

 

My first attacks by thugs or robbers were greeted with anger and

brutality (my own). I now realize it was " me trying to get 'back' at

my attackers from long ago.

 

Now?...

I get embarrassed if I even get a little angry inside by a physical/

or psychological confrontation (much as a person may feel after

burping--or worse--in church during quiet moments!).

 

I am a Master of two Martial Arts.

Anger hardly shows its ugly face anymore...and it's NICE!

 

Thanks for the post, Brandi!

:)

Stephen

 

 

 

, Brandi Jasmine

<jazztalk wrote:

" ....I was filled with resentment towards the bullies who tortured

me as a child. I was the one feeling the drip of acid in my guts, not

them! I just realized that they had stopped abusing me 20, sometimes

30 years ago ... but I was still doing their dirty work for them!

They took most of my childhood, but I'll be damned if I let them

steal one more moment from my life! I refuse to give them one more

moment of powerlessness, of resentment, of anger. I'm in control of

me, not them. .... "

>

> Brandi

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I know what you are saying and I do agree with you. To me its not the

holding on to the anger that is the issue with me, my problem is the

instant replaying and remembering of the incident over and over when

I least expect it and it comes into play to sadden me. I can not

control when something will trigger a thought or memory and keep it

away. I try very hard to think of other things and change what I am

doing or thinking but it is still difficult to completely erase it. I

know with practice this is getting better but it still saddens me

when it arrives unexpected. I do not hold grudges on anyone and I do

not seach revenge or disput against anyone. I dislike fighting or

disagreements of any kind so I try to avoid them. I think I am doing

a pretty good job so far in keeping things neutral and joyful. As for

me it has been a long struggle in therapy to come to terms with ME as

I had many years of very bad emotional baggage to work thru and I

have been dicharged from therapy for 6 years now as the counselor

felt I am stable, confident, and secure enough to handle things. I am

a strong willed person and I am a fighter. I will not stay down for

long and I detest depression so I avoid it. I have only been

depressed one time in my entire life many many years ago in my

teenager years as I was dealing with my fathers alcoholism and abuse.

Since I have grown up and left home I have come to tems with his

behavior and know that it is his problem and not mine. I love him but

I will not enable him to abuse me or be around me drunk. He knows

that and respects my wishes and it is so much easier on my nerves.SO

if only I can slow the movie scene down to a total stop that will be

very nice. Thanks Brandi for sharing your thoughts and opinions with

me.

 

DenDen (Denny)

 

 

, Brandi Jasmine

<jazztalk wrote:

>

> At 09:58 PM 12/30/2007, you wrote:

> >I can now laugh at the time my ex husband read my journal and then

> >proceeded to question me about what was in it. It feels good to

> >laugh rather than become red in the face. LOL It is such a freeing

> >feeling when you forgive for real. It is unmistakeable and you

will

> >feel a lightness in your spirit when it happens. I wish this for

you

> >my friend.

>

> SO true! I have experienced this myself. I just wanted to add that

one stumbling block for me for forgiveness was the erroneous idea I

had that by forgiving others I made what they did " okay " . That isn't

the case. I just detached any anger I had from it. I let it go.

>

> One powerful statement for me came from Nelson Mandela. He said

something like " Resentment is like taking poison and hoping your

enemy will die. " I was filled with resentment towards the bullies who

tortured me as a child. I was the one feeling the drip of acid in my

guts, not them! I just realized that they had stopped abusing me 20,

sometimes 30 years ago ... but I was still doing their dirty work for

them! They took most of my childhood, but I'll be damned if I let

them steal one more moment from my life! I refuse to give them one

more moment of powerlessness, of resentment, of anger. I'm in control

of me, not them. The second those feelings come up now (and they do,

but less and less often now) ... I find something joyful to think

about instead. I write my blessing list. I hug my cat. And it's not

just freeing ... the sense of joy when I am able to move back into my

own space, when I don't react ... is indescribable.

>

> Brandi

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Denny,

I have an observation and an opinion. And you know what they say

about opinions. But please just consider this. Look over your post

and see how many times you use the word " avoid " or a phrase that

means " avoid " . I don't believe avoidance helps. I think you must feel

the experience, feel the hurt and explore it, see what it is there to

teach you, acknowledge that pain, accept it and be grateful for the

lesson. And then move on. Forgive the person, including especially

yourself, love them and be grateful to them, accept their

imperfections, learn the lesson and then move on and release it.

 

I also grew up with an alcoholic father, and then I brought up my

children as an alcoholic, so I got the lesson from both sides so to

speak. It is a very powerful lesson and one I am incredibly

ecstatically grateful for. ALL OF IT. It taught me so much. I love my

Father dearly today. And I love myself. And I love my children and

they love me. You can do it Den Den. You are very strong. That is

part of the reason why. I love you, Carol

 

, " Denny "

<dennynorton wrote:

>

> I know what you are saying and I do agree with you. To me its not

the

> holding on to the anger that is the issue with me, my problem is

the

> instant replaying and remembering of the incident over and over

when

> I least expect it and it comes into play to sadden me. I can not

> control when something will trigger a thought or memory and keep it

> away. I try very hard to think of other things and change what I am

> doing or thinking but it is still difficult to completely erase it.

I

> know with practice this is getting better but it still saddens me

> when it arrives unexpected. I do not hold grudges on anyone and I

do

> not seach revenge or disput against anyone. I dislike fighting or

> disagreements of any kind so I try to avoid them. I think I am

doing

> a pretty good job so far in keeping things neutral and joyful. As

for

> me it has been a long struggle in therapy to come to terms with ME

as

> I had many years of very bad emotional baggage to work thru and I

> have been dicharged from therapy for 6 years now as the counselor

> felt I am stable, confident, and secure enough to handle things. I

am

> a strong willed person and I am a fighter. I will not stay down for

> long and I detest depression so I avoid it. I have only been

> depressed one time in my entire life many many years ago in my

> teenager years as I was dealing with my fathers alcoholism and

abuse.

> Since I have grown up and left home I have come to tems with his

> behavior and know that it is his problem and not mine. I love him

but

> I will not enable him to abuse me or be around me drunk. He knows

> that and respects my wishes and it is so much easier on my

nerves.SO

> if only I can slow the movie scene down to a total stop that will

be

> very nice. Thanks Brandi for sharing your thoughts and opinions

with

> me.

>

> DenDen (Denny)

>