Debs last 3 months

February 3, 2008

Hi everyone,

I have not really posted much in the last three months because I've

been going through a difficult time. I talked to tonight and

he wanted me to share with all of you what I've been going through in

the hopes that if needed it would help you.

Sorry this is long, so if you feel inclined to read, please do so to

the end because things are turning around for me.

Okay guess I should start at the beginning. When I was a little girl

I was raised Catholic and as a happy past time I use to line up any

stuffed animals or dolls I could find and play teacher. I had a some

books from church and I would play that I was a teacher/nun and read

to my little friends prayers and such. When I went to confession I

usually had nothing to confess and then this one year we had missed

going to church one Sunday. I was excited to tell the priest in the

confessional booth that my family missed church. (Stupid I know, but

honestly I thought he must think I'm lying cuz I really never had

anything to confess!) Anyway I lived in a small town where everyone

knew everyone. THere was a long line of old ladies and men that I

knew well in line behind me. When it was my turn I went in the booth

and told the priest that my family had not gone to church one Sunday.

Well to my surprise he was very very angry! He told me that I and my

entire family had committed a mortal sin and that meant hell and

fire. He kept me in there for about 25 minutes yelling at me. When I

walked out everyone was looking at me strangely wondering what in the

world I had done. I then had to go say a long list of prayers and all

the while I thought OMG I'm going to burn in hell and if I say these

prayers what about my family. I know this sounds stupid, I was very

naive and came from a strict family that was taught very strictly to

respect all adults especially teachers/priests ect. It never occured

to me that an adult would not know the truth or tell a lie. Neverthe

less this made a huge impact on me and much later I turned away from

the church. Not by the way am I saying that its bad, I had many

wonderful experiences! Just had an ignorant priest and I was a naive

young girl. Well this started my fear. Anyway I use to say the " Our

Father " and " Now I lay me down to sleep " prayer everynight to myself.

I use to pray to bless everyone and everything. But then I started

seeing horrible things on my windows every night. The more I prayed,

the more I saw these things. I of course kept this all to myself and

learned not to pray. But I didnt understand why God was letting this

happen.

Okay lets speed it up to when I had my two children. Everynight I

would lay between them, read them each their favorite story, and

would stay there with them until they fell asleep. I had been having

some stomach difficulties and had been to the doctor and after

checking out ok he suggested I learn to relax and suggested

meditiation. Well I bought a book, and wasnt very good at it. I then

just would lay there and thank God for my beautiful kids and think of

all the things I was grateful for. Basically just focused on love and

gratitude. This worked out well cuz I would then stay awake and be

able to get some housework done before I went to sleep. Anyway the

first thing that happened was that one night I woke up a saw this

sword pointing down at me. God I first froze and then jumped up and

turned the light on and I couldnt see it anymore. Shortly afterward I

started waking up at about 3 in the morning with strong vibrations,

racking through my body. I never read about any of this and didnt

know what was going on. I thought either I was having seizures or

something was attacking me. This of course brought so much fear on, I

honestly did not understand what was happening. The more I fought it

the stronger it was...it would finally end and I was drenched in

sweat. I attended a business seminar in Chicago around this time. I

was sitting in the middle of about three hundred people. Well this

one guy gets up and is telling a very inspirational life story. All

of a sudden I get this tunnel vision to him and everything else

around me goes black. I start feeling this strong electric current

going up my back. I felt if it got to my head that my head was going

to explode and I felt like I was about to do something really weird!

I started singing the abc's in my head to get it to stop and it

finally did! Between this and the nightly vibrations I was freaking

out. Finally I just knew that my nightly focusing on love had

something to do with it. Oh and one night my family was gone and I

heard this very loud music getting closer and closer to me. It

sounded like hells army was coming to get me. I froze. Then I

thought, its ok the good guys will stop it. Well noone came and right

before it was on me, I fled to my bedroom terrified and turned the tv

on blasting and all the lights. So needless to say I stopped the

nightly focusing of love and gratitude. I didnt understand why this

was happening. It was many yrs later on an obe group that I told this

story and lucky for me suggested this site.

Okay so I lurked a year or so and things became clear to me. I

thought I was over my fear. Ha. Anyway I started my practice again

now knowing that it was my fear that made these things worse. Well

back in November if you remember I started having headaches and saw

this thing on my head. But instead of just allowing (you think I

would learn by now) I freaked out. I thought this was something that

I had attracted and needed to get away from me. That it was a bad

thing and I needed protection. So I started the salt baths, sesmee

oils, prayers of protection. But alas while these things did give

immediate relief the activity just kept getting worse. I started

seeing things that I really would prefer not to. Lots of stuff that I

thought I needed to get out of my house and away from me and my

family. I see things with my eyes open. More and more, feel things

too. You name it and I've tried it, smudging ect ect ect. The last

three months I've only slept a couple hrs each morning after sunrise.

I thought I could handle this on my own and didnt want to bother

Chrism or bring any negativity to this forum. I didnt have anyone to

talk to about this. My husband doesnt understand why I am up all

night with an icepack on my head. I have had difficulty not breaking

out in tears in front of my family. They go to hug me and I pull away

for fear that whats with me will jump onto them. Finally after

realizing I needed help, I called a few weeks ago. We tried a

few things and then last week he suggested I just stop my practice

and stay in loving detachment. WOW what a difference a week has meant.

Things are now sooooo much better. I have slept the last two days for

almost 8 hours. While I still see things the feeling of things has

dropped a lot! I now realize that what I've seen and felt is not bad,

it just IS. explained it to me like this, look at myself as a

flower and a flower needs a bee to pollinate. What I've seen and felt

is probably helping me and I've been resisting so much that all my

fears intensified. You know if I never would have seen these things I

would probably just go " oh its Kundalini " But my vision and feeling

and some hearing all at once has been something that probably would

not have happened to the degree it has if I would just stay in the

loving detached state and back off the practice.

Now I see things and just am like whatever. The feeling has lightened

up a lot too! Yeah! I tell you this story so that if some of your

physic centers open before the k is strong in you, don't freak out

like me. Just stay in loving detachment. If you do so I believe

things will go about much easier. At least that is my perspective.

And just because something looks scary, it is not necessarily bad or

something that you have to keep away. I now think that I am actually

being helped, and my resistance has made it bad. What you resists,

persists.

I do still have a lot of head pain, which I use ice packs for and

that really really helps. I also use saltwater rinses for nose and

mouth which really really helps. I am having a lot of Head work done

right now. I know this will not last forever and honestly if it wasnt

for I don't know what I would have done. I feel so stupid for

not contacting him sooner. I no longer do the salt baths or smudging

or all that stuff. Whatever happens, happens and I try to just be.

Also getting out with friends and laughing and different fun stuff

has help me ground myself. I know I am still in my journey but again

in one week of changing my perspective and stopping the practice what

a difference. I know Shakti is working on me. I can't control it,

talk about a lesson in surrender!

Again please do not fear this will happen to you. Fear is not the way

to go! Even with the hundreds of people going k, only a few of us

lucky ones (HA) get this. And again I can only speak for myself, but

I'm sure you can see how I made things much worse. Remember before I

freaked out by seeing things and started feeling the need to protect

myself, the only problem I had was a bit of a headache. Nothing life

stopping. I feel I could have avoided all the unpleasantries. I'm not

saying my centers would not have opened, but if I would have stayed

detached it would not have gotten so bad. Oh and I would suggest as

Chrism says not to blow in the last two chakras. No need to open the

centers before you are ready.

The other thing I should mention is sometimes when things were bad, I

would envision myself in a waterfall standing in a strong current.

Things would halt. If I didnt live in Chicago, I would have gone to

Lake Michigan and tried that. Lucky for me I had Chrisms guidance and

I'm already a lot better. Anyway theres a little taste of my walk

through the twilight zone. Dark Things crawl and fly around me, but

now I look at them as a ladybug going on their way. I glance and go

happily about my business. I didnt understand why God was abandoning

me and wouldnt help me. I see now that all is part of God and its

been my judgement of what is good and bad that has caused me my

problems. It just IS, is now my perspective. And really everyone, I

cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am for Chrism. I mean I

surely would not have got it together without him. We are all so

lucky for his guidance and I am eternally grateful. If you understood

where I was just a little while ago, and how just knowing that he was

going to help me and the inner strength he gave me to get through

this, you would be amazed at the level of concern, love and

compassion. Why oh why didnt I call him earlier!?! Well so much for

my stubborness!

So from your friend whos taken a walk on the wild side...

Love to you all, and remember should you ever need it...loving

detachment / judgement free - for the only thing to fear is fear

Oh and obviously you all already know this...you might wanna remind

me from time to time! ha

Lots of Love to all of you

Deb

February 3, 2008

Hi Deb

Thanks for allowing us to read of you overcoming your fear to see the

beauty in all . I am sure this will help many that are now facing

choices such as you did . I agree with your post also . Promote Love ,

Listen to your inner guide , and surrender will help us all when we

have a choice to make on this path of enlightenment . Thank you for

sharing your story with us .

Blessings

Chris_H

February 3, 2008

Great post Deb ................loving strength to you.

Igor.

:

flowerpowers7777: Sun, 3 Feb 2008 09:17:18 +0000Subject:

Debs last 3 months

Hi everyone,I have not really posted much in the last three months because I've

been going through a difficult time. I talked to tonight and he wanted me

to share with all of you what I've been going through in the hopes that if

needed it would help you.Sorry this is long, so if you feel inclined to read,

please do so to the end because things are turning around for me.Okay guess I

should start at the beginning. When I was a little girl I was raised Catholic

and as a happy past time I use to line up any stuffed animals or dolls I could

find and play teacher. I had a some books from church and I would play that I

was a teacher/nun and read to my little friends prayers and such. When I went to

confession I usually had nothing to confess and then this one year we had missed

going to church one Sunday. I was excited to tell the priest in the confessional

booth that my family missed church. (Stupid I know, but honestly I thought he

must think I'm lying cuz I really never had anything to confess!) Anyway I lived

in a small town where everyone knew everyone. THere was a long line of old

ladies and men that I knew well in line behind me. When it was my turn I went in

the booth and told the priest that my family had not gone to church one Sunday.

Well to my surprise he was very very angry! He told me that I and my entire

family had committed a mortal sin and that meant hell and fire. He kept me in

there for about 25 minutes yelling at me. When I walked out everyone was looking

at me strangely wondering what in the world I had done. I then had to go say a

long list of prayers and all the while I thought OMG I'm going to burn in hell

and if I say these prayers what about my family. I know this sounds stupid, I

was very naive and came from a strict family that was taught very strictly to

respect all adults especially teachers/priests ect. It never occured to me that

an adult would not know the truth or tell a lie. Neverthe less this made a huge

impact on me and much later I turned away from the church. Not by the way am I

saying that its bad, I had many wonderful experiences! Just had an ignorant

priest and I was a naive young girl. Well this started my fear. Anyway I use to

say the " Our Father " and " Now I lay me down to sleep " prayer everynight to

myself. I use to pray to bless everyone and everything. But then I started

seeing horrible things on my windows every night. The more I prayed, the more I

saw these things. I of course kept this all to myself and learned not to pray.

But I didnt understand why God was letting this happen.Okay lets speed it up to

when I had my two children. Everynight I would lay between them, read them each

their favorite story, and would stay there with them until they fell asleep. I

had been having some stomach difficulties and had been to the doctor and after

checking out ok he suggested I learn to relax and suggested meditiation. Well I

bought a book, and wasnt very good at it. I then just would lay there and thank

God for my beautiful kids and think of all the things I was grateful for.

Basically just focused on love and gratitude. This worked out well cuz I would

then stay awake and be able to get some housework done before I went to sleep.

Anyway the first thing that happened was that one night I woke up a saw this

sword pointing down at me. God I first froze and then jumped up and turned the

light on and I couldnt see it anymore. Shortly afterward I started waking up at

about 3 in the morning with strong vibrations, racking through my body. I never

read about any of this and didnt know what was going on. I thought either I was

having seizures or something was attacking me. This of course brought so much

fear on, I honestly did not understand what was happening. The more I fought it

the stronger it was...it would finally end and I was drenched in sweat. I

attended a business seminar in Chicago around this time. I was sitting in the

middle of about three hundred people. Well this one guy gets up and is telling a

very inspirational life story. All of a sudden I get this tunnel vision to him

and everything else around me goes black. I start feeling this strong electric

current going up my back. I felt if it got to my head that my head was going to

explode and I felt like I was about to do something really weird! I started

singing the abc's in my head to get it to stop and it finally did! Between this

and the nightly vibrations I was freaking out. Finally I just knew that my

nightly focusing on love had something to do with it. Oh and one night my family

was gone and I heard this very loud music getting closer and closer to me. It

sounded like hells army was coming to get me. I froze. Then I thought, its ok

the good guys will stop it. Well noone came and right before it was on me, I

fled to my bedroom terrified and turned the tv on blasting and all the lights.

So needless to say I stopped the nightly focusing of love and gratitude. I didnt

understand why this was happening. It was many yrs later on an obe group that I

told this story and lucky for me suggested this site. Okay so I lurked a

year or so and things became clear to me. I thought I was over my fear. Ha.

Anyway I started my practice again now knowing that it was my fear that made

these things worse. Well back in November if you remember I started having

headaches and saw this thing on my head. But instead of just allowing (you think

I would learn by now) I freaked out. I thought this was something that I had

attracted and needed to get away from me. That it was a bad thing and I needed

protection. So I started the salt baths, sesmee oils, prayers of protection. But

alas while these things did give immediate relief the activity just kept getting

worse. I started seeing things that I really would prefer not to. Lots of stuff

that I thought I needed to get out of my house and away from me and my family. I

see things with my eyes open. More and more, feel things too. You name it and

I've tried it, smudging ect ect ect. The last three months I've only slept a

couple hrs each morning after sunrise. I thought I could handle this on my own

and didnt want to bother or bring any negativity to this forum. I didnt

have anyone to talk to about this. My husband doesnt understand why I am up all

night with an icepack on my head. I have had difficulty not breaking out in

tears in front of my family. They go to hug me and I pull away for fear that

whats with me will jump onto them. Finally after realizing I needed help, I

called a few weeks ago. We tried a few things and then last week he

suggested I just stop my practice and stay in loving detachment. WOW what a

difference a week has meant.Things are now sooooo much better. I have slept the

last two days for almost 8 hours. While I still see things the feeling of things

has dropped a lot! I now realize that what I've seen and felt is not bad, it

just IS. explained it to me like this, look at myself as a flower and a

flower needs a bee to pollinate. What I've seen and felt is probably helping me

and I've been resisting so much that all my fears intensified. You know if I

never would have seen these things I would probably just go " oh its Kundalini "

But my vision and feeling and some hearing all at once has been something that

probably would not have happened to the degree it has if I would just stay in

the loving detached state and back off the practice. Now I see things and just

am like whatever. The feeling has lightened up a lot too! Yeah! I tell you this

story so that if some of your physic centers open before the k is strong in you,

don't freak out like me. Just stay in loving detachment. If you do so I believe

things will go about much easier. At least that is my perspective. And just

because something looks scary, it is not necessarily bad or something that you

have to keep away. I now think that I am actually being helped, and my

resistance has made it bad. What you resists, persists. I do still have a lot of

head pain, which I use ice packs for and that really really helps. I also use

saltwater rinses for nose and mouth which really really helps. I am having a lot

of Head work done right now. I know this will not last forever and honestly if

it wasnt for I don't know what I would have done. I feel so stupid for

not contacting him sooner. I no longer do the salt baths or smudging or all that

stuff. Whatever happens, happens and I try to just be. Also getting out with

friends and laughing and different fun stuff has help me ground myself. I know I

am still in my journey but again in one week of changing my perspective and

stopping the practice what a difference. I know Shakti is working on me. I can't

control it, talk about a lesson in surrender! Again please do not fear this will

happen to you. Fear is not the way to go! Even with the hundreds of people going

k, only a few of us lucky ones (HA) get this. And again I can only speak for

myself, but I'm sure you can see how I made things much worse. Remember before I

freaked out by seeing things and started feeling the need to protect myself, the

only problem I had was a bit of a headache. Nothing life stopping. I feel I

could have avoided all the unpleasantries. I'm not saying my centers would not

have opened, but if I would have stayed detached it would not have gotten so

bad. Oh and I would suggest as says not to blow in the last two chakras.

No need to open the centers before you are ready.The other thing I should

mention is sometimes when things were bad, I would envision myself in a

waterfall standing in a strong current. Things would halt. If I didnt live in

Chicago, I would have gone to Lake Michigan and tried that. Lucky for me I had

Chrisms guidance and I'm already a lot better. Anyway theres a little taste of

my walk through the twilight zone. Dark Things crawl and fly around me, but now

I look at them as a ladybug going on their way. I glance and go happily about my

business. I didnt understand why God was abandoning me and wouldnt help me. I

see now that all is part of God and its been my judgement of what is good and

bad that has caused me my problems. It just IS, is now my perspective. And

really everyone, I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am for Chrism. I mean

I surely would not have got it together without him. We are all so lucky for his

guidance and I am eternally grateful. If you understood where I was just a

little while ago, and how just knowing that he was going to help me and the

inner strength he gave me to get through this, you would be amazed at the level

of concern, love and compassion. Why oh why didnt I call him earlier!?! Well so

much for my stubborness! So from your friend whos taken a walk on the wild

side...Love to you all, and remember should you ever need it...loving detachment

/ judgement free - for the only thing to fear is fear Oh and obviously you all

already know this...you might wanna remind me from time to time! haLots of Love

to all of youDeb

_______________

February 3, 2008

Gee, Giant HUG, Deb. Thank you for sharing your experience. Love or

loving detachment is very powerful. Thank you for the reminder, and

for overcoming!!! Good going!!! And so glad to have you back with us.

Its so freeing when we realize that we color everything...we can use

fear or love, but it is always our choice. And when we gain that power

back there is no stopping how far we can go in joy.

I mentioned a while back about a stinky entity that comes around me.

I've named it Stinky, and whenever it shows up I greet it " Hi Stinky,

how are you today? " And I talk to it like it is a friend. It leaves

right away! But it keeps coming back and I say, " Needing a little

love today, Stinky? " And I love it. Of course it takes off again. And

I always invite it to come into the Light, and the Love of God.

It amazes me the freedom we have in how we see situations. We're not

trapped in whatever emotion comes first. The Inner Joy from the

safeties has shown me that. A beautiful lesson! Thank you, Chrism!!!

We're growing in liberation!

Love, dhyana

,

" flowerpowers7777 " <flowerpowers7777 wrote:

>

> Hi everyone,

> I have not really posted much in the last three months because I've

> been going through a difficult time. I talked to tonight and

> he wanted me to share with all of you what I've been going through in

> the hopes that if needed it would help you.

>

> Sorry this is long, so if you feel inclined to read, please do so to

> the end because things are turning around for me.

>

> Okay guess I should start at the beginning. When I was a little girl

> I was raised Catholic and as a happy past time I use to line up any

> stuffed animals or dolls I could find and play teacher. I had a some

> books from church and I would play that I was a teacher/nun and read

> to my little friends prayers and such. When I went to confession I

> usually had nothing to confess and then this one year we had missed

> going to church one Sunday. I was excited to tell the priest in the

> confessional booth that my family missed church. (Stupid I know, but

> honestly I thought he must think I'm lying cuz I really never had

> anything to confess!) Anyway I lived in a small town where everyone

> knew everyone. THere was a long line of old ladies and men that I

> knew well in line behind me. When it was my turn I went in the booth

> and told the priest that my family had not gone to church one Sunday.

> Well to my surprise he was very very angry! He told me that I and my

> entire family had committed a mortal sin and that meant hell and

> fire. He kept me in there for about 25 minutes yelling at me. When I

> walked out everyone was looking at me strangely wondering what in the

> world I had done. I then had to go say a long list of prayers and all

> the while I thought OMG I'm going to burn in hell and if I say these

> prayers what about my family. I know this sounds stupid, I was very

> naive and came from a strict family that was taught very strictly to

> respect all adults especially teachers/priests ect. It never occured

> to me that an adult would not know the truth or tell a lie. Neverthe

> less this made a huge impact on me and much later I turned away from

> the church. Not by the way am I saying that its bad, I had many

> wonderful experiences! Just had an ignorant priest and I was a naive

> young girl. Well this started my fear. Anyway I use to say the " Our

> Father " and " Now I lay me down to sleep " prayer everynight to myself.

> I use to pray to bless everyone and everything. But then I started

> seeing horrible things on my windows every night. The more I prayed,

> the more I saw these things. I of course kept this all to myself and

> learned not to pray. But I didnt understand why God was letting this

> happen.

>

> Okay lets speed it up to when I had my two children. Everynight I

> would lay between them, read them each their favorite story, and

> would stay there with them until they fell asleep. I had been having

> some stomach difficulties and had been to the doctor and after

> checking out ok he suggested I learn to relax and suggested

> meditiation. Well I bought a book, and wasnt very good at it. I then

> just would lay there and thank God for my beautiful kids and think of

> all the things I was grateful for. Basically just focused on love and

> gratitude. This worked out well cuz I would then stay awake and be

> able to get some housework done before I went to sleep. Anyway the

> first thing that happened was that one night I woke up a saw this

> sword pointing down at me. God I first froze and then jumped up and

> turned the light on and I couldnt see it anymore. Shortly afterward I

> started waking up at about 3 in the morning with strong vibrations,

> racking through my body. I never read about any of this and didnt

> know what was going on. I thought either I was having seizures or

> something was attacking me. This of course brought so much fear on, I

> honestly did not understand what was happening. The more I fought it

> the stronger it was...it would finally end and I was drenched in

> sweat. I attended a business seminar in Chicago around this time. I

> was sitting in the middle of about three hundred people. Well this

> one guy gets up and is telling a very inspirational life story. All

> of a sudden I get this tunnel vision to him and everything else

> around me goes black. I start feeling this strong electric current

> going up my back. I felt if it got to my head that my head was going

> to explode and I felt like I was about to do something really weird!

> I started singing the abc's in my head to get it to stop and it

> finally did! Between this and the nightly vibrations I was freaking

> out. Finally I just knew that my nightly focusing on love had

> something to do with it. Oh and one night my family was gone and I

> heard this very loud music getting closer and closer to me. It

> sounded like hells army was coming to get me. I froze. Then I

> thought, its ok the good guys will stop it. Well noone came and right

> before it was on me, I fled to my bedroom terrified and turned the tv

> on blasting and all the lights. So needless to say I stopped the

> nightly focusing of love and gratitude. I didnt understand why this

> was happening. It was many yrs later on an obe group that I told this

> story and lucky for me suggested this site.

>

> Okay so I lurked a year or so and things became clear to me. I

> thought I was over my fear. Ha. Anyway I started my practice again

> now knowing that it was my fear that made these things worse. Well

> back in November if you remember I started having headaches and saw

> this thing on my head. But instead of just allowing (you think I

> would learn by now) I freaked out. I thought this was something that

> I had attracted and needed to get away from me. That it was a bad

> thing and I needed protection. So I started the salt baths, sesmee

> oils, prayers of protection. But alas while these things did give

> immediate relief the activity just kept getting worse. I started

> seeing things that I really would prefer not to. Lots of stuff that I

> thought I needed to get out of my house and away from me and my

> family. I see things with my eyes open. More and more, feel things

> too. You name it and I've tried it, smudging ect ect ect. The last

> three months I've only slept a couple hrs each morning after sunrise.

> I thought I could handle this on my own and didnt want to bother

> or bring any negativity to this forum. I didnt have anyone to

> talk to about this. My husband doesnt understand why I am up all

> night with an icepack on my head. I have had difficulty not breaking

> out in tears in front of my family. They go to hug me and I pull away

> for fear that whats with me will jump onto them. Finally after

> realizing I needed help, I called a few weeks ago. We tried a

> few things and then last week he suggested I just stop my practice

> and stay in loving detachment. WOW what a difference a week has meant.

>

> Things are now sooooo much better. I have slept the last two days for

> almost 8 hours. While I still see things the feeling of things has

> dropped a lot! I now realize that what I've seen and felt is not bad,

> it just IS. explained it to me like this, look at myself as a

> flower and a flower needs a bee to pollinate. What I've seen and felt

> is probably helping me and I've been resisting so much that all my

> fears intensified. You know if I never would have seen these things I

> would probably just go " oh its Kundalini " But my vision and feeling

> and some hearing all at once has been something that probably would

> not have happened to the degree it has if I would just stay in the

> loving detached state and back off the practice.

>

> Now I see things and just am like whatever. The feeling has lightened

> up a lot too! Yeah! I tell you this story so that if some of your

> physic centers open before the k is strong in you, don't freak out

> like me. Just stay in loving detachment. If you do so I believe

> things will go about much easier. At least that is my perspective.

> And just because something looks scary, it is not necessarily bad or

> something that you have to keep away. I now think that I am actually

> being helped, and my resistance has made it bad. What you resists,

> persists.

>

> I do still have a lot of head pain, which I use ice packs for and

> that really really helps. I also use saltwater rinses for nose and

> mouth which really really helps. I am having a lot of Head work done

> right now. I know this will not last forever and honestly if it wasnt

> for I don't know what I would have done. I feel so stupid for

> not contacting him sooner. I no longer do the salt baths or smudging

> or all that stuff. Whatever happens, happens and I try to just be.

> Also getting out with friends and laughing and different fun stuff

> has help me ground myself. I know I am still in my journey but again

> in one week of changing my perspective and stopping the practice what

> a difference. I know Shakti is working on me. I can't control it,

> talk about a lesson in surrender!

>

> Again please do not fear this will happen to you. Fear is not the way

> to go! Even with the hundreds of people going k, only a few of us

> lucky ones (HA) get this. And again I can only speak for myself, but

> I'm sure you can see how I made things much worse. Remember before I

> freaked out by seeing things and started feeling the need to protect

> myself, the only problem I had was a bit of a headache. Nothing life

> stopping. I feel I could have avoided all the unpleasantries. I'm not

> saying my centers would not have opened, but if I would have stayed

> detached it would not have gotten so bad. Oh and I would suggest as

> says not to blow in the last two chakras. No need to open the

> centers before you are ready.

>

> The other thing I should mention is sometimes when things were bad, I

> would envision myself in a waterfall standing in a strong current.

> Things would halt. If I didnt live in Chicago, I would have gone to

> Lake Michigan and tried that. Lucky for me I had Chrisms guidance and

> I'm already a lot better. Anyway theres a little taste of my walk

> through the twilight zone. Dark Things crawl and fly around me, but

> now I look at them as a ladybug going on their way. I glance and go

> happily about my business. I didnt understand why God was abandoning

> me and wouldnt help me. I see now that all is part of God and its

> been my judgement of what is good and bad that has caused me my

> problems. It just IS, is now my perspective. And really everyone, I

> cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am for Chrism. I mean I

> surely would not have got it together without him. We are all so

> lucky for his guidance and I am eternally grateful. If you understood

> where I was just a little while ago, and how just knowing that he was

> going to help me and the inner strength he gave me to get through

> this, you would be amazed at the level of concern, love and

> compassion. Why oh why didnt I call him earlier!?! Well so much for

> my stubborness!

>

> So from your friend whos taken a walk on the wild side...

> Love to you all, and remember should you ever need it...loving

> detachment / judgement free - for the only thing to fear is fear

>

> Oh and obviously you all already know this...you might wanna remind

> me from time to time! ha

>

> Lots of Love to all of you

> Deb

>

February 3, 2008

Thanks for sharing your story Deb! I'm glad that you are able to get

through this and come out the other side. Keep up the good work!

Sarita

Kundalini-Awakening-Systems-

1 , " flowerpowers7777 " <flowerpowers7777 wrote:

>

> Hi everyone,

> I have not really posted much in the last three months because I've

> been going through a difficult time. I talked to tonight and

> he wanted me to share with all of you what I've been going through

in

> the hopes that if needed it would help you.

>

> Sorry this is long, so if you feel inclined to read, please do so

to

> the end because things are turning around for me.

>

> Okay guess I should start at the beginning. When I was a little

girl

> I was raised Catholic and as a happy past time I use to line up any

> stuffed animals or dolls I could find and play teacher. I had a

some

> books from church and I would play that I was a teacher/nun and

read

> to my little friends prayers and such. When I went to confession I

> usually had nothing to confess and then this one year we had missed

> going to church one Sunday. I was excited to tell the priest in the

> confessional booth that my family missed church. (Stupid I know,

but

> honestly I thought he must think I'm lying cuz I really never had

February 3, 2008

Deb,

Thank you for sharing. Even though it's hard to send

posts when you're going through a difficult time I

usually feel so much better by the time I finish

writing one that I can't figure out why I didn't do it

sooner.

Big Love,

Travis

--- Igor Alphus <Alphu-s wrote:

> Great post Deb ................loving strength to

> you.

> Igor.

>

> To:

> :

> flowerpowers7777: Sun, 3 Feb 2008

> 09:17:18 +0000Subject:

> Debs last 3 months

>

> Hi everyone,I have not really posted much in the

> last three months because I've been going through a

> difficult time. I talked to tonight and he

> wanted me to share with all of you what I've been

> going through in the hopes that if needed it would

> help you.Sorry this is long, so if you feel inclined

> to read, please do so to the end because things are

> turning around for me.Okay guess I should start at

> the beginning. When I was a little girl I was raised

> Catholic and as a happy past time I use to line up

> any stuffed animals or dolls I could find and play

> teacher. I had a some books from church and I would

> play that I was a teacher/nun and read to my little

> friends prayers and such. When I went to confession

> I usually had nothing to confess and then this one

> year we had missed going to church one Sunday. I was

> excited to tell the priest in the confessional booth

> that my family missed church. (Stupid I know, but

> honestly I thought he must think I'm lying cuz I

> really never had anything to confess!) Anyway I

> lived in a small town where everyone knew everyone.

> THere was a long line of old ladies and men that I

> knew well in line behind me. When it was my turn I

> went in the booth and told the priest that my family

> had not gone to church one Sunday. Well to my

> surprise he was very very angry! He told me that I

> and my entire family had committed a mortal sin and

> that meant hell and fire. He kept me in there for

> about 25 minutes yelling at me. When I walked out

> everyone was looking at me strangely wondering what

> in the world I had done. I then had to go say a long

> list of prayers and all the while I thought OMG I'm

> going to burn in hell and if I say these prayers

> what about my family. I know this sounds stupid, I

> was very naive and came from a strict family that

> was taught very strictly to respect all adults

> especially teachers/priests ect. It never occured to

> me that an adult would not know the truth or tell a

> lie. Neverthe less this made a huge impact on me and

> much later I turned away from the church. Not by the

> way am I saying that its bad, I had many wonderful

> experiences! Just had an ignorant priest and I was a

> naive young girl. Well this started my fear. Anyway

> I use to say the " Our Father " and " Now I lay me down

> to sleep " prayer everynight to myself. I use to pray

> to bless everyone and everything. But then I started

> seeing horrible things on my windows every night.

> The more I prayed, the more I saw these things. I of

> course kept this all to myself and learned not to

> pray. But I didnt understand why God was letting

> this happen.Okay lets speed it up to when I had my

> two children. Everynight I would lay between them,

> read them each their favorite story, and would stay

> there with them until they fell asleep. I had been

> having some stomach difficulties and had been to the

> doctor and after checking out ok he suggested I

> learn to relax and suggested meditiation. Well I

> bought a book, and wasnt very good at it. I then

> just would lay there and thank God for my beautiful

> kids and think of all the things I was grateful for.

> Basically just focused on love and gratitude. This

> worked out well cuz I would then stay awake and be

> able to get some housework done before I went to

> sleep. Anyway the first thing that happened was that

> one night I woke up a saw this sword pointing down

> at me. God I first froze and then jumped up and

> turned the light on and I couldnt see it anymore.

> Shortly afterward I started waking up at about 3 in

> the morning with strong vibrations, racking through

> my body. I never read about any of this and didnt

> know what was going on. I thought either I was

> having seizures or something was attacking me. This

> of course brought so much fear on, I honestly did

> not understand what was happening. The more I fought

> it the stronger it was...it would finally end and I

> was drenched in sweat. I attended a business seminar

> in Chicago around this time. I was sitting in the

> middle of about three hundred people. Well this one

> guy gets up and is telling a very inspirational life

> story. All of a sudden I get this tunnel vision to

> him and everything else around me goes black. I

> start feeling this strong electric current going up

> my back. I felt if it got to my head that my head

> was going to explode and I felt like I was about to

> do something really weird! I started singing the

> abc's in my head to get it to stop and it finally

> did! Between this and the nightly vibrations I was

> freaking out. Finally I just knew that my nightly

> focusing on love had something to do with it. Oh and

> one night my family was gone and I heard this very

> loud music getting closer and closer to me. It

> sounded like hells army was coming to get me. I

> froze. Then I thought, its ok the good guys will

> stop it. Well noone came and right before it was on

> me, I fled to my bedroom terrified and turned the tv

> on blasting and all the lights. So needless to say I

> stopped the nightly focusing of love and gratitude.

> I didnt understand why this was happening. It was

> many yrs later on an obe group that I told this

> story and lucky for me suggested this site.

> Okay so I lurked a year or so and things became

> clear to me. I thought I was over my fear. Ha.

> Anyway I started my practice again now knowing that

> it was my fear that made these things worse. Well

> back in November if you remember I started having

> headaches and saw this thing on my head. But instead

> of just allowing (you think I would learn by now) I

> freaked out. I thought this was something that I had

> attracted and needed to get away from me. That it

> was a bad thing and I needed protection. So I

> started the salt baths, sesmee oils, prayers of

> protection. But alas while these things did give

> immediate relief the activity just kept getting

> worse. I started seeing things that I really would

> prefer not to. Lots of stuff that I thought I needed

> to get out of my house and away from me and my

> family. I see things with my eyes open. More and

> more, feel things too. You name it and I've tried

> it, smudging ect ect ect. The last three months I've

> only slept a couple hrs each morning after sunrise.

> I thought I could handle this on my own and didnt

> want to bother or bring any negativity to

> this forum. I didnt have anyone to talk to about

> this. My husband doesnt understand why I am up all

> night with an icepack on my head. I have had

> difficulty not breaking out in tears in front of my

> family. They go to hug me and I pull away for fear

> that whats with me will jump onto them. Finally

> after realizing I needed help, I called a few

> weeks ago. We tried a few things and then last week

> he suggested I just stop my practice and stay in

> loving detachment. WOW what a difference a week has

> meant.Things are now sooooo much better. I have

> slept the last two days for almost 8 hours. While I

> still see things the feeling of things has dropped a

> lot! I now realize that what I've seen and felt is

> not bad, it just IS. explained it to me like

> this, look at myself as a flower and a flower needs

> a bee to pollinate. What I've seen and felt is

> probably helping me and I've been resisting so much

> that all my fears intensified. You know if I never

> would have seen these things I would probably just

> go " oh its Kundalini " But my vision and feeling and

> some hearing all at once has been something that

> probably would not have happened to the degree it

> has if I would just stay in the loving detached

> state and back off the practice. Now I see things

> and just am like whatever. The feeling has lightened

> up a lot too! Yeah! I tell you this story so that if

> some of your physic centers open before the k is

> strong in you, don't freak out like me. Just stay in

> loving detachment. If you do so I believe things

> will go about much easier. At least that is my

> perspective. And just because something looks scary,

> it is not necessarily bad or something that you have

> to keep away. I now think that I am actually being

> helped, and my resistance has made it bad. What you

> resists, persists. I do still have a lot of head

> pain, which I use ice packs for and that really

> really helps. I also use saltwater rinses for nose

> and mouth which really really helps. I am having a

> lot of Head work done right now. I know this will

> not last forever and honestly if it wasnt for Chrism

> I don't know what I would have done. I feel so

> stupid for not contacting him sooner. I no longer do

> the salt baths or smudging or all that stuff.

> Whatever happens, happens and I try to just be. Also

> getting out with friends and laughing and different

> fun stuff has help me ground myself. I know I am

> still in my journey but again in one week of

> changing my perspective and stopping the practice

> what a difference. I know Shakti is working on me. I

> can't control it, talk about a lesson in surrender!

> Again please do not fear this will happen to you.

> Fear is not the way to go! Even with the hundreds of

> people going k, only a few of us lucky ones (HA) get

> this. And again I can only speak for myself, but I'm

> sure you can see how I made things much worse.

> Remember before I freaked out by seeing things and

> started feeling the need to protect myself, the only

> problem I had was a bit of a headache. Nothing life

> stopping. I feel I could have avoided all the

> unpleasantries. I'm not saying my centers would not

> have opened, but if I would have stayed detached it

> would not have gotten so bad. Oh and I would suggest

> as says not to blow in the last two chakras.

> No need to open the centers before you are ready.The

> other

=== message truncated ===

______________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make your home page.

http://www./r/hs

February 3, 2008

Hi Travis,

Yeah it does make you feel when posting that you are not all alone, so

thats nice. For me I'll see how things go. I may need a little longer

to get a bit more earth bound first (HA) Thanks and talk to you soon!!

Deb

February 3, 2008

Dear Sarita,

Thanks for the encouragment! I am making progress, I wish I was out the

other end but I'm learning at least what works for me. THe only thing

I'm good at is knowing what not to do! HA

Deb

>

> Thanks for sharing your story Deb! I'm glad that you are able to get

> through this and come out the other side. Keep up the good work!

>

> Sarita

>

February 3, 2008

, " novalees "

<Novalees wrote:

>

> Gee, Giant HUG, Deb. Thank you for sharing your experience. Love or

> loving detachment is very powerful. Thank you for the reminder, and

> for overcoming!!! Good going!!! And so glad to have you back with

us.

>

> Its so freeing when we realize that we color everything...we can use

> fear or love, but it is always our choice. And when we gain that

power

> back there is no stopping how far we can go in joy.

>

> I mentioned a while back about a stinky entity that comes around me.

> I've named it Stinky, and whenever it shows up I greet it " Hi

Stinky,

> how are you today? " And I talk to it like it is a friend. It leaves

> right away! But it keeps coming back and I say, " Needing a little

> love today, Stinky? " And I love it. Of course it takes off again.

And

> I always invite it to come into the Light, and the Love of God.

>

> It amazes me the freedom we have in how we see situations. We're not

> trapped in whatever emotion comes first. The Inner Joy from the

> safeties has shown me that. A beautiful lesson! Thank you, Chrism!!!

>

> We're growing in liberation!

> Love, dhyana

>

> ,

> " flowerpowers7777 " <flowerpowers7777@> wrote:

> >

> > Hi everyone,

> > I have not really posted much in the last three months because

I've

> > been going through a difficult time. I talked to tonight

and

> > he wanted me to share with all of you what I've been going

through in

> > the hopes that if needed it would help you.

> >

> > Sorry this is long, so if you feel inclined to read, please do so

to

> > the end because things are turning around for me.

> >

> > Okay guess I should start at the beginning. When I was a little

girl

> > I was raised Catholic and as a happy past time I use to line up

any

> > stuffed animals or dolls I could find and play teacher. I had a

some

> > books from church and I would play that I was a teacher/nun and

read

> > to my little friends prayers and such. When I went to confession

I

> > usually had nothing to confess and then this one year we had

missed

> > going to church one Sunday. I was excited to tell the priest in

the

> > confessional booth that my family missed church. (Stupid I know,

but

> > honestly I thought he must think I'm lying cuz I really never had

> > anything to confess!) Anyway I lived in a small town where

everyone

> > knew everyone. THere was a long line of old ladies and men that I

> > knew well in line behind me. When it was my turn I went in the

booth

> > and told the priest that my family had not gone to church one

Sunday.

> > Well to my surprise he was very very angry! He told me that I and

my

> > entire family had committed a mortal sin and that meant hell and

> > fire. He kept me in there for about 25 minutes yelling at me.

When I

> > walked out everyone was looking at me strangely wondering what in

the

> > world I had done. I then had to go say a long list of prayers and

all

> > the while I thought OMG I'm going to burn in hell and if I say

these

> > prayers what about my family. I know this sounds stupid, I was

very

> > naive and came from a strict family that was taught very strictly

to

> > respect all adults especially teachers/priests ect. It never

occured

> > to me that an adult would not know the truth or tell a lie.

Neverthe

> > less this made a huge impact on me and much later I turned away

from

> > the church. Not by the way am I saying that its bad, I had many

> > wonderful experiences! Just had an ignorant priest and I was a

naive

> > young girl. Well this started my fear. Anyway I use to say

the " Our

> > Father " and " Now I lay me down to sleep " prayer everynight to

myself.

> > I use to pray to bless everyone and everything. But then I

started

> > seeing horrible things on my windows every night. The more I

prayed,

> > the more I saw these things. I of course kept this all to myself

and

> > learned not to pray. But I didnt understand why God was letting

this

> > happen.

> >

> > Okay lets speed it up to when I had my two children. Everynight I

> > would lay between them, read them each their favorite story, and

> > would stay there with them until they fell asleep. I had been

having

> > some stomach difficulties and had been to the doctor and after

> > checking out ok he suggested I learn to relax and suggested

> > meditiation. Well I bought a book, and wasnt very good at it. I

then

> > just would lay there and thank God for my beautiful kids and

think of

> > all the things I was grateful for. Basically just focused on love

and

> > gratitude. This worked out well cuz I would then stay awake and

be

> > able to get some housework done before I went to sleep. Anyway

the

> > first thing that happened was that one night I woke up a saw this

> > sword pointing down at me. God I first froze and then jumped up

and

> > turned the light on and I couldnt see it anymore. Shortly

afterward I

> > started waking up at about 3 in the morning with strong

vibrations,

> > racking through my body. I never read about any of this and didnt

> > know what was going on. I thought either I was having seizures or

> > something was attacking me. This of course brought so much fear

on, I

> > honestly did not understand what was happening. The more I fought

it

> > the stronger it was...it would finally end and I was drenched in

> > sweat. I attended a business seminar in Chicago around this time.

I

> > was sitting in the middle of about three hundred people. Well

this

> > one guy gets up and is telling a very inspirational life story.

All

> > of a sudden I get this tunnel vision to him and everything else

> > around me goes black. I start feeling this strong electric

current

> > going up my back. I felt if it got to my head that my head was

going

> > to explode and I felt like I was about to do something really

weird!

> > I started singing the abc's in my head to get it to stop and it

> > finally did! Between this and the nightly vibrations I was

freaking

> > out. Finally I just knew that my nightly focusing on love had

> > something to do with it. Oh and one night my family was gone and

I

> > heard this very loud music getting closer and closer to me. It

> > sounded like hells army was coming to get me. I froze. Then I

> > thought, its ok the good guys will stop it. Well noone came and

right

> > before it was on me, I fled to my bedroom terrified and turned

the tv

> > on blasting and all the lights. So needless to say I stopped the

> > nightly focusing of love and gratitude. I didnt understand why

this

> > was happening. It was many yrs later on an obe group that I told

this

> > story and lucky for me suggested this site.

> >

> > Okay so I lurked a year or so and things became clear to me. I

> > thought I was over my fear. Ha. Anyway I started my practice

again

> > now knowing that it was my fear that made these things worse.

Well

> > back in November if you remember I started having headaches and

saw

> > this thing on my head. But instead of just allowing (you think I

> > would learn by now) I freaked out. I thought this was something

that

> > I had attracted and needed to get away from me. That it was a bad

> > thing and I needed protection. So I started the salt baths,

sesmee

> > oils, prayers of protection. But alas while these things did give

> > immediate relief the activity just kept getting worse. I started

> > seeing things that I really would prefer not to. Lots of stuff

that I

> > thought I needed to get out of my house and away from me and my

> > family. I see things with my eyes open. More and more, feel

things

> > too. You name it and I've tried it, smudging ect ect ect. The

last

> > three months I've only slept a couple hrs each morning after

sunrise.

> > I thought I could handle this on my own and didnt want to bother

> > or bring any negativity to this forum. I didnt have anyone

to

> > talk to about this. My husband doesnt understand why I am up all

> > night with an icepack on my head. I have had difficulty not

breaking

> > out in tears in front of my family. They go to hug me and I pull

away

> > for fear that whats with me will jump onto them. Finally after

> > realizing I needed help, I called a few weeks ago. We

tried a

> > few things and then last week he suggested I just stop my

practice

> > and stay in loving detachment. WOW what a difference a week has

meant.

> >

> > Things are now sooooo much better. I have slept the last two days

for

> > almost 8 hours. While I still see things the feeling of things

has

> > dropped a lot! I now realize that what I've seen and felt is not

bad,

> > it just IS. explained it to me like this, look at myself

as a

> > flower and a flower needs a bee to pollinate. What I've seen and

felt

> > is probably helping me and I've been resisting so much that all

my

> > fears intensified. You know if I never would have seen these

things I

> > would probably just go " oh its Kundalini " But my vision and

feeling

> > and some hearing all at once has been something that probably

would

> > not have happened to the degree it has if I would just stay in

the

> > loving detached state and back off the practice.

> >

> > Now I see things and just am like whatever. The feeling has

lightened

> > up a lot too! Yeah! I tell you this story so that if some of your

> > physic centers open before the k is strong in you, don't freak

out

> > like me. Just stay in loving detachment. If you do so I believe

> > things will go about much easier. At least that is my

perspective.

> > And just because something looks scary, it is not necessarily bad

or

> > something that you have to keep away. I now think that I am

actually

> > being helped, and my resistance has made it bad. What you

resists,

> > persists.

> >

> > I do still have a lot of head pain, which I use ice packs for and

> > that really really helps. I also use saltwater rinses for nose

and

> > mouth which really really helps. I am having a lot of Head work

done

> > right now. I know this will not last forever and honestly if it

wasnt

> > for I don't know what I would have done. I feel so stupid

for

> > not contacting him sooner. I no longer do the salt baths or

smudging

> > or all that stuff. Whatever happens, happens and I try to just

be.

> > Also getting out with friends and laughing and different fun

stuff

> > has help me ground myself. I know I am still in my journey but

again

> > in one week of changing my perspective and stopping the practice

what

> > a difference. I know Shakti is working on me. I can't control it,

> > talk about a lesson in surrender!

> >

> > Again please do not fear this will happen to you. Fear is not the

way

> > to go! Even with the hundreds of people going k, only a few of us

> > lucky ones (HA) get this. And again I can only speak for myself,

but

> > I'm sure you can see how I made things much worse. Remember

before I

> > freaked out by seeing things and started feeling the need to

protect

> > myself, the only problem I had was a bit of a headache. Nothing

life

> > stopping. I feel I could have avoided all the unpleasantries. I'm

not

> > saying my centers would not have opened, but if I would have

stayed

> > detached it would not have gotten so bad. Oh and I would suggest

as

> > says not to blow in the last two chakras. No need to open

the

> > centers before you are ready.

> >

> > The other thing I should mention is sometimes when things were

bad, I

> > would envision myself in a waterfall standing in a strong

current.

> > Things would halt. If I didnt live in Chicago, I would have gone

to

> > Lake Michigan and tried that. Lucky for me I had Chrisms guidance

and

> > I'm already a lot better. Anyway theres a little taste of my walk

> > through the twilight zone. Dark Things crawl and fly around me,

but

> > now I look at them as a ladybug going on their way. I glance and

go

> > happily about my business. I didnt understand why God was

abandoning

> > me and wouldnt help me. I see now that all is part of God and its

> > been my judgement of what is good and bad that has caused me my

> > problems. It just IS, is now my perspective. And really everyone,

I

> > cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am for Chrism. I mean I

> > surely would not have got it together without him. We are all so

> > lucky for his guidance and I am eternally grateful. If you

understood

> > where I was just a little while ago, and how just knowing that he

was

> > going to help me and the inner strength he gave me to get through

> > this, you would be amazed at the level of concern, love and

> > compassion. Why oh why didnt I call him earlier!?! Well so much

for

> > my stubborness!

> >

> > So from your friend whos taken a walk on the wild side...

> > Love to you all, and remember should you ever need it...loving

> > detachment / judgement free - for the only thing to fear is fear

> >

> > Oh and obviously you all already know this...you might wanna

remind

> > me from time to time! ha

> >

> > Lots of Love to all of you

> > Deb

> >

>

February 3, 2008

Dear Dhyana,

Thanks so much for the giant hug! I really appreciate it! Right back at

you!! I don't want to give everyone the impression that everything is

back to normal yet....just a lot better. Work in progress. You are so

funny talking to your stinky friend!!!! I havent talked to them. I'm

not ready for that. Don't want them talking back! HA But this story

really helps me lighten up a bit! SO many many thanks!

Deb

February 3, 2008

Dear Igor,

Thanks so much, hope it may help someone on what NOT to do! (: And

thanks for the loving strength...you guys are all great!!

Deb

> Great post Deb ................loving strength to you.

> Igor.

February 3, 2008

Hey Chris,

Thanks for the lovely words! I was a bit hesitant about writing my

little adventure. Have you had experiences where this has helped you?

Inquiring minds....(:

Love to you

Deb

February 3, 2008

I'm very happy that things are better Deb...

Blessings... :-)

Paul

_,_._,___

February 3, 2008

Thanks Paul!!!!

And better due to Chrism!

Love,

Deb

February 3, 2008

Thanks for sharing your experience, Deb. A great post filled with a

lot of good info. Your story needs to be added to the Tales of

Awakening. http://www.kundaliniawakeningsystems1.com/awakening.html

Love,

Linda

Kundalini-Awakening-Systems-

1 , " flowerpowers7777 " <flowerpowers7777 wrote:

>

> Hi everyone,

> I have not really posted much in the last three months because I've

> been going through a difficult time. I talked to tonight and

> he wanted me to share with all of you what I've been going through

in

> the hopes that if needed it would help you.

>

> Sorry this is long, so if you feel inclined to read, please do so

to

> the end because things are turning around for me.

>

> Okay guess I should start at the beginning. When I was a little

girl

> I was raised Catholic and as a happy past time I use to line up any

> stuffed animals or dolls I could find and play teacher. I had a

some

> books from church and I would play that I was a teacher/nun and

read

> to my little friends prayers and such. When I went to confession I

> usually had nothing to confess and then this one year we had missed

> going to church one Sunday. I was excited to tell the priest in the

> confessional booth that my family missed church. (Stupid I know,

but

> honestly I thought he must think I'm lying cuz I really never had

> anything to confess!) Anyway I lived in a small town where everyone

> knew everyone. THere was a long line of old ladies and men that I

> knew well in line behind me. When it was my turn I went in the

booth

> and told the priest that my family had not gone to church one

Sunday.

> Well to my surprise he was very very angry! He told me that I and

my

> entire family had committed a mortal sin and that meant hell and

> fire. He kept me in there for about 25 minutes yelling at me. When

I

> walked out everyone was looking at me strangely wondering what in

the

> world I had done. I then had to go say a long list of prayers and

all

> the while I thought OMG I'm going to burn in hell and if I say

these

> prayers what about my family. I know this sounds stupid, I was very

> naive and came from a strict family that was taught very strictly

to

> respect all adults especially teachers/priests ect. It never

occured

> to me that an adult would not know the truth or tell a lie.

Neverthe

> less this made a huge impact on me and much later I turned away

from

> the church. Not by the way am I saying that its bad, I had many

> wonderful experiences! Just had an ignorant priest and I was a

naive

> young girl. Well this started my fear. Anyway I use to say the " Our

> Father " and " Now I lay me down to sleep " prayer everynight to

myself.

> I use to pray to bless everyone and everything. But then I started

> seeing horrible things on my windows every night. The more I

prayed,

> the more I saw these things. I of course kept this all to myself

and

> learned not to pray. But I didnt understand why God was letting

this

> happen.

>

> Okay lets speed it up to when I had my two children. Everynight I

> would lay between them, read them each their favorite story, and

> would stay there with them until they fell asleep. I had been

having

> some stomach difficulties and had been to the doctor and after

> checking out ok he suggested I learn to relax and suggested

> meditiation. Well I bought a book, and wasnt very good at it. I

then

> just would lay there and thank God for my beautiful kids and think

of

> all the things I was grateful for. Basically just focused on love

and

> gratitude. This worked out well cuz I would then stay awake and be

> able to get some housework done before I went to sleep. Anyway the

> first thing that happened was that one night I woke up a saw this

> sword pointing down at me. God I first froze and then jumped up and

> turned the light on and I couldnt see it anymore. Shortly afterward

I

> started waking up at about 3 in the morning with strong vibrations,

> racking through my body. I never read about any of this and didnt

> know what was going on. I thought either I was having seizures or

> something was attacking me. This of course brought so much fear on,

I

> honestly did not understand what was happening. The more I fought

it

> the stronger it was...it would finally end and I was drenched in

> sweat. I attended a business seminar in Chicago around this time. I

> was sitting in the middle of about three hundred people. Well this

> one guy gets up and is telling a very inspirational life story. All

> of a sudden I get this tunnel vision to him and everything else

> around me goes black. I start feeling this strong electric current

> going up my back. I felt if it got to my head that my head was

going

> to explode and I felt like I was about to do something really

weird!

> I started singing the abc's in my head to get it to stop and it

> finally did! Between this and the nightly vibrations I was freaking

> out. Finally I just knew that my nightly focusing on love had

> something to do with it. Oh and one night my family was gone and I

> heard this very loud music getting closer and closer to me. It

> sounded like hells army was coming to get me. I froze. Then I

> thought, its ok the good guys will stop it. Well noone came and

right

> before it was on me, I fled to my bedroom terrified and turned the

tv

> on blasting and all the lights. So needless to say I stopped the

> nightly focusing of love and gratitude. I didnt understand why this

> was happening. It was many yrs later on an obe group that I told

this

> story and lucky for me suggested this site.

>

> Okay so I lurked a year or so and things became clear to me. I

> thought I was over my fear. Ha. Anyway I started my practice again

> now knowing that it was my fear that made these things worse. Well

> back in November if you remember I started having headaches and saw

> this thing on my head. But instead of just allowing (you think I

> would learn by now) I freaked out. I thought this was something

that

> I had attracted and needed to get away from me. That it was a bad

> thing and I needed protection. So I started the salt baths, sesmee

> oils, prayers of protection. But alas while these things did give

> immediate relief the activity just kept getting worse. I started

> seeing things that I really would prefer not to. Lots of stuff that

I

> thought I needed to get out of my house and away from me and my

> family. I see things with my eyes open. More and more, feel things

> too. You name it and I've tried it, smudging ect ect ect. The last

> three months I've only slept a couple hrs each morning after

sunrise.

> I thought I could handle this on my own and didnt want to bother

> or bring any negativity to this forum. I didnt have anyone

to

> talk to about this. My husband doesnt understand why I am up all

> night with an icepack on my head. I have had difficulty not

breaking

> out in tears in front of my family. They go to hug me and I pull

away

> for fear that whats with me will jump onto them. Finally after

> realizing I needed help, I called a few weeks ago. We tried

a

> few things and then last week he suggested I just stop my practice

> and stay in loving detachment. WOW what a difference a week has

meant.

>

> Things are now sooooo much better. I have slept the last two days

for

> almost 8 hours. While I still see things the feeling of things has

> dropped a lot! I now realize that what I've seen and felt is not

bad,

> it just IS. explained it to me like this, look at myself as

a

> flower and a flower needs a bee to pollinate. What I've seen and

felt

> is probably helping me and I've been resisting so much that all my

> fears intensified. You know if I never would have seen these things

I

> would probably just go " oh its Kundalini " But my vision and feeling

> and some hearing all at once has been something that probably would

> not have happened to the degree it has if I would just stay in the

> loving detached state and back off the practice.

>

> Now I see things and just am like whatever. The feeling has

lightened

> up a lot too! Yeah! I tell you this story so that if some of your

> physic centers open before the k is strong in you, don't freak out

> like me. Just stay in loving detachment. If you do so I believe

> things will go about much easier. At least that is my perspective.

> And just because something looks scary, it is not necessarily bad

or

> something that you have to keep away. I now think that I am

actually

> being helped, and my resistance has made it bad. What you resists,

> persists.

>

> I do still have a lot of head pain, which I use ice packs for and

> that really really helps. I also use saltwater rinses for nose and

> mouth which really really helps. I am having a lot of Head work

done

> right now. I know this will not last forever and honestly if it

wasnt

> for I don't know what I would have done. I feel so stupid

for

> not contacting him sooner. I no longer do the salt baths or

smudging

> or all that stuff. Whatever happens, happens and I try to just be.

> Also getting out with friends and laughing and different fun stuff

> has help me ground myself. I know I am still in my journey but

again

> in one week of changing my perspective and stopping the practice

what

> a difference. I know Shakti is working on me. I can't control it,

> talk about a lesson in surrender!

>

> Again please do not fear this will happen to you. Fear is not the

way

> to go! Even with the hundreds of people going k, only a few of us

> lucky ones (HA) get this. And again I can only speak for myself,

but

> I'm sure you can see how I made things much worse. Remember before

I

> freaked out by seeing things and started feeling the need to

protect

> myself, the only problem I had was a bit of a headache. Nothing

life

> stopping. I feel I could have avoided all the unpleasantries. I'm

not

> saying my centers would not have opened, but if I would have stayed

> detached it would not have gotten so bad. Oh and I would suggest as

> says not to blow in the last two chakras. No need to open

the

> centers before you are ready.

>

> The other thing I should mention is sometimes when things were bad,

I

> would envision myself in a waterfall standing in a strong current.

> Things would halt. If I didnt live in Chicago, I would have gone to

> Lake Michigan and tried that. Lucky for me I had Chrisms guidance

and

> I'm already a lot better. Anyway theres a little taste of my walk

> through the twilight zone. Dark Things crawl and fly around me, but

> now I look at them as a ladybug going on their way. I glance and go

> happily about my business. I didnt understand why God was

abandoning

> me and wouldnt help me. I see now that all is part of God and its

> been my judgement of what is good and bad that has caused me my

> problems. It just IS, is now my perspective. And really everyone, I

> cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am for Chrism. I mean I

> surely would not have got it together without him. We are all so

> lucky for his guidance and I am eternally grateful. If you

understood

> where I was just a little while ago, and how just knowing that he

was

> going to help me and the inner strength he gave me to get through

> this, you would be amazed at the level of concern, love and

> compassion. Why oh why didnt I call him earlier!?! Well so much for

> my stubborness!

>

> So from your friend whos taken a walk on the wild side...

> Love to you all, and remember should you ever need it...loving

> detachment / judgement free - for the only thing to fear is fear

>

> Oh and obviously you all already know this...you might wanna remind

> me from time to time! ha

>

> Lots of Love to all of you

> Deb

>

February 3, 2008

Debs, thanks for sharing your harrowing experience...I'm glad that was

able to help you, don't ever hesitate to reach out to him, he is always here for

us, which is such an amazing blessing. There is much for all of us to learn

from your experience!

Blessings & love,

Claudia

flowerpowers7777 <flowerpowers7777 wrote: