Guest guest Posted February 17, 2008 Report Share Posted February 17, 2008 I need to talk to someone and share with you what I have been going through these past few years. I am not sure where I am going with this or why or even where to start but here it is. For the past 12 years I have been in a 12-step program and I have been working the steps with a sponsor who makes sure I do not let up. I don't know if you are familiar with the work involved in working the 12 steps but it can be very intense. I am not the same person who I was 12 years ago. I needed to tell you about this because what I would like to say is that all the work I have done has got me where I am in my recovery and I thought I was doing great, until now. Since coming to our group and following the Safeties I feel as though I have done nothing. I feel like I am being ripped open and torn apart. It seems everything I do needs to be adjusted. I don't know anymore if it's my mind or me or what. There is no part of my life that I feel hasn't come under scrutiny. Can I be this bad of a person. Is it the K or am I attacking myself and being to hard on myself. Am I am missing something or doing something wrong or not working hard enough. Is it normal to feel like this and is this a part of the process? Love and Light Laura Joyce Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2008 Report Share Posted February 17, 2008 When you say a 12 step programme what are you reffering to? Sorry, but I don't know? Is it for alcohlics? Whatever it is, I can tell you this much, introspection of self can show so many flaws, but within those flaws are our perfection , just remember to love yourself and forgive YOURSELF no matter what. Love the parts of yourself you feel need to change as through this love you will find everything you need. I was a wretched person and had so much to unravel, I remember only to well nights sat at home going through all the terrible things about myself and crying and feeling really down. This is great, it's a kind of rebirth , you break it all down only to find that your base metals are PURE GOLD! Hope this makes sense! Love you loads Laura, don't be down on yourself, see it all as you would a movie. Hugs Elektra x x x ________ Sent from Mail - a smarter inbox http://uk.mail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2008 Report Share Posted February 17, 2008 At 01:13 AM 2/18/2008, you wrote: >Since coming to our group and following the Safeties I feel as though >I have done nothing. I feel like I am being ripped open and torn >apart. It seems everything I do needs to be adjusted. I don't know >anymore if it's my mind or me or what. There is no part of my life >that I feel hasn't come under scrutiny. Is that an automatically bad thing? >Can I be this bad of a person. Is it the K or am I attacking myself >and being to hard on myself. You are good at beating on yourself, aren't you? (says she who has so perfected that ... I can beat on myself for beating on myself, heh heh) >Am I am missing something or doing >something wrong or not working hard enough. Is it normal to feel like >this and is this a part of the process? Chrism is the expert here not me. But my 2 cents, for what they are worth, is it sounds within the range of normal to me. You are just processing blockages, that doesn't make you " bad " or " wrong " . Brandi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 LJ, the K takes us apart and puts us back together. That means breaking down, processing and recgonfiguring - physically, mentally, spiritually. Many things will come up to be dealt with during your forgiveness and recapitulation, your moods for better or worse will be amplified by the K. This is all normal and healthy imho. Celebrate the beautiful person that you are, how far you have come and know that you are on a sacred path. It will take some time to work through everything, but soon you will be the best you that you never imagined you could be! You have much to be proud of. I think it is wonderful that you were able to share this with the whole group. I'm sure there are others who will benefit from your courage. Big hug! Sarita Kundalini-Awakening-Systems- 1 , " laurashomefires " <laurashomefires wrote: > > I need to talk to someone and share with you what I have been going > through these past few years. I am not sure where I am going with > this or why or even where to start but here it is. For the past 12 > years I have been in a 12-step program and I have been working the > steps with a sponsor who makes sure I do not let up. I don't know if > you are familiar with the work involved in working the 12 steps but > it can be very intense. I am not the same person who I was 12 years > ago. I needed to tell you about this because what I would like to say > is that all the work I have done has got me where I am in my recovery > and I thought I was doing great, until now. > > Since coming to our group and following the Safeties I feel as though > I have done nothing. I feel like I am being ripped open and torn > apart. It seems everything I do needs to be adjusted. I don't know > anymore if it's my mind or me or what. There is no part of my life > that I feel hasn't come under scrutiny. > > Can I be this bad of a person. Is it the K or am I attacking myself > and being to hard on myself. Am I am missing something or doing > something wrong or not working hard enough. Is it normal to feel like > this and is this a part of the process? > Love and Light > Laura Joyce > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 Laura, I often feel confused and unsure. I think the K has helped me, but it also brings up our 'stuff'. We are being cleansed. I know that others here will give you a better take than I can, as I am a beginner, but just wanted you to know that I just take things step by step, and try to fix what I can. I have been away from my land of birth for 23 years and am terribly homesick, but cant leave my husband and son, and they wont go there. It is pitiful the way I watch Scottish programs on tv so I can see Scotland and hear their voices! Please tell me more about the 12 step program. What is it for? CV Kundalini-Awakening-Systems- 1 , " laurashomefires " <laurashomefires wrote: > > I need to talk to someone and share with you what I have been going > through these past few years. I am not sure where I am going with > this or why or even where to start but here it is. For the past 12 > years I have been in a 12-step program and I have been working the > steps with a sponsor who makes sure I do not let up. I don't know if > you are familiar with the work involved in working the 12 steps but > it can be very intense. I am not the same person who I was 12 years > ago. I needed to tell you about this because what I would like to say > is that all the work I have done has got me where I am in my recovery > and I thought I was doing great, until now. > > Since coming to our group and following the Safeties I feel as though > I have done nothing. I feel like I am being ripped open and torn > apart. It seems everything I do needs to be adjusted. I don't know > anymore if it's my mind or me or what. There is no part of my life > that I feel hasn't come under scrutiny. > > Can I be this bad of a person. Is it the K or am I attacking myself > and being to hard on myself. Am I am missing something or doing > something wrong or not working hard enough. Is it normal to feel like > this and is this a part of the process? > Love and Light > Laura Joyce > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 The 12 step program was written on spiritual principals which provide a foundation for growth. They are a doorway to bigger and better things. Remember steps 3 and 7 Love and Light Bob mayaseas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 Hi Laura I am familiar with the 12 step program, I have a friend who recently started them. K's infusion is slow or QUICK. Often small changes occur leading up to a more noticeable change (similar to what seems to be for me) If anything K becoming part of your life will enable better practice of the 12 steps and help you along your way even more. I would be greatful for each step and show thanks as you start the rockets for a journey no one should miss. I will send you some prayers to help you on your journey. blessings and love nick --- laurashomefires <laurashomefires wrote: > I need to talk to someone and share with you what I > have been going > through these past few years. I am not sure where I > am going with > this or why or even where to start but here it is. > For the past 12 > years I have been in a 12-step program and I have > been working the > steps with a sponsor who makes sure I do not let up. > I don't know if > you are familiar with the work involved in working > the 12 steps but > it can be very intense. I am not the same person who > I was 12 years > ago. I needed to tell you about this because what I > would like to say > is that all the work I have done has got me where I > am in my recovery > and I thought I was doing great, until now. > > Since coming to our group and following the Safeties > I feel as though > I have done nothing. I feel like I am being ripped > open and torn > apart. It seems everything I do needs to be > adjusted. I don't know > anymore if it's my mind or me or what. There is no > part of my life > that I feel hasn't come under scrutiny. > > Can I be this bad of a person. Is it the K or am I > attacking myself > and being to hard on myself. Am I am missing > something or doing > something wrong or not working hard enough. Is it > normal to feel like > this and is this a part of the process? > Love and Light > Laura Joyce > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 LJ, Sarita's response is great...I second what she has told you. I can add that I am dealing with a lot of negative emotions too...now I know part of it is the anxiety and sadness of watching my dad approach death (the wasting away part, not the transition itself, which I will celebrate with much joy)...but much of it is 'waste'...it's all the 'crap of Claudia' that the K is dredging up and amplifying. It is all part of the rewiring/reconfiguration process that the K performs on its people. It is very difficult and I feel pretty unworthy of the K a lot of the time. So I know the 'ballpark' you are in. I commend you for working a 12-step program, talk about a grueling regimen...my husband is in one and we actually notice a lot of similarities between the 12-step program and The Safeties! Both are about dealing with demons and surrendering to Higher Power. Stay with the Safeties, you will succeed. I am trying to do the same. Love & blessings to you Laura Joyce, Claudia Sarita <sarita1969 wrote: LJ, the K takes us apart and puts us back together. That means breaking down, processing and recgonfiguring - physically, mentally, spiritually. Many things will come up to be dealt with during your forgiveness and recapitulation, your moods for better or worse will be amplified by the K. This is all normal and healthy imho. Celebrate the beautiful person that you are, how far you have come and know that you are on a sacred path. It will take some time to work through everything, but soon you will be the best you that you never imagined you could be! You have much to be proud of. I think it is wonderful that you were able to share this with the whole group. I'm sure there are others who will benefit from your courage. Big hug! Sarita Kundalini-Awakening-Systems- 1 , " laurashomefires " <laurashomefires wrote: > > I need to talk to someone and share with you what I have been going > through these past few years. I am not sure where I am going with > this or why or even where to start but here it is. For the past 12 > years I have been in a 12-step program and I have been working the > steps with a sponsor who makes sure I do not let up. I don't know if > you are familiar with the work involved in working the 12 steps but > it can be very intense. I am not the same person who I was 12 years > ago. I needed to tell you about this because what I would like to say > is that all the work I have done has got me where I am in my recovery > and I thought I was doing great, until now. > > Since coming to our group and following the Safeties I feel as though > I have done nothing. I feel like I am being ripped open and torn > apart. It seems everything I do needs to be adjusted. I don't know > anymore if it's my mind or me or what. There is no part of my life > that I feel hasn't come under scrutiny. > > Can I be this bad of a person. Is it the K or am I attacking myself > and being to hard on myself. Am I am missing something or doing > something wrong or not working hard enough. Is it normal to feel like > this and is this a part of the process? > Love and Light > Laura Joyce > Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 , " laurashomefires " <laurashomefires wrote: > > I need to talk to someone and share with you what I have been going > through these past few years. I am not sure where I am going with > this or why or even where to start but here it is. For the past 12 > years I have been in a 12-step program and I have been working the > steps with a sponsor who makes sure I do not let up. I don't know if > you are familiar with the work involved in working the 12 steps but > it can be very intense. I am not the same person who I was 12 years > ago. I needed to tell you about this because what I would like to say > is that all the work I have done has got me where I am in my recovery > and I thought I was doing great, until now. > > Since coming to our group and following the Safeties I feel as though > I have done nothing. I feel like I am being ripped open and torn > apart. It seems everything I do needs to be adjusted. I don't know > anymore if it's my mind or me or what. There is no part of my life > that I feel hasn't come under scrutiny. > > Can I be this bad of a person. Is it the K or am I attacking myself > and being to hard on myself. Am I am missing something or doing > something wrong or not working hard enough. Is it normal to feel like > this and is this a part of the process? > Love and Light > Laura Joyce > Hi Laura, What you are experiencing is very common. When kundalini is aroused from her sleep, seekers go through a process of " purification " . You are confronted by your inner demons (anger, fear, envy, pride etc) and you do feel like your whole being has disintegrated, and/or you are going crazy. This can be painful, but it is normal and all of us on the path have experienced our share of mental, emotional, physical,and even financial challenges. This is part of the transformative process. Ego, resisting change, is fighting to take back its 'control'. Ego hopes you will give up and go back to the old " comfortable " ways. Transformation is never quiet, simple or easy. But it is worth it. Hang in there. You are never given more than you can handle. Once those inner demons are cast out, you will find peace. This is a phase that WILL pass. Stay with your program, continue to do your practices, the safeties, and don't be hard on yourself. Blessings and Love, Chandi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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