Forgiveness

[Guest guest]

I have just spent the afternoon with a dying friend Tom who cannot

talk because he is to sick. Tom is a very special person. I didn't

realize how much he truly means to me until I was told he was dying

and that I should come to the hospital quickly. While I was with him

I told him how much I appreciated something he had done for me

several years earlier. I had been living with a man and found out he

cheated on me. Tom told me the truth when I asked him if it was true.

This was a hard decision for him as the guy I lived with was his best

friend at the time.

 

Fooling around on me at that time in my life… I thought my heart had

split in two. I was devastated

 

I was able to tell my friend today what a life changing experience

that was for me and thank him for his honesty as some very positive

growth came about because of this. As I was talking to Tom something

told me that he wanted this friend of his to know that he was dying

even though he could not tell me himself because he can't talk. Now I

have not talked to his friend since I threw him out the house 11

years ago. When I left the hospital I went to a meeting and the whole

time it was on my heart to get hold of his friend and tell him that

Tom is leaving this world so he could say good buy.

 

After the meeting I called 411 to get his friend's number and I made

the call to suggest that he go to the hospital as soon as he could. I

realized in that moment that this had come full circle and that I

forgiven him. I also realized how much I have grown. I am happy I

called him and glad that I was able to be of service to my dying

friend. My girlfriend tonight told me that Tom had mentioned this

past week he wanted to call this friend I phone. It was important to

him…

 

This is the weird part though…

 

Somehow something has triggered another incident. I covered up my

hurts, pains and fears for years with drugs and alcohol. I had only

been clean for a year when a particular incident came crashing in

around me. One night my body shook uncontrollably and it's as if I

went through a tunnel and there I was right back in that car again

when I was 12 years old. I was held hostage in a man's car with 2

other friends for 15 hours. The man ended up getting 9 years in jail.

I don't need to go into detail but I will say I think I have done a

lot of work around this. But now tonight somehow and something has re-

triggered these emotions. I have been to counseling and done a lot of

work on it. I haven't thought about it for a very long time. I am

positive I have forgiven the person but then why would it come up

like this again. Could it be the 2 friends' in the car I need to do

the work on. One has past on she OD and the other I went on to marry.

We are divorced but do not speak. I believe I have forgiven them both

though. Oh my goodness I am just not sure what it's about….

Love and Light

Laura Joyce