Greetings from a new member

Posted March 16, 2008 · March 16, 2008

Hello, all,

I am new to the group. Stephen issued an open invitation to join at

another group I am in and I just knew I had to join even though I

hadn't the slightest idea what Kundalini was when I saw the word.

Well, I spent most of yesterday reading the whole entire site and

everyone's stories and I feel like I have come home after a long

journey. J I am not entirely sure if what I have experienced is an

awakening Kundalini so I would sure appreciate any kind of advice or

thoughts on the experiences I had. I apologize in advance for this

being so long, I just felt a definite urge to lay it all out; something

I am not normally inclined to do.

I have always been spiritual. I remember laying in my bed at night

completely in bliss and at one with God and Christ. I have always had

vivid dreams – sometimes lucid, sometimes precognitive. I was

attracted to yoga from an early age but didn't actually try it till

2002 at which point, I just fell in love with it and did it daily.

After a few months, I had the strange and joyous feeling of energy

flowing from me and out of me and this sense that I " could make

things happen " . At the same time, I began reading every Buddhist

text I could get my hands on, even though I came from a Christian

background.

Anyway, on Feb 15th 2003, I had this most incredible dream:

I'm discussing with someone the nature of Mind. I say to them,

" The nature of Mind is infinite, " and in that millisecond, I

have a crystal clear realization of exactly what that means, and it

literally knocks me to me knees. My mind explosively leaves the

confines of my body and begins expanding limitlessly in all directions,

stretching infinitely everywhere, into every time. Every moment in all

of time becomes the present moment; every place in the entire universe

becomes the present place. I feel my Consciousness becoming omniscient,

infinite, timeless, and omnipresent. As this is happening, I feel a

tingling sensation washing over me, and my entire body begins to

dissolve into light. Little alice (who was left in the body) starts to

become afraid and worried. I hear the words, " Just Be " . I feel

at peace and realize that this is my true nature. I let go of my fears

and dissolve into the light. I awake suddenly with a gasp.

For about two weeks after that, I had what I can only describe as an

expanded awareness. I read in someone's awakening story that their

real test came when they went into a WalMart. I did the same thing! I

walked in and WOW! I felt like I was moving in slow mo and I was

completely fascinated and in love with all the people in there. Who

knew WalMart could be such a spiritually transcending place! LOL

Well, all this led to me taking the Buddhist refuge vows in Nov 2003.

After that, I had a strong desire to see His Holiness, the Dalai Lama so

I made plans with a friend to go to the Kalachakra initiation

<http://www.buddhanet.net/kalimage.htm> in Toronto in April 2004.

Since my friend and I were new Buddhists, we weren't going to

actually take the initiation but just sit and meditate and listen to the

teachings. I didn't even really know what the whole thing was about

to tell you the truth. We bought tickets to be there for the entire 12

days. We really didn't know what we were getting into.

Well, on the fourth full day of meditating while His Holiness and other

monks on the stage performed rituals (all in Tibetan), I started to get

a little antsy. So I decided to go through my prayers and then do the

Chenresig meditation in order to kill time. But I decided to alter it.

The Dalai Lama is supposed to be an incarnation of Chenresig so I

visualized the Dalai Lama instead of the typical stylized Chenresig.

Everything went normal until I go to the part where the Dalai Lama

dissolves into me in a fountain of golden light. At that point, I

stopped " visualizing " and began having a vision.

Suddenly, beautiful crystal light was streaming behind me. I had a

sense of purification going on, as if the light was my mindstream in the

past and it was somehow being cleaned up? I don't know exactly but

all of a sudden, the light just exploded from my chest and linked with

every other sentient being's light in this beautiful crystal web. I

was overcome with blissful joy and connection to all things. Then, just

as suddenly, everything – and I mean everything – was gone. I

was standing in what appeared to be a total void, no planet, no stars,

no ground, I couldn't even see me. I heard/sensed someone telling

me to " Let go " and encouraging me to step forward and off (even

though I wasn't standing on anything). So I did. I stepped forward

and began falling through a starless space. I became a ball of light

and as I fell parts of me would burn up and disappear. Anger, pride,

jealousy, attachment – those were the first to go. Then

surprisingly, all my " good " qualities went too, like love and

virtue. I watched it all burn up. Through it all, I just kept trying

to let go of everything, even letting go of what I thought should

happen. And then I was standing back inside the conference hall on the

red carpet leading to the stage. Only this time, the conference hall

was only the floor, the walls were completely gone and the chairs were

all empty. The building was just a platform in a void of space. Up on

the stage was a 20 or 30 foot Kalachakra

<http://www.t2india.com/kalachakra-2006.php> and behind him, stretching

into infinity was a Mandala

<http://kalachakranet.org/mandala_kalachakra.html> (not a flat picture

but an actual 3d building). I immediately began prostrating. And then

there was a shift. Little alice stayed in the body prostrating while my

higher Self entered Kalachakra. I became aware of all of my arms, my

four faces. I could see myself on the floor in front of Me,

prostrating. I could feel the beautiful sexual union between Myself and

My Consort who I was holding in my arms. I looked up and saw a double

helix coming from the crown of my head and going up into infinity and

understood that to be part of Our union. I looked out and saw an

infinite field of sentient beings suffering. I immediately and without

thought, reached out and began grabbing their suffering with My many

hands and pushing the suffering into Myself, right near my diaphragm,

and sort of " exchanging " the suffering for happiness. I became

aware of a question that was put to Me, which was in essence, " If

You are willing to commit to devote Yourself in service for all of

eternity, then enter the Mandala. " Higher Self was totally ok with

this but at this point little alice set up a holler. " Wait! I am

a wife and a mother! I have children! I can't do this! What about

this? What about that? " And with that, I awoke. It seemed like

just moments but two full hours had passed.

So here I am four years later. I should note that my poor friend had a

much worse time of it at the intitiation with body pains and horrible

fears that she was going to die. I never did find anyone who gave me

any satisfactory answers about all this. I talked to my teacher but for

some reason, I ended up just feeling ashamed, feeling like the whole

thing was just a big ego trip, a delusion of grandeur. I became

discouraged and stopped meditating, stopped doing yoga, stopped

attending any teachings. I became distracted by a whole bunch of drama

that started happening in my life. Maybe it was some kind of

purification thing. I don't know.

I would like to move forward and begin the path again, this time a

little wiser and hopefully with help. I am not sure if any of this has

anything to do with Kundalini – I am thinking that it does but I

don't want to jump to any conclusions. I would like to get to the

point where, if the question of committing myself to service happens

again, that this time, I can, with my whole heart, say " yes " . I

have begun doing yoga again daily and have incorporated the Tibetans

into my practice and already I am beginning to feel more open.

Thanks for listening,

alice

Posted March 16, 2008 · March 16, 2008

Welcome Alice. Though our experiences differed, I came to this group a year or

so ago with the same goals. I can only tell you that the people, love and

energy here are real. I hope very much that you find what you desire.

Many blessings.

Paul

> I would like to move forward and begin the path again, this time a

> little wiser and hopefully with help. I am not sure if any of this has

> anything to do with Kundalini – I am thinking that it does but I

> don't want to jump to any conclusions. I would like to get to the

> point where, if the question of committing myself to service happens

> again, that this time, I can, with my whole heart, say " yes " . I

> have begun doing yoga again daily and have incorporated the Tibetans

> into my practice and already I am beginning to feel more open.

>

> Thanks for listening,

>

> alice

Posted March 16, 2008 · March 16, 2008

Welcome Alice, and thanks for sharing your very interesting spiritual

background. I believe that you are in the right place and that you will begin

to feel the bliss, the desire to serve and to take away people's suffering, the

expansiveness, the oneness with everything, that you felt before as you begin to

walk this path. The Safeties and the Five Tibetans will begin to stay your feel

on that path, and I am pleased to be walking beside you.

Blessings & love,

Claudia

Alice Sackman <vista.records wrote: