How To Fall In Love With A Rock

[Guest guest]

Hello The All-

 

I haven't posted for quite a while but I think I need to write about

this. As of late the change of perception which turns my surroundings

into a magical land full of detail, vibrancy and association has been

coming almost everyday with moderate duration at the least. In this

situation I believe my task here is to relax and observe, not get to

excited about the occurrence, be a detached but attentive witness. It

is remains to be mostly a spontaneous happening which I can elicit it

to a degree, but not consistently to the highest plateau it can take

me too.

 

Last Sunday I went with my friend to a drum circle in the redwoods, a

regular gathering for the folks in the area. After sitting in the

circle for a while, clapping rhythms to the drumming, I decided to

take a short walk. I had already been already feeling the edge of

the excitation I described above above and wanted to take a look

around. I found a trail that took me around some trees to a secluded

spot on a small sloping hill in the sun. I began to observe my

surroundings and to feel the change coming in me. Next to the trail

there was a nice rock formation protruding from the ground which I

decided to stand next to. There I began to concentrate more on my

body and surroundings to elicit the experience even more. Soon I was

standing with bent knees while intense kryias were racking my body. I

was feeling the intensity of the exicitation as it was running

through me. This is not something unknown to me, but I was taking the

time to bring it on as fully as possible in a natural environment

which I don't remember ever doing before.

 

After a short while I decided to return to the group. I was already

conscious of the fact that someone might come up the trail and see

what I was doing so I was already feeling conspicuous. but I wanted

to keep the feeling in my body while returning to the group so took

my time going back so that I could. I walked at a moderate pace

stopping at times to overcome my self-consciousness as it came while

approaching the group. It came to mind that there was something I was

carrying on my back the way the sensation felt from the hips up the

spine to the shoulders and head. I played with the idea of that I was

bringing back what I had found to the gathering.

 

Soon enough I was back at the circle with the excitation well enough

in form. I didn't know what to do with myself at first but noticed a

standing woman next to me who was shaking. She seemed like she could

have been having kryias as well but possibly it was a ritual exercise

of some sort. In any case it allowed me to let go of my self-

consiousness and to concentrate again. I was looking about the people

in the circle and letting it come on while trying to relax, not

shaking so much but pacing a bit and allowing it all to grip me. My

vision was definitely enhanced and all looked particularly beautiful

and intriguing to me. Eventually the excitation was such that I began

to shed tears at what I saw before me, relaxing to let them flow

naturally.

 

Everything around me in all direction was vivid and intricate. I

looked at the ground and decided to pick up a grey colored rock about

the size of my fist. If everything was so amazing to me then this

ordinary rock would have to be too and so I wanted to investigate it.

After I picked it up I began to roll it in my hands looking at it. It

became the most beautiful thing there turning in my hands. I was

filled with awe and began to sob and shed tears stronger than before.

I began to feel a great connection to the rock and although I didn't

think of this at the time but it seems that it became my beloved.

Soon I thought of putting it back on the ground but also felt that I

needed it near me. But knowing it was a rock I thought it best to

just let it go and dropped it back to the ground. I then sat in the

circle for a bit witnessing all that was happening and then walked

around the group a short ways. I had paternal feeling for the

participants that somehow they all belonged to me in a way.

 

Now I am trying to be cool about this all as that is my main

directive, but, as intense as it was, I cannot help but think what

falling in love with a rock can mean for me? What does this

experience say about all my efforts and desires of procurement and

all my struggling for the avoidance of suffering which all come back

to me soon enough? What is there that I can bring from the one side

to the other to inform me on a better way of living? Or is there a

lesson like this here to be found at all? If falling in love with a

rock is absurd then what in our lives would not be absurd? Should I

try to cultivate this again? And to what purpose? Should I in the

future be nervous when I am with my lady friend while passing a rock

for fear that she will become jealous? Certainly it is a long path

from the ecstatic to the normative. It is one I am becoming more

familiar with, despite all the questions .

 

Reasonably I can make no decision here. But when I think of it

intuitively I hear that this is about stewardship, taking care of

others, the other. I am not sure how falling in love with a rock

logically leads to this but that is what I am hearing and maybe I

will learn more later.

 

However, as a last note, I think the best lesson already learned was

allowing the rock to drop back to the ground.

 

Love Bret