new-saying hi-probably will be long

[Guest guest]

hi everyone. i will try to keep this short but i don't think i can.

i have been through sooo much on the path that has brought me here.

please excuse any spelling mistakes.

i had never heard of kundalini until recently. i think it explains a

lot for me. i think i have been very intuitive every since i was a

child. i think it has helped and hurt me because i didn't " know " i

was intuitive or i ignored it to try to keep my life together. as a

young person i latterly ran with my emotions. lots of trouble. at 18

i married & had a child. after a few decent years with my husband it

went down hill. i started going to church about 10 yrs ago. i really

wanted to know god. i wanted to change my life. it was a small

church. bad vibes were going around and a good friend hurt me so i

quit going. my marriage and my life went down hill. i became very

disillusioned and depressed for about 4 years. i even went to a

urologist i had so many symptoms. i began pulling myself out of this

by exercising, eating good, trying to be positive and working on my

marriage. nothing i did helped my marriage. he is very narcissistic.

the biggest blow of my life came last june when i found out my of

husband 22 yrs had been cheating for at least 4 yrs. i had somewhat

of a break down. i was so traumatized that all i wanted to do was go

to counseling. we went to see the man who was the pastor of the

church i had went to. he is also a 20 years practicing

psychoanalysis. very spiritual, very kind, very supportive, very

healing. we never discussed it but i feel sure he knows something

about all this. he saw us separately for 5 months. i had a head ache

for 3 months straight nonstop. i found out much more about my

husband during this time from outside sources. to much to go into. i

came to understand much about myself. but in the mean time i cried

out to god literally and in my dreams so many times to help he. i

found the strength to tell my husband that i had forgiven him but

thing were not as they used to be and i wanted to separate in

december 2007. at that time and since then i have realized much more

about myself and that much of the toxic feeling and emotions i had

experience over the years was everything i was picking up from my

husband. i have experienced many symptoms over the years but a veil

has been lifted. i KNOW that the holy spirit and kundalini is

working in me. i am excited about my journey now. i believe every

thing happens for a reason and it happens " when " it should happen. I

see signs of this every day. i had just started meditating shortly

before finding this group. i had already been practicing many of the

safeties with out even knowing it. i hardly ever watch tv or radio

except christian things now (and i intuitively know when to tune

some that out too). i drink water all day long. ive forgiven many

people including myself. i am forming an inner joy that i don't know

i have ever felt. i trust i am going where i need to go. i have

always love to help people. actually too much. in the past i have

absorbed to much negative emotion for other people so i am learning

not to get to attached to situations. try to help and let it be as

it should. i am so grateful to be experiencing life as it should be.

i pray for guidance. i am moving out into the world at my own pace.

i eat well.

The doctor went a long way to helping me understand my dreams. i try

to journal them now. most nights i dream all night long. i don't

mind it though.

i lurked for a while and thought if i posted it would be to long of

a post but any way here it is. sorry its so long. i did put my

picture in the summer albums. i am thankful to be able to have more

knowledge about what is going on. and advice or information will be

greatly appreciated. i have done a lot of reading on chism's site.

thanks to everyone