Guest guest Posted June 14, 2008 Report Share Posted June 14, 2008 Sharon, I also experience pain in crowds -- malls and airports seem especially challenging for me. I think this is pretty normal for people who are psychically and emotionally sensitive/open -- we feel all the thoughts and emotional states of the people around us. Anger, anxiety, violent thoughts, impatience -- all radiating from the people around us. We experience it as physical pain. I get it mostly in the shoulder blades. Here are some things I've found that help me: 1) Even if I have to be there physically, I don't have to be there mentally. Headphones work really well for me -- the mall is a different experience when I can listen to my own music. Pick something that takes you into brighter dimensions. 2) I also try to inwardly do mantra (I may be listening to mantra on my headphones as well) and/or focus on relaxed belly breathing. 3) Wear sunglasses, the darkest ones you can find. 4) Be careful not to focus your attention on other people. 5) Bring a book. If I have to wait in line, listening to music and reading help me block out the external world. 6) While shopping, especially when I'm with other people who have their own list of things they're looking for, I like to look around and find something to marvel at or take wonder in. This could be a beautiful window display, a nice flower arrangement, some beautiful product that's on sale, a really good or entertaining marketing ploy, a nice fountain and sitting area, etc. 6) Physical fitness. When I'm doing a lot of exercise and keeping my muscles fit, they act as some kind of armor and make the crowd experience easier for me. I still feel pain, but it doesn't bother me as much and I recover faster afterwards. 7) Running water. If the mall has a fountain, sit near the water. 8) Take a break. If you must be in the mall for an extended period of time, take a break outside. Or sit near the fountain. 9) Go when it's not so crowded. My wife and I make a point of going to stores when we know they'll be relatively empty. The absolute best time is when there's a major sporting event on TV -- the mall will be deserted. 10) Even better than going when it's not crowded is not going at all. My wife and I do 95% of our Christmas shopping online. This can't be done all the time, but you may be able to replace some trips to the mall with online shopping. 11) If mall shopping is important socially for you and your daughter, either go when it's less crowded or try to find a mall that feels better. Unfortunately, from an actual buying perspective, I've found the malls that feel better are usually pretty expensive. But, if you're doing a lot of looking and not much buying, a more upscale, more expensive, less crowded mall that feels better could be an option. 12) When you get home, take a quick shower and/or exercise. If the pain didn't dissipate just by getting out of the mall, then this usually fixes it for me. These are some things that have helped me deal with crowds, public places, etc. Hope some of it is helpful, David , Sharon Grubb <sharongrbb2000 wrote: > > O.K This is kind of freaking me out. & nbsp; I feel the same way around big crowds, and this just started about 4 years ago. & nbsp; My poor teenage daughter who loves to shop at the mall, and wants me to go with her.... I can make it for maybe an hour or two, but it is utter pain. > & nbsp; > Why is this? I & nbsp; have a 25 year old who we shared MANY a girls day out at the mall, and it is not fair to my youngest that I am depriving her of this! & nbsp; But I honestly cannot take it. & nbsp; I just thought t was " old age " 50 years old lol ..... Seriously.. > & nbsp; > Geez, so much to thin about..... > Thank You for sharing ... I know that cannot be easy sharing your most inner and personal issues. > & nbsp; > Sharon > > --- On Sat, 6/14/08, merlin merlin wrote: > > merlin merlin > Re: Re: being quiet-don > > Saturday, June 14, 2008, 2:52 AM VBG very big grin. I was married for 25 years and left the day after. Who > says laying naked in the sun, breathing is a waste of time. There's more > to it than that but it kind of sums it up. I ended up with the two kids, 2 > wonderful boys. I ended up involved with a very gracious lady who just > happened to be raising two girls on her own. I'm not sure but I think > we've been married about 14 years now. I worship the ground she walks on. > The family joke after becoming a " brady bunch " is my oldest son introduced > my new wife as Dad's NYSW. New young sexy wife. and I really can't say he > was incorrect. We all ended up being together because we needed to be. Ah, > ahem, It did give me a new lease on life to. Chuckle. > > The idea of picking up too many vibes is mine as well, I think Shakti has > plans for me and this noise interfers with them. We're at exactly the same > place on that one. > > When you actively cultivate open, sometimes some really nasty stuff can > flow in, so I cultivate silence. Cultivate is one of my favorite words. > Intention, action, growth. > > Debby, chime in all you want. I have very little contact with other people > daily. I'm actually quite surprised that I'm interacting here as much as I > am. But you all feel very comfortable. > > Peace > > Don > > & gt; hi don, > & gt; i know this wasn't directed to me but i want to chime in, > & gt; my almost ex was a chatter too. he would end his talking with huh... as if > & gt; i had said something. i would say i didn't say any thing. i pointed this > & gt; out a few time to him. i think he just expected even after 22 years i was > & gt; supposed to be as chatty as he was and fill the (few) gaps. we did talk > & gt; but he did most of it lol. > & gt; > & gt; i have never liked the BIG crowds either. i used to think i didn't fit in. > & gt; i now think i picked up to many vibes ect. i love the idea of hearing god > & gt; breathing. i have been hearing this sound since my hubby left in dec. i > & gt; know what your talking about. when i am doing something that take my > & gt; attention i don't hear it. when i stop i hear it. tonight at work i had > & gt; been busy most of the night so i had not been hearing my quiet " noise " i > & gt; stopped and read a picture frame with the foot prints poem in it and it > & gt; came right back to me as i hear it now. > & gt; > & gt; the breath of god. love it. > & gt; debby > & gt; - > & gt; merlin@downeasthost .com > & gt; Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 > & gt; Saturday, June 14, 2008 2:00 AM > & gt; Re: [Kundalini-Awakenin g-Systems- 1] Re: being quiet > & gt; > & gt; > & gt; Hi Linda, I've been like that for about 25 years. Chuckle, my wife will > & gt; chatter on sometimes and then wait for me to join in and when I don't > & gt; she > & gt; says " well aren't you going to say something " , and she's heard it a lot > & gt; of times from me, I say, " silence isn't something that needs to be > & gt; filled. " > & gt; > & gt; Seriously, there is is an inner central core of silence within us all, > & gt; once you realize that it is there, you can access it when you need it. > & gt; We > & gt; all carry silence within us. Think of it as you're very own cone of > & gt; silence. > & gt; I have a problem around large groupings of mankind. I avoid cities like > & gt; the plague. The noise just eats at me. When I am truly silent I can hear > & gt; the sound of god breathing. > & gt; > & gt; Peace & amp; Joy > & gt; > & gt; Don > & gt; > & gt; & gt; Hi Debby, I used to be an employee of J.C.Penneys and loved working > & gt; & gt; there. I am also more the quite listener type. I am not usually this > & gt; & gt; bad about not wanting to be socialble. My daughter and her husband > & gt; & gt; brought my grandson over for the weekend this afternoon and they just > & gt; & gt; now left. I forced myself to talk with them and all, but I was just > & gt; & gt; wanting them to go home the whole time. > & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; I am beginning to think I made the wrong decision about taking part > & gt; & gt; in this Shaktipat. Right now I feel too sick to do any practice, much > & gt; & gt; less exquisite practice. I am not even wanting to get on the computer > & gt; & gt; that much and that is totally not like me. The noise all around me is > & gt; & gt; horrible. I can't stand the noise. > & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; Linda > & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 (AT) (DOT) com, " Debby W " > & gt; & gt; & lt;dwilliams25@ ... & gt; wrote: > & gt; & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; & gt; i think as some has said silence IS golden. i have never been the > & gt; & gt; life of > & gt; & gt; & gt; the party...but i can be a very good listener, a best friend, the > & gt; & gt; person > & gt; & gt; & gt; everyone wants to turn to for understanding and compassion. i love > & gt; & gt; a good > & gt; & gt; & gt; time i can laugh and let my hair down with the best of them once i > & gt; & gt; get to > & gt; & gt; & gt; know people, i'm just not the center of attention. > & gt; & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; & gt; linda, when you mentioned just being in a quiet mood...i resonated > & gt; & gt; with it. > & gt; & gt; & gt; since my husband and i split up i have spent many hours alone and i > & gt; & gt; love it! > & gt; & gt; & gt; i am growing, thinking, feeling, breathing, reflecting in a way i > & gt; & gt; never had > & gt; & gt; & gt; a chance to in all my life and loving it! i still have some > & gt; & gt; uneasiness about > & gt; & gt; & gt; what the future holds for me but most of the time i can just go > & gt; & gt; with > & gt; & gt; & gt; it....know its good. > & gt; & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; & gt; interesting tidbit...they built a new jc penney's store here on our > & gt; & gt; mall > & gt; & gt; & gt; right after the my split with hubby. i filled out an app and got > & gt; & gt; hired. i > & gt; & gt; & gt; have worked there since before they opened, helped put the store > & gt; & gt; together... > & gt; & gt; & gt; not my dream job...but it is part of my process to the next part of > & gt; & gt; my life. > & gt; & gt; & gt; but its been good. i know everyone there. very friendly atmosphere. > & gt; & gt; a new > & gt; & gt; & gt; guy gets hired in our dept. a couple weeks ago. he knows he's > & gt; & gt; important > & gt; & gt; & gt; because they need a man in the department for the heavy lifting > & gt; & gt; ect. he's > & gt; & gt; & gt; been brown nosing big time, but i'm one of those people who just > & gt; & gt; don't care. > & gt; & gt; & gt; i go with the flow. i am very friendly with the people i know and > & gt; & gt; the > & gt; & gt; & gt; customers. i have not had a nasty customer since we opened march 1 > & gt; & gt; th > & gt; & gt; & gt; (that's a feat). i just do my job and well if i might add. lol any > & gt; & gt; way all > & gt; & gt; & gt; this to say he's a talk way guy. i haven't been around him a lot > & gt; & gt; till the > & gt; & gt; & gt; last couple days. spent just enough time with him to know he's a > & gt; & gt; brown > & gt; & gt; & gt; noser, doesn't do any thing around the department except the heavy > & gt; & gt; lifting > & gt; & gt; & gt; and hang out at the registers which isn't our main job but he is > & gt; & gt; getting to > & gt; & gt; & gt; know and entertain the girls at the register. he and i were walking > & gt; & gt; with one > & gt; & gt; & gt; of the supervisors for the catalog dept (register people) and he > & gt; & gt; says the > & gt; & gt; & gt; supervisor (talking about me) she's so quiet...she needs to talk > & gt; & gt; more... > & gt; & gt; & gt; being quiet is so lame and boring. i though did he really say that. > & gt; & gt; what a > & gt; & gt; & gt; unenlightened something to say. brown noser...quick to cut someone > & gt; & gt; down with > & gt; & gt; & gt; out even knowing them. i am sure it wont take long for him to be > & gt; & gt; seen > & gt; & gt; & gt; through but they need him so life goes on....but i would not like > & gt; & gt; to be him. > & gt; & gt; & gt; i like my quiet self and so do a lot of other people. i wonder how > & gt; & gt; long it > & gt; & gt; & gt; will take for everyone to dislike him. i already know of a few. > & gt; & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; & gt; i love friends and family but i love the time to know myself > & gt; & gt; more....and god > & gt; & gt; & gt; has been kind enough to give me that and i am thankful. > & gt; & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; & gt; debby > & gt; & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; ------------ --------- --------- ------ > & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 16, 2008 Report Share Posted June 16, 2008 David, I am a bit behind on my emails, as I recently moved into a new home, and well you know how moving can be.. But just wanted to thank you for these tips. I will certainly give them a try. Funny you mentioned the fountain issue. I will often tell my teenage daughter that I am going to rest by the fountain while she finishes her shopping. I am just drawn to it and get some peace while sitting by it. I am usually a very fit person, however I must admit, since my divorce proceedings began 3 months ago, I have not been to the gym! Shame on me, so I need to get myself motivated again, and get back to an exercise regime so this will help I am sure. Somewhat comforting to know this happens to others. Not saying I am glad it happens, but there is just a sense of comfort to think I am not alone in this condition. And I am hopeful that someday this will lessen and lessen and eventually fade completely away. I like to stay busy, and remain productive, and I can tell you my productivity as of late has been terrible. I am inclined to stay home more and more, and this is becoming a real problem. I need to find ways of coping and just learn to live with it. So this list will help tremendously. Thanks again for taking the time. Very much appreciated, Gratefully, Sharon --- On Sat, 6/14/08, djgottlieb <dgottlieb wrote: djgottlieb <dgottlieb Re: being quiet-malls and crowds Saturday, June 14, 2008, 5:20 PM Sharon, I also experience pain in crowds -- malls and airports seem especially challenging for me. I think this is pretty normal for people who are psychically and emotionally sensitive/open -- we feel all the thoughts and emotional states of the people around us. Anger, anxiety, violent thoughts, impatience -- all radiating from the people around us. We experience it as physical pain. I get it mostly in the shoulder blades. Here are some things I've found that help me: 1) Even if I have to be there physically, I don't have to be there mentally. Headphones work really well for me -- the mall is a different experience when I can listen to my own music. Pick something that takes you into brighter dimensions. 2) I also try to inwardly do mantra (I may be listening to mantra on my headphones as well) and/or focus on relaxed belly breathing. 3) Wear sunglasses, the darkest ones you can find. 4) Be careful not to focus your attention on other people. 5) Bring a book. If I have to wait in line, listening to music and reading help me block out the external world. 6) While shopping, especially when I'm with other people who have their own list of things they're looking for, I like to look around and find something to marvel at or take wonder in. This could be a beautiful window display, a nice flower arrangement, some beautiful product that's on sale, a really good or entertaining marketing ploy, a nice fountain and sitting area, etc. 6) Physical fitness. When I'm doing a lot of exercise and keeping my muscles fit, they act as some kind of armor and make the crowd experience easier for me. I still feel pain, but it doesn't bother me as much and I recover faster afterwards. 7) Running water. If the mall has a fountain, sit near the water. 8) Take a break. If you must be in the mall for an extended period of time, take a break outside. Or sit near the fountain. 9) Go when it's not so crowded. My wife and I make a point of going to stores when we know they'll be relatively empty. The absolute best time is when there's a major sporting event on TV -- the mall will be deserted. 10) Even better than going when it's not crowded is not going at all. My wife and I do 95% of our Christmas shopping online. This can't be done all the time, but you may be able to replace some trips to the mall with online shopping. 11) If mall shopping is important socially for you and your daughter, either go when it's less crowded or try to find a mall that feels better. Unfortunately, from an actual buying perspective, I've found the malls that feel better are usually pretty expensive. But, if you're doing a lot of looking and not much buying, a more upscale, more expensive, less crowded mall that feels better could be an option. 12) When you get home, take a quick shower and/or exercise. If the pain didn't dissipate just by getting out of the mall, then this usually fixes it for me. These are some things that have helped me deal with crowds, public places, etc. Hope some of it is helpful, David Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 , Sharon Grubb <sharongrbb2000@ ...> wrote: > > O.K This is kind of freaking me out. & nbsp; I feel the same way around big crowds, and this just started about 4 years ago. & nbsp; My poor teenage daughter who loves to shop at the mall, and wants me to go with her.... I can make it for maybe an hour or two, but it is utter pain. > & nbsp; > Why is this? I & nbsp; have a 25 year old who we shared MANY a girls day out at the mall, and it is not fair to my youngest that I am depriving her of this! & nbsp; But I honestly cannot take it. & nbsp; I just thought t was " old age " 50 years old lol ..... Seriously.. > & nbsp; > Geez, so much to thin about..... > Thank You for sharing ... I know that cannot be easy sharing your most inner and personal issues. > & nbsp; > Sharon > > --- On Sat, 6/14/08, merlin merlin wrote: > > merlin merlin > Re: [Kundalini-Awakenin g-Systems- 1] Re: being quiet-don > Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 > Saturday, June 14, 2008, 2:52 AM VBG very big grin. I was married for 25 years and left the day after. Who > says laying naked in the sun, breathing is a waste of time. There's more > to it than that but it kind of sums it up. I ended up with the two kids, 2 > wonderful boys. I ended up involved with a very gracious lady who just > happened to be raising two girls on her own. I'm not sure but I think > we've been married about 14 years now. I worship the ground she walks on. > The family joke after becoming a " brady bunch " is my oldest son introduced > my new wife as Dad's NYSW. New young sexy wife. and I really can't say he > was incorrect. We all ended up being together because we needed to be. Ah, > ahem, It did give me a new lease on life to. Chuckle. > > The idea of picking up too many vibes is mine as well, I think Shakti has > plans for me and this noise interfers with them. We're at exactly the same > place on that one. > > When you actively cultivate open, sometimes some really nasty stuff can > flow in, so I cultivate silence. Cultivate is one of my favorite words. > Intention, action, growth. > > Debby, chime in all you want. I have very little contact with other people > daily. I'm actually quite surprised that I'm interacting here as much as I > am. But you all feel very comfortable. > > Peace > > Don > > & gt; hi don, > & gt; i know this wasn't directed to me but i want to chime in, > & gt; my almost ex was a chatter too. he would end his talking with huh... as if > & gt; i had said something. i would say i didn't say any thing. i pointed this > & gt; out a few time to him. i think he just expected even after 22 years i was > & gt; supposed to be as chatty as he was and fill the (few) gaps. we did talk > & gt; but he did most of it lol. > & gt; > & gt; i have never liked the BIG crowds either. i used to think i didn't fit in. > & gt; i now think i picked up to many vibes ect. i love the idea of hearing god > & gt; breathing. i have been hearing this sound since my hubby left in dec. i > & gt; know what your talking about. when i am doing something that take my > & gt; attention i don't hear it. when i stop i hear it. tonight at work i had > & gt; been busy most of the night so i had not been hearing my quiet " noise " i > & gt; stopped and read a picture frame with the foot prints poem in it and it > & gt; came right back to me as i hear it now. > & gt; > & gt; the breath of god. love it. > & gt; debby > & gt; - > & gt; merlin@downeasthost .com > & gt; Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 > & gt; Saturday, June 14, 2008 2:00 AM > & gt; Re: [Kundalini-Awakenin g-Systems- 1] Re: being quiet > & gt; > & gt; > & gt; Hi Linda, I've been like that for about 25 years. Chuckle, my wife will > & gt; chatter on sometimes and then wait for me to join in and when I don't > & gt; she > & gt; says " well aren't you going to say something " , and she's heard it a lot > & gt; of times from me, I say, " silence isn't something that needs to be > & gt; filled. " > & gt; > & gt; Seriously, there is is an inner central core of silence within us all, > & gt; once you realize that it is there, you can access it when you need it. > & gt; We > & gt; all carry silence within us. Think of it as you're very own cone of > & gt; silence. > & gt; I have a problem around large groupings of mankind. I avoid cities like > & gt; the plague. The noise just eats at me. When I am truly silent I can hear > & gt; the sound of god breathing. > & gt; > & gt; Peace & amp; Joy > & gt; > & gt; Don > & gt; > & gt; & gt; Hi Debby, I used to be an employee of J.C.Penneys and loved working > & gt; & gt; there. I am also more the quite listener type. I am not usually this > & gt; & gt; bad about not wanting to be socialble. My daughter and her husband > & gt; & gt; brought my grandson over for the weekend this afternoon and they just > & gt; & gt; now left. I forced myself to talk with them and all, but I was just > & gt; & gt; wanting them to go home the whole time. > & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; I am beginning to think I made the wrong decision about taking part > & gt; & gt; in this Shaktipat. Right now I feel too sick to do any practice, much > & gt; & gt; less exquisite practice. I am not even wanting to get on the computer > & gt; & gt; that much and that is totally not like me. The noise all around me is > & gt; & gt; horrible. I can't stand the noise. > & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; Linda > & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; Kundalini-Awakening -Systems- 1 (AT) (DOT) com, " Debby W " > & gt; & gt; & lt;dwilliams25@ ... & gt; wrote: > & gt; & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; & gt; i think as some has said silence IS golden. i have never been the > & gt; & gt; life of > & gt; & gt; & gt; the party...but i can be a very good listener, a best friend, the > & gt; & gt; person > & gt; & gt; & gt; everyone wants to turn to for understanding and compassion. i love > & gt; & gt; a good > & gt; & gt; & gt; time i can laugh and let my hair down with the best of them once i > & gt; & gt; get to > & gt; & gt; & gt; know people, i'm just not the center of attention. > & gt; & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; & gt; linda, when you mentioned just being in a quiet mood...i resonated > & gt; & gt; with it. > & gt; & gt; & gt; since my husband and i split up i have spent many hours alone and i > & gt; & gt; love it! > & gt; & gt; & gt; i am growing, thinking, feeling, breathing, reflecting in a way i > & gt; & gt; never had > & gt; & gt; & gt; a chance to in all my life and loving it! i still have some > & gt; & gt; uneasiness about > & gt; & gt; & gt; what the future holds for me but most of the time i can just go > & gt; & gt; with > & gt; & gt; & gt; it....know its good. > & gt; & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; & gt; interesting tidbit...they built a new jc penney's store here on our > & gt; & gt; mall > & gt; & gt; & gt; right after the my split with hubby. i filled out an app and got > & gt; & gt; hired. i > & gt; & gt; & gt; have worked there since before they opened, helped put the store > & gt; & gt; together... > & gt; & gt; & gt; not my dream job...but it is part of my process to the next part of > & gt; & gt; my life. > & gt; & gt; & gt; but its been good. i know everyone there. very friendly atmosphere. > & gt; & gt; a new > & gt; & gt; & gt; guy gets hired in our dept. a couple weeks ago. he knows he's > & gt; & gt; important > & gt; & gt; & gt; because they need a man in the department for the heavy lifting > & gt; & gt; ect. he's > & gt; & gt; & gt; been brown nosing big time, but i'm one of those people who just > & gt; & gt; don't care. > & gt; & gt; & gt; i go with the flow. i am very friendly with the people i know and > & gt; & gt; the > & gt; & gt; & gt; customers. i have not had a nasty customer since we opened march 1 > & gt; & gt; th > & gt; & gt; & gt; (that's a feat). i just do my job and well if i might add. lol any > & gt; & gt; way all > & gt; & gt; & gt; this to say he's a talk way guy. i haven't been around him a lot > & gt; & gt; till the > & gt; & gt; & gt; last couple days. spent just enough time with him to know he's a > & gt; & gt; brown > & gt; & gt; & gt; noser, doesn't do any thing around the department except the heavy > & gt; & gt; lifting > & gt; & gt; & gt; and hang out at the registers which isn't our main job but he is > & gt; & gt; getting to > & gt; & gt; & gt; know and entertain the girls at the register. he and i were walking > & gt; & gt; with one > & gt; & gt; & gt; of the supervisors for the catalog dept (register people) and he > & gt; & gt; says the > & gt; & gt; & gt; supervisor (talking about me) she's so quiet...she needs to talk > & gt; & gt; more... > & gt; & gt; & gt; being quiet is so lame and boring. i though did he really say that. > & gt; & gt; what a > & gt; & gt; & gt; unenlightened something to say. brown noser...quick to cut someone > & gt; & gt; down with > & gt; & gt; & gt; out even knowing them. i am sure it wont take long for him to be > & gt; & gt; seen > & gt; & gt; & gt; through but they need him so life goes on....but i would not like > & gt; & gt; to be him. > & gt; & gt; & gt; i like my quiet self and so do a lot of other people. i wonder how > & gt; & gt; long it > & gt; & gt; & gt; will take for everyone to dislike him. i already know of a few. > & gt; & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; & gt; i love friends and family but i love the time to know myself > & gt; & gt; more....and god > & gt; & gt; & gt; has been kind enough to give me that and i am thankful. > & gt; & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; & gt; debby > & gt; & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; ------------ --------- --------- ------ > & gt; & gt; > & gt; & gt; Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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