A Dream I had and a Little Bit on Love and Narcissism

[Guest guest]

Ok, this may get long, sorry. Hoep you understand.

 

I've been wanting to share this story for a while but its so long

and it keeps building lol. I'll have to share the major part of it

some time after the shaktipat.

 

There was this huge resolution that I had with a specific person/my

ex. The main thing that happened was that I went to hell for a few

months over something that happened and with the K and then I opened

my eyes to my self a lot more which lead me to see this man without

my projections. It's a very beautiful and wonderful story on

forgiveness, understanding, acceptance, and self-reflection that I

would love to eventually put time into typing out for others to

learn from or relate to... But It's so long lol.

 

So ever since this resolution, every time I talk with my ex my

kundalini energies just go crazy. I feel my heart intensely and my

third eye especially. I'd be shaking in energy lol. The first time

it happened like this he, who lives 1500 miles away from me, began

getting kundalini symptoms up his spine! Now I don't know what this

is, but it just really feels like I just merge with him or something

even though he doesnt feel the same. Its really weird.

 

Now I'm not attached to him or atleast I try not to ever fall into

the gap of attachement with him or anyone now. All I want to do is

help this man, just give him what ever is needed for him to grow

because he has a desire to.

 

But theres something I think that may be getting in the way(?)

 

Seriously, when I talk with him online I begin getting distracted I

think by how strong these energies are or maybe something else. Now,

in my resolution, I was able to see him very nicely without my

projections or any of that placed onto him. I could just see him, it

was just so perfect. But the last time I chatted with him the new

energies were so strong that I think I was getting distracted from

seeing him to help him or listen. It was like I was maybe projecting

something again and creating distractins. I caught myself doing this

and I was very disappointed in myself. It could have been that I was

confusing my new enegies for being old energies, if that makes

sense, but eitehr way i was pretty distracted, confused, or trying

to adjust to the energies as they came up while talking with him.

 

The night before the third eye day and after that last time I talked

with him, I had a dream where I was in a car with him in Hawaii or

paradise, and I was just holding on to him. Every now and then he

would just kiss my forehead.

 

I woke up a bit upset about this. Like whats this? The kiss of death

on my third eye lol?

 

Now I really love this man, and I really don't want to screw this

love over for my stupid possible attachements or ego created

distractions because these will create a narcissist out of yourself

and screw you from truly seeing people. I've learned from this whole

experience that to have an attachement means that you are projecting

your unconscious onto the person you are attached to and creating a

mirror of yourself more or less (will talk later on it, I tend to

talk on this a lot sorry).

 

I'm probably never ever going to see this man, but I don't care. He

could be out being with other people, but I really don't care. It's

not stopping me from loving! What I found off of and in this man,

and out of this whole resolution just changed everything. Just the

connection and realization I have made with this man on an

unconscious level is just so mind blowing. All that I would care to

do is just watch him grow.

 

But I don't know, now I feel I have to be more careful that I don't

slip from this love state to a narcissistic state… like. Whats this

dream mean? Why would he kiss my third eye? Am I projecting my

animus onto him now?

 

I mean, I get intense energy when talking with him, is it partially

because I've created the illusion that my animus is outside myself

getting my flow to move in this way? If this is the case than I

think its beautiful that I'm becoming more aware of the ways that my

animus is trying to connect with me. But I've got a path I'd like to

take straight! I don't need distractions to my third eye from

seeing. I need to be clear so that I'm not lost in my ego but just

seeing clearly and helping others like him.

 

This man I feel to be my first step to loving and understanding

others. I feel that I must be careful and be very aware in what I'm

doing, what new energies are coming in, about what my ego is doing

to try to get in the way. *ishg* this is so hard lol.

 

Yah… lol… this is my life since the awakening, just getting pretty

psychological...

[Guest guest]

Hi Drea,

 

It's always hard to separate out those kinds of issues, god, we have

all been there. Here's my take, and if it doesn't fit please disregard.

 

As love matures it moves from infatuation to a deeper intimacy that

comes from a willingness to put up with the person just as they are.

In marriages 80% of the things that drive our partners crazy, never

get fixed so patience is a virtue. Because your ex is 1500 miles

away, the chances of his developing that mature love is pretty slim.

And without that reciprocal working partner, it will be very hard for

you to learn it either. You mention the animus and it is true that

when we are learning how to love, we project those inner qualities

onto our lovers. We project our love, patience, sexuality, kindness,

all our good qualities so that our lover looks like our perfect mate.

When we withdraw our projections we realize they get angry, are

unfair, snore, whatever; and that's the point that so many marriages

fail, people are not so willing to stick it out without the grease of

projection.

 

I know you know all this, but ask yourself, am I feeling a mature love

or am I projecting? I think your conundrum is harder because you

want to develop the K and you want to love because it is spiritual.

But real spiritual love, I believe, doesn't have an object. We just

love and it's for everyone, even ourselves. When we develop universal

love it's like a good marriage, we learn to put up with the failings

of the world and we withdraw our projections on it. It's like

forgiving the world for being as it is and not like as we project it

to be.

 

I guess here's the question. If you didn't have this

energetic/kundalini/projection connection, would you feel devastated?

If you would, chances are some of you still wants him to complete you.

 

I wish you peace,

Peter

 

 

 

, " Drea "

<lvledusa wrote:

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> Ok, this may get long, sorry. Hoep you understand.