Long hot night

[Guest guest]

So what is this with global warming, Maine is supposed to be cool I'm not

very happy with everything that has been done to change my enviorment. 80%

humidity and 90 degrees. Wipes me out.

 

I've been thinking about Julie's post. I do the same thing a lot, think

I'm past something and it turns out I'm not.

Words are interesting, as we put feelings into words, we change our

perspective.

That's why the list is so healing. It is possibly one of the most

important things the list does. A venue to work things out, we work with

language, it is integral to how we think., and if we are are smart enough

we know language does not cover it all.

 

So is this a place to vent, share, process what you are going thru?

 

Deep from my heart. I am trying to come to terms with something I did. I'm

not proud of it all. I'm hoping if I share it here, type it out it will

take a different turn in my life.

 

If you have read any of my posts you know I'm a tiny little guy, sickly as

a child. Thru high school every bully made me his target. There was one

CA, who was a cro-magnon. Biceps you would not believe, worked for his

father tearing down junk cars. I spent years in fear of going in the

school bathrooms, where I would be beaten. Learned to hold it, chuckle.

 

Homework taken, physically threatened, beaten, kicked. That was my life.

 

I went to metal shop one day, and of course he was in my class. I had a

really pretty engraving I was working on, and he destroyed it. I walked

away and went into the tool crib. He of course followed me in.

 

I lost it, I am really not sure what happened after that, they tell me it

took 2 teachers and 4 students to pull me off of him. I put him in the

hospital for 2 weeks. I was lucky I did not kill him. I still had the pipe

wrench in my hand when I ended up at the hospital, and it dripped his

blood.

 

I'd be talking to you all from prison. His father dropped all the charges,

seriously funny to have me assault him. He left school, never came back.

I was suspended for 3 weeks, and when I rode the bus in after my suspension

was over .. I arrived to a standing ovation, everyone teachers, students,

stopped and clapped their hands when I walked back into the school.

 

It still does not feel right. It's one of my big blocks.

 

Sorry if this seems like a dump, that's what I'm going thru now,

processing, and more processing. I hope this is ok for the list.

 

Peace, and I need to find my own.

 

Don